Plants gone potty!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Failure provides opportunity for success

_________________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
If you watched the weatherman last night, the
winter storm warnings and watches likely were plentiful
indeed. Specially for this little corner of West Michigan.
However, what was described as a "winter event"
turned out to be not quite as nasty as they thot,
Unfortunately, however, they are telling us that this
storm is not over yet. More nasty stuff is on the way
this afternoon supposedly for the whole state.
Very few folks have lost power in this
part of the country, this morning. Only a few schools
are closed, so it a good thing. Perhaps you are not
quite as lucky in your part of the country. I remember
growing up on the farm, the roads often drifted
shut for a week or more at a time. So when there was
a major storm moving in, momma would go into town
to get "store bought" (groceries we couldn't grow our
selves) and stock up, to "winter it out".
There were several times I remember that other than
morning chores for a couple hours in the morning,
work on the farm halted due to inclimate weather.
That was a pretty unique thing, not having some work to do.
And while we lost power, we had a generator to keep the
lights on to be able to feed the cattle, but the house
was "across the road" from the barn. It did nothing
for us humans. The cattle were more important.
So, we camped out in the barn. Momma
served hot chocolate and and we played monopoly.
lots and lots of monopoly.
And times were good.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d020.html

thats not what I said
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d021.html

get in there
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d022.html

diet place
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d023.html

last words
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d024.html

beer me now
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d025.html

youre playing my tune
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d026.html

the contest
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d027.html

helper
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d028.html

outsourcing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d029.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Tiger Woods Xmas song
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8610.html

keep the change
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8611.html

for the love of Mrs. Brown
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8612.html

your democracy at work
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8613.html

holy sh*t!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8614.html

Fox news alert
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8615.html

Loch Ness
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8616.html

the bird house
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9617.html
_______________

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first
night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little
brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going
out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if
Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks,
"Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't
want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred
and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your
lunch and go back toschool." ; After school, Johnny
comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the
Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
___________

A young Aussie joins the navy. On the day he is
about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware
of gay sailors. "But dad, how will I know?"
"Trust me son, you will know."
After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port.
The father was on the dock waiting for his son.
The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and
shook his hand. "Well on, how did it go?" "Dad, I
found out what you meant about gay sailors. One
night I was out on deck all alone when a man came
by and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him
overboard." "But how could you tell he was gay?"
"Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boat yelling,
"THROW ME A BUOY, THROW ME A BUOY!"
_________

One guy is very upset and yells at his friend,
"You slept with my wife, you son of a bitch. I am
gonna make you pay for what you did." "Bullshit,"
replies the other one, "why should I pay twice."
__________

A girl went to the doctor with her knees all cut
up. The doctor said, "What happened to your knees?"
She replied, "It's from making love doggie-style."
The doctor asked, "Don't you know any other position
besides doggie style?" She said, "Yeah...but my
doggie doesn't."
_________

At the clothing store where I work, I make it a
point of pride to give customers my unvarnished
opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the
fitting room, I took one look at him and shook
my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look
terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."
As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was
trying on the shirt."
___________

BUFFALO Bill

Gym
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dss.htm

Handling Road Rage
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbjkk.htm

Home & Garden TV
http://www.buffaloschips.com/allka.htm
______________

FUN PAGES from Lorraine

The No. 1 Prank Of All Pranks
http://tinyurl.com/yfneqjw

Villainess Name
http://tinyurl.com/yalvlcg

Governor of Poker
http://tinyurl.com/aubzcy
_________________

SYDESJOKES LIST

Easy Button
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000506.html

Eating A Hotdog
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000507.html

Eddie Izzard - Being Blingual
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000508.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

*To visit your group "PostmansCorner" on the web. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner or http://www.thepostmanscorner.net *To unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to: PostmansCorner-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com *To subscribe to this group, send a blank email to: PostmansCorner-subscribe@yahoogroups.com *PLZ NOTE: DO NOT send unsubscribe requests to the listowner (Follow instructions)

Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch to Fully Featured
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

__,_._,___

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

What you think, affects where your life goes.
For each thought is magnified and manifested
through the whole of your existence.

