Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The other day I had Buffy call me on her cell phone so I
could see if it was still working. We hadn't had any calls for
about three and I thought the ringer was broke, but I should
have left well enough alone. About 10 min the first call from
one of the political campaigns and it hasn't stopped sense.
They have no respect for the laws that telemarketers must
adhere to as far as time or days of the week and they are
not covered by Do Not Call. The law was probably hot written
that way originally but as soon as Congress got it they probably
unanimously dropped political callers from Do Not Call first thing.
These people are not as Nasty as the ones we heard from two
years ago. They were interactive and would tell you your choice
was a jerk and you were an idiot for thinking about voting for them,
well actually that was just my aunt and uncle but believe me the
campaigners were just as bad. This year they are pre-recorded
and instead of telling you you are wrong they just tell you some
half truths to try to change your mind like, If elected this man intends
to strip your pension fund and divide it among his ex-wives. Then
that candidate's campaigner calls and says that his opponent wants
to make abortions legal from conception to age 19 and he wants to
take your chrome plated Smith and Wesson and melt it down for
the bumper on a smart car.
It is basically like not attending class for the past two years and trying
to do the final from the Cliff's Notes. You are probably going to get all
of the answers wrong.
Enjoy the chips and we will see you down on the farm.... buffalo
Tis The Season
This stuff is really good with some Captain Morgan's added
Mulled Cider
4 cup apple cider (or unfiltered apple juice)
2 tbsp grenadine syrup
4 whole cloves
4 pinch cardamon pods , 4 pods, slightly crushed
1 cinnamon sticks , cut in 2-inch pieces
1 oz fresh lemon peel , cut in 2-inch strips
1 oz grated orange peel , or cut in 2-inch strips
Directions
1 In a medium saucepan, combine the apple cider with the grenadine,
cloves, cardamom, cinnamon, lemon and orange zest.
2 Heat the cider until small bubbles appear around the edges of the
liquid. Reduce the heat, keeping the cider warm enough so that steam
rises from the surface. Hold it at this point for 20 minutes.
3 Remove the spices and zest from the pan. Pour the cider into clear
punch cups or mugs and serve.
Enjoy the chips they go well with cider.... buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snake Chips
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Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.
Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux , you see dat ole barn out dere? Well
man, its completely infestered wit' rats. I tried everything I know
an' can't get rid of dem."
Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know zactly how to get rid of dem rats.
You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors."
Thibodeaux say, "Whats a bull constriptor?"
Boudreaux explains, "Man. Dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves
to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once."
Well, da nex' day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and
bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got.
He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle
and just sat dere and watched.
Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time, I mean long, an dere
wasn't nuttin' happenin'. Dat big o le snake jus curled up hiself in
da middle of dat barn and slept all day. He didn't even move and dem
rats jus run all around.
Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da
phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake. Dem rats
is still runnin' al around an' dat snake jus lays dere sleepin' all
day long."
Boudreaux say, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat
snake some Viagra."
Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?"
Boudreaux say, "I was just listening to da radio and de man say dat
Viagra is da best t'ing to use for a reptile dysfunction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Internet Chips
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What Is The Internet ? - A FAQ For Beginners
Q. What's a FAQ ?
A. This text is.. it means "Frequently Asked Questions"
Q. Oh, so it's not a dirty word then ?
A. No, - it just sounds a bit like one.
Q. So, What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government,
business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 12-year-old named Kevin.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the
popular commercial "on-line" services, such as AOL,
CompuServe, Netscape Online, BT Internet, etc, etc,
which will give you their program disks for free. Or,
if you just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak
in some night and install their programs on your
computer when you're sleeping. They are really
desperate for your business with them.
Q. What are the benefits of these services?
A.The major benefit is that they all have simple, "user-friendly"
interfaces that enable you -- even if you have no previous computer
experience -- to provide the on-line services with the information
they need to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card
bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
Q. How?
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us
have been trying for years to cancel our on-line
service accounts, but no matter what we do, the
charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of
entering the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an anaesthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean What if my children also use my Internet
account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal
organs over to the on-line service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do
once I'm connected to an on-line service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things!
No end to the number of things you can do!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK! I have one! You can chat.
Q. Chat?
A. Chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of
people all over the entire globe, you can chat with
total strangers, many of whom are boring and stupid!
