Adult Adult
Join me in wishing a Herd Happy Birthday to SunAmy, one
of the longest contributors to the Chips
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been doing a lot of reading on decomissioned ships lately
due to the recent decommissioning of the Kitty Hawk and the return
of the Intrepid to New York City after 120 million dollar
renovation.
We did a 15 month overhaul on the Constellation for less than that
including modifications to fly the then brand new F-14. Part of the
Intrepid money went for the building of a museum to house a
Concorde.
Those that remember my stories about the Constellation might
remember that I discovered a story I had been told regarding the
fire
during the building of the Constellation had led to the hull numbers
being switched was actually a hoax or and Urban Legend that
a lot of people including the newspapers believed. When I was
reading
about the Midway Class CV-41-43 that were built during WWII
I found something that may have helped make the Constellation
Host plausible. The story told how the Coral Sea CV-42 had
become the Franklin D. Roosevelt CV-42 when he died during
construction and the Coral Sea name was given to CV-43
Here is the article from Wikipedia.
Before May 8, 1945, the aircraft carrier CVB-42 had been known as
USS Coral Sea; after that date, CVB-42 was renamed in honor of
Franklin D. Roosevelt, the late President, and the name Coral Sea
was changed to CVB-43. What is unknown to this day is, what Coral
Sea's name was prior to her renaming in 1945. After further
investigation many believe the original name of CV 43 was USS Leyte,
because the name Leyte was given the same day to USS Crown Point
(CV-32).[citation needed] The following is a quote from the reply to
in inquiry made to: (Public Affairs Officer Naval Historical Center
Washington Navy Yard 805 Kidder Breese SE Washington, DC 20374-5060)
on 18 June 2008 regarding the name of CVB-43 prior to being named
USS Coral Sea. "When CVB-42 was renamed from USS Coral Sea to USS
Franklin D Roosevelt, no name for CVB-43 had been determined. So
there was no "original" name for the ship. From my study of the WWII
Navy and it's ship naming policies, my educated guess is that it
would have been named USS Okinawa when the CVE of that name was
cancelled on 11 August 1945."
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
BTW I have the dreaded cold now and my head is in a fog so don't
be surprised by minor to major delays or mistakes.
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Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DEAR DIARY
Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he
locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell
me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't
noticed.
Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will
fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra,things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I
think this will work.I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping
to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing
that.
Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday,
at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. Hubby
thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very
nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of
mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm
also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.
And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat
whisky!What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black
and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even
my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth
or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has
become dangerous ...
Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going
to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that
"Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.
Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more
horny. Help me.
Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I
sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come
over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself...and he
did.
Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the
bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the
Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference..
Day 18. He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front
of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects
me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Extracts from the problem page of the famous Australian men's
magazine
"Cobbler's", starring the legendary "Uncle Bruce,"... the " agony
aunt
with Balls"
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I
am
beginning to wonder if they really are lucky as they have been there
for
two months. A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when
they
are sober anyway. Guess that means you've been pissed for two months
which makes you one lucky b@st@rd! Just on a medical note rubbers
are
good when you do an Abo as they are smelly b@st@rds, Oh and Roos
too,
helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old
girlfriend's vibrator on her. A. No worries. I've seen this before.
Women need reassuring. Tell the stupid bitch that you have cleaned
it
since you last used it. Sometimes Sheila's get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one up the shitter and now she wants
me
to do her mate. A. Eh mate you're from Melbourne right? No worries
mate,
as long as her mate is a Sheila it's ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, After my last Hockey game I got an erection in the
showers. Is this normal , I am a single guy and like girls. A. Nah
mate
you're queer. Only queers play hockey.
Q .Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we
have
sex. A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her
?
Q. Dear Bruce , I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather
trousers and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't
know
who to turn to. A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be
logical:
You're queer, no one likes you , get a gun, blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay. A.
Geez
mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognise the word
Foreplay. Then it struck me, Fore is what you shout in golf.. Jeez
guy,
men don't play golf with women but it's ok for her practice putting
with
your dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose.
What
do I do ? A. Deny ,deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever ,ever, ever
,ever admit to going with a kiwi.
Q. Bruce the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex.
What is it ? A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up
next
to a f*cking ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape rather
than
wake her, just like a dingo caught in a trap, and the other one is
when
you drink too much and your old boy it Dingo in and dingo hard.
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Short Chips
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Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked, "Who
was
the first man?"
"If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the embarrassed
coed, "I'd rather not tell."
