Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The rest of the Navy story as promised.
We approached Yankee Station with the propeller and its shaft
uncoupled at a thrust block. A thrust block is a bearing that keeps
the shaft from moving forward or back when the propeller pushes the
ship.
There is a flange 4 feet in diameter with bolts as big as a man's
calf for the purpose of disconnecting it. About time for the
evening meal we secured from flight ops and the ship was turned over
to the engineers to recouple the shaft by using the other propellers
to bump the flanges to the right spot to reinsert the bolts. Yankee
Station was about 90 miles from the Vietnam coast line and not
exactly the place you wanted to sit dead in the water for a long
period of time. The ship was in a relaxed condition with the Alert
Five on the flight deck ready to go and down 10 decks below snipes
were sledge hammering the bolts tight on the coupling. I had just
sat down with a tray of food to eat on the fwd. messdecks when the
General Quarters alarm sounded, proceeded with this is not a drill.
As I ran to my station above number 2 main you could hear the
machinery revving up and feel the vibration as the three propellers
were accelerated to a flank bell. We could go from 0-30 knots fast
enough to pull hundreds of water skiers but the next thing we heard
was," Launch the Alert Five." Now the catapults used anywhere from
100 to 600 psi of steam to launch a plane with depending on the
weight of the plane and its normal takeoff speed. Since we had
nowhere close to 30 knots of wind across the flight deck they
cranked the cat pressure to max and went to full afterburners on the
two F-4 Phantoms on the cats. If you can imagine the G force of
driving a dragster and double or triple that then you can imagine
what the pilots and RIO's felt as they were pressed into their seats
and the wings of their aircraft stressed almost to the breaking
point. Over the 1MC shipwide announcement system the Captain
informed us that we had two aircraft coming towards from the North
from N. Vietnam or China and believed to be TU-44 Bear Bombers. A
minute or so later the Hawkeye Radar surveillance plane got airborne
along with a Prowler electronic Warfare plane and a tanker to refuel
anyone who needed it. Additional Phantoms were firing up and our
escorts had their missiles out and tracking. Bears did regular
flights over carrier groups and they were always escorted because
you never knew what was going on, we were not friends back then. At
mach 2 you are going over 20 miles a minute and it didn't take long
to intercept the targets. Fortunately they were ours, two Air Force
planes from Clark Air force Base on a training flight.
We all breathed a sigh of relief and started putting away our gear.
Life in the Navy was full of training and little tests, some planned
and some unplanned and each time you passed you became a little more
confident that you knew what you were doing. Our carriers are the
largest warships ever built but in the back of your mind you know
that with the advancement in anti-ship technology during war you
become nothing more than a weapons delivery platform and once your
planes and their special weapons are on their way towards their
targets your mission becomes pretty much one-way. You try to
survive and survivability has improved over the years but if you
become overconfident you only have to remember what happened to the
British in the Falklands twenty years ago. A small Air Force with a
handful of Exocet missiles raised utter chaos with their task force.
Even 25 years later a call to General Quarters still sends a shiver
down my spine. There are no games when you get to that point just
keeping your ship afloat and your shipmates safe. Afterwards there
are times for jokes and stories like sitting in a bar reminiscing
with a gunner's mate from the John Paul Jones on how they had almost
shot down those two planes on that day.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Playboy Chips
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Drab, Unsexy Lingerie
Old Women in Parkas
Playmates Receiving Oscars(Special April Fool's Issue)
Invisible Women
Girls Who Fell and Can't Get Up
Women of Wal-Mart
Women Racked With Self Doubt, Feelings of Abandonment, PMS and Inner
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Chain Smoking Ladies
Girls Gone Psycho
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riding
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Mouth Water
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Moving Glacier
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Mozart In The Office
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Priest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Joseph went up to Father Fred one
afternoon and said, "I am SICK of
all this clean living. Tonight let's you and me
go out and party. We'll
carouse, drink, whatever we want."
Fred was shocked. "Are you crazy? This is a
small town and everyone knows
us. Besides, even if they didn't, they would
see our clothes and know we
were priests."
Joe was ready for this. "Don't be silly.
We won't stay in town, we'll go
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we'll dress just like anyone else."
In the end, he managed to persuade Fred,
and they went out that night and
partied like professionals. When they got back
home at 5:00 AM, Fred's face became pale.
"I just thought of something," he said. "We have to
confess this."
Again, Joe was ready. "Relax, I told you,
I thought this all out in advance. Tomorrow, you
go into church and into the confessional. I will
come in my regular clothes and confess, and you
absolve me. Then I go put
on my garments, you come in and confess, and
I'll absolve you."
Fred was amazed at Joe's brilliance. And so,
Joseph went in later that morning and said,
"Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My friend and I,
we're both young men, and last night we went
out and caroused. We became
drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes,
used foul language, danced to
wicked music."
Fred answered, "God is patient and forgiving,
and thus shall I be. Do 5
'Our Father's' and 5 'Hail Mary's' and you
will be absolved of your sin."
