Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Most countries have set aside a day to honor mothers. About
75 of them do so on the second Sunday in May including the
U.S. and Canada. This is the first year without my mom around
and I really do miss her but even though she is no longer with
us she is still the best mom that ever lived.
"The Creation of a Mother"
When the good Lord was creating mothers He was into His sixth day of
overtime when an angel appeared and said" You're doing a lot of
fiddling around on this one." And the Lord said" Have you read the
spec on this one? She has to be completely washable but not plastic
have 180 moveable parts all replace able run on black coffee and
leftover shave a lap that disappears when she stands up a kiss that
can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair
and six pair of hands." The angel shook her head slowly and said"
Six pairs of hands...no way." "It's not the hands that are causing
me
Problems" said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers
have to have." "That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. The
Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks"
What are you kids doing in there?! " when she already knows. Another
herein the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what
she has to know and of course the ones here in front that can look
at a child when he goofs up and say" I understand and I love you"
without so much as uttering a word." "Lord" said the angel touching
his sleeve gently" Rest for now. Tomorrow. "I can't" said the Lord.
"I'm so close to creating something close to myself. Already I have
one who heals herself when she is sick can feed a family of six on
one pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand under a
shower." The angel circled the model of the mother very slowly.
"She's too!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what the
mother can do or endure." "Can she think?" "Not only think but she
can reason and compromise" said the Creator. Finally the angel bent
over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak" she
pronounced. "I told you you were trying to put too much into this
model." "It's not a leak" said the Lord. "It's a tear." "What's it
for?" "It! 'S for joy sadness disappointment pain loneliness and
pride." "You're a genius" said the angel. The Lord looked somber"
I didn't put it there."
~Erma Bombeck~
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Famous Mothers
COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered,
you still could have written!"
MICHELANGELO'
"Can't you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to
get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of
there and show me."
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
MARY'S MOTHER:
"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,
but I would like to know how he got a
better grade than you."
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across
the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the
electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go,
young man, midnight is past your curfew."
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture.
Can't you do something about your hair?
OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Middle Aged Women Should Stay At Home
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Mig Kill
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Milk Commercial
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Things a Mom Doesn't Want to Hear
1. I swallowed a goldfish.
2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.
3. Does grape juice leave a stain?
4. The principal called...
5. But DAD says that word all the time.
6. What's it cost to fix a window?
7. Has anyone seen my earthworms?
8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?
9. The dog doesn't like dressing up in your clothes.
10. I'm moving out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tarzan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tarzan and his new homosexual lover, Homo-boy Jane left him and
returned to England are traveling through the jungle when they are
suddenly attacked by a troop of savage Baboons. In the ensuing fight
they get separated. As Tarzan fights some of the attackers off, his
cowardly homosexual lover clings gingerly to a thin tree branch,
barely out of reach of the rest of the savage, attacking Baboons.
After Tarzan has vanquished those Baboons confronting him, he turns
just in time to see his new lover's tree branch begin to break.
Thinking quickly, Tarzan leaps for a vine and swings precariously
towards his newfound sweetheart, Homo-boy. As he nears him, Tarzan
yells, "Grab the vine, Homo-boy, grab the vine!"
Homo-boy, reaches out as Tarzan swings by... Homo-boy makes a quick
grab.
Suddenly, Tarzan screams, "Aaiiieeeeeeeee!
THE VINE!"
From that day forth, Tarzan was the best-hung male in the jungle...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Card Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 15 Rejected Mother's Day Cards
15. I love you when you're happy.
I love you when you're sad.
I love you though you told me,
The milkman is my dad.
14. Roses are red, my childhood was blue.
Get out of my basement -- Your rent is past due.
13. The cards in the store
Were just too full of sex,
But I thought, "What the hell."
Love, Oedipus Rex
12. There once was a woman named Mother,
Who always did favor my brother.
But now that he's dead,
Mother senses with dread
That *her* nursing home's worse than the others.
11. You stood up to my father's kin,
their many threats of extortion.
Thanks for having me, Mother Dear,
instead of an abortion.
10. Dear Mom, in your Mother's Day card,
Is a question that you may find hard:
If Dad went astray,
If he left, as you say,
Who's that buried in the back yard?
9. Mom you're so great, Mom you're so cool.
Please don't send me, to an Arkansas school.
8. I know my Mom's a test tube.
I'm a sheep, not an ignorant rube.
No real Mom could be better,
She'd just wind up a sweater,
Adorning some debutante's boobs.
7. When I was born, you became a mom,
and gave me lots of joy and lovin'.
But now, I need to come back home --
I've got my *own* bun in the oven.
6. For my (almost) Fifth Stepmother:
Congrats to you, my almost-Mom,
You've nearly won the war...
Unlike all the other tramps
Dad picks up in the bar!
