Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
I was looking through my copy of the Keel which is the class book
that you receive upon graduation from Great Lakes. It is perhaps
the first time I ever really looked at it from end to end since I
received it thirty years ago. It I strange how the mind works
because even after 35 years I recognized each of the faces in
the company's picture section and knew immediately when they
were using file photos. When you live in a barracks with 65 people
for 13 weeks it burns them into your brain like no others. Not
even roommates or family members stick in your mind like
your recruit company as they pressure you to work as a team one
moment and then pit you against each other the next just to
see how you react.
Probably the most stressful part of boot camp that still sends
shivers
down my spine was not learning to swim, the gas chamber, boxing,
or physical training, it was the first thing you did after you moved
into the new barracks, stenciling and folding the contents of your
sea bag and stowing it in your locker. Everyone had received two
paint pens and a stencil and everything had to be stenciled the Navy
way. A stencil that was off-center, crooked, too heavy, too light,
or
in the wrong place unleashed a world of verbal abuse followed by
some ridiculously long form of physical exercise. I had been yelled
at before, most of my adolescent life and the company commander
was an expert at it. This type of thing isn't really important in
the
real Navy but in boot camp they held weekly inspections at which
time you could get nailed all over again for a mistake. I made it
through with only a few mistakes that were considered minor and
then we got into pressing and folding each item for stowing. It
is important for each line, each seam, and each angle to be perfect.
You had no iron but instead used your soap dish to smooth out the
wrinkles. When done, the piece of clothing could go into your
sea bag for four years, travel around the world a dozen times
and come out ready to wear to an inspection with every crease
looking like it had just come from the dry cleaner. I still had
dress
white jumpers when I got out that had been folded and at the
bottom of my sea bag along with items such as my rain coat for
nine years that still had my E-3 stripes on them. I had purchased
the new CPO type uniforms because they were the only type
available after boot camp which was the reason they went unused.
After the evening meal that first day the Company Commander
came back from drinking his supper at the CPO club and proceeded
to hold Company Commanders Mast which was a chance to
review individual performance that day and assign extra military
instruction to those whose performance was not up to par. I made
it through two weeks without catching his attention but that's a
story for another day.
It has been pushing 90 degrees for the past couple of days. The
fans are on but I have been staying up so late at night that it is
impossible to work on the lists till nighttime. Yesterday Eva,
Buffy and I had a water fight with bottles of ice water in the
living
room. Felt pretty good and missed the keyboard. Hope
you all are staying cool .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vindale Research - Your Opinion is Valuable!
Share your unique opinion and get paid for it! Product Developers
are willing to pay reviewers between $5 and $75 per completed
survey.
- Review Products
- Take simple online surveys
- Keep the products you review
- Get paid for your opinion!
JOIN NOW
Free Membership
http://buffaloschips.com/vinres
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slogan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commercial Slogans & the real meaning...
"A diamond is forever."
"Which is *exactly* how long you'll be
hearing about it from the wife if you don't
cough up the green for some ice, pal."
"Built Ford tough"
"It's an American version of tough; not *
really* tough, like German cars are tough."
"I can't believe it's not butter!"
"Being around Fabio, for even a few seconds,
makes you dumb as a post."
"Pork; the other white meat"
"When Hesston starts screaming that it's people,
don't say we didn't warn you."
"An Army of one"
"Can't be gay all by yourself, can ya?"
"A diamond says you'd marry her all over again"
"You're too classy for a $50 hooker every week."
"Have it your way"
"Think of us as your personal hamburger whore."
"Just Do It"
"We know you'll never get off the couch lard-ass;
just buy the friggin' shoes."
"The new way to office"
"The half-assed way to slogan."
"It's so chunky, you'll be tempted to eat it with a fork." "Those
damn
slicing machines are still dumping way too many body parts in our
soups!"
"Must-see TV"
"Yeah, what else are you gonna do, Shakespeare? Read?!"
"Calgon, take me away!"
"I've got my Mr. Showerhead poised for action."
"Like a rock"
"God knows we weren't selling many pickups
with that Boy George tune."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the pyramids
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b017.html
no cheerin
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b018.html
overdoing it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b019.html
For Congress
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000693.html
For Dummies Penalty Taking
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000694.html
For Sale
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000695.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman's husband dies, and while at the funeral home watching the
mortician prepare her husband for final internment, she asked if he
would cut off her husbands dick for her. The mortician thought this
to be an odd request, but since it was her husband, he complied with
her wishes and cut it off and gave it to her. She wrapped it up and
took it home. When she got home, she pulled out a frying pan, threw
some chopped onions, garlic, green peppers, and some butter into the
pan, and started cutting up the dick. Her neighbor walked in at
this point and saw what she was doing, and asked, "What are you
doing with *that*??!!" The woman replied, "Hey, for 35 years I ate
it his way, now I'm gonna eat it my way!"
A Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going
home for Rosh Hashanah. "Oh," the Catholic girl says. "That's the
holiday when you light the eight candles, right?" "No," the Jewish
girl replies.
