[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sat

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

By the time I left for college my dad had bought a early 50's DC
Case with three point hitch and PTO and was continuing upgrading the
equipment. With a PTO he was able to get rid of the old baler with
its cranky Continental motor but it still had just as many problems
knotting the bale and when someone extra was around they rode on the
baler watching when it missed a knot so they could wrap a spare
piece of twine around it and prevent stopping the process to run the
bale back through a second time. A lot of the problem was in the
brand of twine you used. Even in the 80's when he had a New Holland
Baler it still had knotting problems.

I came home in 1975 from the Navy and my dad had bought a PTO Mower
to go on the Case. With the old mowers we were using it was easy to
tell when you had hit an anthill or a chunk of brush as the wheels
locked up on the mower and you were dragging it. It also required
someone to ride on the mower and with two of us in the Navy my dad
had opted for a tractor mower.
I hopped on the tractor and headed for a field and started cutting.
I had a habit of breaking machinery and I was a bit upset when I hit
the first ant hill and the mower instead of being at a right angle
to the tractor mowing hay was dragging limply behind the tractor.
I shut it off and waited for dad to come over and yell about it when
I found out that it was designed to break away like that to prevent
damage if you hit something. He knew it would do that and just
wanted to see the look on my face when it happened.

When you take off 1200 to 1500 bales of hay a year to feed your
cattle you have a proportionately large amount of manure to shovel
in the spring and spread on the fields. A manure spreader would
have been nice but instead we had a small trailer and spread it by
hand. We are talking hundreds of loads of manure. When the number
of hands went down my dad bought a manure spreader and finally a
Massey Ferguson 35 with a loader. The F-30, the Case and the Oliver
were long gone having been replaced by a pair of International W-4's
which are the same running gear as a Farmall H but lower to the
ground. The PTO mower was gone though replaced by horse mowers, my
dad had hated that pto mower too. He had a 3 pt. post hole auger
after all the thousands of post holes I had dug by hand and a seed
drill instead of a cyclone seeder. I could have had so much more
time as a teenager with all that stuff, but then I probably wouldn't
have been able to bench press 280 pounds without ever having lifted
weights before and I learned how to fix old stuff and make it run
long enough to finish a season, something that always helped me.

Have a great weekend ... buff

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Pick-up Chips
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The ultimate Pick-up Line

He:
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to
dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we
could hit it off really well, end up having a
few drinks, next thing you know you're giving
me your number because I'm too shy to ask for
it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we
take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you
relax, we go out a few more times, get to know
each other's friends, spend a lot of time
together, then finally have get past this
sexual tension and really develop this intense
sex life that is truly incredible, decide our
relationship is solid and stable, so we move in
together for a while, then a few months later
get married, I get a promotion, you get a
promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really
want kids, but I really want freedom, but we
have a kid anyway, only to find that I am
resentful, the sparks start to fade and to
rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but
now I work too much to keep up with the bills,
have no time for you, you're stressed and stop
taking really good care of yourself, so to get
past our slow sex life and my declining
self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for
sexual gratification. You find out because I'm
careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out
(justifiably so) and we have to explain to the
kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up.
That's just too sad. Think about the children.
So, for God's sake, if you dance with me and we
hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because
we both know where it's going.

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

recent studies show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k040.html

handz off
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k041.html

the happy meal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k042.html

Building Evacuation Plan
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000262.html

Bulge On Beach
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000263.html

Bummer Of Birth Mark
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000264.html

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Random Chips
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As long as I have a face you'll always have a place to sit.

Last time Bill was in the hospital, he really enjoyed himself:
Patting
the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them his
circumcision scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could

stand of his crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be

living in a whore house!" Bill grinned at her and said, "Well, it
WOULD be cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for
it."

Have you heard about the new extra-large tampon? It's called a
"Tightwad."

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 45th

wedding anniversary. The husband decided to give his wife a gift --
a
tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife... cold as ever"

Later, the furious wife, giving homage to her husband's reliance on

the little blue bill, bought a return present, a tombstone with the

inscription: "Here lies my husband... stiff at last!"

Confucius says man and mouse alike. Both end up in pussy.

Stan kegel

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Drive Chips
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I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I
decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had
something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the
sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My
Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part
of the control panel... then I got out all the manuals and went
through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped
with one so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could
buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my
math hat.

Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking
woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if
she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of scowled at me and asked
me if I was trying to get smart with her...figuring she had been
impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with
everyone... she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't
help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and
model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives
in stock... He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive,
I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah, maybe that, but I
think I should already have one installed... he started laughing at
me said something about me trying to kill him... You're killing me!
or something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here
too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him...I
wasn't even hurting him.

The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen
off the turnip truck... I assured him I'd never been on a turnip
truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled
something about that explaining it. She's fallen off the wagon, that
explains it and walked away laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under
his breath and walked away... wonder why he only noticed
one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores.
Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet
and search for one.

So that's where I am now... If any of you have some computer skills
and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. Then
all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.

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Short Chips
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Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch.
While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two
women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to
talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets
about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

His boss asks what the problem is. "Well one of those women is my
wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe. Phil just shook his
head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his
round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game,
he too stopped short and turned around.