____________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

Did you hear about that new Seat Belt
Law Coming in 2010?
New Seat Belt law:
This becomes effective January 1, 2010 in ALL states.
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive
testing on a newly Designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as
95% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct Installation is illustrated below........
Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!
This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

sorry Mr. Jenkins
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d010.html

6 items or less
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d011.html

a winter wonder land?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d012.html

its not a tumor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d013.html

where's your wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d014.html

nothing wrong with him
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d015.html

a checkup
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d016.html

lunatics
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d017.html

damn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d018.html

the meaning of life
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d019.html
___________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

now thats good camos!!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8602.html

Sparky wants a parking spot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8603.html

lunch with the dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8604.html

UFO
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8605.html

service dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8606.html

did you know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8607.html

unbelievable raw footage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8608.html

this gag's on you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8609.html
____________

A salesman is driving down a country road one day
when his car broke down. There was a farm near by,
so he went up to ask for some help. The farmer suggested
that his daughter, Nelly, could give him a ride into
town to get the necessary parts for his car. Nelly
was an innocent girl, the epitome of virginal beauty.
Nelly and the salesman were on their way into town when
he convinced her to pull over to the side of the road
to enlighten her about the facts of life. They had some
down and dirty sex all over the car, and then went
into town to get the car parts. By the time they got
into town, the auto store was closed, so they had to
return to the farm. The farmer allowed the salesman to
spend the night in the barn and get his car fixed in
the morning. The next morning the salesman went up to
the farmhouse to get Nelly so she could give him a ride
into town. Nelly was gone, however, and her sister Venus
opened the door. Venus was very unlike Nelly. She was
sexy, voluptuous, and really even a bit sleazy. Venus
volunteered to give the salesman a ride into town, and
off they went. Venus did the convincing this time, and
the salesman had the "ride" of his life. They eventually
made it back to the farm with the parts, and the salesman
fixed his car. He thanked the farmer, left his address
to they could keep in touch in the future, and went on
his merry way. A few months later the salesman received
a later from the farmer which
contained only a poem:

Were you the one who did the pushin'
Left the bloodstains on the cushion
And the footprints on the dashboard upside down?
'Cause since you met my daughter Nelly,
There's a swelling in her belly,
And you'd better get your ass back into town.

The salesman thought for a minute,
and wrote the following response:

Yes, I was the one who did the pushin'
Left the bloodstains on the cushion
And the footprints on the dashboard upside down.
But since I met your daughter Venus,
I've had some problems with my penis,
So I guess we're pretty even all around.
___________

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to
see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing
feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled,
"How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir,"
the magician answered, "but then I'd have to kill you!"
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "OK,
then. Just tell my wife and mother-in-law!
They're sitting on my right side."
________

Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover's Lane...
He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore
between her legs with the other hand.
Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman
approaching. .."Awwwww, hell!" he murmurs, "Fuzz!"
"What did ya expect?" Phoebe says, "A perm?"
________________

There are three stages of sex in a man's life:
Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

What is the difference between a hobo and a homo?
A hobo doesn't have any friends, and a homo has friends up the ass.

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,
but every once in a while you get a piece of
ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
______________

SYDESJOKES LIST

Dunk Shot
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000503.html

Dust Storm - Mt Newman Western Australia
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000504.html

Dustin Hoffman - The Flea Takes A Holiday
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000505.html
_______________

FUN PAGES from Lorraine:

Are You A Flirt?
http://tinyurl.com/le429f

What Is Your Mafia Name?
http://tinyurl.com/cv8zh5

Amazing Miracle Pictures
http://tinyurl.com/5vewe8
_______________

BUFFALO BILL

Fanfare
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jakjkas.htm

Final Call
http://www.buffaloschips.com/askla.htm

Flashlights
http://www.buffaloschips.com/saasjka.htm

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Monday, December 7, 2009

Funzines - Video Fun A December 8, 2009

If anyone expects a gift from me that

means I must go to a mall, well, you can just

forget it. Couldn't even find a parking space!

