Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
This note from Moderator Central at Yahoogroups this morning
We're aware of the email formatting problems affecting many groups
and messages and our engineering team is working to resolve the
issue. We'll provide updates to this blog post as we have them.
Sorry for the hassle.
For some reason, they lost the ability to handle html messages last
night
and without the formatting it compresses it into one long sentence.
Since
I normally write in run-on sentences and use plain text instead of
html you
shouldn't see any differences.
Our local school district has till June to figure out how they will
deal
with a 500,000 dollar shortfall for next year. Although that is
small
change in a big city school system it is quite a pinch on a small
town especially since the Native American and Catholic elementary
schools cut back on the number of students funded too. They have
came up with a list of cost cutting measures to make up for the loss
and though a few may be popular the majority will cause some
griping. On the good side they are cutting out most of the summer
schools and it may be the first summer vacation some of these
children but if you have to repeat the grade it wont be all that
great.
Also on the negative side. Cut back on the heat 10 degrees. Turn
off all air conditioning except in the computer rooms. Raise the
admission to all school events. Cut back on maintenance and
don't buy spare parts. Prices for all the Pay to Play sports will be
raised even though they are already paying several hundred a
year for most of them. I am surprised they aren't charging the
students to make out under the bleachers at the basketball games
and serving road kill in the kitchens. What ever happened to no kid
left behind? Isn't a prospective Babe Ruth or Elvis Presley left
behind
if they can't participate in band or baseball? We need to find
some answers or privatize the whole mess.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Healer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes
on their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first,
"but I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then
everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby
in three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a
year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time,
dearie."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
organ donor
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a chipped tooth
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listen
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Model Airplane
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Model B29 http://sydesjokes.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Suggestions for Guys While Playing Golf and/or Taking a Leak
in a Public Bathroom
Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
Form a loose grip.
Keep your head down.
Avoid a quick backswing.
Stay out of the water.
Try not to hit anyone.
If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
Don't stand directly in front of others.
Quiet please!... while others are preparing to go.
Don't take extra strokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sailing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in 1992, as some may recall, the British luxury liner Queen
Elizabeth 2 struck a rock in Buzzards Bay off the coast of
Massachusetts. An acquaintance of mine knew some of the US Coast
Guard crew that were on duty at Castle Hill, RI, that day.
According to him this is what was said during the initial radio
call. Keep in mind that the radio operator on the QE2 was speaking
with a formal British upper crust style and the Coast Guard
watchstander was probably some 18 year old kid fresh from a farm in
Iowa:
QE2: United States Coast Guard, United States Coast Guard, this is
the Queen Elizabeth 2. Over.
USCG: Queen Elizabeth 2 this is Coast Guard Station Castle Hill.
Over.
QE2: United States Coast Guard this is the Queen Elizabeth II. We
appear to have run aground. Over.
USCG: You're shitting me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to score! And to do
that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up
your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to
give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff.
The more you give, the more you get!"
Next day the son showed up for his date with flowers and chocolates.
She was very flattered and pleased and she rewarded him with a long,
passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her
fingers through his hair, hoping to give him the best kiss that he
had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and headed for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Explorer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three explorers were in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa, and
were
captured by a pigmy tribe.
The tribe brings them before the chief, who declares that the
explorers were
tracking across secret hunting grounds, and the penalty was death.
One explorer asks the chief if they are to die, could they chose the
way
they wanted to go.
After much consideration, the chief agreed.
The first explorer loved to eat, and wanted to eat himself to death.
The
tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 lbs of food, and two guards
outside the
door to make sure he doesn't escape.
The second explorer loved to drink, and wanted to drink himself to
death.
Again, the tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 gals of booze, and
two guards
outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.
The third explored loved to screw women. This took a little time,
as the
tribe had to construct a large hut and collect 10,000 naked women.
They finally got it all together, placed the explorer in the hut
with 10,000
naked women, and two guards outside the hut to make sure he didn't
escape.
Time rolled by, and about 3 months later the chief remembered that
he had to
see how the punishment of the three explorers turned out.
He went to the first hut, and found the man had ate so much, he
exploded.
He had the two guards clean up the mess and dismissed them.