Joe asked "what's wrong?" It's a small, small world Joe, and you're
fired"

Sadly neglected by her husband, a horny housewife turned to her
next-door neighbor for advice. "Why don't you order your milk from
the milkman" was the suggestion, "and when the bill comes, see if
you can settle it with sex." This seemed like an excellent idea, and
sure enough, when the bill was presented, the milkman was delighted
to settle for a long and energetic screw. Putting his pants back on,
the milkman reached for the bill to mark it "Paid in Full"
"Oh, no you don't," said the housewife, grabbing the bill. "You
brought me this milk a quart at a time, and that's the way I'm gonna
pay for it."

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Counseling Chips
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A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor.
First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.

The counselor asks,
"You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems
to be the problem?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband --
he's driving me crazy! I'm going
to leave him if he continues!"

"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says,
"he's been doing these stupid things. First,
whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor
and refuses to go
near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused,

"Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love,
he NEVER lets me be on
top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor,
"I think I'll talk to your husband now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.
The counselor tells him,

"Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy.
She might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked,
"WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and
considerate and I've always given her what she wants!
What could be the problem?"

The counselor explains,
"She says that you've got these habits that are
driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in
public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

The husband looks concerned,
"Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the
few things my father told me to do in
his deathbed and I swore I'd obey
everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused,
"Actually, that means that you should not do
anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."

The counselor continues,
"And you keep picking your nose in public."

"Well, its another thing my father
specifically commanded me to do! He
told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint,
"That means that you should not indulge in
any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never
allow her to be on top during your
lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously,
"is the last thing my father
commanded me to do on his deathbed
and it's the most important thing."

"What did he say?"

The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said,
'Don't screw up!'"

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Triplet Chips
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There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were
discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."

The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"

He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."

The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?"

He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."

The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5
minutes, before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a
boxer?"

He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps
coming in here and spitting on us!"

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Unrehearsed
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Un.html

John w/ Lollipop
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/lollipop/

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http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/BRIGHTENYOURCORNER.HTML

The Stairs
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Surfin Surfari

Astronomy Picture of the Day Archive Via Dianne
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Snow Mobile / Tractor from 1926 ! Very Cool ! Via Wesley
http://xrl.in/2ojs

How Many Nuclear Weapons Are in Range of Your City ? Via Wesley
www.nukeometer.com

Liberty Air Show!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley

Open Source Solution to Computer Backup, Restoration and "Ghosting"
http://xrl.in/2ohu

Create Fake Photos, Captions and Magazines
www.writeonit.com

Quick Logo Maker
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Animal World

Diagnose Your Pet's Symptoms Online Via Wesley
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Movie Clips

Saddam The Unseen Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/AASSA.htm

Santa Shopping
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdsdsd.htm

Saudi
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ssdseew.htm

Schweaty Balls
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kslls.htm

Scotsman's Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/slkjds.htm

If my nose was running money
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Important Message
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Impossible
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Jet Engine
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John McCain
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Balls Chips
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One day a man went to England on a trip and
met a woman there, they grew to like each other
enough for her to come to America with the man
on his flight home. When they got back to America
the man said "I would like to show you an American
pastime."

The woman said, "What is it?"

"Baseball," the man said.

The next day, the man took her to a baseball
game. The first man came up to the plate and
hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the
next man bunted the ball and beat the throw to
first base. The third man came up to the plate
and he gets walked.

The man says, "Are you understanding this game?"

The woman says, "Yes, but what I don't understand
is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first player,
and he hits it. then he hurls the ball at the second
player, and he taps it and runs to where the other
man was standing And then the third player, this is
the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball
and he just stands there - 4 times - and then he just
walks to the place where the other man was standing."

Then the man says, "Well that is because he has four balls."

The woman says "Poor thing he couldn't run if he tried."

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Toon Chips
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Poetic Chips
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JACK AND JILL
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass,
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky,
Jill came back with a very sore crack,
Jack must have been a Yankee!

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill is now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fellow walked into his Grandsons' bedroom and found them both busy
studying at their desks. The first boy was reading a book on
aviation.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the Grandfather,
looking at the boy intently staring at the latest in military jets.

"I want to go to the Naval Academy, GrandPa; then try to get into
Naval aviation. I've always dreamed of being a pilot.

The Grandfather walked over to the other boy was studying one of his
Father's "PlayBoy" magazines just as intently as his brother was the
book on aviation.

"And you Jimmy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the
Grandfather a little hesitantly.

"Nothing sir," the boy said wistfully, "just grown up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW MUCH WORSE CAN IT GET?
WARNING FROM PAKISTAN

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister
of Migration Mohammed Omar warned the United States that if Military
actions against Iraq and Afghanistan continue, Taliban authorities
intend to cut off America's supply of Convenience Store Managers
and possibly Motel 6 Managers.

If this action does not yield sufficient results, Cab Drivers will
be next, followed by DELL and AOL Customer Service Reps.

Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened to send us no
more candidates for President of the United States !


It's gonna get ugly!

Jon in Texas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 361

Unexpected Surprises

Rudy: What is in the bag Katie?

Katie: Found it.

Rudy: But what is in it?

Katie: Left over fireworks.

Rudy: Mighty large bag. Must be several hundred dollars worth.