"That's Hanukah." "Oh, right," the Catholic girl says. " Rosh
Hashanah is the holiday when you eat the unleavened bread?" "No,"
the Jewish girl replies. "That's Passover.Rosh Hashanah is the
holiday when we blow the shofar." "See," the Catholic Girl says.
"That's what I like about you Jews... you're so good to the hired
help."
Dan Rather is interviewing Monica and said, "Monica, this trouble
will pass and you're still young and have a future in front of you.
What would you like to do with the rest of your life?" Monica said,
"Well, Dan, I have thought of going back to school." Dan said, "That
is a great idea. What would you like to be?" Monica said, "I would
like to be a doctor." Dan laughed and said, "You can never be a
doctor.. You sucked as an intern."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personalized "Man Cave" Gifts for Father's Day!
This Father's Day Mark Dad's territory with our collection of
personalized mugs, signs, doormats & more!
Shop Now
http://buffaloschips.com/mncv
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Johnny asked his mom if she would kiss his cut and make it
all better and the mother did and it worked . Later, when Johnny
fell on his face and scraped his nose, his mommy kissed it. Johnny
felt better and ran off with his toys.
Then he fell on his butt and ran to his mom crying.
The mother kissed his butt and the boy ran off with his stuffed
animal.
Later he came back and told his mom that his "peanuts" had been
bitten and she has to suck the poison out.
She pulls down the little boys pants and sucks and sucks. Just
then, the little boy says "no mom "peanuts" is my stuffed animal"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BareLifts - The Invisible Solution To A Naturally Perky Look
BareLifts are completely strapless and will help lift your chest
while ensuring a naturally perky look in virtually ANY outfit.
BareLifts lets you lift and realign your chest in any outfit, with a
seamless, strapless look. Make any outfit look picture perfect with
these invisible chest lifters.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/tlift
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memorial Day Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked
16) Huge grill marks on your ass.
15) Stay in the local burn ward now part of the family
cookout tradition.
14) Your secret weekend "get away" is actually a web site.
13) Image of Grandpa in his Speedo is indelibly burned into
your memory.
12) Your improbable kebob skewer mishap headlines local paper.
11) Just as you and the gang settled in to watch the Three
Stooges Marathon, the FBI cut the power to your ranch.
10) You can now lip-synch to that entire "Thighmaster" infomercial.
9) Your barbeque fire consumed 10,000 acres.
8) You attended the annual beef barbecue at the British Embassy.
7) Regardless what the marriage license says, you don't remember
going to Vegas.
6) Your five-year-old took the phrase "weiner roast" literally.
5) Emulating that North Korean fighter pilot, neighborhood punks
try to "defect" on your front lawn.
4) While you baked in the sun, drinking buddies placed DUMBASS
stencil on your forehead.
3) Didn't shoot your limit in San Diego's Wild Animal Park.
2) Held seance to raise spirits of dead war heros, only got
Gomer Pyle.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked...
1) Your Ball Park Frank didn't plump, if you know what I mean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How would you like to experience one of Costa Ricas stunning
All-Inclusive Resorts?
How would you like to do it for FREE?*
Villa Sol would like to invite you to take a complimentary 5 day/4
night trip to see our stunning resort!
Dont wait! Click here to take advantage of this great offer TODAY!
http://buffaloschips.com/cstrca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ticket Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy was stopped by a policeman for speeding, and does a lot of
begging. Finally, the policeman says: "O.k. I'll ask you a
question.
If you answer correctly, I'll forget about the ticket!"
"Go ahead!", answers the speeder.
"You're driving at night, and two lights appear in front of you.
What is it?"
"That's easy! It's a car!"
"Sure! But, what kind of car? Is it a Ford? Is it a Chevy? Is it
a VW?", replies the policeman, and proceeds to write the ticket.
"Wait! Give me another chance!", begs the guy.
"Ok. But, this is your last chance! You fail to answer - you get
the ticket!"
"Fair enough".
"You're driving at night, and a light appears in front of you. What
is it?"
"That's easy! It's a bike!"
"Sure! But, what kind of bike? Is it a Honda? Is it a Suzuki? Is
it a Harley Davidson? Sorry, you're getting the ticket!"
"Yeah, ok.. but let me ask you a question too!"
"Go ahead", answers the policeman.
"You see a bare breasted woman standing at the curve, bargaining
with clients, what is it?" asks the guy.
"Oh, that's a hooker!" replies the policeman.
"Sure! But, what kind of hooker? Is it your mother? Is it your
sister? Is it your daughter?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ronco 25 Piece Knife Set!
All the knives you'll ever need!
*Buy One, Get One FREE...
That's 50 Knives!
