THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"The capacity to learn is a gift;
The ability to learn is a skill;
The WILLINGNESS to learn is a choice."
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
I decided that last night was a good night to
go out for supper. We hadn't really planned anything
so everything is frozen and all, so yadda yadda.
And sometimes we is just too lazy to cook, or
nothing at home sounds good no matter what you
make. It was one of them nights. Anyways, good
idea, just the wrong geography. We decided on
OutBack restaraunt, because my wife eats gluten free, and
they have a gluten free menu for folks who want
one. Man, what a bad choice. Not that the Outback
is bad, but its located right in the middle of one
of the biggest strip malls on this side of town.
The week before Christmas, get the picture? Took
almost a greater deal of time getting to the
restaurant and getting parked than it did for
for eating the meal. Fortunately, I have a handicap
parking sticker, other wise the whole thing would
have been impossible. It was the only parking spot
there was. Otherwise I would have given up and
gone home. But the steak was good and Jason provided
service that was excellent. I am not so used to
going out and about during times of high traffic.
Typically I wait till all of you folks are safely
tucked into your little cubicals, convincing the
boss you are working, when you are really reading
The Postmans Corner.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
ho ho ho
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e050.html
I wonder
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e051.html
Tigers new endorsement
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e052.html
gotta hurry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e053.html
spelling lesson
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e054.html
nose itch
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e055.html
the new u
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e056.html
John's porn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e057.html
bullshit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e058.html
smarter than a fifth grader
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e059.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Olympic gold
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8663.html
in Brooklyn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8664.html
on Idol
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8665.html
little bastards
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8665.html
Irish traffic light
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8666.html
it hurts!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8667.html
funeral make up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8668.html
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a
three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the
number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far
failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last
Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death
will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60.
The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent
years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent
shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers'
union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs
(or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for
strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the
press, "Our members are literally working themselves to
death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in
return but to be treated like this by management is a
kick in the teeth." Mr Amir accepted the limited
availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks
were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and
not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was
awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains
Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too.
How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management
but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"
Speaking from a shed in the West Midlands where he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is
simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are
simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad,
in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity,
there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate
to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able
to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by
claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics.
"How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't
compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch
proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright
after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas.
One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying,
"I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that …………"
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend,
suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday.
Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North
London branch, which has a different union, is likely to
continue working. However, some members of that branch
will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express
solidarity with their striking brethren.
____________
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet
shop looking for An unusual Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner suggested a Parrot, named Chet, which could
sing famous Christmas carols. This Seemed like the perfect gift.
"How do I get him to sing?" The young man Asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his
Feet." was the shop owner's reply.The shop owner held a
lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet
Began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop
owner then Held another match under the parrot's right
foot. Then Chet's tune Changed, and the air was filled with:
" Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper
and ran Home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.
When the wife saw Her gift she was overwhelmed."How beautiful!"
She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man
Replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young
man whipped Out his lighter and placed it under Chet's
left foot, as the Shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet
crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!..." The man then
moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out
Came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked,
"What if we hold The lighter between his legs?" The man
did not know. "Let's try it," he Answered, eager to please
his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet
twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little
Parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire
_____________
A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch
more venom than usual, saying, "You're an idiot.
You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot.
If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second."
"Why would I come in second?" her husband asked.
She replied, "Because you're an idiot!"
____________
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of
Christmas presents with her maid. "Now what about the
butler?" the rich woman said. "A set of wine glasses?"
the maid suggested. The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't
really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie."
The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for
Jenny, the serving girl?"The woman frowned again. "She
doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble.
We'll get her another apron."The conversation continued in
the same vein, and the maid was chafing At her employer's
arrogance when they reached her husband."I assume you want
to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid replied.
"Of course," the woman replied."Then what about three more inches?"
said the maid.
______________
The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of
mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to
start plummeting to the ground! The pilot feverishly worked
his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life
in time to prevent the plane from going splat on the ground!
As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the
disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets
shakily get off the plane.Finally the crew got off the
plane and the local manager of the airline came up to
congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds.
As the official and the pilot were talking, the official
commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets
on the flight. "Those weren't midgets," the pilot replied.
Those were Texans with all the shit scared out of them!"
____________
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the
Pearly Gates, she met St. Peter who said, "Before you get
to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.""Oh, No!" she
said, but St. Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" asked St. Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked St. Peter.
Then she started to sing, "Andy walks with me! Andy talks
with me! Andy tells me..."
__________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Evil Ka Kills Cat
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000527.html
Evolution Of Man
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000528.html
Examination Tricks
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000529.html
_____________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
You Killing Me
http://tinyurl.com/lzkcdr
Which Christmas Character?
http://tinyurl.com/yddnes6
One Stupid Lady
http://tinyurl.com/ya5gfb6
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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