In the second hut, the explorer drank so much, he puked his guts
out. The
chief had the two guards clean up the mess, and dismissed them.
You'd never guess what the chief found in the third hut...
10,000 pregnant women, two guards outside the door with red asses,
and the
explorer jacking off in the corner!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Better Than A Dream http://silverandgol
I'll Be Somewhere Listening/Marlene
http://summerhoosie
Three Old Men
http://www.shangral
Dede w/This Is What Love Is All About
http://dedeswalkwit
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Surfin Surfari
The History of Rock and Roll
http://www.history-
USS New York LPD-21 Tribute
http://www.shangral
Awesome Tree Houses
http://www.shangral
pickled vegetables (nukamiso) Via Wesley http://tinyurl.
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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advantage of this:
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Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
AVG Link Scanner
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Password Generator
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Gizmo
http://www.ohgizmo.
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Kitty Korner
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Cats And Birds Together
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Movie Links
Drunk trust
http://www.buffalos
How to drive a hummer in Iraq
http://www.buffalos
How to peel a banana
http://www.buffalos
How to think like a woman
http://www.buffalos
How to wash your cat
http://www.buffalos
Movie
http://www.buffalos
Mozart
http://www.buffalos
Neumaticob
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Nextel Dance Party
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No Fear
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Death Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two elderly men used to go to the park every morning, drink their
coffee
and read the paper together. One day Sam says to his friend Joe, "If
one
of us should die, we need to promise to come back and tell the other
how
it is in heaven." Several months later, Sam passes away suddenly.
Joe
continues to go to the park every morning, but it's just not the
same.
One morning, he hears a sound coming from behind a tree.
"Sam," he hears in a whisper, "Is that you?" " Yeh, it's me"
"Remember I promised to come back and tell you how it is over here."
"Well, in short, it's 'Heaven'" "I wake up every morning, have a
fabulous vegetarian breakfast, make love all morning, have a lovely
lunch, make love all afternoon, have a wonderful vegetarian dinner,
and
go to sleep." WOW, Joe responds. "Is that what heaven is really
like?"
"Heaven? I'm not in Heaven , Joe" "I'm a buffalo in Montana"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Close To Home
http://www.buffalos
College
http://www.buffalos
Pooch
http://www.buffalos
charm toon
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charmin
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cheap
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fact of the matter is: Jack
Had long wanted Jill on her back;
So he told her some tale,
About filling a pail...
And then bungled his plan of attack.
____________
The model climbed up the ladder,
As Titian, the painter, had bade her
Then her position
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her
____________
The lady was not in the mood
The first time she saw a man nude,
Asked if she'd like sex
Thought it couldn't be complex
And just sat on what she saw protrude
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor at a regional hospital tells his patient,
"I have good news and bad news for you.
Which would you like to hear first?"
The patient asks for the bad news first.
"I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both
your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away."
"That's the bad news? How could there be good news?"
"See that man in the lobby? The seedy-looking fellow?"
"Yeah," says the patient. "What about him?"
The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your
shoes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1789
Input
Rudy: I would like to live in the Rockies. I love the snow.
Katie: I prefer the beach and swimming.
Sandi: I don't care as long as I have daddy.
Val: I will go with Rudy.
Rudy: Maybe we could find a mountain along the ocean?
BJ: Probably not. You would want it snowing, Katie wants it sunny.
Diana and I want it a little cooler. We do not do well in heat.
Diana: There is a weather line about Stillwater and another about
Blackwell and another about Salina, Kansas. So we would like to
move
two weather lines North.
Rudy: Heck, I have been North to Wichita, and I never saw no lines.
Katie: It is air currents and such, they exist in the air and are
invisible.
Rudy: What color is that?
Sandi: The color of air.
Rudy: Oh... I remember the year dad got caught in a blizzard in
Kansas
how many weather lines was that?
Diana: Two weather lines North.
BJ: The interstate was closed.
Katie: It makes me shiver to think about it.
How cold does it get?
BJ: The coldest I remember as a kid... well let me put it this way.
If it warmed up 45 degrees, it would still freeze water.
Katie: I vote for staying in Oklahoma.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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