Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
One of my favorite movies of the 70's was The China Syndrome.
To the anti-nuclear people it became one of their greatest selling
tools to stop the construction of future power plants helped by the
fact that the Three Mile Island accident occurred shortly after it's
release. People seemed to miss the main point though that man
can design and build systems that can account for any possibility
except for greed.
It is the same case with the mess in the Gulf right now. From what I
have gathered from a lot of different sources, the blowout preventer
which is your last ditch link to shut down the well was damaged
during drilling and it was reported that pieces of rubber seal were
found in the drilling mud. I suppose that would have meant either a
difficult replacement or more likely abandoning that well, but since
there is multiple elements and it passed its tests, someone decided
not to pursue it figuring it would never be an issue. There was also
reports that the routine tests that were supposed to be conducted
by the government inspectors were ran by the company because
of a shortage of inspectors. It was also detailed how to avoid
shutting the well down for 5 minutes to do the pressure test and
a loss of production they would simply pull the paper forward on
the chart recorder 5 minutes to make it look like it had been held
at pressure for 5 minutes. In addition a CNN report accused other
government inspectors of using drugs, spending time watching
porn on government computers instead of being on the job and
inspecting the platforms while the inspector was waiting on results
of their application for a high paying job with the company they
were
inspecting.
We placed our trust in BP and our government's inspectors to make
sure that these wells were built to specifications and safe and they
all dropped the ball and now we have the biggest mess in history. We
need an investigation but not a few suits in front of Congress but
interviews and forensic investigation of any person that ever had
anything to do with that well. Those who are responsible must be
uncovered and those people punished both by civil and criminal
lawsuits. If you are responsible, you deserve to lose it all, money,
freedom, and future.
I know though that it won't happen though because any hunt for
truth is going to lead back to our own government and payoffs to
both parties in the form of political contributions and favors. If
our elected officials are part of the problem, and I don't care if
they
were part of the Eisenhower Administration, they deserve the same
fate.
Sorry this isn't humorous today, but I am mad that a group of idiots
have managed to screw up one of the seven wonders of the industrial
world.
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny went to his first school dance. He didn't know if he
would ever get up the nerve to ask a girl out to dance.
As the night went on everybody was dancing except Little Johnny. He
just sat in the corner looking at everyone having fun.
Finally as the last song started to play Little Johnny spotted two
very cute girls across the room sitting at their table. He walked
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with."
Little Johnny being the smart boy that he is, replied, "You can dam
will see that I am not."
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Short Chips
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The highly religious young man entered his wedding chamber and was
shocked to find his new young bride awaiting him, spread-eagle and
naked on their bed. "My dear!" he exclaimed, "I expected to find you
beside our bed and on your knees!" "OK," she said, obediently
changing positions, "but I always get the hiccups when I screw in
that position."
"I'm so upset," said Hershberg to his Rabbi. "I took my son-in-law
into my clothing business and yesterday I caught him kissing one of
the models!" "Have a little patience!" advised the Rabbi. "After
all, guys will be guys. So he kissed one of the models, it's not so
terrible." "But you don't understand," said Hershberg. "I make men's
clothes!"
It had been a rather harrowing day at work. She decided instead of
going right home, she would stop in the local tavern for a few
drinks first. She walked inside, and she sat down. The bartender
came over and asked what she would like to have, and she replied, "I
want a sanitary belt." He replied, "Huh? Lady, this is a tavern, not
a drugstore!" She said to him, "Sure, and you can give me a sanitary
belt!" "HOW?" the bartender replied. The blonde rolled her eyes, and
then she asked him, "Are you SURE you're qualified for this job?"
"Yes, I am sure," replied the bartender. Now you tell me what you
want by a 'sanitary belt.'" "HELLOOOO?" replied the blonde, "I want
a shot of whiskey in a CLEAN GLASS! THAT would make it a SANITARY
BELT!" (Ross Bowen)
Stan Kegel
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Short Chips
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A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment. "Would you
like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked.
"I'll need the information for the doctor."
"It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a
very large and almost constant erection."
"Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but
maybe I can squeeze you in."
Joe runs into Mike at the hardware store. "I heard you're dating
Carol lately," says Joe.
Mike replies, "That's right; I am."
Joe asks, "Man, how can you stand to look at her? I'm sorry, Mike,
but that gal is UGLY!"
Mike answers, "That's okay, Buddy! All I ever see is the top of her
head, and she has pretty hair!"
Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained.
One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked,
"Did you have an accident?"
Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes
?"
"Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage."
Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that.
It will start to stink, draw flies;
now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage."
Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our
garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"
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Raffle Chips
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There is a raffle at the local Jewish Community Centre
and prizes are being drawn.
"4th prize, which goes to Hymie Himmelfarb, is a Rolls
Royce." Huge applause.
