Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Though I pause every November 10th to remember the Edmund
Fitzgerald,
it is only one of thousands of tragic accidents that have claimed
the
life of sailors on the Great Lakes. Because of the improvements in
ship construction and weather forecasting loss of life is now pretty
much those on fishing and pleasure craft but if we go back 100 years
or more the life of a ship and crew was indeed perilous when the "
Gales of November" struck. Those of you that watch The Weather
Channels Storm Stories with Jim Cantore last holiday season may have
seen the story of the Christmas Tree Ship, schooner Rouse Simmons.
The Simmons was a three masted Schooner that spent her summers
hauling lumber and goods between ports on Lake Michigan. Each year
around Thanksgiving she would make port near Manistique Michigan in
the Upper Peninsula and load thousands of pine and spruce Christmas
trees for the city of Chicago. Captain Herman Schuenemann, skipper
and owner of the Simmons sold his trees directly from the ship for
prices as low as a dollar and his habit of giving trees to the needy
had earned him the nickname of Captain Santa. He knew well the risks
of his trade as his own brother had died about fifteen years before
while bringing back another load of trees to Chicago but every thing
had its risks back then and the skipper hoped to make a profit in a
year when heavy snowfall had made trees hard to come by. On her way
South she was caught in a 60 mph gale and when seen off the
lifesaving station at Two Rivers Wisconsin her sails were tattered
and torn and she was foundering. A rescue team fought the waves but
were unable to rescue her crew of seventeen before she slipped below
the waves. Stories are told of those that have seen her as a ghost
ship floating on Lake Michigan and it is said if you visit the
captain's grave, which btw is empty, that you can smell the scents
of
Christmas trees coming from the grave. What happened to the crew? It
is said that a note was found on shore amongst the bundles of trees,
written by the first mate that said the whole crew had lashed
themselves together shortly before the boat sank. In a day without
survival suits and life jackets death from hypothermia occurs in
moments and they must have hoped to stay alive long enough for
rescuers to reach them.
Here are several links to sites about the Christmas Ship
Rouse Simmons Ship
http://voyage.
http://christmastre
Hey Over at Let's Bring Em Home they have 131 tickets ready to
go which surpasses last year and they are still trying to book some
more flights. ( They have 30 applications )
Donations received: $73,253.43
Miles donated: 667,500
Number of donors: 974
Amount still needed: $7,039.65
http://www.lbeh.
Those of you that have been following my updates know that
they have raised over 7,000 dollars and bought 13 more tickets
in two days. It is closed to the time when they will not be able to
book anymore flights because of a lack of discount tickets less than
a week in advance. If you have been waiting here is your chance to
put
a smile on a soldier's face.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking
for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested
a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This
seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young
man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was
the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot.
Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner
then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's
tune changed, and the air was filled
with: "Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper
and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When
the
wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So
the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's
left
foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle
Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's
right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What
if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not
know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife.
So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted
his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly
like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an
open fire...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
John's porn
http://www.thepostm
bullshit
http://www.thepostm
smarter than a fifth grader
http://www.thepostm
Fat Snowman
http://www.sydesjok
Fatal Error
http://www.sydesjok
Fatball
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a
full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in
the
spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all
over the country. It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert
dragged his mother to the toy department in a big department store.
Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to
talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby
horse. As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment,
Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and
forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after
a
quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock
for
a few minutes, then told him it was time to get off. Wilbert ignored
her. She began to beg; Wilbert paid no attention. She began to make
promises of sugarplums, etc., if only Wilbert would get off the
hobby
horse. He stuck his nasty little tongue out at her.
Then Santa himself, who had been watching this little family drama
out of the corner of his eye, stepped over and said to Wilbert's
mother, "Perhaps I can persuade your son to cooperate."
"I doubt that," said the mother, "but you're welcome to try." Santa,
with a big smile, whispered quietly into Wilbert's ear. Wilbert's
eyes grew very large, he quickly slid off the horse and took his
mother's hand.
Together, with no fuss, they left the store. As they drove home,
Mama
asked Wilbert what Santa had whispered to him. Wilbert was silent.
Mama began offering bribes (toys and German Chocolate
cake) if Wilbert would only tell Mama what Santa's words were.
Wilbert turned pale and wouldn't utter a word. What had Santa said?
Wilbert's mother was determined to find out. She had never been able
to get the kid to obey that easily, and decided it was worth a great
deal of effort on her part to discover what magic Santa Claus had
used on Wilbert. She continued to bribe him with a soft voice and
much cajolery, and Wilbert's stubborn streak finally faded. What did
Santa say?
Wilbert now answered: "He said, 'Listen, you little son of a bitch,
if you don't climb your ass the hell down off that horse right this
second, I'm going to kick the living shit out of you!' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rectal biopsies are a real pain in the ass
The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office
to tell me the good news: I was being promoted to Vice President of
Corporate Research and Planning. Of course, I was excited, but that
didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice
President of Corporate Planning and Research. "Why?" asked the
chairman. "Because," I said, "our organization uses abbreviated job
titles, and I don't want be known as VP of CRAP."
