Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For those of you not used to the effects of winter,
from our archives, the winter glossary.
I know many have not seen the stuff except on TV and know nothing of
the terminology so here it is buffalo style.
Snow: white fluffy crystals of water and toxic matter.
Snow Man: made from snow, assembly required.
Snow Showers.: light snowfall
Scattered Snow Showers: Falls on your yard but not the neighbors.
Snow Flurries: Snow propelled by wind like in the movies.
Blizzard : lots of snow real fast for days . Will fill a 16 oz. cup
in seconds add sugar and M&Ms and save 2.49 at McDonalds.
Hypothermia : lowering of the body's core temperature to the point
where you start writing jokelists 12 months of the year. May lead to
death if you aren't thawed out occasionally.
Global Warming: Polar Bears that were drowning because they had no
ice flows to rest on were frozen into 16 feet of ice during the last
cold spell and are now referred to as speed bumps by the Ice Road
Truckers. Another sign of global warming is that Calgary was 40
below zero yesterday and they got a ton of snow, but it was that
low humidity snow that doesn't leave a wet spot when it melts.
Now everyone knows why Doc Chuck shared all the survival stories
with you. We have it on good authority that this will be a mini Ice
Age and soon you will be able to ice skate all over the swamps of
the South and Hockey will become the sport of choice.
I got a general question. Should a bed be oriented so you are
sleeping
North- South or East-West? I know there was a theory about that from
way back but I can't remember what it was.
Take Care ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blankets are OK but they can slip and slide, plus your hands are
trapped inside. The Snuggie keeps you totally warm and gives you the
freedom to use your hands. Work the remote, use your laptop, or do
some reading in total warmth and comfort!
- Super Soft, Luxurious Fleece
- One-size Fits All
- Available in:
Burgundy
Royal Blue
Sage Green
Snuggie is made with super soft, thick, luxurious fleece with roomy,
oversized sleeves that let you do what you want while still being
totally wrapped in warmth. Perfect for men, women, and children!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month
plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage.
Willing to beg.
Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I'm-4you.
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone.
Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy
theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter. Don't bother to
write, I already know where you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New
Age music, Communing with Gaian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting.
Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including:
Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest. ISO
compatible F.
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF Interested in underwater bondage with
or w/o scuba gear And albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler Wishes to meet
woman of similar interests Must be ambidextrous.
DWF: Crazy ppl Need Love Too.
If you enjoy destroying good furniture, Police lineups and locking
your friends in closets, We already have three things in common !
Let's get together.
DM: Physician, 35 Desires to meet that special woman with real inner
beauty. Send latest X-rays.
DWM: Compulsive Liar Seeks beautiful woman to share my million
dollar Riviera chateau. Visa Gold Card a must. Private plane a plus.
SWM: 32, my life's work is verifying, in detail, all the episodes
shown on "The X-Files". ISO SWF with like dedication. Must be
willing to travel a lot
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Fanny
http://www.sydesjok
Farm Porn
http://www.sydesjok
Fart
http://www.sydesjok
Not Car Problems
http://www.thepostm
Get In There
http://www.thepostm
Hello Diet Place
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
American water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt.St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the
keg
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jupiter Jack - Safely talk & drive at the same time.
Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
you have a hands free device that projects your voice through your
speakers for less than half of what one would cost you anywhere
else.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cap Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Der Little Fur Cap
Der next night vas Christmas,
Der night it vas still;
Der stockings vas hung
By der chimney to fill.
Nodding vas stirring
At all in der house,
For fear dat St. Nicholas
Might schmell a mouse.
Der kinder had pottied
und gone to der bed,
Und Mudder in nightgown
Und I up ahead,
Vas searching around
In der truck for der toys;
Ve crept around quiet,
To not make ein noise.
Now Mudder vas carrying
Toys in her gown,
Showing her person
From vaistline on down;
Ven as ve came near
To der crib of our boy,
Our youngest and sweetest,
Our pride and our choy;
His eyes opened vide,
Und he peeped from der cot;
Und he saw everything
Dot his Mudder has got;
But he didn't take notice
Of toys in her lap;
He chust asked, "For who
Is der little fur cap?"
Und Mudder said, "Hush,"
Und she laughed mit delight,
"I tink I give dot
To your Poppa tonight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fella goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex.
The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the
machinery and offers him the job.
"What will the role entail exactly?" Asks the interviewee.