****

Got more pictures of Truman, of course:

http://funzines.net/truman.htm

***********

Did you know that you can reach me by just hitting

reply?

**************

New Group.....

Hey, it has been awhile since I this!

Funzines.net presents: The Rest of The Crap

Stuff that I receive in my inbox that does not fit in any other of my groups. Clean to Medium Smut....of course.....If you are an adult and wish to share some of the crap you get in your inbox.....you may share it here.......I will be checking the crap before it gets flushed to the rest of the group........so post away....

Funzines-TheRestoftheCrap-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

My new site! A list of all my ezines!

http://funzines.net

***********

Please, take a moment and click on some of my links

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

We are proud to offer the web's largest collection of

funny novelties, gag gifts, and pranks.
From fart machines to bumper stickers, we are the

web's leading retailer of fun!
http://www.prankplace.com/?KBID=2995

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have four groups that are Member

participation...come on and share:

Paint Shop Pro Group

all-psp-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Hot Babes

hotbabes2-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

The Rest of the Crap

funzines-therestofthecrap-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Wallpapers

funzines-wallpapers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

For Adults only!

Entertainment in Your Own Home:

http://funzines.net/dvds.htm

**
Check out this stuff:

http://adultfriendfinder.com/go/g915553-pmo
http://alt.com/go/g915553-pmo
http://cams.com/go/g915553-pmo

http://penthouse.com/go/g915553-pmo

http://seniorfriendfinder.com/go/g915553-pct

http://www.adultcams.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0

http://www.absolutevids.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0
http://www.assgonzo.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0
http://www.gangbangjunkies.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0
http://www.justover18gonzo.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0
http://www.lesbiangonzo.com/?revid=42161&s=1&campaign=0

Mature Adults Only, Please:

http://funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Please Click!

Get a T-Shirt to match your personality!

Or a nice something for that Xmas stocking!

http://tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=Dyan

Sell T-Shirts on your website:

http://tshirthell.com/affiliates/register?parent=Dyan

Shopping on Amazon this year??

Please, get there through my link. Thank you.

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

*How can you lose weight through the Holidays?*
http://link.adreporting.com/ez/ciexapzkkl/

Get the latest Movie Posters....Yes, they have the Twilight Series

http://funzines.net/posters.htm

Can you make money from Twitter?

http://link.adreporting.com/ez/ciexapzkxi/

Grab your resale rights now!
http://link.adreporting.com/ez/drbskcsxs/

Some stuff:

http://funzines.net/solutions.htm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If you wish to help this Editor and her family,

please go here:

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

Thank you, Your Editor

Funzines - Clean Cartoons for C December 8, 2009

If anyone expects a gift from me that

means I must go to a mall, well, you can just

forget it. Couldn't even find a parking space!

****

Got more pictures of Truman, of course:

http://funzines.net/truman.htm

***********

Did you know that you can reach me by just hitting

reply?

**************

New Group.....

Hey, it has been awhile since I this!

Funzines.net presents: The Rest of The Crap

Stuff that I receive in my inbox that does not fit in any other of my groups. Clean to Medium Smut....of course.....If you are an adult and wish to share some of the crap you get in your inbox.....you may share it here.......I will be checking the crap before it gets flushed to the rest of the group........so post away....

Funzines-TheRestoftheCrap-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

**************

My new site! A list of all my ezines!

http://funzines.net

********

Please, take a moment and click on some of

my links.....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

We are proud to offer the web's largest collection of

funny novelties, gag gifts, and pranks.
From fart machines to bumper stickers, we are the

web's leading retailer of fun!
http://www.prankplace.com/?KBID=2995

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have four groups that are Member

participation...come on and share:

Paint Shop Pro Group

all-psp-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Hot Babes

hotbabes2-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

The Rest of the Crap

funzines-therestofthecrap-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Wallpapers

funzines-wallpapers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Please Click!

Get a T-Shirt to match your personality!

