Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I want to first express my condolences to the families of the
four Tacoma Washington Police Officers that were killed
over the weekend. Tacoma was a nice place to live 35 years
ago when I was stationed in Bremerton but it seems to have
some problems now with a violet crime average twice the
national average. This person was someone who should
have had the key thrown away on him a long time ago but
with the bad economy states are forced to release dangerous
criminals before their sentence is up and way too many commit
even more serious crimes once they are out.
Here are some famous birthdays from this month:
December
1. Woody Allen, Bette Midler, Lee Trevino
2. Britney Spears, Tracy Austin, Monica Seles
3. Katarina Witt, Jean-Luc Goddard, Ozzy Osbourne
4. Jeff Bridges, Larry Katz, Barbara Jaretsky
5. Walt Disney, Little Richard
6. Steven Wright, Dwight Stones
7. Johnnie Bench, Larry Bird, Gregg Allman
8. Kim Bassinger, Teri Hatcher, Jim Morrison
9. Dick Butkus, Kirk Douglas, Donnie Osmond
10. Emily Dickinson, Susan Dey
11. Donna Mills, Fiorella La Guardia, Teri Garr
12. Frank Sinatra, Bob Barker
13. Dick Van Dyke, Christopher Plummer
14. Michael Ovitz, Nostradamus
15. Don Johnson, Mo Vaughn
16. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Boyd ellis, Richard Pimentel
17. William Safire, Arthur Fiedler
18. Keith Richards, Christina Aguilera, Steven Spielberg
19. Reggie White, Daryl Hannah
20. Anita Baker, Kiefer Sutherland, Betty Greer
21. Chris Evert, Florence Griffith Joyner, Jane Fonda
22. Steve Carlton, Steve Garvey, Bill Armstrong
23. Susan Lucci
24. Ricky Martin, Howard Hughes, John DuBose
25. Ricky Henderson, Annie Lennox, Jesus Christ
26. Alan King, Steve Allen, Jamie Legge
27. Gerard Depardieu, Sydney Greenstreet, Louis Pasteur
28. Ray Bourque, Woodrow Wilson, Denzel Washington
29. Mary Tyler Moore, Ted Danson
30. Sandy Koufax, Tiger Woods, BJ Cassady
31. Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Letter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Letter Generator
Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to
Santa?
Have no fear! This handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do the heavy
lifting for you!
Dear...... [Santa Claus] [Saint Nicolas] [Father Christmas] [Pagan
Troll] [Obese Trespassing Altruist] [Satan Claus - Devourer of
Children's Souls],
This year, I have been a very...... [good] [bad] [materialistic]
[passive aggressive] [manipulative]
[Ritalin-addled] little...... [boy][girl] [TV watcher] [advertising
tampon]. I have...... [not] [sometimes]
[compulsively] ...... [lied] [cheated] [embezzled] [pillaged]
[murdered], and I have...... [always] [often] [rarely] [never]
helped
my...... [mommy] [daddy] [grandma] [grandpa] [brother] [sister]
[mommy's
"special friend"] [other daddy] with their...... [chores] [homework]
[taxes] [pyramid schemes] [colostomy bag]. And I always say thank
you,
which makes me...... [nice] [polite] [seem like I care] and so I
deserve
lots of...... [love] [presents] [blank checks] [age-inappropriate
pants]
this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my
mommy, please bring...... [perfume] [earrings] [Valium] [fruit
leather
panties] [the onset of menopause] [daddy's testicles in a vise]. For
my
daddy, please bring a new......[neck tie] [razor] [money clip]
[dead-
end
job] [Rogaine prescription] [topaz-studded ass plug]. For my......
[big]
[little]....
[fingernail polish] [Legos] [GI Joe] [Barbie] [methadone] [Newport
Lights 100's] [a diaphragm] [a subscription to Guns & Ammo]. For
my...... [doggy] [hamster] [ferret], please bring...... [a chew toy]
[a
cableknit sweater] [kibble] [breath mints] [a homeopathic heartworm
remedy] [non-surgical sterilization]
sitter] [mail man] [cleaning lady] [pool boy] [case worker], please
bring some...... [fruit cake] [coupons] [worthless tchotchkes] [work
ethic].
