Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Shelly Asked
That was nice of them to give you some chits... thanks for sharing
your memories my friend.... ok have to ask .. about the chits.
In this case chits refers to script which the military issues in
place of a pay check when they don't want to have a bunch of sailors
running around with wallets full of cash and the problems it would
cause with theft, etc. The little book we got had 30 dollars worth
of Monopoly money that was supposed to last you through the first 12
weeks in the Navy. Besides paying for haircuts it covered the
consumables you needed during boot camp and food and cigarettes when
you got a chance to go to the Navy Exchange. The Navy gave you
nothing because the chits were actually an advance against your
wages and they deducted it when you got your first pay check at the
end of
boot camp. Currently a new recruit gets a book of chits worth
150.00 as not only the price of everything has gone up but you must
buy your own underwear which gives you the chance to choose between
boxers and briefs and you aren't going to find any with Sponge Bob
on them .
The most common use of the word chit though is actually permission
to do something. Whether it is time off, permission to marry,
reenlistment, or to separate the process must be started with a
special request
chit and when it is signed by everybody up the chain of command you
gat a copy back either approved or denied and you go on your way.
About uniforms, the cost of a seabag for a male is about 1600.00 and
for a female about 1800. It isn't exactly free either because the
Navy keeps a portion of your uniform allowance for the first three
years which is used to replace items that wear out. That allowance
is 300
a year for men and about 450 a year for women.
Navy barracks in boot camp no longer have numbers, they are
assigned names of ships. The first uniform you are issued is a
blue jogging suit and you are referred to as a Smurf while wearing
it. When you receive your regular uniforms, they are worn with a hat
with Recruit on it. When you pass your final test which is a
simulated General Quarters aboard a training ship, you receive
your standard hat and the status of being a Sailor.
Some things have changed but I think that any sailor of the past
50 years would find the New Navy pretty easy to adapt to and
a lot more user friendly.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Navy Chips
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Attention on Deck
Norfolk Naval Station 1300 in the parking lot of the Chiefs club.
All station personnel required to fall in for visiting Admiral to
inspect upon his arrival.
Master Chief tells Seaman Timmy that he is to go to the main gate
and call him at the club when the Admiral comes through the gate,
ETA 1345.
At 1400 Admiral arrives at main gate and SN Timmy rushes over to the
vehicle.
Asks "are you the admiral that is here for the inspection?"
Reply was "Yes I am, why?"
Seaman Timmy says " just thought I would warn you that the Master
Chief expected you at 1345 and you're late. Stand by for an ass
chewing."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
jealous
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peek a boo
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tech support
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Plot Chips
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A sweet girl of Seventeen is very eager to offer a small lovely
"TRIANGULAR PLOT" for sale. The plot is centrally located on the
slope of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till
date. For the last Seventeen years the plot being tenderly cared
and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can
bear best result even in the first planting. For the last four
years the plot is covered with shiny black curly grass which is very
tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the
grass which has now covered the wild area. Another thing which adds
beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden under it. Offer are
immediately invited from young men with firm and energetic capital
which can be put in easily and this must give out flowing white
liquid capital. The young man should be strong enough to plough in
hard with his own tool. Although initially it will be hard and a
bit difficult to cut open the gate seal. Once the capital is put in
the entrance, he will not repent and will be delighted to have
ventured into the site. Since the neighbors are waiting for an
opportunity to pounce on this marvelous plot make haste to be first
to enter into the site. Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding
the site is that the "DOUBLE HILLS" on the top of the said plot are
already captured by the local students. Anyhow, they are not
permitted to go down. Offer for lease or retail will not be
accepted.
NB : ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Guy Chips
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GUYS SUCK......and let me tell you why.
FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and
disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your
leg?
JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch?
We don't want to see you scratch either.
PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys
getting what you can't.
By the way, it's not good for our skin.
PICK UP LINES - Not!
DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell
can't we?
HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing.
SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!
DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner
store. Buy it.
LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.
HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your
pants and get the other out of your ass.
You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.
Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any
thing on legs.
Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT
number one at it.
Why must you tell ALL of your friends about
everything you do with a girl? They all had the
same DREAM last night anyway.
Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You
should be glad we're not pregnant.
Try matching your maturity level to your age.
We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts
and ideas. We can even form words like "FUCK
YOU!!!"
There is more to life than playing cards and
video games - How old are you??
Why do we have to look good and you can look like
shit?
Can we eat like humans - utensils were made
especially for this purpose. Ever heard of
knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins?
(This does not include shirt sleeves.)
WAKE UP CALL! - Wasting a ton of money on tuition
every year to get drunk, get laid, and play
sports is fucking retarded. If you're interested,
become a professional athlete and at least GET
PAID for it.
