Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Detroit Lions weren't scheduled to get their butts kicked till
1600 today so I decided to watch Hunt for Red October. I
love submarine movies and it is definitely one of the best
as far as action goes. This is probably the 20th time I have
watched it so there is no real surprises to the movie, it's
just nice to immerse yourself into the life of a sub sailor.
Anyhow I was digging around looking for something to write
about and I came across a Navy Glossary from WWII.
Navy Glossary:
[Source: Navy Bluejackets Manual (1944)]
ALL HANDS - Entire ship's company.
AYE, AYE, SIR - Used by subordinates to seniors in acknowledging an
order or command signifying that it is understood and will be
carried out.
BATTEN DOWN - To close or make watertight, usually referring to
hatches.
BEAR A HAND - Speed up work, or lend a hand.
BLUEJACKET - A seaman in the United States Navy.
BREAK OUT - To unstow, or prepare for use.
CARRY ON - An order to resume work or duties.
CHARLEY NOBLE - Galley smoke-pipe.
CROSSING THE LINE - Crossing the Equator, at which time there is
usually a ceremony during which the pollywog (landlubber) becomes a
"shellback."
CUT OF THE JIB - General appearance of a vessel or a person.
DITTY BOX/DITTY BAG - A small wooden box or small canvas bag used by
bluejackets for stowing small personal gear.
ENSIGN - The national flag; a junior commissioned officer in the
Navy.
FIELD DAY - A day for general ship cleaning.
FLOTSAM - Floating wreckage or goods thrown overboard.
GALLEY - The ship's kitchen.
GRAVEYARD WATCH - The middle (mid) watch from 2400 to 0400.
HAND - A member of the ship's crew.
HEAD - A ship's toilet.
HIGH SEAS - The entire ocean beyond the three-mile limit where no
nation has special privileges or jurisdiction. (note: nations now
claim 10-mile, 12-mile, or more limits)
HIT THE DECK - A phrase used in rousing men from bunks at Reveille.
IRISH PENNANT - Untidy loose end of a line, [or loose threads on a
uniform.]
JETSOM - Goods which sink when thrown overboard at sea.
JUMPER - The blouse of a bluejacket's uniform.
JURY RIG - A makeshift rig of mast and sail or other gear.
KNOCK OFF - To stop; to stop work.
LANDLUBBER - Seaman's term for one who has never been to sea.
LADDER - A metal, wooden or rope stairway.
LIBERTY - Permission to be absent from a ship or station for a
period up to 48 hours. [72 hours on three-day weekends.] Anything
longer than this is not liberty, but is leave charged to an
individual's leave balance.
LUCKY BAG - A locker for the stowage of loose articles of clothing
and personal gear found aboard the ship [or station].
MAN - To put the proper number of men on a detail so that the work
can be done.
MAST - A vertical spar supporting the booms, gaffs and sails on a
sailing vessel; a spar supporting signal yard and antennae on a
fighting ship; the term applied to the hearing of cases of offense
against discipline, or for requests or commendations.
OFFICER OF THE DECK (OOD) - The officer in charge of the ship during
each watch and on deck as the Captain's representative.
PADRE - Affectionate slang for the chaplain.
PASS THE WORD - To repeat an order or information to the crew.
PHONETIC ALPHABET - A way of speaking letters so that they will be
clearly understood; for example A is "Alpha," B is "Bravo," etc.
PIPE THE SIDE - The ceremony at the gangway in which side boys are
drawn up and the boatswain's pipe blown when a high-ranking officer
or distinguished visitor comes aboard.
POLLYWOG - One who has never crossed the Equator.
QUARTER DECK - The part of the upper deck reserved for honors and
ceremonies.
RANK - Grade of official standing of commissioned officers.
RATE - Grade of official standing of enlisted men.
RATLINE - A short length of small stuff running horizontally across
shrouds.
ROCKS AND SHOALS - Slang for the Articles for the Government of the
Navy. [Precursor of the Uniformed Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).]
ROPEYARN SUNDAY - A time for repairing clothing. [In the late 1950's
Ropeyarn Sunday, when it was held at all, was often held on
Wednesday afternoons]
RULES OF THE ROAD - Regulations prescribed to prevent collisions of
ships.
SCUTTLE BUTT - A container of fresh water for drinking; a rumor.
SEA BAG - A large canvas bag for stowing the gear of a bluejacket.