Or a nice something for that Xmas stocking!

http://tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=Dyan

Sell T-Shirts on your website:

http://tshirthell.com/affiliates/register?parent=Dyan

Shopping on Amazon this year??

Please, get there through my link. Thank you.

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

*How can you lose weight through the Holidays?*
http://link.adreporting.com/ez/ciexapzkkl/

Get the latest Movie Posters....Yes, they have Twilight Series

http://funzines.net/posters.htm

Can you make money from Twitter?

http://link.adreporting.com/ez/ciexapzkxi/

Grab your resale rights now!
http://link.adreporting.com/ez/drbskcsxs/

Some stuff:

http://funzines.net/solutions.htm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I occasionally get very big videos and such.

So many people joined........I will be keeping the list of people on yahoogroups,

but sending out of my own email server......join here:

Funzines-VeryLargeFun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If you wish to help this Editor and her family,

please go here:

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

Thank you, Your Editor

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity:

New Members 1

Visit Your Group Start a New Topic

MARKETPLACE

Going Green: Your Yahoo! Groups resource for green living

Mom Power: Discover the community of moms doing more for their families, for the world and for each other

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

Once we had Bush, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.
Now we have Obama, no Cash and no Hope...

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

This is a picture of the US Air Force's new 21,000
Pound MOAB --- the 'Mother Of All Bombs'.
It is an upgrade of the 15,000 pound 'Daisy cutter'
Which was used in Afghanistan
The USAF and Coalition forces are planning to drop
The MOAB on Tehran, Iran . From the looks of it,
if you get hit with this --- you haven't got a prayer!
War can get ugly!!!!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

a romantic night
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d001.html

a great gift idea
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d002.html

would it upset u
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d003.html

mother said
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d004.html

for your information
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d005.html

PMS
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d006.html

in a couple weeks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d007.html
__________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

never trust a monkey
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8596.html

traffic jam
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8597.html

slip sliding away
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8598.html

what do they have in common
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8599.html

condoms
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8600.html

tampons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8601.html

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his
face, lines up in position...
He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which
finds the center of the target.
Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM......
ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts
Robin Hood's arrow into two!!!
He takes off his cape and screams: I AM......
WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!
Finally, a third man in cape lines up in position.
He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!!!
It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!!
Then the man takes off his cape and screams:
I AM......SORRY
______________

Famous Last Words

* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.

________________

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and
Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone
and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he was finished the devil informs him that the
cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks
for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil
informs her that cost is 6 million dollars,
so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn
and talks for 4 hours.
When he was finished the devil informed him
that there would be no chage for the call
and feel free to call the USA anytime.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks
the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.
The devil replied, "Since Obama became
President of the USA , the country has gone to hell,
so naturally it's a local call."
______________

Things only a man would do

1. Look in the tissue after blowing our nose.
2. Touch hot things, Just to see how hot it is.
3. Set off early, And arrive late.
4. Order food, And still keep looking at the menu.
5. Fart and be proud.
6. Put a sickipedia joke as our facebook status.
7. Beep at girls.
8. Dance to the toilet when out clubbing.
9. Call everyone mate.
10. Dance back from the toilet.
11. Put mobile phone in our front right pocket.
______________

PLEASE A WOMAN A man walks into a bar with his
dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes
a toast and both he and his dog empty their
glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised
and asks, :Can your dog perform other tricks?".
"But of course", the man answers, "he can even
satisfy a woman." Anxious to know more the girl
leads the man and the dog into a little room
above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation
she lies down on the bed. The dogs looks at her and
does nothing. "It's always the same thing with you!",
the man then shouts to
the dog, 'I'll show you how to do it one last time'.
______________

The two housewives were drinking coffee together.
"On my way over here," said Louise, "I developed an
awful headache. Do you have any good remedies?"
Her friend Martha responded, "When I get a headache,
my husband is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders,
then the back of my neck, caresses my breasts while
kissing my tummy, and my pussy, then gives me a long
screwing. In no time at all he's soothed the pain
away. You should try it!"
"I'd love to," her friend replied.
The next day the housewives met and Louise remarked,
"You were right about your husband, he did take the pain away."
_____________

BUFFALO BILL

Idiot 4
http://www.buffaloschips.com/i67u.htm

Idiot 5
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jh67i6.htm

Idiot 6
http://www.buffaloschips.com/u567.htm
___________

SYDESJOKES LIST

Dumb Blonde
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000500.html

Dumbass And Handgun
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000501.html

Dumped
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000502.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Sunday, December 6, 2009

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well, winter is here and I really do not
want to quit riding the motorcycle. I thot
I had come up with an alternative so I would
not have to park it for the winter. Unfortunately
the war department does not like the idea.
I do not know why she is all upset.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

how do you know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c060.html

mission accomplished
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c061.html

own up to it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c062.html

micromanage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c063.html

ok kids
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c064.html
__________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

spring time
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8594.html

the pole
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8595.html

Brother Bill lived with his brother Bob. Brother
Bill was a cripple, and had to use crutches to get
around, so brother Bob decided to take his brother Bill,
on a trip to Europe, which he had desired for some time.
Upon returning to the USA, they were met by a reporter,
to interview the brothers to hear of their travels.
"So," brother Bob, says, "I went to the leaning tower
of Pizza, went all the way to the top, and it was a
beautiful sight."The reporter asks, "Did brother Bill get to go?"
Bob states, "No, he's cripple ya know."
Then he states that they went to Paris, to visit the
Eiffel Tower and I got to go all the way top.
The reporter asks, "Did brother Bill get to go with you?"
Bob says, "No, he's cripple ya know."
They then stopped by the Vatican, in which they were
able to meet the Pope, who at the time was giving a formal
service. Brother Bill walked up to the Pope with the help
of his crutches. The Pope touched brother Bill on the
left shoulder, and his left crutch went flying off to
the left. He then touched brother Bill on the right
shoulder, and his right crutch just went flying off that way.
At this point, the reporter asked, "Well, did brother
Bill walk after that?"
Brother Bob answers, "No, as a matter of fact, brother
Bill fell on his ass. He's a cripple ya know."
_______________

A young woman meets her old, retired, parish
priest and when he asks her how she is, she
bursts out crying.
"What's the matter child?" he asks.
"Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He
won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic."
"There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain
to him the faith of the Church, the traditions,
the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him
around."
Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it.
About a year later, they meet again, and again
she bursts into tears when he asks how she is
doing.
"Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father."
"Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?"
"Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the
problem. He was so taken by it that he's now
studying to be a priest."
___________

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet,
Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since
I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I
told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd
lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that
it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time
you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try
it again. (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her
no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a
heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have
all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
_______________

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding
through the Afghan desert when he saw something far
off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried
toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you
like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted,
"Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need
water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!
"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter
that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.
I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you
continue over that hill to the east for about two miles,
you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice
cold water you need. Shalom."
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said......,
"Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"
___________

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children
what their fathers did for a living. All the
typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic,
businessman, salesman. so forth.. However, little
Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so
when the teacher prodded him about his father, he
replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay
cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of
other men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will
go home with some guy and stay with him all night
for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
exercises and took little Justin aside to ask
him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic
National Committee and helped to get Obama
elected, but it's just too embarrassing to say
that in front of the other kids.
_____________

BUFFALO BILL

Viagra Commercial
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ngfdrtd.htm

Weight Lifting Surprise
http://www.buffaloschips.com/cdfgdsxgrfd.htm

Why Airplanes Have Pillows
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjfrfdty.htm
_____________

FUN PAGES

Thing Thing Arena 3
http://tinyurl.com/d6t7ly

Boxhead Zombie Wars
http://tinyurl.com/d5xh43

Jessica Alba's Got Milk Photo
http://tinyurl.com/3mqake
___________

SYDESJOKES LIS

Dryden Flight Research Centre #2
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000497.html

DUI Test
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000498.html

Dukes Of Hazard
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000499.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Saturday, December 5, 2009

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you
LEAN .... Against tables, chairs, floors, walls
and ugly people.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Winter hit with a vengeance here in our fair
city in West Michigan, yesterday. Usually we
get a inch or two in November as sort of an opening
volley, but its horrible when old man winter has
to open up with a full fledged snow storm. I am not
sure, but I would say we got at least 6 in. The kids
all had a day off as schools were closed everywhere.
Unlike my friend Bill, I do not have four wheel drive
in the Crown Victoria, so needless to say, I did not
venture out into the cold. Hybernating is a good pass
time on a day like that. I happen to be pretty good
at it, too! The weatherman predicts a little better
day today. An inch of white stuff and temps in the low
20s to high teens. Not exactly what I would order, but
it could be a lot worse. I'm thinkin its a good day for
more hybernation. The one good thing about it, there is
no limit on nonsense, hybernation or humor. And so far
we have had far and again enough of the former, so,
how bout we have some of the latter! ??
Enjoy the jokes!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_________

THE COMICS

can't tell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c050.html

another Tiger and his wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c051.html

great
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c052.html

one day in the garden
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c053.html

he's perfect
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c054.html

in trouble
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c055.html

software
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c056.html

one of those days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c057.html

right to remain silent!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c058.html
____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Wanda Sykes on Tiger Woods
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8496.html

Cactus Cuties
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8497.html

Chris Angel sets him self on fire
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8498.html

scuba diving first lesson
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8500.html

whats in the box
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8591.html

oh my god
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8592.html

sensitive teeth
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8593.html

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing
through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidence
of the most amazing marksmanship. On trees, on walls,
and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with
the bullet hole in dead center.The FBI man asked
one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this incredible accuracy. They were
introduced and the FBI man quickly realized that
man was the village idiot. "This is the best
marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man.
"How in the world do you do it?" "Nothing to it,"
said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the
circles afterward."
_______________

This big dude walks into a bar with a little spider
on his shoulder, as soon as one of the dudes in there
spots it, he tells his friends and they all laugh.
the man says:"Laugh while you can, 'cos this spider
is stronger than any of you!!!"The man making fun
replies "I'd like to see that!!""Fine, my spider will
pick up this bar stool" he sets the spider on the
floor and the spider easily picks it up.
"That's nothing!!" "But there's more, now the spider
sill pick up a table" and the spider easily picks
up the table. The men, not letting the spider impress
them, only boo it "Now, gentlemen, this tiny spider
will pick up the bar!!" and the spider spits on his
hands, rubs them together and makes a great effort,
but it picks up the bar!!! The men, a little impressed
ask "what else can it do??" so the man says "Now, it
will pick up the bar with everyone of us on it!!"
thinking it couldn't be done, the men start to get
on the bar until there's like 40 guys on it. The spider
looks worried but starts walking towards the bar with an
air of determination. suddenly, a man walks into the bar
sees the spider on the floor walking towards the bar,
and steps on it "You bunch of wussies,
scared of a little spider!!!!"
______________

The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the
class an example of love. Little Susie stood up and
said, "I saw two robins making a nest together,
I think that is love". Very good said the teacher,
anyone else? Little Johnny stood up and said i think
love is "fucking". The teacher was shocked and told
little Johnny to go home and not to come back without
a note from his father. The next morning Little Johnny
was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a
note from your father?" Little Johnny said, "No, my
father said love is fucking and anyone that says it is
not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with
cock suckers."
______________

The Fourth Grade concert is fast approaching and
Johnny has still not decided what he will do. Little
Sarah is going to do a piano solo, Mikey will recite a
poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally,
his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he
has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert,
all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Sarah,
in her prettiest dress, tickles the ivories to
rapturous applause. Then Mikey steps out in his best suit
and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johnny, in checked shirt and denim
overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every
holiday my family visits him there. His wife, my aunt
Martha, always cooks a real down-home country meal for us
all, and we feast and stuff ourselves silly, for days on
end. Tonight, I would like to share with you my
impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my uncle's
farm. Here is the first: "Johnny! Why don't you get your ass
off the shitter and give someone else a chance?!""
____________