Katie: I think it belonged to some kids who were going to get
busted
by some police and they ran off. So .... I just grabbed it and ran
here.

Sandi: Just be careful, Daddy is trying to rest.

Katie: I thought I would just fire one off...what can go
wrong...Opps I
dropped the match in the sack. I thnk we should retire hastily.

Rudy: A-Rooo!

Sandi...lope lope lope

Bang Bang Bang...BOOM! ZOOM!

BJ awakes from his sleep: What the?? Are we at war? Where is my
M-16?

Diana: There are fire trucks coming! The dogs are howling to come
in
the house! The cats are clawing their way to the ceiling..

Later....

The powder from the fireworks have drifted away...

The citations have been issued...

The dogs have found a hole to crawl into..

BJ: So tell me again why I cannot go to work?

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Funzine - Adult Cartoons for A July 12, 2009

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********

Thank you, Your Editor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

 

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

 

Tears are like rain. They loosen up our soil so we can grow in different directions.

 

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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well, I finally did it! I picked me up a new
Stanley brand stainless steel thermos. Unlike other
coffee thermoses, Stanley does not use glass for
the liner. They are indestructible. When I was
a kid, my father had one on his 4020 John Deer
one day and knocked it off to the ground and promptly
ran the tractor over it. All it did was a little dent.
You could probably put a hand grenade on the inside of
one of those suckers and it wouldn't cause any damage.
Any ways one night about 10 years ago I was out fishing
on a bridge, it was a cold night, and I had my own
Stanley thermos at my side. Yep, sure enough, I knocked
it over and into the river it went. Finally, after ten
years, I got me a new one! Their lifetime guarantee does
not cover loss, unfortunately. In my life time I
have found there are only two other products besides Stanley
thermoses that are actually
made to last forever and have a lifetime guarantee that
actually means something.
One is Zippo lighters. I was digging a garden about 20 years
ago when I first bought this place, and found an old rusty
Zippo lighter in the dirt, no lid, it was in pretty sad shape.
They sent me a brand new lighter with no questions asked.
The only other item I know of in life that offers a guarantee
of a lifetime is Cutco cutlery. I had bought my wife a set
of these amazing knives when we were first married. And I
found that one knife in particular with that serrated edge
worked very well for cutting shingles when I was roofing the
house. They sent a replacement when I broke it with no
questions asked. I don't know why it took me ten years to
get a thermos replacement, but now today when I go for
my motorcycle ride, and I pull into the roadside park,
I can have me a nice hot cup of joe.:)

By the way. fellas, if you're gonna roof the house,
Don't use your wife's kitchen knives to cut the shingles.
Go buy a utility knife. Its a much more diplomatic move:)

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

 

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"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
________________

A pirate captain procured a map that claimed to lead to buried
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The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff.
I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere'
The clerk is astonished.
'Your wife's name is Crisco?'
The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her
that when we're out in public.'
'I see,' said the clerk.
'What do you call her at home?'
'Lard ass.'
______________

Two fellows were sitting in a bar and the one was complaining
about his current live-in girlfriend.  "I'm telling ya Sam,
I've about had it with her.  She keeps bringing her work home
nite after nite. I'm seriously considering just moving out
and ending the relationship." "Well," replied his buddy,
"I can see how that could indeed be very annoying.  But having
a girl who's interested in her career is hardly a reason to break up."
"It is if your girlfriend's a hooker." the first man maintained.
_______________

This guy goes to Amsterdam to videotape a presentation. While
staying in his hotel he finds an awesome porn channel on the TV,
but, alas, he has no VCR or way to record it.
With a flash of inspiration, he sets up his video camera,
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On arriving home, he tells his best friend about the trip.
The conversation gets around to the porn tape and the man
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returns the tape. "Did, ahh, did you watch your tape?"
"No. I was watching the original. Wasn't any need to see the tape."
"Well, uhh, before you lend it out again, maybe you should watch it,"
the friend advises.
The guy did as he was advised. And never lent out the tape again.
You see, the fella had forgotten to take into account the *reflective*
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Polaroid
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Porky Pig
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

 

 

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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Fri

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

From The Archives since it is haying season

Tractors Continued,

After the first summer of farming the F-20 died. It was in need of
an overhaul and new tires so it was beyond economical repair
at that time. My dad found a John Deere GP to replace it . Most
of you have seen a GP as it is the tractor shown at the beginning
of Green Acres except ours was green with a red flywheel on the
side. The John Deere had a hand clutch unlike the foot clutch on the
Farmall which my short legs couldn't reach at ten and so now I could
drive a tractor. The John Deere had a two cylinder engine with huge
pistons and a long stroke and you could hear one coming from a
mile away with its characteristic pucka pucka pucka sound. At idle
the engine ran so slow you could put it in gear, co in the house and

get a cup of coffee and catch it before it got to the driveway. One
thing that a lot of tractors didn't have back then was brakes. They
had come equipped with them but they had worn out over the
years and to replace them sometimes meant splitting the tractor in
half. If you were hooking up to a piece of machinery on an incline
you learned to let gravity back you up and then slipped the clutch
in forward gear until someone dropped the drawbar pin in. I never
could understand why so many people have trouble holding a car
on an incline with the clutch but then I had good training.