Hymie goes up to collect his keys and shake hands.
"3rd prize, which goes to Frank Myers, is a Rolls Royce
and a cheque for £10,000."
Huge applause. Frank goes up to collect his keys and
cheque and shake hands.
"2nd prize, which goes to Abe Epstein, is a piece of
fruit cake!"
Ghastly silence. Abe goes up to the stage to the
presenter.
"What do you mean, a piece of fruit cake? 4th prize was
a Rolls Royce, 3rd prize was a Rolls Royce plus a cheque
for £10,000, so what the hell do you mean a piece of
fruit cake for the second prize?"
"Ah," says the presenter, "This is special fruit cake.
It's made by the Rabbi's wife"
"F**k the Rabbi's wife" says Abe, hysterically.
"What? You want the 1st prize as well?" came the reply.
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Short Chips
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A few of the guys were sitting at a table in the pub, watching the
Notre Dame game Saturday. We had ordered a round of draft beers and
after they were brought to the table, one of the guys, a visiting
German Lufthansa pilot, took his back to the bar. After telling the
female bartender why he wasn't happy with his beer, to our amazement
she hauled off and slapped him in the face.
When returned to the table, somewhat stunned, I asked what happened
and why she slapped him. His puzzled reply was, "Hell I don't know,
all I did was ask her for some head."
While making love to his wife, Bill discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
Though they had been married only a few years, he reflected
unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then
quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you?"
"Why no, not at all." said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you
ask that?"
"Well... no reason actually." the bored husband replied with a
sigh, "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actually
moved."
Moses has been up on the mountain quite awhile and he's really
weary, but thinks he pretty well has it all down pat about the 10
Commandments and how the Children of Israel are supposed to comport
themselves with their neighbors. Frankly, even though this was a
conversation with God, Moses' attention had been wandering as God
summed everything up to conclude this historic briefing.
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9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
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8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
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7. My life is too complicated right now.
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phone
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6. I've got a boyfriend
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5. I don't date men where I work.
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4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
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2. I'm celibate.
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Poetry Chips
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Erotic Correction
Sally Jo taught erotic correction.
She told her student to get an erection.
"Put your dick in my mouth.
Move it north, move it south
Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
Her instructions were very explicit,
and more than a little illicit:
"Please fill up my cunny
with fresh clover honey,
and butter my buns like a biscuit."
"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
and I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
I'll put on some feathers,
and laces and leathers,
and wiggle my ass while you spank it."
"Now that your fingers are stinky,
tie me up in some chains that are clinky.
Bring in some goats and a sheik.
Then give my big titties a tweak
and now, we can start getting kinky!"
"Forget what the chain and the whip meant.
Just get the straps and the slings and a shipment
of high grade Vaseline,
and a strong trampoline,
and all of the other equipment!"
"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a drummin',
that's when I'll start in a hummin',
then quickly, my dear,
put it into my ear,
so I'll hear the sound of it comin'!"
"I don't know how much this is costing,"
said her student, still covered with frosting.
"But I can say with affinity
that I've lost my virginity.
Quite frankly, my dear, you're exhausting!"
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Parting Chips
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A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder
Lake.
She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her
work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au
natural", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male
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with crossed arms. Two young men approached her, asking "Which way
is it to the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?" She said, "Oh, I know you
guys, you just want me to point, so you can see my titties!"
"No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must
go, we're lost."
"O.K., she said, straightening up, and standing on her right leg and
lifting her left leg horizontally, she said, "It's over dat way!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1798
Rudy (part one)
BJ: What are you doing up and dressed already Diana?
Diana: I have to go to Walmart and get a few groceries.
BJ: Okay, I have to get Rudy to go outside. He is getting lazy
about
going outside in the morning.
Rudy: Am not, I just like the a/c and your bed.
BJ: But your bladder has to be full dude.
Rudy: Well maybe but I can hold it for a while.
BJ: Come on outside with me.
Rudy: Okay...
Diana gets her car keys and opens the door to her car and Rudy jumps
in.
Diana: What are you doing?
Rudy: Buy me breakfast?
Diana: After I go to the store.
Rudy: Okay, but hurry.
later ... after Diana shops at Walmart. Rudy is nervous in the car.
Diana: What is the problem?
Rudy: Maybe I should have gone to the bathroom before I left the
house.
Diana: Well we are at McDonalds, what do you want for breakfast.
Rudy: Groan....
Diana: I am getting you something for later after you get home and
go to the bathroom okay.
Rudy: Groan.....
At the house, Rudy jumps out of the car and heads for the bushes.
A few minutes later he returns with a grin...
Rudy: I am ready for my breakfast.
The herd in Guthrie
(pretty much exactly how it happened)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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