Now about me! Please bring me all of the...... [Harry Potter]
[Scooby
Doo] [Spider Man] [Star Wars] [Spongebob Squarepants] [Anna Nicole
Smith]...... [action figures] [videos] [breakfast cereal] [pajamas]
[sheets] [beer coozies] [toilet paper], and front row tickets
to......
[Eminem] [Britney Spears] [Aaron Carter] [Mary-Kate and Ashley]
[GWAR]
[Philip Glass] - plus backstage passes so I can get......
[autographs]
[behind the scenes] [coked up] [airborne chlamydia]! Oh, and please
don't forget to bring my...... [pool] [go-kart] [jet-ski] [pony]
[Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0] [amputee Afghan orphan]. But if you
can't,
just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really
want
is just...... [$100] [$1000] [$10,000] [$100,000] [$1,000,000]
[$10,000,000] [$100,000,000]
[cookies] [cake] [pudding] [Jell-O] [meatloaf] [cognac] [eight-ball]
I left out for you.
[Love],[Sincerely]
[ insert name here ]
PS: Please say...... [hi] [hello] [Merry Christmas] to......
[Rudolph]
[Mrs. Claus] [the baby Jesus] [Ralph, the heartless Elfin
slavemaster]
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember [insert name here]? [He] [She] has been a
really...... [naughty] [selfish] [corrupt] [perverted]
[homicidal].
[dork] [weener] [cry-baby] [coprophile] [vivisection] hobbyist all
year
long and doesn't deserve any Christmas presents. So please don't
forget
to put...... [coal] [sticks] [homework] [dog shit] [ebola] in their
stocking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
long time no see
http://thepostmansc
the truth about whistlers mother
http://thepostmansc
that reminds me
http://thepostmansc
Dr Bean
http://sydesjokes.
Dr Pepper
http://sydesjokes.
Dragon Costume
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
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The main difference between mayonnaise and semen is mayonnaise
doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles per hour.
The distinguished-
information kiosk where he might purchase some personal stationery.
He was directed to the notions department on the third floor, but in
the crowded elevator he became confused and got off on the fourth
floor by mistake. Approaching the attractive floor manager standing
near the elevator doors, he said, "Excuse me, Miss, but do you have
notions?" "Sure," she replied mischievously, "but during the work
week I try to suppress them until after five o'clock." "No, no, you
don't understand," he stammered. "I mean to say, do you keep
stationery?" "No, I like to go with the flow right till the end,"
replied the floor manager, laughing. "And then I just start
quivering all over."
You shouldn't suck a twelve inch dick. You could get foot in mouth
disease.
Little Johnny and his dad were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly
a lady in the front turned around, slapped Little Johnny's dad, and
then left in a huff. "That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's
dad said. Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy.
She stepped on my toe, so I pinched her ass."
Two dyslexic bank robbers walk into a bank shouting: "Air in the
hands motherstickers, this is a fuckup!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hooker Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incidentally, Ladies of the Evening have their share of the
currently
fashionable neuroses just like everyone else. But they have one
complaint about psychiatrists that the rest of us do not share.
Gorgeous Gussie puts it this way: "This is the only guy I know who
tells me to lay down on a couch and then sends me a bill."
There are certain members of the sisterhood who really take their
jobs
to heart. As, for example, the girl who was discovered by one of her
steady clients to be dressed in black shoes, black undies, black
bra,
black stockings, black everything -looking very somber indeed. "Why
the dreary get-up?" he inquired. "One of my best customers passed
away," she explained, "and when I mourn, I mourn all over."
When the members of a great old Southern aristocratic family heard
that their daughter Clarabelle, who lived up no'th, had become a
lady
of the evening, they were stunned and shocked. "Imagine!" boomed
Uncle
Stonewall in despair. "It's a disgrace! One of our kinfolk having to
work for a living!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband watching TV: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?" Wife
while ironing: "That's a great idea. You do the ironing. I'll sit in
the chair and fart."