About that time my dad bought a second tractor, an Oliver 60 with
a foot clutch, a starter, and a 4 cylinder Chevy motor. It was a lot
lighter than the John Deere but it would mow or rake hay all day
on a 5 gallon can of gas. It had a foot clutch but I could reach it
with my foot. My dad was showing me in the front yard how to
work the clutch. I put it in reverse and started backing up towards
the
house and as I got close I reached for the hand clutch and their
was none. I had forgotten about the foot clutch in about 20 seconds.
My dad was screaming to hit the clutch and finally a fraction of an
inch from the house I got the tractor stopped. I spent a lot of my
time
on that tractor as my dad didn't sell it till after I was in the
navy.
Every farmer had a small tractor like that mostly the Ford 8N that
was used everyday do the smaller jobs around the farm. Even though
gas was only 20 cents a gallon back then you still didn't waste it.
The Oliver is still around. The plant supervisor at the flywheel
factory
owns it and bought it to use at his cabin.

The John Deere was replaced with a Farmall F-30 when we bought
our first baler with its own 4 cylinder motor on it. The John Deere
was
running a sawmill in a near by town when I last heard of it. When
we started baling hay we also bought a side delivery rake, 7 foot
mowers, and some newer wagons and we were cutting hay several
miles from the house. The Farmall had a road gear installed on it
which was a big gear that went on the engine and a small gear that
went on the neutral shaft on the transmission. When you put it in
neutral and engaged the road gear you could pull two loaded wagons
at 25 miles per hour. We had a couple of steep hills on our road,
one of which had a narrow bridge at the bottom, and I was instructed

to put the tractor in a lower gear on the hills. I was pulling two
wagons
full of hay with my brother on the second wagon watching for cars so

I could slow down and let them pass. My dad was following along
with the 1960 Chevy pick-up we had keeping an eye on me even though
I was almost 18 at that time. At the top of the hill with the bridge

instead of downshifting I gave it full throttle and headed for the
bridge.
When I went across the back wagon with my brother on it was whipping
from side to side so bad that it was scraping the bales against the
rails of the bridge. At the top of the hill I slowed down a little
bit
and my dad came around the wagons and tried to cut me off. I
could tell by the look on his face that I didn't really want to talk
to
him right then and I sped up and he was forced to get out of my
way. When we got to the house I expected an argument and a
boot in the butt which I probably deserved. My dad surprised me and
declared me an adult as he had been at my age and expected me to
make adult decisions in the future. My dad was brilliant. Instead
of being able to fall back on being just a dumb kid or a crazy
teenager, I was now a man and was expected to behave like one.
I still may never grow up completely but I did start thinking more
about what my dad would think if I made a mistake. Even now
when I do something stupid, I think that I am glad my dad isn't
here to see it even though I know he is probably still watching.

I'll wrap this up tomorrow and we will find something new to talk
about. Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Roast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only Don Rickles could get away with saying this stuff.......
But it is true!!!

Don Rickles Roasts the Dems....

Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the
accident?

Seriously, Senator Reid has the face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add
partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply
ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee
Herman
look like Mr. T. And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look
like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less
polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.

Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby,
you must've been something before electricity. Seriously, the
Speaker
may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that
fool
you.. She really is an idiot. Madame Speaker... want to make twelve
bucks the hard way? Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her
constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.

Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers
blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel's the only
man with a rent-controlled mansion. He's the guy who writes our tax
laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why
isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a
Nigerian Banker.

Barney Frank - he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone.
Consider... he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and
they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're
still heading up the financial system! Let's all admit it... Barney
Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. How did this guy
get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts. That's
the
state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!

You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open
wine bottles with him. Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local
newspaper calls you a "lying weasel", it may be time to retire.
Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel
looks up to him!

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you... especially
given your upbringing. All you've overcome... I heard your birth
certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don't know what
makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don't
think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of
thousands of others? Gibbs does his best expositional work in the
bathroom every morning.

As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama's
arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree. Now it's true when you enter
the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in
his back pocket. His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas
simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised
to find out his first name really was Barack. Just don't ask about
his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record... he actually
lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton. As far as his administration
-- what with the tax cheat and lobbyists -- well, in the words of
Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to
hump a doorknob out there."

With all due respect.

FOR THOSE THAT VOTED FOR "HOPE AND CHANGE"... BEND OVER AND
PREPARE
TO RECEIVE YOUR BOUNTY.

Gordon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Away Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies:

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2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
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anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain
and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I
return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be
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9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical
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Steve.

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Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old widow and widower named Mary and Steve get married.
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was
quick. They hoped they had enough strength to live through their
wedding
day and night. After the marriage ceremony, they retire to a nearby
hotel.

Both are very nervous. Cautiously they begin to undress in front of
each
other. In the process, Mary, the old woman, removes her false teeth
and
puts them in a glass. Mary then removes her prosthetic leg and leans
it
against the wall.

She looks up at her new groom and smiles nervously, and
Steve is intently watching... Mary continues. She removes
her bra which contains false inserts; she removes a glass
eye and gingerly places it in a special box on the
nightstand. Again she shyly smiles at her aged spouse, and Steve
continues to stare in an interested manner. As Mary takes off her
wig,
she realizes that Steve is not making much progress in getting
undressed.

He's stopped undressing and is just staring at her.

