THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
A cheerful heart is good medicine
_______________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
True Happiness
True happiness may be sought,
Caught, or thought,
But never bought.
Happiness is the result of being
Too busy to be unhappy.
No one can define happiness.
You have to be unhappy to
Understand it.
Genuine happiness is when a wife
Sees a double chin on her husband's
Old girlfriend.
Happiness does not come from
What you have.
But what you are.
Happiness is where you find it
And seldom where you seek it.
Happiness is home brewed.
The surest path to happiness
Is in losing yourself in a cause
Greater than yourself.
The place to be happy is here,
The time to be happy is now,
The way to be happy is to
Make others so.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________
THE COMICS
rubbers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x050.html
busted
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x051.html
a commandment
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x052.html
sex position
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x053.html
practicing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x054.html
I don't care
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x055.html
speaks for itself
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x056.html
Catholic girl
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x057.html
when your good your good
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x058.html
beware
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x059.html
__________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Marianna
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9534.html
commercial
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9535.html
Welcome To The International Space Station
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9536.html
why your wife needs flowers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9537.html
a good reason to quit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9538.html
your lungs have a message
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9539.html
___________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
ice sculptures
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd046.html
Similitudes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd047.html
men's Christmas card
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd048.html
adult animations
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd049.html
___________
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote
mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes,
RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many
cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks
at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,
"Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out
his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular
RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on
his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe
Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility
in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an
email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed
and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email
on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color,
150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,"
says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the
animals and looks on with amusement as the young man
stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back
my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second
and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Member of
Parliament for the Canadian Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how
did you guess that?" No guessing required."
answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though
nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer
I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used
millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show
me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't
know a thing about how working people make a living -
or about cows, for that matter.
This is a herd of sheep. ...
Now give me back my dog
______________
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her
own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book
store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker...
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I
had just come from a thrilling choir performance,
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection,
just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is,
and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because
if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started
honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his
window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and
smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because
I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his
middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back
seat what that meant. He said it was probably a
Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have
never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the
window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of
the moment that they got out of their cars and started
walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask
what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters,
and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I
was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad
that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and
gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last
time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
_______________
Ole's dog Knute was getting old, and one day Ole noticed
that Knute wouldn't even come out of his dog house.
Lena suggested, "Yah, I tink you better take ol'
Knute to de wet-inarian."
So Ole put Knute in the car and drove across
town to the veterinary clinic.As the vet laid the limp
dog on the examining table, he pulled out his stethoscope
and put it on Knute's chest. After a moment, the vet
shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but old
Knute has passed away. He's now up in Lutheran doggy heaven."
"Vhat?" screamed Ole. "How you can tell? You haven't
done no testink on him or no-ting yet! Don't yoost
standt dere--do some-ting!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room.
In a minute, he returned with a droopy-eared old
bloodhound. The bloodhound went right to work, checking
the poor dead dog out thoroughly. He sniffed Knute all over
from head to foot, with emphasis on the hind end.
Then the hound sadly shook his head back and forth
(even sadder than a bloodhound's normal appearance
which is always so sad anyway) and whimpered, "Woof."
The vet led the bloodhound out of the examining room
and next brought in a big orange tomcat.
The cat looked the old dog over from head to foot: he
glared with his big yellow eyes into the dead dog's eyes
and ears; he looked at the dog's paws, and examined the dog's coat.
He then turned to the vet, sadly shook his head, and
curtly said, "Meow." Then he arched his back, hissed,
jumped off the table, and dashed out of the room--glad
to be done with that nasty business.
Finally the vet brought in a big black Labrador retriever.
The Labrador pawed at the dead dog for several minutes
and barked loudly directly into Knute's ears. He even
lifted his leg and peed all over Knute's face
(and everywhere else--the doctor really was, as
Lena says, a "wet-inarian.")
Giving up, he too turned to the vet, shook his head
sadly, emitted a simple, "Growl," jumped down, and walked
out of the room.After he cleaned up, the veterinarian
handed Ole a bill for $500.Ole was, needless to say, quite
incensed. His face turned beet red and he shouted, "Fife
honnert dollars yoost to tell me Knute bane dead! Vhy dis
bane outrageous! By Yiminy, dis bane highvay robbering!!!"
The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had
only agreed with my initial diagnosis, there would have
been no charge. But with the blood test, the cat scan,
and the Lab work..."
______________
Bob was such a womanizer. Everywhere he went, he was
always hitting on women. True to his form, he was at a
department store one afternoon and was attracted to one
of the saleswomen and proceeded to see if she would go
out with him that evening.She snapped at him, "I know your
type. You think you can take me in to your bed.
I can read you like a book." Bob just smiled and said,
"Well then, don't miss Chapter 5, it's a doozie."
______________
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and
everything I owned was destroyed by the fire.
The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite
a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused.
"How do you start a flood?", he asked.
BUFFALO BILL
Aol Toilet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ilugl.htm
apple
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fhrgh9.htm
apples
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjkhkkjkvk,xv.htm
____________
SydesJokes Video Clips
Marbels
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000936.html
Marines
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000937.html
Marines Cha Cha Team
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000938.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
No comments:
Post a Comment