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance
to
take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot
that
the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first
in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your
drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
Jill was using a power strip to plug her computer and
other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and
she was unable to shut down
the machine by using the power button. She phoned for computer help
and mentioned the power strip to tech support.
The tech told her to flip it off.
Jill said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel much better. Now what
do I do?"
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Sheep Chips
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Aussie
Poem
The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The
float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.
He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank. "Typical
bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense, "They won't
go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."
The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt She'd
stay
there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out. But when he
reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free And in her
haste to get away, began a swimming spree.
He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown. Her style was
unimpressive, her survival chances slim He saw no other option, he
would have to take a swim.
He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks. He
jumped into the water and away that cocky swam He caught up with
her,
somewhere near the middle of the dam
The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath She
showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.
She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then
round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed He
still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.
The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea But nor
was he prepared for what he was about to see.
He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe. And on
her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch The farmer yelling
wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"
The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: I had to break up with my boyfriend...
Mary: Isn't that a bit overboard Jill? At least give him a chance
to explain.
Jill: Oh no, I caught him lying.....in bed and on top
of another woman.
I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade
teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions. One kid asked,
"Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?" Which I
thought was a good question.
I said, "Only on Swedish women."
"My teacher is really giving me a rough time" Little Johnny told his
father.
"Well Johnny," said his father, "take special care with your
personal
appearance and attire, pay attention in class and do our assignments
and homework promptly, and you should be okay."
"I really don't think that'll help Dad," Little Johnny sighed. "She
told me during study break that she's three weeks overdue!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fiancee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Sadie and Irving are leaving the mall, they see their neighbor's
son
Paul and his fiancee Sharon just going in.
"Did you see that? " Sadie says.
"See what?" asks Irving, pretending not to know what Sadie is
referring
to.
"Paul's fiancee, that's who," Sadie says, "She's dressing all wrong.
She's probably 37-23-35 and with
big breasts like hers, she shouldn't be wearing such a skimpy see
through top. And such a tight leather skirt she's wearing - I don't
know
how she can breathe properly. And it's so short, it make her legs
look too long. I know she's got a beautiful face but I don't think
blonde dyed hair suits her. Believe me, Irving, that marriage won't
last
more than 1 year."
With a deep sigh, Irving replies, "Please God I should have such a
year."
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
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Pagan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK PAGAN IF....
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....your athame has been used to open a beer bottle.
....your coven has postponed a feast for NASCAR.
....your portrait of the goddess says "Miss September" along one
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....your Book of Secrets has a Rooster Andrews book cover on it,
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....you've ever cast love magick on livestock.
....your Sacred Marriage is accompanied by ZZ Top. On an 8-Track.
....your altar includes more than two Chia Pets, more than one
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....you've had to cancel making mead this year, because your hive
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....you've had to remind the missus not to sew poodle appliqués on
your Utili-kilts.
....your sister-in-law asked to incorporate a salute to Diana at the
last sabbat, and you made a special trip to Wal-Mart just to get
that Elton John CD.
....you've had to be reminded more than once that the term is
"sky-clad," not "buck nekkid."
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Limerick Chips
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Let's try it this new way," said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
"I should be affronted,
But this time I'm taken aback!"
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Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned--by trial and error.
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
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When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who plays cards one night a month with
a group of friends was concerned that she always
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11:30.
One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She
undressed in the living room and, purse over arm,
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husband sitting up in bed reading.
"Darn it woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seems appropriate considering the timing.....
While out campaigning, Old John stopped at a small village and
started
looking around for a stand to make his speech from. All he could
find
was a big pile of horse manure, so he climbed up on that and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the first time I have ever made a
Republican speech from a Democratic platform.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
From BJ in G uthrie
I was out of pocket last week because I had a serious seizure
Wednesday
that kept me out of work Thursday and Friday. I had cuts on my arm,
leg
head and brusing on the right side of my body. What made it bad was
Diana was in Texas and my dogs were outside. It took me thirty
minutes
once I was awake to get off the floor. Dear sweet Sandi was my
constant
companion since. I have slept 15 - 17 hours a day recovering from
this
ordeal. I probably need to get back on phenobarbitol. Sandi will
not leave
my side and is very protective. A friend brought over cookies and
Sandi
would not allow them to get within 20 feet of me. Very protective.
I was supposed to be in the film Sunday but could not, too bruised
and
supposed to be in it Wednesday, but I am done. I need to rest. My
vacation time is fading fast. Sorry about the Katie Kolumns, I will
resume
those tomorrow, maybe today. Diana did get in the movie Monday and
she
will be in it tomorrow.
BJ in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
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