"Well", says the foreman, "you have to check 1 in a hundred", and
proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line,
stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his
penis and calls the secretary over. She proceeds to hitch her skirt
up, pull her knickers down and bends over. The foreman gives her a
good rodgering, after he's finished he removes the prophylactic,
stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes.
"Easy as that", he says.
"When do I start?" Asks the fella, unable to believe his luck.
"Monday, 8:00 sharp!"
Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is
outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30.
Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully
counts
as 100 ribbed black mambo's, (lubricated with sensodol for extra
comfort). He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the
light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls
the
secretary over. Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and
proceeds to rigorously masturbate him.
Rather startled and confused, the fella just looks at the secretary
who says...
"Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Strong, Sculpted Arms and Shoulders
The Shake Weight is the revolutionary new way to shape and tone your
arms, and it is designed specifically for women. Scientific studies
prove that the Shake Weight increases upper body muscle activity by
more than 300% compared to traditional weights.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa's Response To Little Johnny's After Christmas Letter
by Lee Bradley
Dear Johnny,
I know WHO you are, and I KNOW where you live. You little shit! You
can't talk to SANTA like that and get away with it!
If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy, by the way,
then
you can just cram it up your little *$$! As for the whistle you
didn't care for -- I gotcha whistle right here!!! Come blow on this!
And the socks...well, I figured you are big enough to be whacking
off, and those sox would have come in handy and been handy to ...
well, even you should get the picture!
And... that little "faggot" across the street, you'll be happy to
know that he's already got pubic hair and his whang is TWICE as long
as yours. Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --always moanin'
and whinin'.
Don't worry about gathering up rocks for my visit to your house next
year, 'cause I ain't coming down your chimbly ever again. If you
find
any pennies this year, you had better stop and pick them up, 'cause
that's about all you're going to get for Christmas. Your mom and dad
are doing to be killed in a car crash, and you'll be stuck in an
orphanage before Thanksgiving.
Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad!
Affectionally, Adieu,
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dazzle Friends and Amaze Family with Himalayan Chinese Flower Tea!
The Tea Bud Blooms into a Beautiful Flower when hot water is poured
over it.
Everyone Loves to Watch the Tea Bud Bloom!
Guaranteed the Most Beautiful and Delicious Tea you will ever serve.
Great Gift for Family & Friends
Perfect for Parties, Children's Celebrations, and Holiday
Festivities 100% Customer Satisfaction!
Complete Tea Set
Gorgeous Glass Teapot
8 Himalayan Chinese Flower Tea Buds
Membership in tea club
Bonus 2 FREE cool to the touch Tea Cups
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nose Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAD'S EXPLANATION Son: "Dad, why does love-making makes you feels
good?"
Dad: "Just like digging in your nose, it's feels good, right!"
Son: "Why is it that guys don't usually feel as good as gals?"
Dad: "Just like when you dig in your nose, it's your nose that feel
good, not your finger!"
Son: "Then why do gals feel bad when they are raped?"
Dad: "If a stranger comes along and digs in your nose, will you feel
the same way?"
Son: "When girls are having their menstruation, why don't they
usually want to have sex?"
Dad: "If your nose is bleeding, will you still want your nose to be
dug?"
Son: "Dad, one last question ... why don't guys like to wear condoms
when they make love?"
Dad: "Would you want to wear a glove when you dig your nose?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Dear Sweet Jesus
http://silverandgol
Joan w/ Carry A Gift
http://alongpoetryr
Christmas Around The World
http://www.shangral
Avery Winter singing "Happy Birthday Jesus".
http://www.reflecti
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Geminid Meteor Shower
http://meteorshower
2009 Darwin Awards Via Wesley
http://www.darwinaw
Xmas Gullibility Test
http://www.museumof
Let's Decorate The Tree
http://www.cureingt
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
SnowBerry Designs
http://sevenseas.
Background Pages
http://www.absolute
Christmas Graphics
http://www.christma
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://users.
Kitty Korner
http://www.palantir
*+*+*+*+*+*+
A Special Invitation For You!
Play Unlimited Cash Poker - Play for $10,000 Today!
1 Million members are already playing:
* Cash payouts - over $150,000/month
* No commitments or obligations
* Over 7,500 tournaments/
Join the largest, legal U.S. cash poker room now!
Start Winning Today!