The difference between a woman and a sheep is a sheep doen't get
upset if you screw her sister.
An Italian cab driver was telling a passenger that only real men
drive taxis in Rome. "We use our left hand for signals and our right
hand to wave at women," he proclaimed. The tourist asked, "But how
do you steer?" "I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only
*real* men drive taxis in Rome."
Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church? She
caught him by the organ!
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm
here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the
asphalt."
Mother and father rabbit were talking about the children after
putting them to bed. "Why was Junior so hoppy this evening?" asked
father rabbit. "Well," explained mother rabbit, "he had a marvelous
time at school today." "Why so marvelous?" asked father rabbit. "He
learned to multiply!" said mother rabbit.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outhouse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You
need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma!
There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to
fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells
back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fishing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while
I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his
mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't
bite me with the frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right behind the
head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma
was how to release the snake without getting bit. I grabbed my
bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into the lake
without incident and carried on my fishing with the frog. A little
later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same damn snake
with two frogs in his mouth.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about
learning how to dance in the rain." ! ! !
Mike Walters
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Carolyn w/Santa Baby ~Elvis
http://carolynsprec
The First Christmas Gift
http://www.andiesis
John w/ The True meaning Of Christmas
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God Is Like...
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Matchstick Art
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Best Toys 2009
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Backs
http://www.norbert2
Gifs
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Christmas songs
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Movie Links
R2D2 Does It For The Boobs http://www.buffalos
Reparations Dave Chappelle Show
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Rocket Launcher
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Romantic
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Scratch Lottery Tickets
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Batteries
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Bowl
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Darwin Awards Rejects
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Fastest Gun Ever
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Golf
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gift Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right
note. Romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's
younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves.
The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During
the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the
gloves, and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart
along with this note...
Darling,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for
your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she
wears short ones which are easy to remove. These are a delicate
shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she was
wearing for the past weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had her
try yours on and she looked smart. I wish I was there to put them on
for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact
with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take
them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they
will be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will
kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them Friday
night. All My Love, P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded
down with a little fur showing.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Can Do It The Hard Way or The Easy Way
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What's Been Going On Here?
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Kiss
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Nice Tits
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Circumcised
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Happens When You Fall In Love With:
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Fw: INTERNET WARNING!!!!!
Date: Monday, November 30, 2009, 2:02 PM
INTERNET
WARNING:
If you
get an email titled, "Nude photo of Nancy
Pelosi," don't open it!
It
contains a nude photo of Nancy
Pelosi.
Best
Regards, Linus
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm just a bit concerned about the swine flu...here's why:
3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow...Mad Cow disease.
2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird...Avian flu.
This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig....swine flu.
Next year is the year of the cock...Anybody else worried?
-Greatscottz
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1728
Christmas Shopping for Rudy
Sandi and Katie are out at the Mall looking for a present for their
buddy
Mr Rudy...
Sandi is nervous: I just do not know what to get him.
Katie: A sweater?
Sandi: No, he is hot all the time.
Katie: Swimming trunks?
Sandi: No, I think he likes to swim in the buff.
Katie: He is hard to shop for. Let's go into Sears and just look
around.
Sandi: Okay.
They go into Sears and look around and are about to give up when
Katie points something out to Sandi....
Katie: When Rudy sleeps on Father's bed, where does he sleep?
Sandi: At the head of the bed.
Katie: Why does he sleep there?
Sandi: That is where all the pillows are and he really loves that
long
pillow Daddy has..... Oh I get it. The long soft pillow.
Katie: Right! Get him the long soft pillow. Look they have
different
kinds of pillows, some are square and large. He could have a doggie
bed like Father's pillow.
Sandi: Good idea Katie, but he likes Dad's bed.
Katie: I have an idea, you get him the large pillow, I get him the
square pillow that way he could sleep on the floor in comfort or on
Father's bed in comfort with his own pillow.
Sandi: Excellent idea. We will have these wrapped and put under
the
tree.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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