I am not putting myself through school to carry
your sorry, lazy ass through life.
BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your
cock to the exact millimeter, then you can
remember our birthday.
Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia.
They were not made that small. Why measure it
anyway? There will always be someone bigger and
believe me, we can find him.
Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing
and then rolling over and going to sleep.
The one thing you are good for, you are not good
at!
Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm
scene'? Sound familiar?
When we say we're lost without you, we're
probably high.
When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if
it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be
nice.
WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to
make it so obvious.
GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!"
we're not referring to your breathing pattern.
To the FEW nice guys who don't apply to these
statements and never get the time of day,
here's a note of hope.....WE'LL WISE UP SOONER OR
LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Head Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 10 Clever Things to Say to Convince Your Lover to Go Down on
You "If I eat a lot of sugar first, it'll be just like those
Cadburys Creme Eggs that you like so much."
"Honey, I was thinking: you know how you like fresh salmon and
steamed clams?
"No, I swear, Honey, the TV remote is in there somewhere. Just keep
looking."
"So, twenty bucks then?"
"No honey, that's not moss growing out of my navel -- it's
mistletoe!"
"With my thighs covering your ears, you won't have to listen to
Oprah."
"Honey, try this and tell me if it tastes funny to you..."
"At work today Brad Johnson said *his* wife could out-blow *my*
wife! Can you imagine?!?"
"Look, do you want that raise or not?"
"The Taliban has outlawed it -- it's your patriotic duty, dammit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman: "Are you good in bed?"
Man: "Of course I am."
Woman: " How do you know?"
Man: "Because I'm always satisfied...."
My husband and I were sitting at a restaurant having lunch before
going to a meeting. We had our then 2yr old son with us who
happened to be wearing a big fake plastic wristwatch. Concerned
about the getting to our meeting on time, my husband asked a man at
the next table what the time was. As he glanced at his watch, our
son jumped up, holding out his wrist as well and at the top of his
lungs announced, "LOOK!!! I HAVE A COCK TOO." The entire packed
restaurant fell silent for a very long moment!
One day a woman was holding her 6 month old nephew and the baby kept
grabbing her nose.
Her husband, thinking he was being clever, said, "Well you know Hun,
babies grab the biggest thing they see."
She replied, "If that's true, you could be sitting there naked and
he would STILL be grabbing your nose!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/You
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/Yu.html
Enter At Your Own Risk
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Southbreeze w/Homecoming Dance
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Dede w/We're Outta' Here
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Egg Face Art
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Traffic Reports - UK Motorways
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Skype 5.0 Beta
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eta/
Windows 7 Libraries
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Deep Burner
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Animal World
Whale Rescue
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Baby Squirrel Finnegan
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Kids and Dogs Stories
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Movie Links
Viagra Commercial
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Weight Lifting Surprise
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Why Airplanes Have Pillows
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Worst Best Man
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Yellow Snow
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Funny Stuff
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German Coast Guard
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Gun Control
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How Aliens Fish
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Idiot 1
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was
still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's
house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry,
Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and
exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and
says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy
chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off
his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to
her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy
legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go
upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks
and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this,
she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother.
"This is a job for Mama."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charming Black Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vm,v.htm
Cheaper Than Dating
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Chicken
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bush chenney
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bush pee
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a woman, Monique,
Who proclaimed an efficient technique:
"One fuck daily's just right."
She did seven one night,
And then found that it made her hole weak.
(Kirk Miller)
There once was a man from Calcutta,
who liked to beat off in the gutter,
the heat of the street
melted his meat
and turned his cream into butter.
There once was a girl from Hoboken,
Who said that her hymen was broken,
From riding a bike?
On a cobblestone pike,
But it was really broken from pokin'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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A married couple is celebrating 50 years of marriage.
He had taken her to dinner and dancing to celebrate.
They were reflecting over the past 50 years.
She said, "You have given me everything that any woman
could desire, 2 beautiful children that grew up and
became a doctor and a lawyer.
A beautiful home and a new car every three years.
The kids have given us grandchildren, and we love them too death. If
there is anything I haven't given you, all you need do is ask."
"Well, the husband says, there is one thing."
"What is that," says the wife?
"A blow job," says the husband.
The wife thinks for a moment and says,
"I have never given you a blow job, because I didn't think you would
respect me after that. But, since we have been together 50 years,
surely you would respect me now, so ok."
So she unzips his pants, pulls out his penis and
proceeds to give him a blow job.
Just as she finishes and wipes her chin, the phone rings.
The husbands answers and says,
"Yes, right here. Hold on a moment.
Here, cocksucker, it's for you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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