Gypsies are thought to be lousy loversbecause they have crystal
balls.
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in
the hell have you been? 'Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.
''A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get? ''I got
a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly. 'What the
hell were you thinking?! She said, shaking her head in disgust. 'Why
on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill Tattooed on
his privates?' Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once
in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money
feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping,
you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you
want. Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital
Mom took little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.
Doc. said, "How did such a thing happen?" Johnny said, "It's that
damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tiger Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tiger Woods Holiday Poem
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.
He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika.. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses,waitresse
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger's wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid."
She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year !!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I believe Santa Claus has to be Gay!
If you're not sure, look at some of these examples:
Christmas is a big, well organized, fully catered,
decorated, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social beverage
deal, and I have a tough time believing a
straight man could possibly pull it all off!
"Fairy lights". What about those over-the-top
decorations? A straight man
cannot even organize a matching shirt and tie!
Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have
time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a
bell all day. But if you're a Gay, out-of-work Actor/ Dancer/Waiter,
it's the perfect gig until you get your big break.
Also, if Santa was straight, he would have picked
an animal much more masculine than the reindeer
to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the
reindeer just happen to appeal to Santa's inherent
sense of grace and beauty.
Speaking of masculine, my dear, what about those
names for the reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
Vixen? You fill in the blanks.
Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons yet he's
never ever fathered a child with her. She's over-weight
and still content. Why I hear you ask? Can you say "Fag-hag"?
Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's Gay too!
Come on, you have thought about it too. "All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join
in
any reindeer games." As if he wanted to. Besides, isn't Rudolph
really only a metaphor for the Gay child living in a straight
society
anyway?
Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert
at Christmas time? Well, now you know. And stop
pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've
always liked fruitcake.
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!
And his outfit?? Red velvet with a white, fur collar?
Black, knee high boots and a thick black patent leather
belt. Just the attire all straight men rush to buy!
Darling, just think about it!!! Physically, he's a dream
come true for the Chubby Chaser Club and the perfect
"Bear" poster child.
Also, with his love of giving gifts, Santa's the perfect
Sugar Daddy for all those old sad aging queens who
don't like to work!
Which straight man has ever thought of using
"stockings" to hide their candy?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Christmas Story
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching
for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few
close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and
said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether
it's decorated or not!"
Dear Diary,
I was reminded today just how awful my wife's cooking was when we
were first married. Yes, it's cliché but it's true. It was so bad
that I teased her relentlessly. Recently, after an exceptionally
exquisite meal, I put my fork down and asked her to what she
attributed her acquired culinary mastery. She smiled a warm smile
and
looked at me as if I were an angel of light delivering divine
revelation. "Well," she said as her voice took on an ethereal
grace, "I believe it is a reflection of my heart. That the joy and
love I feel are manifested in my cooking, in my gardening, in our
children, in everything! I believe all things in life turn out well
if they are done soulfully and honestly." "Damn, baby," I said, my
head awhirl at the thoughts and sounds from the woman next to
me. "I'm going to call that shrink of yours and tell him he has
finally nailed the combination of Prozac, Lithium and Paxil!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Most Wonderful Time
http://silverandgol
Carolyn w/ Christmas Together ~ Walter Brennan
http://carolynsprec
Joan w/ A Story To Remember
http://alongpoetryr
Marlene w/Ave Maria
http://summerhoosie
From Kathryn/A Dream And A Smile
http://adreamandasm
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Let's Say Thanks
http://www.letssayt
Never Enough Lights - Videos 2009 Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Wreaths Across America
http://wreathsacros
Winterize Your Home
http://www.askthebu
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Graphics
http://www.christma
Christmas Games
http://www.merry-
Hyper Gurl
http://www.hypergur
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
Miracle Coyote
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Christmas Around The World
http://www.shangral
Come Adore Him
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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Movie Links
Scottish Song
http://www.buffalos
Sexy Kapper
http://www.buffalos
Showing Her Boobs On A Catwalk
http://www.buffalos
Sling Shot
http://www.buffalos
So Funny
http://www.buffalos
Korean
http://www.buffalos
Larry The Cable Guy 111
http://www.buffalos
Love Bird
http://www.buffalos
Love Hurts
http://www.buffalos
Megan True Love
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Clone"
To be sung to the tune of "Home On The Range."
Oh, give me a clone
Of my own flesh and bone
With its Y-chromosome changed to X
And when it is grown
Then my own little clone
Will be of the opposite sex.
(Chorus)
Clone, clone of my own,
With your Y-Chromosome changed to X
And when I'm alone
With my own little clone
We will both think of nothing but sex.
Oh, give me a clone
In my sorrowful moan
A clone that is wholly my own.
And if she's an X
Of the feminine sex
Oh, what fun we will have when we're prone.
(Chorus)
My heart's not of stone,
As I've frequently shown
When alone with my own little X
And after we've dined
I am sure we will find
Better incest than Oedipus Rex.
(Chorus)
Why should such sex vex
Or disturb or perplex
Or induce a disparaging tone.
After all, don't you see
Since we're both of us me
When we're having sex, I'm alone.