A while later, their places were reversed as
Fred came in and confessed everything in detail.
There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, "I
don't believe this. And you DARE to call
yourself a priest? You will do 500 "Our Father's,
" 500 "Hail Mary's," donate all your money for the next
month to the church, and go around the church
500 times on your knees praying for God's forgiveness.
Then come back and we'll discuss
absolution, but I make no guarantees."
"WHAT??!!" Father Fred was shocked.
"What about our agreement??"
Joe replied, "Hey, what I do on my time
off is one thing, but I take my
job seriously."
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Dying Chips
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A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army
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"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I
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The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's
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"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling
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The nurse took off her panties and the dying soldier
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"Thank you, nurse." he said "Now would you be so kind
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Dumped Chips
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The guys had been worried about Bob ever since his wife dumped him
and cleaned him out in the divorce.
They decided that somebody should go visit him at home to see how he
was doing.
Floyd gets the job and goes to Bob's place one day after work. Bob
seems to be ok but Floyd checks his place out to see if anything is
out of the ordinary, just in case.
The place looks fine except for one thing, a tampon on top of Bob's
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Test Chips
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~THE REAL MAN'S TEST~
This is a test DESIGNED BY REAL MEN, intended FOR REAL MEN ONLY.
Circle
the best answer to each question below. Answers below
1. Impotence is
a. rude or disrespectful behavior
b. helpful when you need dinner reservations or theater tickets c.
when
you care enough to give her a break from her sexual duties
2. A menstrual cycle has
a. three wheels
b. two wheels
c. no wheels...it just drags along
3. The G-spot is
a. a key on the piano
b. close to the F-spot
c. imaginary - dreamed up by feminists to persecute men
4. Masturbate refers to
a. the best fishing lure for big fish
b. everyone joining in the discussion
c. the rewards enjoyed by a man who does his best work alone
5. Premature ejaculation is
a. a man younger than 18 having sex
b. soiling your new PLAYBOY before you get to the centerfold
c. the ultimate testament to your woman's overpowering sex appeal
6. A Douche is
a. one rank above Earl
b. a playing card with the number "2"
c. French for "You're fresh out of luck tonight"
7 Lesbian refers to
a. someone from the Middle East
b. a French word for "the well"
c. a woman trying to do what a man does better
8. Vagina is
a. a heart disease
b. a state near Washington DC
c. like a Club Med - a retreat where kids aren't your responsibility
9. Pornography is
a. the business of making records
b. the science of loaning money against hocked valuables
c. better than foreplay - you're ready before she hits the sheets
10. KOTEX is
a. a radio station in Los Angeles
b. a synthetic fiber for outerwear
c. a chastity belt for women who don't need one
11. A wet dream is likely to occur
a. when your roof begins to leak at night
b. reading the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition
c. when a work accident has disabled both your hands
SCORING: The correct answer to all questions is (c).
If you got 11 CORRECT:
You are a real man. The only romantic challenge you face is finding
a
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If you got 6-9 CORRECT:
You are still a man...but you need to spend more time riding in
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If you got 1-5 CORRECT:
Liberals, feminists, fairies and wimps are chipping away at your
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if you got NONE CORRECT:
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Sex In The Future
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Dog In Trance
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Energy Star
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Urology Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are over 11,000 male urologists in the US.
But now a few women have entered the field. One is
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Maury goes to Dr. Fraser for an exam.
Doctor Fraser says, "I am going to check your
prostate today, but this new
procedure is a little different from what you are
probably used to. I want you
to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then
while I check your
prostate, take a deep breath, and say '99.' "
Maury obeys and says, "99."
Doctor Betty says, "Great. Now turn over on your
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I repeat the check, take a deep breath, and say
'99.' "
Again, Maury says, "99."
Doctor Betty said, "Very good. Now then, I want
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on to your penis.. Now take a
deep breath and say '99.' "
And Maury replies, "One...two...three..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finger nails
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Book of Mormon
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Fishing
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Trip Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.
"Honey?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist
in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a
trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be
unfaithful."
"Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly,
"It's just that, well you know, with all those terrible
diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know
that if anything did happen, you'd be protected. So please,
darling, take it with you, won't you? For my sake?"
"Oh, alright, if you put it that way," he relented, "I'll
do it for you. But for Pete's sake, give me more than one!"
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A family of three (mom, dad and a young girl) go
down to Florida to visit a nudist camp. The girl
goes walking around on the beach, comes back
to her mother and says,
"Mommy, mommy, women down here have
bigger breasts than you."
The mom replied, "That's right honey, but the
bigger they are the dumber they are."
The girl goes and walks around again. She comes
back to her mom and says,
"Mommy, mommy, guys down here have bigger
penises than dad."
The mom replied, "That's right honey, but the
bigger they are the dumber they are."
The girl goes on her way and comes running back
to her mom again. "Mommy, Mommy, Dad is talking
to this really dumb blonde, and the longer he talks,
the dumber he gets!!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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