Q. Sounds great! How does it work?
A. Well, first you decide which type of area you wish to
chat in. Some areas are just for general chatting, and
some are for specific interest groups, such as Teens,
Poets, Cat Lovers, Religious People, Gays, Gay Teens Who
Read Religious Poetry to Cats, and of course Guys Having Pointless
Arguments About Sports. At any given moment, an area can contain
anywhere from two to dozens of people, who use clever fake names
such as "ByteMe2" so nobody will l know their real identities.
Q. What are their real identities?
A. They represent an incredible range of people, people
of all ages, in all kinds of fascinating fields from
scientists to singers, from writers to wranglers, from
actors to athletes -- you could be talking to almost
anybody on the Internet!
Q. Really?
A. No. You re almost always talking to losers and hormone-crazed
13-year-old boys. But they pretend to be writers, wranglers,
scientists, singers, etc.
Q. What do people talk about in chat areas?
A.Most chat-area discussions revolve around the
fascinating topic of who is entering and leaving the
chat area. A secondary, but equally fascinating topic
is where everybody lives. Also, for a change of pace,
every now and then the discussion is interrupted by a hormone-crazed
13-year-old boy wishing to talk dirty to women -- or to other
13-year-old boys. To give you an idea of how scintillating the
repartee can be, here's a re-creation of a typical chat area
dialogue (Do not read this scintillating repartee while operating
heavy machinery.)
LilBrisket: Hi everybody
Wazootyman: Hi LilBrisket
Toadster: Hi Bris
Lungftook: Hi B
LilBrisket: What's going on?
Toadster: Not much
Lungftook: Pretty quiet
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
LilBrisket: No
Toadster: Nope
Lungftook: Sorry
(LONGISH PAUSE)
UvulaBob: Hi everybody
Toadster: Hi UvulaBob
Lungftook: Hi Uvula
LilBrisket: Hi UB
Wazootyman: Hi U
UvulaBob: What's happening?
LilBrisket: Kinda slow
Toadster: Same old same old
Lungflook: Pretty quiet
Jason56243837: LilBrisket, take off your panties
LilBrisket: OK, but I'm a man
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: UvulaBob, are you from Texas?
UvulaBob: No.
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Lungftook: Well, gotta run.
Toadster: 'bye, Lungflook
LilBrisket: Take 'er easy, Lungster
Wazootyman: See ya around, Lung
UvulaBob: So long, L
(LONGISH PAUSE)
PolypMaster: Hi everybody
LilBrisket: Hey, PolypMaster
Toadster: Yo, Polyp
UvulaBob: Hi, P
PolypMaster: What's going on?
LilBrisket: Not much
Toadster: Pretty quiet
UvulaBob: Kinda slow ...
And so it goes in the chat areas, hour after riveting
hour, where the ideas flow fast and furious, and at
any moment you could learn some fascinating nugget of global-network
information, such as whether or not PolypMaster comes from Texas.
Q. I've heard that people sometimes use Internet chat
areas to have "cybersex." What exactly is that?
A. This is when two people send explicitly steamy
messages to each other, back and forth, back and
forth, faster and faster, hotter and hotter, faster
and faster and hotter and harder and harder until
OHHHH GODDDDDDDD they suddenly find that they have a
bad case of sticky keyboard, if you get my drift.
Q. That's disgusting!
A. Yes.
Q. Could you give an example?
A. Certainly
( Continued below)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Net Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Born2Bone: I want you NOW
HunniBunni: I want YOU now
Born2Bone: I want to take off your clothes
HunniBunni: Yes! YES!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your clothes
HunniBunni: OH YESSSS
(LONGISH PAUSE)
HunniBunni: Is something wrong?
Born2Bone: I can't unhook your brassiere
HunniBunni: I'll do it
Born2Bone: Thanks. Oh my god! I'm touching your,
umm, your...
HunniBunni:Copious bosoms?
Born2Bone: Yes! Your copious bosoms! I'm touching
them!
HunniBunni: YES!
Born2Bone: Both of them!
HunniBunni: YESSS!!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your panties!
HunniBunni: You already did.
Born2Bone: Oh, OK. You're naked! I'm touching your
entire nakedness!
HunniBunni: YESSSSSS!!!
