Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Since I haven't told you a sea story in a long time here is
one from the archives which we will finish tomorrow.
In order to launch a modern jet in addition to accelerating
it past its stall point , you also normally need thirty knots
of wind across the flight deck and when the weather doesn't
provide it you must move the carrier into the wind and count
on your propulsion to do it. On the older carriers with
eight boilers and 4 70,000 hp. main engines you could do it
with 5 boilers and 2 main engines and enough auxiliary
equipment to keep them running. The rest of the machinery
allowed you redundancy in the event of mechanical failure
or war damage and allows you to do maintenance. I was a
boilermaker at the time and we were doing repairs to the
two boilers in number 2 machinery room. The main engine was
getting steam from number 3 machinery room and they had
taken the chain driven oil pump down to the machine shop to
be repaired. Although it was preferred to have this pump
operating there was two other pumps, one driven by steam
and one electric and everyone was confident there would be
no problems. Murphy had other plans though and number 3
MMR had a casualty that threatened to send water into steam
turbines weighing tons and traveling thousands of rpms. They
did exactly what they were supposed to and closed the
steam valves. With no steam the generators shut down and
there we were going about 25 knots with no oil pressure.
The only way to stop the damage was to stop the propeller
and that required stopping an 80,000 ton ship with only
two of four propellers. With two engines down that was like
stopping a semi with just the front brakes. It took about
four miles to accomplish that.
The two mile stopping distance on a carrier is with all
four main engines doing an emergency astern. The turbine
elements for astern operation are smaller and only put
out 9,000 hp each. Even so when that power is applied
to a propeller that is 21 feet in diameter with five
blades it causes the ship to hop like when you lock your
brakes up on a rough piece of road. As soon as lines
were drained steam was sent back into the two spaces,
electricity from forward generators was connected to
the switchboards and fires were lit in number three
machinery rooms boilers. We were glad for the power because
when you are thirty feet down in the bowels of the ship
in a hot machinery room the temperature climbs to
120 degrees very quickly. We were all in good shape but
the main engine had bearing damage in both the turbine
and reduction gear sections. Bearing metal made of lead and
tin had melted and looked like sponges. The Navy does
not own the main engines, they are leased for 99 years
from GE, Westinghouse, or DeLaval . Even as we got back
underway with the damaged engine shaft locked so it could
not turn a message was being dispatched to the Philippines
requesting General Electric personnel to conduct an
inspection and repair the main engine. We went back to
normal ops limping around with three propellers from
Yankee Station as even though we had stopped bombing
N. Vietnam we were still providing support to the troops
on the ground in S. Vietnam.
The Navy decide that we required two weeks in port to
complete repairs and when parts and repair personnel
arrived from the states we headed to the yards at Subic.
What happens onboard your ship can affect every ship
around you and this was no different. My friend Dave
from Murphy was onboard the USS Midway at the time and
she was loaded up with the usual souvenirs from a WestPac
and ready to head back to the states after along deployment.
They unloaded the motorbikes and stereos and tapestries
and headed back out to Yankee Station to fly our missions
for the time we were in repair. That cruise the Midway
was out on Yankee Station for 208 days which is probably
more than the carrier cruises during the Iraq and Afghan
wars.
In order to make it easier to repair the bearings and
turn the gears the shaft was uncoupled so that it would
not have to turn a 45,000 pound propeller. Finally repairs
close to complete, we headed back to Yankee station with
GE and Yard people onboard and doing the fitting of
the bearings.
The rest of the story tomorrow... buffalo
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Therapy Chips
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"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No
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"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
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Vegas Chips
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Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in
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...My old lady played the slot machines the whole time we were
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Flat Chips
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I was traveling between Phoenix and Ajo the other day south of
Gila Bend when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that
it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing
motorist and get a ride to the next town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out
the window, "Need a lift?"
"Yes, I sure do," I replied.
"You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man.
"Democrat," I replied.
"Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped
off.
Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the
same question. Again, I gave the same answer, "Democrat." The
driver gave me the finger and drove off.
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strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there
appeared to be few Democrats.
The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful
blonde. She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or
Democrat.
"Republican!", I shouted.
"Hop in!", replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous
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perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher
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on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.
"What's the matter?", she asked.
"I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a
Republican for five minutes and already I want to screw
somebody."
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Pirate Chips
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Top Ten Pickup lines used on:
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10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
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3. Ya know, darlin', I'm 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
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Shopping Chips
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8) I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7) Mom will love this.
6) Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
5) No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.
4) Will you model this for me???
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Melva/Back in Time
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Creation of the World - [Smiles]
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Palm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to
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woman,
"For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your
romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the palm reader took one look at his open
palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all
of
this from the 'love line' on my palm?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older,
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
Your job this week hasn't borne fruit?
Use this modern technique to earn loot:
Pick a rich guy who's famous,
Allege something heinous,
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An elderly man was depressed
His sex life was over, he guessed
Then two girls in their teens
Made him cream in his jeans
As he fondled each tender young breast
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She
goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He
asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same
man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a
vagina'? She slams the door again later that night when her husband
gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The
husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am
taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up
again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the
door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm
going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I
want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where
he is going with it'. She nods yes to her husband and opens the
door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the
same question. 'Do you have a vagina'? 'Yes' she says. The man
replies: Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my
wife's alone and start using yours?
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1793
Rudy, The Weatherman
BJ gets up and starts to get read for work but everywhere he goes
Rudy is shadowing him.
BJ: What's the matter Rudy?
Rudy: It is going to storm.
BJ: Nonsense, it is nice outside.
Rudy: Don't care, it is going to storm and storm soon.
BJ: Okay follow me to your medicine chest.
BJ opens Rudy's medicine chest and gives him a pain pill (for his
hips),
a tranquilizer for storms, his daily pill for his thyroid.
Rudy: Thanks pops. It's still going to storm.
BJ: Come here and let me hug you you silly hunk of fur.
Rudy: Thanks dad..
Just then a crack of lightening and soon a rumble of thunder
follows.
Rudy: Told you.
The clouds open up and a tropical like rain pours from the heavens.
BJ: You were right Rudy.
Rudy: It's my tisms, they are never wrong. My bones ache, and it
is
going to rain. They hurt bad today, and that means thunderstorms,
and I don't like them at all.
BJ: I have to go to work and...
Rudy: A-Roooo!
BJ: Hang on, you just go upstairs and hang around mom okay?
Rudy: Okay, hurry home, I don't want to wind up in Oz.
The herd in Guthrie
(pretty much how it happened this am)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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