Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I can understand why computers run slower when they get
hot, my brain does the same thing. Yesterday it was 88
outside and even though the windows were open, Sandy
was baking something and it was pretty warm in the house.
My ear had been bugging me for a couple of hours and
visions of spiders from South America that will bore all the
way from one ear to the other filled my mind. I thought about
getting some Q-tips but figured that would just make them
mad so I decided to get some peroxide from the bathroom.
I made it as far as the doorway and totally forgot what I was
doing. I stopped and took a look around but nothing came to
mind so I looked in the freezer and then the refrigerator still
no clues and I went in the bathroom, used the toilet, washed
my hands and went back to the kitchen and grabbed a bag
of Cheetos and sat down at the computer and ate them as I
put up a few more jokes and then my ear started to itch again
and it all came back to me.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buy One Get One Free
This is a limited time offer!!!
$460 value for only $39.95
Years of culinary experience and research went into designing this
special series. We are so sure that our knives will make your time
in the kitchen easier, faster and more enjoyable that it comes with
a 30 Day Money Back Guarantee. Made to the highest standards of
German stainless steel, the Miracle Blade III Perfection Series are
the last knives you will ever need!
http://buffaloschips.com/blad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fish and Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of
his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that
Son of a Bitch!"
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch
fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father,
that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good
as a Son of a Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary
inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a
Bitch fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of
a Bitch?"
"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the
taste of a Son of a Bitch."
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was
scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the
Son of a Bitch for his dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What
are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
Bishops' dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish".
"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go
with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let
me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The
Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine,
and the fish was excellent.
The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get
it?"
"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.
The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a
special recipe!"
The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big
smile crept across his face as he said, "You fuckers are my
kind of people."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
embarrasing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b056.html
lonely
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b057.html
required
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b058.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hangover Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hangover Rating System One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a
steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home
in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't
peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one
side of your face.
(For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even
your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the
first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to
the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out
of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust
in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt
to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the
ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You
don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed
out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a
fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be
to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty
good about right now...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting life insurance shouldn't be a hassle!
*Most decisions made in 48 hours!*
Your family comes first - ensure their financial security for just
dollars a day. It can be difficult to find an affordable policy that
covers all of your familys needs, but by taking just two minutes to
request a no-hassle life insurance quote from Rapid Life Insurance,
you can find the best deal on the right plan for your loved ones
without taking any tests or waiting.
We know that high premiums can put a strain on your family's
finances, and we are here to help you find the coverage you need at
a price you can afford.
Request your quote in 5 minutes or less!
* Answer our simple health questions
* Get the information YOU need to protect your family
* Find out the best options for YOU
Get started now! >>
http://buffaloschips.com/inlife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved Nicknames for Breasts
1. Democrat Catchers
2. Pastor Baiters
3. Mounds of Shame
4. Communion Woofers
5. Pearly Weights
6. Hooteronomies
7.The Daughters of Lactiticus
8. Racks of Lambs of God
9. First and Second Mammalonians
10. Pamela 36:D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vindale Research - Your Opinion is Valuable!
Share your unique opinion and get paid for it! Product Developers
are willing to pay reviewers between $5 and $75 per completed
survey.
- Review Products
- Take simple online surveys
- Keep the products you review
- Get paid for your opinion!
JOIN NOW
Free Membership
http://buffaloschips.com/vinres
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sexual Tension Quiz
What's on your mind these days? Is it in the gutter as usual? Let's
find
out! (Answers Below)
A. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I'm not well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good.
(What Am I?)
B. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
(What Am I?)
C. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I'm called a big swinger.
(What Am I?)
D. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn't maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
(What Am I?)
E. You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
(What Am I?)
F. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
(What Am I?)
G. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
(What Am I?)
H. All day long, it's in and out.
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
(What Am I?)
I. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
(What Am I?)
J. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It's my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it's news.
(What Am I?)
K. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
(What Am I?)
L. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
(What Am I?)
M. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
(What Am I?)
N. I make some guys shoot in the air.
I usually have a little pecker.
I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
(What Am I?)
Answers:
A. Nose
B. Peanut Butter
C. Crane
D. Titanic
E. Tent
F. Dentist
G. Wedding Ring
H. Elevator
I. Chewing Gum
J. Newspaper Boy
K. Glove
L. Arrow
M. An attorney
N. Bird
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personalized "Man Cave" Gifts for Father's Day!
This Father's Day Mark Dad's territory with our collection of
personalized mugs, signs, doormats & more!
Shop Now
http://buffaloschips.com/mncv
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Jones, to his new patient: "Patient Valerie, I'd like to give
you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes."
Valerie: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results.
Dr.
Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday."
Doctor Jones: "So he told me . . . so he told me."
A gentleman was much surprised when the good_looking young lady
greeted him by saying, "Good evening."
He could not remember ever having seen her before. She evidently
realized that she had made a mistake, for she apologized, and
explained.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the
father of two of my children."
She walked on while the man stared after her. She did not realize,
of course, that he was unaware of the fact she was a schoolteacher.
The American Mathematical Society used to grant its members a
25_percent discount on all books it published. Its catalogue gave
the list price of each book, leaving to its members the task of
calculating the discount price. But the mathematicians made so many
errors in those computations that the society had to start printing
both the list price and the member price.
If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their
fathers, it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How would you like to experience one of Costa Ricas stunning
All-Inclusive Resorts?
