Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says back to the subject of cow tipping from the archives.
Sir, your recent "Cow Chips" article re tipping cows:
I'd just like to point out that it's quite possible to drop a
standing cow, by placing index finger in one nostril of the cow,
thumb in the other, and twisting. The cow (whose nose is quite
sensitive) will follow the twisting pressure, until it falls over.
No other force required. I also have to point out that I'm
referring to the dairy animals on our farm, which were relatively
quiet and used to being handled, not half-wild beef animals.
But aside from that, many thanks for the on-going enjoyment your
emails afford me.
Thanks again Graham P Carey.
Ok folks there is no cow tipping permitted on this part of the
range, or buffalo tipping for that matter. Cow tipping if possible
can be harmful to the animal. Once on their side the cow will start
to bloat and even if it is able to get up may be affected by
pneumonia. If left down they can die in a matter of hours. Thereby
a drunken prank can turn into a crime where you owe several thousand
dollars for an animal that was minding its own business. To top it
off using the above method your fingers are going to be covered with
cow snot and these animal never blow their noses. I mean they don't
even use Kleenex. The CSI guys will come in and find cow mucus
under your nails and your in the pen and I hear they don't take
kindly to cow tippers in the dairy belt penal system.
buffalo says all of this said I think there is a way to tip the cow.
You can't do it with 4 legs on the ground but perhaps with enough
people and only three legs on the ground you could do it. First you
will need six people and a cow, not a bull, because bulls can really
upset. Five people on one side of the cow and one person on the
other with a long stick. You want to rub the cows stomach just in
front of her back leg. When she gets annoyed she will pick up her
back leg and try to kick you and the stick into the next 40 acres
and that is when the other five people give her a shove. This will
probably only work once so get it right the first time because what
cows lack in brains they can make up for in revenge.
If anybody has a lot of time on their hands and wants to build a cow
simulator, I will be happy to print your results.
Yo Buff, Sorry to bust yer bubble, Dude, but I've been cow tippin'
and so has my son along with a bunch of his buddies. It is not
urban legend.
We lived on a ranch for several years and it is real and really
funny.
Very very difficult as they sleep very lightly and you have to be
absolutely silent up to the very last second. I would give a bunch
of drunken frat boys little or no chance of success. Also, we are
talking about Beeves, not Holsteins or Herefords. The whole body
weight to height distribution equation is completely different.
Also, I do agree it is dangerous, not only for the cow but for the
tippers.
One of my son's buddies narrowly avoided being kicked in the head on
one outing.
MeatMan buffalo says I am reminded of a friend called Big Rick.
People used to describe him as strong back, weak mind. Rick said
one time that the cops really hated him because he had rolled
someone's old station wagon.
I asked him how he had done it, and he said, " I just grabbed it and
rolled it over on it's side." I think Rick could have probably
tipped a cow.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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STD Chips
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Anal Chips
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Horse Chips
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but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse."
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into a horse."
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mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It's grown 5
inches
in ONE WEEK!"
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At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking
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very
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wanxiety Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Outhouse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman living in a rural area wanted to have an outhouse that
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table,
he looks into his small bowl.
It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!"
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He
looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating
my Porridge?!!,
he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go
through this with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first,
it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear
who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher
from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went
out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was
Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the
friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water
and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry
bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your
grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one
more time. . .
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1780
Val Fits In
Tami is getting dressed for work. She is almost ready, she just
needs
to get her shoes on.
Tami to herself: Did I close the patio door?
She puts one shoe on and hobbles to the patio door and closes it.
Back
to her bedroom and reaches for her other shoe.... gone!
Tami: I could have sworn.... Oh well, I need to change shoes.
Tami goes to her spare room where she keeps shoes and gets another
pair and returns to her bed. She has already changed outfits. Her
missing shoe is on the bed.
Tami: Darn it. I thought it was gone.
Tami puts the missing shoe back with it's mate and returns to her
bed
to find only one shoe there.
Tami: Ack! I am losing my mind. What is going on here?
She changes back to her first outfit and takes her one shoe back and
retrieves her other pair and back to her bed and there on the bed is
the missing shoe.
Tami: What is going on with me? Well I will put this shoe back and
then get dressed.
Tami puts her one shoe away and returns to find only one shoe on her
bed.
Tami is now shaking.....
Tami: I have paid the shoe gods this month. What is going on? I
am
going to be late to work.
a giggle...
Tami: Who is that?
giggle..
A black puppy, about 20 pounds dashes out from under her bed and
runs
out heading for the patio door.
Tami: I got you little one. The door is closed. Who are you?
Val, panting heavily: My name is Valentina. I live next door.
Tami: With Katie?
Val: Yes, how did you know?
Tami: It figures.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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