Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Summer is here, I declare it so and I have commenced removal
of my beard. Since my clippers broke, it is a multiple day process
that I don't really enjoy as it is time consuming. I usually chop
most
of it away with a pair of sharp scissors and no mirror. I may be
able
to back up a vehicle using mirrors but with scissors I seem to
move the wrong direction everytime and I prefer not to stab myself
on the first day of summer. Then I use about a half bag of those
disposable razors so I can chuck them when they get clogged.
After two or three days of shaving I finally have all of the stray
long
hairs. I usually shave for a couple of weeks and then let my beard
grow out again. I used to love my beard when it was red but now
it is all white and I look like Santa Claus and someone used a
weed eater on his face. Oh well that's life one day your Red Beard
The Pirate and the next day you're Santa with the mange. I need to
go finish what I started.
JUST A COMMON SOLDIER
(A Soldier Died Today)
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.
And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were
great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were
young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.
It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?
He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.
C 1987 A. Lawrence Vaincourt
http://www.vaincourt.homestead.com/Common_Soldier.html
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see
the magic show and rushes down to the big-top. He reaches the
gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages
to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent. "Where's the
magic show?", he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back
packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute,
the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room
only to find the magician ready to leave.
"I'm here for the magic show", the guy tells the magician.
"Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I'm going home." replies The
Amazing Jonas.
"Look", says the man, "I just paid good money to come in and
see a magic show and that's what I expect!"
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, "Buddy, I've been
here all day and I'd like to go home and see my wife and kids."
With that, the customer becomes more irate and DEMANDS that
he be shown at least one magic trick.
"Okay, you want to see a magic trick?!", Jonas asks. "Pull down
your pants."
The man looks skeptical but does as he's told.
"Now bend over and grab your ankles." As he does Jonas walks
behind him and the man flinches. "There," asks the magician.
"Can you feel my finger in your ass?"
The man winces and replies, "Yeah."
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy's back,
wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, "Ta-Dah."
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College Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might be a college student if...
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying
Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over
and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account
isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even
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17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place
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18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
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20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
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Medical Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A medical student just finished her last semester and was heading
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doctor wanted to ask her a few questions just to quiz her.
"Well." said the doctor, "you seem very qualified. But a few
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tonsils?" asked the director "That's easy," the woman said, "A
Tonsillectomy."
"Very good. ok, What is the removal of your appendix called?"the
director continued. "I belive that is an Appendectomy," the woman
said confidentilly "Good job. One more. What do we call a sex
change operation?" the director asked. Now the woman was very
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some reason she could not remember what a sex change operation was
called. She sat staring ai the wall for some time before the
director began to get anxious.
"Do you know?" he asked repeatidly.
Regaining her composure she finally smiled and said, "of
course,Addadictomy."
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Lesbian Chips
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How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
Do you know what drag is?
It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.
Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.
Why are lesbians so lazy?
Because they don't do dick and they always eat out!
How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A True Story in Song Honoring 2 our Veterans
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Lil.html
Carol w/No Knight in Her Days
http://www.carolspoetry.com/knight.html
DENNIS HOPPER DIES AT 74
http://deathbeeper.com/5153784.html
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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Surfin Surfari
SSgt Barry Sadler, Ballad of the green beret Via Dianne
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=LH4-tOqLH94&feature=related
The 50 Worst Inventions - TIME Via Day
http://tinyurl.com/25xche6
Cat Chopper Via Wesley
http://www.cat.com/sponsorships/cat-chopper
Moon Watch Via Wesley
http://www.theemotionlab.com/index.php?/watches--clocks/moonwatch/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Animal World
Leopard Vs Crocodile
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Odin The White Tiger
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Movie Links
Jamacos
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsdw.htm
Just Walk It ff Sissy
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The Vasectomy Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dssss.htm
Kangaroo Court
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Kilted Scotsman
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Robbery
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Roll Over Donner Pass
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Russian Bar Trio
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Snow Plow
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The 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman married and had 13 children.
Her husband died. She soon married again and
had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally croaked.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to
the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman
who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."
In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're
finally together."
Leaning over to his neighbor, one mourner asked...
"Do you think he means her first, second or third
husband?"
The other mourner then replied... "I think he means
her legs."
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people
who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it". Mark
Twain (1835-1910)
Randy
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow called Shit
A name he disliked quite a bit;
So he changed it to Shite -
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.
~ Victor Gray ~
________________________________
Victoria said, "We've no quarrel
With Shakespeare, but this is immoral!
His Measure for Measure
Incurs our displeasure;
We don't do such things at Balmoral."
~ Frank Richards ~
________________________________
I'm in love with a girl from Uttoxeter,
An exquisite and passionate cock-sitter;
With her prehensile hole,
She envelopes my pole,
And then squirms up and down as my rocks hit her.
~ Gerard Benson ~
________________________________
Prince Charles in his Welsh principality
Formed a violent left-wing solidarity;
When asked why this was
He replied, "It's because
I am sick of the family mentality."
~ Bernard Levin ~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Best joke for 2010 so far;
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to
hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is
for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars,
so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When
she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million
dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he
is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush
got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country
has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
Peggy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1800
Rudy (Part 3) The Advantages of Being the Elder
Rudy is thinking: I would like to be with dad but there is Katie,
Val,
Sandi a couple of cats. Hmmm let me think.... I have an idea.
Rudy: Hey guys let's go outside!
Katie: Yes, I am always ready to go outside. Maybe we can find a
monster to chase.
Val: I would love to run.
Sandi: I don't know. Dad is here and...
Rudy: Come on Sandi, we are all going...
Sandi: Well okay if everyone else is going.
Rudy: Pops, let us out the front door please.
BJ: Okay guys come one, you too Pearl.
Pearl: Purr!
BJ opens the door, Rudy is the first out, followed by everyone else.
Rudy does a 180 and slips back inside. The other dogs are racing
across the frontyard and do not miss Rudy..
BJ: What's the deal Rudy?
Rudy: Follow me dad.
Rudy goes downstairs to BJ's bed where he jumps onto the kingsized
bed and stretches out.
Rudy: I wanted some quiet time with you Pops.
BJ: Sounds good to me.
The herd in Guthrie
(They way it went down)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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