How would you like to do it for FREE?*
Villa Sol would like to invite you to take a complimentary 5 day/4
night trip to see our stunning resort!
Dont wait! Click here to take advantage of this great offer TODAY!
http://buffaloschips.com/cstrca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Song of Thanks~Sacrifice for Me
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sa.html
first redneck on the internet
http://home.comcast.net/~singingman7777/FROTI.htm
Freedom Isn't Free
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html
Why My Son?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/why.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Brain Games Via Dianne
http://playwithyourmind.com/
1979 Oil Spill Via Candy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHmhxpQEGPo
Staying Cool without Air Conditioning
http://www.wikihow.com/Cool-Yourself-Without-Air-Conditioning
Watering Efficiently
http://www.american-lawns.com/lawns/watering.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Avatar Directory
http://www.avatarsdb.com/
Turn Pictures into Paintings - Very Cool
http://psykopaint.com/
HTML Symbol Codes
http://entitycode.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Taking A Cat Bath!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbath.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschips.com/restore
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Kind Of Scary
http://www.buffaloschips.com/werww.htm
Kitchen Table
http://www.buffaloschips.com/qwee.htm
Law Enforcement.. Dealing With The Public
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asasda.htm
Lil Red Riding Hood Chunk
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ewqwqw.htm
Lucky Louie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/assskla.htm
The Mom Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jadljhda.htm
Tolerant Cat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsksd.htm
Uncle Jay
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dskjskj.htm
Walk-in Closet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jsksdjk.htm
Who Needs Pockets
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdjkjsdk.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination,
sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd
best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed
to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter
had been waiting.
'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't
well. I have cancer.
Let's head to the club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4 martinis,
the two were feeling a little less sombre.
There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually
approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as
to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast and gave
the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and
you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.' The woman said,
'I don't want any of them sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
Now, that's 'Putting Your Affairs In Order'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
camel huge
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kvjfdlkgdf.htm
camel toe cup
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ofjhf.htm
camel toe 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgjdfgfd.htm
camel toe3
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjlgfddfgfg.htm
came too soon
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjlgfddfgfg.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you on Medicare and Living with Diabetes?
If you have Diabetes, our Medicare Guide has a special section
related to your specific benefits and the pitfalls you should avoid.
Millions of Americans have diabetes and go on to lead healthy,
normal lives through proper nutrition, diligent monitoring and
adequate exercise. Learn how to take control of the disease so it
doesn't control you. If you qualify, products such as Meters, Test
Strips, and Lancets are available to you at little or no cost.
For a limited time, those who qualify will receive a free glucose
meter!
Go to http://buffaloschips.com/medsup
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a hooker named Gail
Who had her price tatooed on her tail
Also if you are blind
Also on her behind
It's written in braille
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a guy named Herby
who 's girl wore a bowtie and derby
Like it or not,
She had a clean shaven twat
I guess there's no furby for Herby
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a horseplaying golfer named Trey
Goosed a girl in the rough one fine day
He found her, though willing,
Just barely fulfilling....
"I would rate her," said Trey, "a par lay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Using Dirty Catheters!
Join Medical Direct Club Today!
FREE Sample Catheter!
-Little or No Cost to You* - FREE SHIPPING - FREE MEMBERSHIP
Visit:
http://buffaloschips.com/mdc
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit
fell off.
He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter how
desperately he looked.
Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and tried to figure out what
to do.
As he stood there up to his chest in water and watched the young
ladies in their bikinis, he was additionally stressed to realize
that he now sported a raging hard on.
Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently out
of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!"
Although most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a
lusty redhead took a more direct course of action.
She tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and
straddled him yelling, "Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch
before it gets away!"
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
years and we want to help you get your independence back. We
believe that everyone should be free to get out and explore the
world, even if they're on a tight budget.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their power
wheelchair at little to no cost*? It's true! There are no claim
forms to fill out and no upfront costs if you qualify.
Get your Complimentary Information Kit here:
http://buffaloschips.com/hove
Upon receipt of your information we will send you a complimentary
no-obligation information kit with DVD. Once again, there are no
costs to qualify. Don't wait to regain your mobility and your
freedom - ACT NOW because life in a Hoveround is BETTER ALL AROUND.
Sincerely,
Thomas E. Kruse
President and Founder
Hoveround Corporation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1801
Val and Katie
Val and Katie had set up cameras on Tami's front yard in a near by
tree.
They want to catch the traps they set for Tami (they swapped out the
out and cold shower knobs, they swapped out the decaf and put pure
caffeine in her coffee and they poured some wet concrete extending
her sidewalk a bit....the show is ready to start.
inside the house
Tami: Yawn... I need to hurry and get my shower and hit the road.
in the shower.....
Tami: YEOW!!!!! This is ice cold. Hey someone switched the hot
and cold ... who...?
She finishes her shower and gets her coffee. Sitting at her table
she
starts to shake...
Tami: What is going on? I need to clean the house before I go, do
the
laundry. What is this? Sniff sniff, this is real coffee!
She pours the coffee down the drain.
She runs out the door and follows the sidewalk to her car but sinks
as she hits the wet cement.
Tami: What the? Out sidewalk was not this wide. Did Rob order
this
and not tell me?
Giggling from the bushes..
Tami: I recognize that giggle.
A black streak darts away...
Tami: It's that strange black dog.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment