THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
After Monday and Tuesday
even the calendar says W T F
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
It had been a couple days or longer since
I parked the Crown Victoria in the back driveway.
It could sit there while the weather man serves up
this so called "winter event" we are having. Better
than on the street where it just would be in the
way of the snow plow. It languished and sat there
and it looked so sad and so forlorn looking, that
after supper this evening, I decided to go out
and brush off the snow and warm it up. Only a
retiree like myself will clean the snow off his
car even when he has no place to go. But it would
give me something to do. So, after supper when
she says, "Well if you're not doing anything,
why don't you help with the dishes?" I'd have an
instant reply. Good idea, but unfortunately, my
first discovery was that none of the doors would
open as all had frozen shut. So, I went in search
of the war department's hair dryer and a long
extension cord. After 15 minutes of useless
searching, I hollered down the stairs in
frustration: "Hon, where is your hair dryer."
"Hair dryer? Why do you want my hair dryer?"
"Never mind why, just tell me where it is?"
"Its in the bathroom."
"well, thats great, which bathroom?"
"I dunno, you will have to look."
Sheehse. After wasting about 5 minutes discussing
where it was, with her, I finally realized that
she didn't know either. So, finally, I found it
on my own. Now I gottta get a long extension cord
to go with it, and the broom. That's a pretty
remarkable achievement on the extension cord. This
is an old house and like most of them, plug ins are
rare. There's not enough and so, an extension cord
around here is as valuable as interest bearing bonds
or gold bullion. But I remembered I had an old one
stashed in the camping gear that I hadn't used in
like a hundred years cuz I don't go camping no more,
and everyone else had forgotten it was there. So I
got that, and then found a broom and headed to the
back porch with all my treasure, to put my boots
and coat on, only to find my
passage blocked by the war department with eyes
glaring. She very pointedly asked, "Just where the
Sam Hill do you think you are going with that?" I
always know I am in trouble when she uses the words
"Sam Hill". I have never met that guy, and I dunno
who he is exactly. But I do know she is usually
pissed when I hear his name. It is a clear indicator
that I somehow landed on the shit list. Again. "You
still haven't told me what you plan to do with that
hair dryer, and if you think you are gonna take my good
broom outside in the snow, you got yourself some
husband training coming!!! " (Sigh) But you know what?
I was so tired by the time I got the stuff I needed,
I figgered it would probably just be easier to do the
dishes. So I just put the stuff back. I guess I didn't
wanna clean the snow off the car anyway. That's ok,
when I want to go out for coffee in the morning,
I will have all the stuff I need to get the car ready.
If I can remember where I put it all.!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
bitterness
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d040.html
perfect;y adjusted
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d041.html
details
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d042.html
keep off the ice
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d043.html
intelligent
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d044.html
heaven's door
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d045.html
my dick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d046.html
not equal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d047.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
writing to Santa this year?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8624.html
Santa Claus is missing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8625.html
holiday five pack
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8626.html
holiday shopping
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8627.html
Coka cola holiday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8628.html
best bloopers ever
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8629.html
My new girlfriend is a pretty as a flower.
A cauliflower.
Why is a launderette not a good place to find a girlfriend?
If she cannot even afford to buy her own washing
machine, she will never have enough money to support you.
Last night I told my girlfriend that I would go to the
end of the world for her, and she said,
"Yes but would you stay there?"
My girlfriend has a complexion like a peach.
All yellow and fuzzy.
When I asked my girlfriend if I could see her
home she handed me a picture of it.
My girlfriend just saved me a lot of money -
she married someone else.
If my girlfriend said what she thought she'd
be completely speechless.
________________
Little Johnny's kindergarten class
was on a field trip to their local police station
where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board
of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman.
'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
'Little Johnny asked,
'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture
____________
A certain college professor was notorious for
getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his
favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went
one day into his inventory of horrors: "Used regularly,
pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility,
cancer and castration!" "Now wait a minute, Professor,"
interrupted a student. "Castration? !? That's absurd!"
"No young man, it's sadly true," replied the Teacher
smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
___________
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for
patients being discharged. However, while working as a
student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already
dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the
hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the
way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I
don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
________________
Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them
and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and
toques warming themselves around the fire. The
devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot
enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know,
we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold.
We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit,
eh."The devil decides that these two aren't miserable
enough and turns up the heat.The next morning he stops
in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas,
toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's
awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"
Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya
yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and
ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm
up a little bit, eh."This gets the devil a little steamed
up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the
heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing
and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the
two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets
and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in
abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get
too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just
got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see
straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two
guys love the heat because they have been cold all
their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat
off in hell.The next morning, the temperature is below
zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are
shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything
but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.The devil smiles
and heads for the room with the two Canadians.He gets
there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and
mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering,
yelling and screaming like mad men!!!The devil is dumb
founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat
you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still
happy. What is wrong with you two???"The Torontonians
look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know?
If Hell freezes over, it must mean the
Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."
_________
BUFFALO BILL
Robbery
http://www.buffaloschips.com/alkqwoie.htm
Roll Over Donner Pass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdskdjs.htm
Russian Bar Trio
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkldkl.htm
__________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Electric Fence
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000515.html
Elephant Ass Accident
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000516.html
Elevator
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000517.html
__________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Which Christmas Song Are You?
http://tinyurl.com/yfhczel
Boxhead Zombie Wars
http://tinyurl.com/d5xh43
Dreams: A Difference Adventure
http://tinyurl.com/y9k8jho
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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