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Nipple Bitten Off
http://www.buffalos
Camel Toe Video
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
http://www.buffalos
Mini Gun Highlights
http://www.buffalos
Good Husband
http://www.buffalos
Gunfighter
http://www.buffalos
Guterbike
http://www.buffalos
Love
http://www.buffalos
Hair Piece
http://www.buffalos
Hang Onto That Pole
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clergy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top Signs Your Clergyman Might Be A Pedophile
Every Sunday he turns the children's sermon into his own private
tent revival.
Has the altar boys wearing micro-mini-robes.
That funny taste in the Communion wine? Roofies.
When did "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" make it into the hymnal?
When the kids got back from summer camp, they all had "Father
Callahan's Bitches" tattoos.
Asks that you act out your confession.
Gives each kid a pat on the ass after Communion.
Has a special Sunday School class called "Exploring What God Gave
You."
He's got a great letter of recommendation from Cardinal Law.
In the "Meet Father Hopkins!" section of the church newsletter,
he lists his favorite movie as "The Bad News Bares."
None of the other local churches seem to belong to this
"Interfaith Coed Naked Youth Water Polo League" he keeps talking
about.
The hymn "Jesus Loves the Little Children" is cropping up an
awful lot.
This is his 15th parish in 11 years.
Turns the rectory into a "home for homeless kids with no family.
Or relatives. Or nosy teachers."
More Suspicious Signs
Instead of "Our Father, who art in heaven," he just says, "Who's
your daddy? Who's your daddy?"
Insists that it takes nude archangels to ensure the Christmas
pageant is biblically accurate.
Has the entire "Altar Boys Gone Wild" video collection.
His suggested destinations for the next kids' field trip:
Neverland and Thailand.
Communion ceremonies now include a swimsuit competition.
Instead of Communion wafers, offers Fruit Roll-Ups.
Penance given at confessions involves handcuffs and a Polaroid
camera.
He keeps interrupting your confession, saying, "Wait you think
THAT'S something...
The title of this week's sermon? "Timmy Johnson Is A Filthy
Little Liar Who Doesn't Know When To Keep His Mouth Shut."
He can't say "rectory" without stuttering and breaking into a
sweat.
Moans softly during circumcisions.
You find a trail of animal crackers from the playground to his
confessional booth.
There was a very disturbing moment in his puppet show depicting
the raising of Lazarus from the dead
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cans
http://www.buffalos
captain1
http://www.buffalos
captain down
http://www.buffalos
car quiz
http://www.buffalos
car wash
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With his pecker limp on the floor,
And his wife still implorying for more --
"Ten hours of screwing
Has been my undoing;
I simply can't Fuck any more!"
____________
There was a young woman in Dee
Who stayed with each man she did see.
When it came to a test
She wished to be best,
And practice makes perfect, you see.
I chase all the girls when I'm spunky
A five day a week sexual junky
I tend not to stray
On Tues- or Wednesday
On those nights I spank my own monkey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him.
"You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose,
the
person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and
you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a
room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a
wall
and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a
torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her
on
the shoulder.
"You can go now. I've found your replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.
Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
Gift absolutely FREE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was doing the laundry in the apartment buildings basement.
She had just finished washing and drying one load and was getting
ready to start another load when she decided to wash the nightgown
she was wearing.
She took it off and placed it in the washer. Now she is naked and
preparing to take the freshly cleaned clothes upstairs when she
noticed her son's football helmet lying on the shelf. She grabbed
the
helmet, placed it on her head, picked up the clean clothes, and
turned around.
There stood the Maintenance man who quickly said, "I don't know
which
team you are playing for ma'am but I sure hope you win".
A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the
time. After
the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to
asking
her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my
husband!"
The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at the Niagara Falls. They
occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were
inseparable.
One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms,
there
was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and
groping
their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed.
Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his
prayer, the lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's
wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door
"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop your Back Pain!
Backjoy will change the way you sit and change your life
FREE * 30-day trial
Bonus Free travel satchel PLUS stretch & strengthen DVD with order
Backjoy is lightweight and portable
-Perfect for people who sit on the job
-Good for sporting events
-Patent-pending ergonomic design
-Works on any chair
-Lifetime Warranty!
Relieves Symptoms associated with
Neck, Shoulder & Back Pain,
Spinal Injury, Chronic Sciatica, and Pinched Nerves
Bulging & Slipped Discs and Muscle Soreness
Pregnancy too!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment