Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was watching TV and heard Eva yelling at somebody in the
other room and told Buffy to go check. She came back
complaining and threatening to call the police because the
boys outside had come up to the window and shot Eva
with squirt guns. I had to remind Buffy that when she was
older than Eva the boys had come up to the door and
squirted water through the screen and into the living room
and those kids had turned into her closest friends during
school. The first day I get a break I'll put her bounce cage
out in the yard and let the kids come over and play but
it seems like Eva is doing well at making her own friends.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Sister Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without
second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and
drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On
the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small
sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a
nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested
in possibly doing business.....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed
door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup
answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the
cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the
hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips
through the door pulling it shut behind him
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people
who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it". Mark
Twain (1835-1910)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Fly In Soup
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Follow A Pattern
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Follow This Line
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A waiter was working one night, when a beautiful Blonde was seated
in his section. He went over to take her order, and saw that she was
crying.
"What's wrong, miss? Are you ok?" he asked.
Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, "My
boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn't
it?"
The waiter talked with her a few moments, and was able to get her to
stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished
her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best
cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle, and
brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He
said, "Make a wish and blow!"
She closed her eyes, and made her wish. Then she came up to the
waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his
cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing
this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his
balls. He knew that he should stop her-they didn't even know each
others names-but hey, when you've got a hot blonde sucking on your
cock, like you're really going to say, no don't suck it.
He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he
exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge,
hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, "Did you like
it?"
He said, "Yes, of course, you suck cock great... but I'm just
wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock??"
She looked confused. "Well, I was just doing what you told me to."
Now he's confused. "What I told you to?"
Smiling, she says, "Don't tell me you forgot already... You said,
'Make a wish and blow!'"
Susan
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Bed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS NOT TO SAY IN BED WITH SOMEONE...
1. You know you want me to.
2. You suck it-like an ice cream cone.
3. You brought the condoms, right?
4. Let's have a flesh fest.
5. What's your last name?
6. I believe in only fivesomes.
7. Don't tell anybody, OK?
8. The condom is on inside out.
9. You don't believe in bestiality?
10. I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig.
11. Wait! I need my teddy bear.
12. Let me go wash my face real fast.
13. I've got pussy breath.
14. I'm gonna throw up.
15. But I wanted to bite it.
16. You broke my nail!
17. Have you ever seen Basic Instinct?
18. Are you a virgin?
19. Shooey! You're better than Mom.
20. Do you trust me, I mean, really trust me?
21. I wanna go muff diving.
22. My dad did it differently
23. Huh? I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
24. Who needs birth control?
25. The ceiling needs painting.
26. Swallowing is a lot neater.
27. Oh, baby, you're so good. (Said sarcastically.)
28. Do you mind if I draw blood?
29. Ever lick someone's anus?
30. My ex was much better.
31. How much do I owe you?
32. I can't find the key.
33. What do you mean, you can't find the key?
34. I'm hungry for some hair pie.
35. You don't mind if I film, do you?
36. Can I beat you with my love stick?
37. Where am I?
38. It's Mr. Pastyface!
39. Why don't you just bend over and smile.
40. I forgot to lock the door.
41. Leave the TV on.
42. That's £20 for the first hour, right?
43. I think a blindfold would make you feel better.
44. Do you always smell like that?
45. How about some fellatio?
46. Is it in yet?
47. When was the last time you did this?
48. Cullulite makes me horny.
49. What's your name again?
50. Meet my pet sheep, Stud.
51. Are you done yet?
52. Oh, I've got my period. I forgot. I'm sorry.
53. I thought you were your sister.
54. I thought you'd never climax.
55. Meet Russel the Love Muscle.
56. I'm really really drunk.
57. Your stretchmarks turn me on.
58. Did you have an orgasm?
59. My name is really Andy Dugger.
60. Glad we got that over with.
61. Your cushion lends me to some reagood pushin'.
62. If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.
63. If you loved me you would.
64. You mean you're only fourteen?--Yeah.
65. Mr. Head wants some.
66. Ooh, I love small penises.
67. I'm gonna suck your clit like a straw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a second grade sex education class, Suzy asks "Teacher, can my
momma get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"
Suzy says " Forty." T he teacher says, "Yes, Your mother could get
pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"
Suzy answers "Nineteen."
The teacher says "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get
pregnant."
Suzy asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
The teacher asks, "How old are you?"
Suzy says, "I'm seven years old."
The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."
Little Johnny gives her a poke and says "See, I told you we had
nothing to worry about."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just when I thought I'd get a break from my day job as a prostitute
by going to the dentist, I realized I was actually paying him to
shove his throbbing tool in my mouth.
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility,
and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied,
"If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?" The friend said,
"Not too well. She hasn't been feeling herself lately. But it was
a damned dirty habit anyway."
John had a blind date for the prom and, as the evening progressed,
he found himself more and more attracted to her. After some really
passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, would you object to me
fucking your brains out?" "That is something I have never done
before," the date replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a
virgin?" John exclaimed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never
objected!"
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Word Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9 Dangerous Words Women Use
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an
hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given
five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin
with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the
meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a
women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several
times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Softly seductive young Brenda
Wants a man who is sweet, kind, and tender,
And thoughtful and bright
And sexually right
But mostly a very big spender.
_______________________________________
She demanded I gave her affection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice
'Til I noticed the lice
And immediately lost my erection.
Before they could jump on my dick
I re-buttoned my fly pretty quick;
But she shouted, "You fool!
All I want is your tool!"
So I gave her my shovel and pick.
_______________________________________
She wasn't what one would call pretty,
And other girls offered her pity,
So nobody guessed,
The paternity test,
Would involve half the men in the city.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car
pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I'll give
you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied the boy.
"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver.
"No, I'm not getting in the car," answered the boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver
offered.
"No!" replied the boy.
"What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver.
The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with
it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1796
Lessons
Val: So tell me about the trash cans in the house Katie.
Katie: They belong to us, regardless of what mom says. They throw
away perfectly good food and it should be ours. So when they leave
the room, it is our job to go through the buffet cans to gather what
we
can. I call them buffet cans, mom calls them trash cans.
Val: Why does mom get so upset with you then?
Katie: Tut tut simply a matter of clarifation. She sees them as
trash
cans rather than buffet cans. I am trying to bring around to my way
of thinking.
Val: Without much luck so far.
Katie: The best time to go to the buffet can is about two in the
morning
Val.
Val: But the next day she sees papers and plates on the floor.
Katie: I grin at her and say it was the cats.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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