She asks him, "What are you waiting for?"

Steve quickly replies, "You know what I want. Take it off
and throw it over here!"

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Owl Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Red was seen going into the woods with a small package and a
large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned.
Her
friend, Goodwill Jen, had never seen Little Red looking so sad.

Goodwill Jen said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of
days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?"

Little Red replied, "Because I just can't get a man."

Goodwill Jen said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of
the
woods."

"Don't be so silly," Red said, "I know that. I went in the woods
because
I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't
find
it."

Goodwill Jen said, "I don't understand what you're
talking about."

Little Red replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I
took some dead mice and a bird cage."

"So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Jen.

Little Red said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man
is to have a good pair of hooters."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Egg Genie - Automatic Egg Cooker

Steam cook eggs to perfect consistently whether its soft, hard or
even medium boiled. Egg Genie has a light and sound indicator to let
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crispy bacon in your microwave.

Prepare perfect eggs with Egg Genie.

View Web Version

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pick-up Lines

Hi! I'm Mr. Right! I was told you were looking for me?

There you are! Where have you been? You were supposed
to be in my bed five minutes ago!

I'm here, you're here -- we already have something in common!

What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

Wanna swap microorganisms?

I don't want to kiss you -- I just want to tell your lips a secret!

Want to come over and meet my sheets?

I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

Are you busy tonight around 3am? Would you like to be?

I like your smile, but I'd probably rather see you scream.

Two trains are leaving their stations at the same time.
Both need to travel 1000 miles. If Train A is going 95
miles an hour, and Train B is going 85 miles an hour,
how long will it take for you to go out with me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wonder Hanger Closet Space Saver

Cramped closets mean wrinkled clothes. With Wonder Hanger you can
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View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/hangers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A beautiful woman is sitting on a train with an empty seat next to
her.
A cowboy dressed in a Stetson hat and fancy boots saunters over and
says, "Pardon me, ma'am, do you mind if I sit here?"

The woman looks up at him and says, "I most certainly do! Cowboys
are
disgusting! I hate cowboys! Cowboys are mean, crude, vile, and
uncouth!
I'll tell you something else I know about cowboys. Cowboys will
screw
anything! Cowboys will fuck sheep, they'll fuck cattle, they'll fuck
dogs, they'll fuck lizards, they'll fuck chickens
-- "

Suddenly the incredulous cowboy asks, "Chickens?"

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by
sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks
into
his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed. She
says, "Hi, Rabbi... I'm a little something extra that the president
of
the board paid for!" The rabbi is incensed! He picks up the phone,
calls
the board president and
says, "Greenberg, where is your respect? I am the moral leader of
our
community! As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you." The girl
gets
up and starts to get dressed. The rabbi turns to her and says,
"Where
are you going? I'm not angry with you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends

Melva w/Faith Found A Garden
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/Ga.html

CARRY A LITTLE HONEY
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/CARRALITTLEHONEY.HTML

John w/ Coat Of Many Colors
http://heavens-gates.com/country/coatofmanycolors.html

Rose Of Friendship
http://www.carolspoetry.com/oct06/3.html

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Surfin Surfari

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http://www.zipskinny.com/

Help to Quit Smoking Via Wesley
http://xrl.in/2o1b

Track Blood Sugar Online Via Wesley
www.sugarstats.com

Route Map & Directions On-line Via Wesley
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*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Wesley

Free Games for Mobile Phones !
http://xrl.in/1umx

Auto-Forward your E-Mails to Your Cellphone as Text Messages !
http://xrl.in/2o1g

Replacing a Power Supply Fan
http://www.driverheaven.net/guides/psumod/

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
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Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
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If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
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Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:

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*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.dailypuppy.com/

Kitty Korner
http://www.declawing.com/

Animal Behavior
http://abcmail.net.au/t/561680/813752/10920/0/

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

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Movie Clips

Office B
http://www.buffaloschips.com/skslkds.htm

Polaroid
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkala.htm

Porky Pig
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sddssd.htm

Redneck 911 Call
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsaa.htm

Redneck Crab Removal
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsD.htm

Hot Dog
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ytrf.htm

How To Blow Away A Deer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/5467.htm

How to get jail time for a speeding ticket
http://www.buffaloschips.com/65r7.htm

Hrbtno
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ujyg687.htm

Ice fishing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkljlkjo.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Worse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.

Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.

Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son developed an interest in religion.
Bad: He's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.

Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.

Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.

Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Worse: The secretary gets pregnant

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.

Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the striper

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Worse: He looks better than you do in them.

Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Worse: It's 25 miles to the nearest gas station.

Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Worse: He finds Mr. Right.

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's ten

Good: Your neighbour exercises in the nude.
Bad: She weighs 350 pounds.

Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Worse: He's the star of it.

Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Worse: You're arrested for passing one of the bills.

Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.

Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbours.
Worse: All of them.

Ross

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mighty Putty

The easy way to fix, fill and seal virtually anything.