SEABEES - Construction battalions (CBs); nickname for bluejackets in
a construction battalion.
SEA LAWYER - A seaman who is prone to argue, especially against
recognized authority.
SHAKEDOWN CRUISE - Cruise of a newly commissioned ship to test out
all machinery and train the crew.
SHELLBACK - One who has crossed the Equator and been initiated.
SHIPSHAPE - Seamanlike and neat.
SHORE PATROL - Same as the Army's Military Police.
SHOVE OFF - Slang for leaving.
SICK BAY - Ship's hospital or dispensary.
SKIPPER - Slang for the Captain.
SKIVVIES - Slang for underwear.
SMART - Snappy, seamanlike [i.e. "Look Smart!"].
SQUARE AWAY - To get things settled down or in order; to complete a
job.
STAND BY - A preparatory order meaning "get ready."
STOW - To put gear in its proper place.
STRIKER - A non-rated [sailor] who is qualifying for a
petty-officer'
SWAB - A rope mop.
TRICE - To haul up. [Shipboard bunks used to be "triced" up]
TURN TO - An order to begin work. ["Turn to" starts the working day;
"Knock off" ends the working day.]
UNCOVER - Remove hat.
VERY WELL - Reply of an officer to a subordinate to indicate that
the information given is understood.
WARDROOM - Officer's assembly and mess room aboard a Navy ship.
WATCH - A post or period of duty. [e.g. Quarterdeck watch; phone
watch; Dempsey dumpster watch; after lookout watch; sounding watch,
etc.]
WEIGH - To lift the anchor off the bottom.
Just about every sub movie you watch they are being shot at, depth
charged
or trying to go deeper than any sub has gone before and one pipe
explodes
and someone climbs up and closes a valve and the sub stops sinking
and
goes on doing its job.. Makes you wonder why that valve wasn't
closed in
the first place. Enjoy the chips... buffalo.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friends
Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days and then give it back.
Military Friends: Borrow your stuff, keep it, and it goes PCS with
them.
Friends: Know a few things about you.
Military Friends: Know all about you or have met someone else at
another duty station who does.
Friends: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
Military Friends: Cry like babies because they HAVE to leave you.
Friends: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Military Friends: Call your parents Mom and Dad.
Friends: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
Military Friends: Would be sitting in jail next to you saying, "Man,
they made a BIG mistake trying to jump us."
Friends: Have never seen you cry.
Military Friends: Cry with you.
Friends: Will knock on your front door
Military Friends: Walk right in and say, "I'm home."
Friends: Are your friends for a while
Military Friends: Are your friends for life as you move about this
country or the world.
Friends: Will ignore this.
Military Friends: Will forward this
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
honored
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at the supermarket
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bad idea
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving
the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow
your own dope."
How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana
patient.
Then I noticed the rest of her message ... "Plant a man."
My Dad said to my Mother, "You should go bra-less."
She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky
enough?"
He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of
your face."
Many patients call the pathology group where I am
office manager to discuss their medical bills. One
irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory
test on her statement.
Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test
on her bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis."
She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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A man engaged a prostitute and throughout their night's tryst he
kept
exclaiming: "Phooey! Phooey!" The girl became offended at this
apparent slur on her professional ability, and when her part of the
bargain had been concluded, she asked, "Why did you keep saying
'Phooey'? Wasn't I good enough for you?" "Don't get me wrong," the
guy
said quickly. "YOU were fine. When I said Phooey,' I was thinking of
my wife."
Peter was in bed with his best friend's wife. Just as things were
reaching a climax, he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the
bed,
holding his head in his hands. "What the hell's wrong with you?" his
partner asked. "I feel just like a regular son-of-a-bitch, getting
some of my best friend's pussy," the man moaned. "Well," she
soothed,
patting his back, "you can stop worrying. You're not getting his
pussy. His pussy is five inches deeper."
A woman went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she
said. "The other day I found my daughter and the boy next door
together, naked, examining each other's bodies and giggling." The
psychiatrist smiled. "That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty
normal." "Well, I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me. It
worries my daughter's husband, too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mermaid Chips
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On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three
sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the
window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was
lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly
continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he
too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot
himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the
cow), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the
bank.
She s aid, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But
if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore
your parents and the cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself
into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in
a row, I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to
satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in
the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a
hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself
in.
And there he also met the mermaid.
"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right
if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a
row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
"Why not THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty
times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in
a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having
lunch, when one of them says, "I know that I'm going
to have a boy."