5. I'm going to Denmark, Mother, Dear,
For some changes of which you'll learn.
You always wanted a little girl --
Well, you'll have one when I return.
4. Your girlish figure disappears,
With each bite that you chew.
You now look worse in lingerie,
Than dear old Uncle Lou.
3. You've lovingly looked after me
Since I was just a baby,
So now I don't resent the fact
That both my moms are ladies.
2. I think of you, dear Mother,
as I'm in my cell, alone,
And miss the way you always made
our crack house a crack home.
1. You probably won't even listen,
You may still think, "How *could* he?"
But no card's as heartfelt as this 'un.
Best wishes, Soon-Yi and Woody
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Trading Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while
his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so
he prayed:"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go
through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The
next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry
cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a
deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the
groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned
the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the
laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to
the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on
the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to
do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV
while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After
supper, he cleaned the kitchen,ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,
bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted
and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where
he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without
complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed
and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to
envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please,
let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel
you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things
back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months,
though. You got pregnant last night."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Mother On My Mind
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Riversongs w/Happy Mothers Day
http://www.riverson
Carol w/ A Mother's Love
http://www.carolspo
Ron Bliss w/ Prayer For A Mother
http://www.epicurea
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
A MOTHER'S LOVE
http://www.wtv-
MAMA
http://www.wtv-
MAMA'S TEARS
http://www.wtv-
Karen w/My Mother
http://lastinglight
PianoLadyNancy w/Happy Mother's Day
http://www.pianolad
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
intel's turbo boost vs amd's turbo core Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
My Mom
http://www.reflecti
Special Mom
http://www.reflecti
~~ A Poem For Grandmother~
http://www.reflecti
~~A Poem for those have have lost a child or children~~
http://www.reflecti
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
A Mother Horse's Love
http://www.shangral
A Mother Squirrel's Love
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Movie Links
But I could Be Wrong
http://www.buffalos
Cabbies Worst Passengers
http://www.buffalos
Candle In The Wind
http://www.buffalos
Card Trick Joke
http://www.buffalos
CC
http://www.buffalos
Copperfield Hans Betsy
http://www.buffalos
Costa Rica Vacation
http://www.buffalos
Cowboy
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Crabz
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Cyril takaya Matrix
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the
third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?
Bob: Darts?
Bill: Nah.
Bob: Shoot some pool?
Bill: Nah.
Bob: Cards?
Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and
fool around with my wife.
Bob: Whadaya mean?
Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around
with my wife.
Bob: What about me?
Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all.
Bob: Well... if you think it's okay...
Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go!
At Bill's house:
Bill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone
shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Short Of A Threesome
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XBox
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Efficiency
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Second Opinion
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Second Hand Smoke
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2 Thongs
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey look; it's the orifice girls
Wearing naught but a grin and some pearls.
They go about whorin'
So don't put your oar in,
You don't know what's under their curls
A young exhibitionist Kay,
Having tossing all her panties away,
Has invited us lads
(Via newspaper ads)
To a pubic performance today.
Science was a breath of fresh air
Within my whole High School career
The only school class
Where you could smell gas
That wasn't from your classmate's rear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (another blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her
about the birds and the bees and the blonde
said:
"No Ma. I can screw and suck with the best of them. But he says I
can't cook."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when
a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his
butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the
baby was his and asked what was he going to do about
it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat
until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar,
and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the
meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be
16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been
counting too, tell your mother, when you take this
parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat
she'll get, and watch the expression on her
face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman
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on HIS face!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1786
Val's Error
RoboKate Number Forty-three warms up.....
Katie: Val why did you do that?
Val: I wanted to do something.
Sandi: Rudy go get a sledgehammer.
Rudy: I am on it.
RoboKate 43 heads over to the kitchen part of the lab and starts
taking
flour out and starts to make some dough. The robot puts on a
cooking
hat and a cooking coat and gets to work.
Katie whispering to Sandi: What is it doing?
Sandi: It appears to be cooking something.
After about fifteen minutes the goal is obvious.
Sandi: Pizza!!!! The robot is making pizza.
Katie: Yahoo!!
Val: It has cooked, sausage, gound lean hamburger.
Chopped up onions, mushrooms, Green peppers, yellow bell peppers,
green olives, black olives, canadian bacon, italian sausage, Red
bell
peppers, and this is rare orange bell pepper. bacon bits, six
different
kinds of cheeses, pepperoni and man homemade sauce. It is making
four pizzas, thin crust, chicago style, New york style and sicilian
style.
Rudy drooling: Man I cannot wait....
Sandi: They are in the oven now...
Katie: Oh now the RoboKate died... it is a dead Robot... Just
like
the others... Whaaa! We had a good robot that made pizza and it
broke after making a perfect pizza one time.
Sandi: Maybe we can fix it.
Rudy: Yeah, after we eat the pizzas.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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