Now can you repair any job big or small, thanks to Mighty Putty.
Mighty Putty is a super powered epoxy that you can mold to any shape

and can apply to any surface for an everlasting bond.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/putty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

car wash
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfjkdlfds.htm

case study
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjkkkfjjdl.htm

cat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jgdfgldls.htm

cat1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgjfdgs.htm

cat2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgjdfkgldlgjfd.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roberto-Rossi Professional

5 Piece Professional Stainless Steel Knife Set Only $19.99!

Each Forged Stainless Steel Knife Set includes:

* 10" Carving Knife
* 9" Bread Knife
* 8" Chef's Knife
* 5" Utility Knife
* 3.5" Paring Knife

Features of Roberto-Rossi Professional, Forged Stainless Steel knife
sets:

* Each knife is hand crafted
* Made of high quality stainless steel for an excellent_degree*
of
sharpness
* Forged for perfect_weight, balance and overall feel
* Conveniently, dishwasher safe
* 30-day 100 percent Satisfaction_Guarantee try them in your
home
for 30 days and if you don't absolutely love them, just send
them
right back to us

*Free_Magic Chopper the Magic Chopper is one of the best kitchen
inventions we have ever seen. This product will chop your vegetable
prep time in half.

Turn cooking into a joy with the best knife set you will ever own
and surprise your Mom with a gift she will be using every day for
years to come. Order Now!

http://buffaloschips.com/rossi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pooh Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bother," said Pooh. "I need a Zoloft."

"Bother," said Pooh, "it's your husband, and he has a gun."

"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet tastes like chicken."

"Bother," said Pooh. "I'm a boneless bear."

"Bother," said Pooh, "There's nothing in the closet today but
Zena-wear."

"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet is giving me heartburn."

"Bother," said Pooh, "I seem to have misplaced my favorite crack
pipe
again."

"Bother," said Pooh. "Is it still considered bestiality even if you
didn't
enjoy it?"

"Bother," said Pooh, "We are Winnie of Pooh. Resistance is futile.
Your
Hunny will be assimilated."

""Botehr" siad Pooh. "Mi Dylsexic,:

"Bother," sad Pooh. "Where did I leave my gawdammd Ritalin?"

"Bother," said Pooh. "Who put the nipple rings on Eyore?"

"Bother," said Pooh, "Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
fhtagn."

"Bother," said Pooh. "These fatigues are chafing me so."

"Bother," said Pooh, "my right breast is leaking."

"Bother" said Pooh. "Go on..." said the psychiatrist.

"Bother," said Pooh. "Crap."

"Bother" said Pooh, "I feel like I have a tree up my bum."

"Bother," said Pooh "Is that my prostate?"

"Bother," said Pooh. "I seem to have found the librarian's G spot."

"Bother," said Pooh, "I lost the handcuff keys in the hunny tree."

"Bother," said Pooh. "The burritoes gave me gas."

"Bother," said Piglet. "Stand upwind of P-p-p-pooh!"

"Bother," said Eeyore, "Poooooh's flatulent aaaahgain."

"Bother," said Pooh. "Christopher Robin had another one of THOSE
dreams
again. This might not wash out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!

Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
of high gas prices. buffalo

http://buffaloschips.com/hho

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Hispanic in Phoenix has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for
7
days.

When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in
charge says that since the loss occured over 7 days ago the vehicle
is
probably over the border and stripped for parts.

The Hispanic was heard to mutter as he left the station . . .
. . . " Damn Fucking Canadians".

rubin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flies Away

Stop swatting, shooing, and spraying and get the ultimate
green invention for getting rid of flies.

Protect your farm, your home, your property, and your
barbecues from fly invasion.

Just add water plus the bait and hang outside. That's it!

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Traps & Kills up to 20,000 flies!

Currently used by farmers, equestrians to get rid of flies.

Patented, bio-degradable and non-toxic bait, used by the U.S.
Military.

http://buffaloschips.com/fly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaz has always had a special way with the ladies. He is a regular
Don
Juan when it comes to impressing a chick at a bar. Case in point,
last weekend
I was out with Chaz and overheard him hitting on a young vixen with
one of
his best lines yet...

Chaz slithered up next to this gorgeous babe, turned to her and
said,
"Those clothes are very becoming on you!"

"Why, thank you!" replied the complimented hotty.

"Of course," continued Chaz, "if I was on you ... I would becoming
too!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get a new CPAP or BiPAP machine
Tibro Medical can help you qualify for a new CPAP or BiPAP machine
through your insurance provider. If you already have a CPAP or BiPAP
machine and your current supplier does not replace your supplies, we
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little or no cost to you through your insurance. Click Here to See
if You Qualify

http://buffaloschips.com/sleep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From BJ in Guthrie,

As it turned out, I needed every single prayer.
After the surgery, I flatlined, coded. I was awake
when it happened. The room filled with people
telling me to stay with them. Heck yes, it was my
prime intention to do so. They gave me a shot and
my heart started and all went okay. My BP was low
for a few days then went well. The surgeon said
in two more months, I would have been dead. He
has yet to explain what the heck is going on with my
ticker. I am going to switch heart doctors.

BJ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

 

 

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

 

"Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people."

 

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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I wish to thank all who wrote in voicing concerns about
the little motorcycle mishap I had the other day.
Not to worry, I am doing fine. It is interesting that one of
my readers suggested, according to statistics, that the average
cycle rider faces a fatal, or near fatal accident after 3
years of riding. Fatalities are a major concern.
60% of all fatalities with cyclists occur at night.
80% occur off roadway
two thirds of all fatalities involve excessive speed
High blood alcohol levels are a common factor
Half of all cycle accidents occur after a
motorcycle just negotiated a curve.