(Chorus)
And after I'm done
She will still have her fun
For I'll clone myself twice ere I die.
And this time without fail,
They'll be both of them male
And they'll ravage her by and by.
(Chorus)
Sometimes the origin of a piece is more interesting than the piece
itself. Here is one example:
In 1976, Isaac Asimov was lecturing on clones in San Jose,
California. In the audience was his good friend and fellow science
fiction author, Randall Garrett. During the lecture, Garrett wrote
the first verse and chorus of the poem and sent it to the podium.
Asimov stopped his lecture and read the verse to the audience. He
then improvised the rest of the song.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
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Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cat evil art form
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cat pack
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cat porn
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cat sleigh
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cat catch up
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
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Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Buff,
Dug this on out of my 'memory bank.'
I learned this one back in 47' or 48' -- As I grow older, I've come
to realize that the memory is a strange thing -- I forget what I go
into the kitchen for and yet I can remember a dirty poem from 50 -
51 years ago. Hmmmm... ?
BTY - keep up the good work. Really look forward to your daily
clean/adult joke lists. Most of your 'military' stories, along with
your weather repots from your area are a 'boot'. You and the family
take care and have a safe and Merry Christmas.
-
Ken, from GALT, CA.
-
-
'THE GROOVING OF DAN McGREW' - [R]
-
A bunch of the boys were hooping it up in one of the Yukon Halls,
The kid who handled the music box, was steadily scratching his
balls.
-
The Fargo Kid has his hand on the box of a certain gal named Lou,
And there on the floor, on top of a whore, lay 'Dangerous Dan
McGrew.'
-
Now, out of the night, black as bitch and into the 'den' in the
smoke,
Came a musty old prick, just in from the creek, with a rusty old
load in his poke.
-
He shouldered his way through the flea bitten crowd, as he clutched
the crouch of his pants.
He acted like a man with the dose of the 'clap' and the last stage
of the 'St. Vitas' dance.
-
In ragged clothes he stood ready to 'hose' any bitch that came his
way,
He dangled his 'dong' with his talloned hand, and he howled that he
wanted to play.
-
His trousers were split and covered with spit, that hung like the
white of an egg,
His balls hung low and swung to and fro, each time he moved his leg.
-
His face was as red a a baboons ass, as the passion within him
burned,
He lunged out his jock, to display to the flock, and everyone's
asshole squirmed.
-
The lights went out and I ducked to the floor, as the stranger
sprang in the dark,
His aim was true and the sparks sure flew, as his 'donnicker' found
its mark.
-
With might and main and a howl of pain, a man's voice filled the
room,
With sighs and moans and cries and groans, three forms lay stretched
in the gloom.
-
The lights came on and the 'stranger' rose, with a satisfied look on
his pan,
And there on the floor, with his
'asshole' tore, lay 'Cornholed,' Dangerous Dan
-
--author unknown
Submitted by:
Ken Poirier -- (c. 1948)
kennymouse.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old little man named Joe Spiving
Was arrested for drinking and driving.
The cop said, "Don't you think
That you might spill your drink
And get stains on your new leather lining?"
There was a young engineer named Miss Holt,
Who had an assistant as spry as a Colt.
When she asked for a screw,
What did the young man do,
But offer her two nuts and a bolt.
An opera tenor in Rio
Had vocal cords where he did pee-o.
As he jerked on his dong
It broke into a song,
Most notably, "O Solo Mio."
When a corpulent spinster named Snow
Was approached by a dwarf for a blow,
She replied, "I have pride!
Your request is denied!
I could never, sir, stoop quite that low!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
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Center focusing wheel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A petrol station in country QLD was trying to increase its sales, so
the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a
local
pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The
owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex.
The bloke then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same bloke come along, with his mate, Bluey,
pulled
in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor
again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct
number.
The bloke guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it
was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the bloke said to his mate, "I think that
game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Blue replied, "No, it ain't, Bill. It ain't rigged -- my Missus won
twice last week."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1740
Medicare
Rudy: Why are you looking so confused Pops?
BJ: I have to enroll in medicare. It is so confusing guys. There
is a
host of Plans, Plan A, B, D, F, G all the way up to Plan L.
Sandi: Wow.
Katie wearing her salesman outfit: I have a great plan for you
here.
It costs only six dollars a month. It provides total coverage.
BJ: Really what are the exceptions Katie.
Katie turning her back and mumbling....
BJ: I can't quite hear you Katie. What plan is this?
Katie: Oh it is plan X. We kiddingly refer to it as Plan X from
outer
space.
BJ: Let me read the fine print Katie.
Katie: You don't want to do that father.
BJ: Yes, I do, let me read it... mmm. It only provides coverage
during
the hours of 3 am and 4 am in the state of North Dakota during
Feburary 29th, on Wednesdays.
Katie: But it is total coverage for that hour!
BJ: I think I will pass Katherine.
Katie: I do not sell many of these policies father.
BJ: I think I know why and the name of the company.
Katie: Oh, the Fly-By-Night Insurance Company and their motto: We
Have been in Business for twenty days.
Sandi: I will get a policy.
Rudy: Me to.
BJ: Heck I will to.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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