The other two women think about that for a moment, and
then one of them says, "OK, how do you know you're
going to have a boy?"
"Well, when the child was conceived," says the first
women, "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the
second woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl."
"OK," says the first one, "how do you know you're
going to have a girl?"
"Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom.
So I'm going to have a girl."
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third
woman obviously getting more and more distressed,
until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing?
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" the first two women ask
with concern.
The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough
to only say one thing.... "I'm going to have a puppy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
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Cunnilingus is a real tongue-twister.
How can a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
I don't know why the media is making such a big deal over Bush
having trouble with his Generals. Clinton had trouble with his
privates.
What do you do if your Kotex is on fire?
You tampon it.
A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon
suite. "Do you have reservations?
one," replies the groom. "She won't take it up the ass."
Most males in a men's room are stand-up guys. (Mike Bull)
A guy from West Virginia passed away and left his entire estate to
his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
Have you heard about the new extra-large tampon?
It's called a "Tightwad."
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance,
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/When I Get
http://silverandgol
You Are The Only You God Has
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Self Talk
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Trash Shadow Art
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High Tech Toys
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101 Simple Appetizers in 20 Minutes or Less Via Dianne
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Heavyweight Hall of Fame
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Cupid's Valentine Midis
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Whale Rescue
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Movie Links
To All Sports Loving Men This Guy Is a Genuis
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Toilet Seat Sign
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Tom Mabe
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Tomato PSA
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Toot Tone
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Topless Wife Training
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Swallowing
http://www.buffalos
Swimming
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szambr
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Telissa
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Texan Gun Control Witness
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health Chips
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One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will
diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only
costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar
with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the
computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The
computer started making some noise and various lights started
flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on
which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to
wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife
and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He
went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual
noise and printed out the following
message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has
worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in
a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cheating bitch
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cheerleader2
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cheerleaders
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
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In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly
approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper
order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also
happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final"
arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she
wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, image as the undertaker / postal clerk
went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became
quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too
small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard
about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering
the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For
days, he agonized over the dilemma.But finally his experience as a
postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and
it reads as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to ten times its size when
stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You
should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going
to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who
will
then fire you! With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which
body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little
Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore
her and said to the class,"anybody?
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The
body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the
pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned
to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things
to say: One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your
homework, and three, one day you are going to be very, very
disappointed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
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Get the job done with Mini Sew-Wonder.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was on my way to deposit some of my money at Lowe's Home
Improvement this morning to do my part to stimulate the economy and
I found myself behind this little car bearing a bumper sticker that
read:
"We did it! - Obama / Biden"
Well, as luck would have it she pulled along side of me at a red
light about a half mile down the road. I beeped my horn and gave
her a big thumbs up. She rolled down her window and I said, "I love
your bumper sticker!"
She thanked me and I quickly added, "It's good that you are taking
responsibility for your mistake!" She gave me the finger and drove
off -- Humorless Bitch!
Sue
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1748
Traditions
It is the same thing every old day.
BJ gets up in the morning, shaves, takes a shower, gets dressed, has
breakfast. Then he gets his stuff ready for work. He lets the dogs
out, lets them back in. He plays with them for a while. He gives
Rudy his medicine. He visits with Diana to check with her on what
she is doing for the day. They check on their evening plans.
It is time for BJ to leave, Rudy and Sandi are on his king-size bed.
He goes to his bed and says good-bye to them, giving them each a
nice rub-down, and pets them each, gives them a hug. They each wag
their tail knowing he will be back later that day.
BJ heads to the door with Katie in tow. Ah, Katherine...
like
another layer of skin. She hates to see her father leave in the
morning. She will try to lay down on his clothes, steal his clothes,
bark at him, give him sad eyes, do whatever she can to keep him at
home, but nothing seems to work.
Katie follows BJ to the door, BJ has to be careful here because
Katie will dart out the door and try to get into the car or follow
BJ to work.
BJ squeezes out the door and gets in his car and sees Katie looking
out the window.... She has her sad face on. Big eyes...just
looking, hoping.
BJ starts the car and does what he always does, flashes his
headlights three times.... meaning "I Love You" then backs out of
the driveway and leaves.
Katie turns and heads down to the bed with her sister and brother
and settles in for the day awaiting for her daddy. All is well, she
got her "I love you."
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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