If you ride a motorcycle, don't let yourself be a statistic.
If you don't ride a cycle, be watchful.
A cyclist's life may depend on your eyes.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_______________

THE COMICS

I could be wrong
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k030.html

Mom!!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k031.html

what do you mean
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k032.html

lost his toys
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k033.html

the Jerry show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k034.html

boot camp
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k035.html

nature's print shop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k036.html
______________

 

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Evian bottled water babies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5846.html

respect
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5847.html

protect your pet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5848.html

need more space?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5849.html

Kingsford the pig
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5850.html

ball sparkles
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5851.html

A married couple both lost their jobs, and were having a hard time finding new jobs.
Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income.
The wife suggested that she could become a prostitute, but her husband
was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. But financial
necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband's
back to work the world's oldest profession. She came back one night
with a huge wad of cash, and confessed to her husband.
He was upset, but asked how much she made.
"$398.10," she said.
"Who paid ten cents?" he asked. "Everybody."
________________

A woman was in town on a shopping trip.
She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first
shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the
third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her
mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just
been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition
in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her
husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as
possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was
shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques.
She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her
trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake
slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband.
Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her
husband's condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and
finished your shopping trip, didn't you! I hope you're proud
of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours
enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing
in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead
and finished, because it will more than likely be the last
shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will
require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!'
The woman was feeling so guilty, she broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought.'
_____________

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes.
She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully
and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring
at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally.
To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a
ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male
parrot's neck. A while later, the local priest visits the old
lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar,
wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."
____________________

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who
had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.
En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his
level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what
we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him,
then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied,
"I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
_____________

BUFFALO Bill

Honest Stopper
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdqw.htm

Never Point An RPG at A Marine
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asasqwq.htm

Racism On A Plane
http://www.buffaloschips.com/zxasaq.htm
_________

FUN PAGES from Lorraine

Napoleon's Secret
http://tinyurl.com/clov8p

Beach Landing
http://tinyurl.com/l7zuf6

And They Chant His Name
http://tinyurl.com/kpxvyh
___________

SYDESJOKES LIST

Amazining Escape #1
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/toon1/000030.html

Amazining Escape #2
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/toon1/000031.html

Amazining Escape #3
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/toon1/000032.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

 

 

 

 

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[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Thurs

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

From The Archives

At the city's parades the Antique Tractor Association is always
present with their old tractors and engines. Most of them are
tractors that farmers were using every day when I was young.
Some like the International W-4, Farmall H and M, and the
Ford 8N are still everyday workhorses. When I was young my
dad's tractors were all on steel wheels. He used them in the
woods and pulley power for the buzz saw and only occasional
plowing for a garden. Steel Wheels are fine on dry hard ground
but hit a wet spot and the steel wedges on the wheels that give
you traction will have you buried to the frame in two spins.
The popular way to get out was to chain a fence post to the
wheel and let the tractor pull itself up on the post. If you
weren't careful the fence post would come around and knock
you out to the south forty like Babe Ruth.

The first rubber tired tractor we had was a Farmall F-20 made
in the mid 30's. It had 20 drawbar horsepower and would pull
a double bottom plow and it was a row crop tractor. This meant
that the front wheels were close together and if you hit a whole
or a plow furrow it would jerk the steering wheel violently out
of your hands. You always drove with your hands open on the
wheel and ready to hit the clutch. This let the wheel slip if you
hit something and prevented broken wrists or thumbs. The
other danger of the wheels turning suddenly was the chance of
a rollover. We all lost friends crushed under those type of
tractors,
all of who made the same mistakes of driving to fast for where they
were at. I never got a chance to drive the F-20. We had just got
a few cows and built a barn and we were taking In loose hay
using a mower, dump rake, and loader all designed for horses
that had a tractor hitch added. These all required someone to
operate them and as the oldest at 10 I was designated to ride them
and pull the levers and push the foot pedals. It was boring and
I was in a world of my own dreaming of being a fighter pilot
or such and I would dump the hay in random spots instead
of a straight line and my dad would be up on the tractor swearing
at me loud enough you could here him a half mile away.

Later after everything was dry you came back with a hay loader
hooked behind the wagon and the drum and the fingers picked
the hay up about ten feet in the air and dropped it on the wagon.
I was up there with a pitchfork spreading the hay out over the
wagon and packing it down till the hay got up above the hay loader.
I paid attention when I was doing this because if you got too close
to the edge of the wagon you fell off with a big chunk of hay.

I'll tell you some more tomorrow..... buffalo

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Pope Chips
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The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of
Alaska for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the campground
in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the
edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a
"Save the Whales" hat, and a "To hell with Bush" T-Shirt, was
screaming while struggling frantically, and thrashing around trying
to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came
racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The
other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat
from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers
finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their
truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the
back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come
over.

"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I
heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and
Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own
eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, "Who
was that guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with
Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he
doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait
holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get
another one?"

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Short Chips
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"I once made love for an hour and five minutes. It was on the day
you
push the clocks ahead."

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After giving the hired man a dressing down for being late in
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hand, "and from there on the mules couldn't understand a word I
said."

Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife
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nightstand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, " What is going

on here, who did this to you?"

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smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"

A senior nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital.

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The
men on this floor are almost well."

I had parked my car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking
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using that cart?"

"No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing."

As I walked toward the store, I heard her murmur, "Typical male."

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Little Johnny Chips
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2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire
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half.

3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk
duds. When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement
be sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can
eat some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs
really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water.
While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat.

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Short Chips
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In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my
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After noticing the label on her sandals read "Hecho en Mexico," he
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* I understand.
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Bad Chips
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Trivia Chips
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A Bit Of History Trivia You find these facts interesting, some of
which you may not know. Enjoy, learn and laugh!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was
either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington
showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while
others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters
were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how
many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore
painting them would cost the buyer more money.
Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.'
Hands were also extra and many rennaisance painters charged an extra
5 guilders for hands. (Artists know hands, feet and arms are more
difficult to paint)

*******

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a
year (May and October) It took a lot of time to prepare a bath.
Water had to be boiled a pot at a time and poured into the tub by
the help. Usually several people took a bath in the same water.
Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads because
of lice and wore wigs.. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made
from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would
carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for
30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the
term 'big wig.' Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig'
because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

*******
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many
women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women
would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their
complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman
began to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own
bee's wax.' Should the woman too largly smile, the wax would crack,
hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too
close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the
expression 'losing face.'
*******

In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only
one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall,
and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in
the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor or kneeling.
Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit
in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were
important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair
the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title
'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'
******* Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front or the
back. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced'. .
Wore a tightly tied lace. some would pull them down to 16 inches or
less in the corset. This made them more prone to fainting or
'getting the vapors' because they couldn't breath.
*******

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a
tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the
'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51
cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people
were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with
a full deck.' Early Tarot decks were designed to teach lessons in
symbolism and religion by early pagan Europeans because some pagan
religious teachings were outlawed by the catholic church on penalty
of death. The cards were good because one didn't need to know how
to read to intrepret them.
*******

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine
what the people considered important.. Since there were no
telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to
local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some ale'
and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many
assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here'
and 'You go sip there.' they were told. The two words 'go sip' were
eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we
have the term 'gossip.'
*******

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and
quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the
customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close
attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was
drinking in 'quarts,' hence the term 'mind your 'P's and Q's '
*******
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters
carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls.
It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However,
how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage
method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top,
resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a
supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right
next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the
bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The
solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round
indentations.

However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would
quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make
'Brass Monkeys..' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much
more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass
indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would
come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold
enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you
thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)
******

If you don't send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to any and
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beard s a crown of glory to be found in the way of righteousness. "
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Random Chips
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The bravest man in the world is the man who comes home drunk,
covered
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Confucius says ... Learn to masturbate--come in handy.

When I lived in an apartment complex, a good friend of mine lived
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The blonde peed on the floor because the sign said "wet floor."

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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow White was desperate for a fuck
She went to the woods to try her luck.

She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
and went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarfs came marching in,
with a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,
and thought she was in heaven,
originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"

So down he went onto all fours,
and said "I ain't licking that",
"Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a fucking queer"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho".
As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
and due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.

The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarfs left she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner than he had entered her,
And he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
that he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,
and shagged her fanny raw,
a dazed Snow White them whimpered.
"That should be against the law."

He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big prick"

With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My twat can't take no more!"

And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last dwarf DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarfs,
and how they got their names,
by satisfying Miss Snow White,
and joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's - What happened to that cup,
Well think of what you're drinking,
when you next buy 7-Up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!

Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
of high gas prices. buffalo

http://buffaloschips.com/hho

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July, 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over
60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying
object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep
and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is
a well known incident that many say has long been covered up
by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and
organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of
April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the
following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of
things for you. It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

Now You Know.

BJC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get a new CPAP or BiPAP machine
Tibro Medical can help you qualify for a new CPAP or BiPAP machine
through your insurance provider. If you already have a CPAP or BiPAP
machine and your current supplier does not replace your supplies, we
can also send you a new mask, tubing, and filter each month at
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http://buffaloschips.com/sleep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
95-year-old
Grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday
morning.'

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our
Advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
church bells would start to ring.

It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply, in on the Ding and out on the
Dong.'

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.

Gordon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flies Away

Stop swatting, shooing, and spraying and get the ultimate
green invention for getting rid of flies.

Protect your farm, your home, your property, and your
barbecues from fly invasion.

Just add water plus the bait and hang outside. That's it!

Flies Away makes your home a No-Fly Zone.

Traps & Kills up to 20,000 flies!

Currently used by farmers, equestrians to get rid of flies.

Patented, bio-degradable and non-toxic bait, used by the U.S.
Military.

http://buffaloschips.com/fly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Funzines - Video Fun A July 9, 2009

My website is gone.....I am bummed....

I just can't afford it anymore.

Boo Hoo

But I will be doing the ezines as always.

***********

Please, take a moment and click on some of my links

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Funny Stuff !  !
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**

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Please Click! 

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Order Dish Network, plans starting at just $19.99/mo.
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**

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I occasionally get very big videos and such.  

Let me know if you want them.

funzines@gmail.com

********

Thank you, Your Editor