ORDER YOURS TODAY!
http://buffaloschips.com/ronco
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Judy w/57 Cents
http://frommyheart2u.com/children/57cents
Christian Walk
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christianwalk.html
TV SHOW HOST ART LINKLETTER DIES AT 97
http://deathbeeper.com/4902321.html
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
List Of Oil Spills Via Day
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_oil_spills
police car crashes Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/2w6ynyv
xeko - gaming for good Via Wesley
http://www.xeko.com/
Mini Golf
http://www.ibogleif.dk/spil/flashspil/minigolf/minigolf.swf
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
How to type symbols, accents, special characters, and weird
punctuation !
http://tinyurl.com/p6exz5
YouTube for Video Games
http://www.wegame.com/
Learn To Read Quicker Online
http://www.eyercize.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
Animal Moms!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html
Kitty Korner
http://www.catanna.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschips.com/restore
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Fanfare
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jakjkas.htm
Final Call
http://www.buffaloschips.com/askla.htm
Flashlights
http://www.buffaloschips.com/saasjka.htm
Girls
http://www.buffaloschips.com/skal.htm
Giving Change Adult
http://www.buffaloschips.com/skksls.htm
Kitty Is In Love
http://www.buffaloschips.com/87y5r.htm
Kiwi Bacon Mmmm!
http://www.buffaloschips.com/43r.htm
Loafing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/5r5.htm
Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7y.htm
Lundi
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8uh.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill and Nina were discussing marriage. Jill said, "We've been
married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has
complained
about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food."
Nina said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"
Jill said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like his own cooking?"
After examining the contents of the employee suggestion box, the
senior partner of the law firm complained, "I wish they'd be more
specific. What kind of kite? What lake?"
I phoned one of those "let's sue everyone partnerships" that
advertise on T. V. I told them I wanted to sue them! I hurt myself
going for the remote to turn them off.
Their response was "which member of the firm was doing the
commercial?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
butthole express
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kcbjkcfgjdf.htm
butt muff1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/,gjkdgjdflg.htm
butt muff2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mjhgjkl.htm
buttons2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mhjk.htm
bye bye
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksjghdklfg.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you on Medicare and Living with Diabetes?
If you have Diabetes, our Medicare Guide has a special section
related to your specific benefits and the pitfalls you should avoid.
Millions of Americans have diabetes and go on to lead healthy,
normal lives through proper nutrition, diligent monitoring and
adequate exercise. Learn how to take control of the disease so it
doesn't control you. If you qualify, products such as Meters, Test
Strips, and Lancets are available to you at little or no cost.
For a limited time, those who qualify will receive a free glucose
meter!
Go to http://buffaloschips.com/medsup
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man of Devizes
With bollocks of two different sizes
One was so small
'Twas no good at all
And the other so large it won prizes.
_______________________________
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
__________________________________
A certain young person of Ghent,
Uncertain if lady or gent,
Shows his organs at large,
For a small handling charge,
To assist him in paying the rent.
__________________________________
Said an ovum one night to a sperm,
"You're a very attractive young germ.
Come join me my sweet,
Let our nuclei meet,
And in nine months we'll both come to term."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Using Dirty Catheters!
Join Medical Direct Club Today!
FREE Sample Catheter!
-Little or No Cost to You* - FREE SHIPPING - FREE MEMBERSHIP
Visit:
http://buffaloschips.com/mdc
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when
suddenly she had to fart. She promptly
reached into her bag and sprayed the air
with her deodorizer. Two floors later, a
gentleman got on the elevator.
He began to sniff...
The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"
"Well, yes I do," he replied.
"What does it smell like?"
The bemused gentleman answered, "I'm not sure, but it kinda smells
like someone shit in a pine tree."*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
years and we want to help you get your independence back. We
believe that everyone should be free to get out and explore the
world, even if they're on a tight budget.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their power
wheelchair at little to no cost*? It's true! There are no claim
forms to fill out and no upfront costs if you qualify.
Get your Complimentary Information Kit here:
http://buffaloschips.com/hove
Upon receipt of your information we will send you a complimentary
no-obligation information kit with DVD. Once again, there are no
costs to qualify. Don't wait to regain your mobility and your
freedom - ACT NOW because life in a Hoveround is BETTER ALL AROUND.
Sincerely,
Thomas E. Kruse
President and Founder
Hoveround Corporation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in Guthrie
Sorry about the lack of Katie Kolumns, Diana went in for a 'Routine
procedure' but things went badly. I have had training for CPR thank
goodness. She appreared to suffer a heart attack. She was very
clammy and confused and weak, shortness of breath. I called 911
three times, they got lost to my house.
Finally they showed and took her to the emergency room. Baby
asprins given along with nitro pills and oxygen seemed to calm
her down after about 5 hours.
Now for the rest of the story....
The doctor that did the procedure is a stubborn man. He has been
told that Diana has a strong reaction to steroids and produces
a situation like a heart attack, yet he has argued with Diana that
she is wrong and it cannot be so. Twice before he has done this
to her and this is the third time. Supposedly this was not a
steroid injection, but I am wondering....
Our personal physician came by this am and was steamed to
say the least. He will get the records and said if he used
steroids,
Sue his ass!
So either Diana has a new medicine she is allergic to or the doctor
gave her roids again.
As of this writing she is still in Cardio ICU. I have had less than
2 hrs sleep in 2 days.
BJ in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment