Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is my sister Nancy's birthday. I can't tell you her age
because she would hit me if I did but it is good working with
someone who is so much younger than me. If you would
like to drop her a note her new address is ncantafio@charter.
I hope she sees many more birthdays.
Yesterday, Ernie Harwell, the Voice of Detroit Tigers, passed away.
He started back in 1960 and I can still remember his first seasons
sitting at my grandmother'
Crosley
radio or the occasional game on the 16 inch black and white TV. On
radio the announcer has to be your eyes and the two worst teams
can sound like the All-Star game in the words of a great announcer.
When the Tigers removed Harwell, the fans screamed and a year
later Ernie was back with the Tigers under new ownership and
remained there till 2002. Even though he was retired he still came
back
and did a few specials and sitting in as a guest announcer and
even though he no longer was an announcer, baseball and the tigers
were still a part of his life and his commentary on the players up
to date.
Sadly though a year ago he announced he was being treated for
Pancreatic Cancer and as is too often the case it took his life
yesterday.
Tiger Fans everywhere will miss him.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES! NOT
ONLY
THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!
While walking down the street one day
a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives
in
heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven,"
says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We
seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not
sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the
man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do
is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can
choose
where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to
be in
heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the
middle of
a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in
front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked
with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people They play a friendly game
of
golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is
the
devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing
and
telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he
realizes
it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves
while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the
door
reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time
to
visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented
souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have
a
good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and
St.
Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would
never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think
I
would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to
hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a
barren
land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil
comes
over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't
understand,"
stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course
and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of
garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil
looks
at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
you
voted."
Mike Walters
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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McDonalds Cat
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McDonalds Fishes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well it all started when a very rich man found a very young and
dirty poor girl on the street on a snowy night. He asked her if she
would like a place to stay since he heard that the blizzard would
last for a few days. She took him up and his offer and went home
with him. When they both arrived the man told her "I'm allowing you
to sleep in any room on the west wing.
Just stay away from the east wing, because that's where my son's
room is, and i don't want you near him."
She agreed and picked her room.
That night the man woke up to an unfamiliar noise. He rushed into
his son's room and found the girl fucking him. the man was furious.
He gave her another chance though and escorted her back to her room,
again he warned her. The next night, he awoke again and found the
same thing.
He would have thrown her out, but It was still snowing and so he
escorted her back to her room and warned her for the last time. The
next night before he went to bed he went to his son's room and
poured green glitter in his sons pants. That night he heard some
noise, but figured he would catch her in the morning. The next
morning he woke up and rushed into her room.
He damanded she pull down her pants.
She did willingly and he found nothing.
He apoligized and said he must of been hearing things.
After breakfast the young girl thanks the man for his hospitality
and walked out of the house with a green tongue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pirate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Letterman has revealed the Top Ten Reasons why President
Hussein Obama delayed the use of deadly force against the Somali
pirates holding Capt. Richard Phillips.
10. They are potential campaign donors for 2012.
9. One looked like a former neighbor.
8. All were carrying DNC cards.
7. When White House staffers identified them as "Pirates," BO
thought they were from Pittsburgh.
6. Two of the four were registered with "ACORN".
5. Didn't want to support the use of firearms for protection, thus
backing the stance of the 'NRA'.
4. Wanted positive confirmation that they were in fact, not members
of the Rainbow Coalition.
3. The Tele-prompter was broken and he had nothing to say.
2. No photo-op existed.
1. They may be relatives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Payback Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I live in N.Y. and am used to having people cut me off on the
highway.
But this one time someone cut me off, missing my car by inches, then
flipped me the bird, to boot.
Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and
the convertible'
lot.
I pulled my car over and waited for them to leave the parking lot
and enter the building, then I entered the lot and pulled up next to
the car.
Well, as my luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the
grocery store and had a loaf of bread that I was willing to donate
to this open convertible. So I did. I threw slices of bread in the
front seat and in the back, then I drove off out of the lot and
pulled off across the street.
In a few minutes sea gulls started descending upon the open car and
presumably pooping there as well!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did
you and Eve do today?" "We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said
reverently.
"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God. "Yes, Lord, we
did,"
Adam confessed. "And then what did you do?" God asked. "We made
mad, passionate love all afternoon." "Where is Eve now?" the Lord
bellowed.
"She's down at the brook washing herself out." "Oh, no," the Lord
moaned." Now all my fish are going to smell like pussy!"
What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and
thirty-five.
A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an
operation.
She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she
could expect a complete recovery. She asked him, "How long will it
be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?" The surgeon
seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter,
Doctor?
I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their
tonsils out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Wings
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John w/ If I Could Hear My Mother Pray Again
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Carolyn w/ Elvis Presley Mama ~Video
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Are Angels Real?
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The Red Hat
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NDP: America Honor God May 6th
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Health Alert - FDA Issues Stop Using Alert
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Microsoft Fix it Solution Center
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New Tab King https://addons.
Convertor For Windows
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Pub Drive
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RC Cooler
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Rubber band
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Satin Sheets
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Saying Goodbye
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Capoeira Fighter
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Cell Phone Popcorn
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Chinook Water
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Does This Happen To You In The Morning
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marijuana has been proven to have a multitude of medicinal uses. And
it's not just bunch of potheads wanting to smoke pot either! 2% of
them
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recommended
dosages:
Sympton/Illness - Treatment
Glaucoma - 1/4 ounce per week, use as needed
Asthma - two large bong hits per attack
Minor burns - 1 joint every 4-6 hours
Insomnia - bowl at bedtime and as soon as you wake up
Depression - three large bong hits, 5-8 times per day
Hangnail - 1/2 ounce per week as long as symptoms persist
Feel kinda funny - pot brownies after each meal
My balls itch - antifungal cream applied to balls, and 2 - 3 joints
per
day
Jonesin' for some pot - 1 full ounce every 4 days, refill as needed
Waay tooo stoned man - Smoke as much as needed until you feel
'normal'
again
Can't cope with shit - Stay in bed and smoke plenty of pot until
better
Getting bored with Quake - One large bong hit everytime you save
game
Paranoia - Smoke as much pot as humanly possible (while you still
can)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
blood pressure
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The tool of a fellow called Randall
Shot sparks like a fine Roman candle.
His glorious stand
Produced colours quite grand,
But the girls found him too hot to handle.
____________
The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame--
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
____________
There once was a girl named Straight
Whose pussy smelled like bait!
Whenever Jeff pounds her
The room reeks of flounder
Her twat, she needs to refrigerate
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan
when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed
his father five years ago. Excited at the opportunity to avenge his
father's death, the male whale says to the female "Let's go
underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought
to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing
innocent whales." The female whale agrees, and the plan works
perfectly. Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale
notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the
shore by either swimming or in lifeboats. Not willing to let them
get away so easily, the male whale yells "They're going to shore -
Let's go gobble them up!" But the female whale suddenly becomes less
cooperative. She says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there is no
way I'm swallowing seamen!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1782
Boot Kamp
Rudy comes in at 4 am wearing a marine hat and blowing his whistle.
Rudy: All right, up and at em. Come on Val, it is time for you to
start
your training.
Val: Yawn, it is still dark... I am sleepy.
Rudy gets in her face: Do you think the enemy cares if it is dark?
You
need to learn to defend your home and your family. Sandi and I have
taken our training now it is your turn. Come on let's go outside,
we
must run a few miles and get in shape.
Val: I am hungry.
Rudy: Hungry warriors make good warriors, you can eat when you have
run three miles.
Sandi is dressed in her camos: Let's go!
Katie: Come on!
about twenty minutes later,,,,
Val: Huff, huff. I am hungry, tired, thirsty.
Katie: This is just a warm-up kid. I can go another five miles
easy.
Sandi: We have got to build up your muscles Val.
Rudy: Come in and eat, then we go swimming for a quarter mile.
Val: Gasp!!!!
The herd in Guthrie
(Rudy and Sandi 'play' with Val viciously. The 'play' is prelude to
teaching her how to fight. I know they will teach her to be a great
guard dog. Katie is a lost cause.)
Zoom! Out the door they go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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