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
Born2Bone: No
HunniBunni: No
Born2Bone: I am becoming turgid in my manfulness!
HunniBunni: YES! YES YOU ARE!! YOU ARE A BULL! YOU
ARE MY GREAT BIG RAGING BULL STALLION!
Wazootyman: Hey, thanks
HunniBunni: Not you
Born2Bone: I AM A STALLION! I AM A RAGING, BULGING
BULL STALLION, AND I AM THRUSTING MY ... MY ... ummm ...
HunniBunni: Your love knockwurst?
Born2Bone: YES! I AM THRUSTING MY LOVE KNOCKWURST
INTO YOUR ... YOUR...
HunniBunni: Promise you won't laugh?
Born2Bone: Yes
HunniBunni: My passion persimmon
Born2Bone: Ha ha!
HunniBunni: You promised!
Born2Bone: Sorry. OK, here goes I AM THRUSTING MY
MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION
PERSIMMON!
HunniBunni: YES! YES! YES!
Born2Bone: OHHH! IT FEELS SO GOOD!! I FEEL POWERFUL!!
HunniBunni: YOU ARE POWERFUL, BORN2BONE!! I FEEL
YOUR POWER INSIDE ME!!!
Born2Bone: IT FEELS LIKE, LIKE ...
HunniBunni: Like what?
Born2Bone: IT FEELS JUST LIKE, OHMIGOD ... OHMIGOD ...
HunniBunni: TELL ME, BORN2BONE!! TELL WHAT IT FEELS
LIKE!!
Born2Bone: OH LORD IT FEELS LIKE... IT FEELS LIKE
WHEN I BREAK A TIE VOTE IN THE SENATE!
HunniBunni: What did you say?
Born2Bone: Whoops
HunniBunni: It feels like when you break a tie vote
in the Senate?
Born2Bone: Umm, listen, what I meant was ...
HunniBunni: This is you, isn't it, Al? ISN'T IT??
YOU JERK!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ATTENDING A STATE
FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Born2Bone: Tipper?
HunniBunni: Whoops
Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the
Internet?
A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein
people, by posting messages, discuss political topics
of the day.
Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.
Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example,
fans post messages about how much they love Barry
Manilow, and other fans respond by posting messages
about how much they love Barry Manilow, too. And
then sometimes the forum is invaded by people
posting messages about how much they hate Barry
Manilow, which in turn leads to angry counter
messages and vicious name-calling that can go on
for months.
Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.
Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.
Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all
titillating. Often you'll find highly scientific
discussions that expand the frontiers of human
understanding.
Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. Indeed it is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bull Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside
a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned
off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments,
"See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen,
this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some
10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this
comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary
specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That's once a day, every day of the year! How about
YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back,
"Sure, once a day!....... But ask the auctioneer if
they were all with the same cow!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade
6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up
on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male
students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three
days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to
title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She
quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more
severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around
again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out
laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny
leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Washday
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/W_D.html
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
Cherished Love
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/CherishedLove.htm
A New Season
http://www.poetrybyken.us/lpoems52/ANewSeason.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
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Surfin Surfari
Camp Blood: The Home of Jason Voorhees
http://campblood.shiversofhorror.com/
Freddy Krueger File
http://www.houseofhorrors.com/freddy.htm
Boris Karlof Links
http://www.karloff.com/links.html
Chucky in Child's Play
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094862/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Tandem Colors
http://tandemtables.com/COLORS/
Gifs - Continental Divide
http://www.angelfire.com/ga/jakkip/linesbars.html
Upgrade from Windows Vista to Windows 7.
http://tinyurl.com/win7V2W7
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://whiteshadow.com/Default.htm
Kitty Korner
http://www.petplace.com/cat-videos.aspx?p=19
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Movie Links
Candid Camera Africa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajakk.htm
Clean Your Glasses
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Dimitri The Stud
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhdjd.htm
DNA Test
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Dronkrn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhdksk.htm
Microsoft No More Keyboards
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Monkey's helping Hands
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskslla.htm
Moose family
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gmksla.htm
More Fishing With Bill Dance
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahsjsk.htm
Mortar Fire
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjakaka.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her
on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of your control
top panty hose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts
and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his
penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this
up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the vibrator and your
brother!"
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mum", he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied .
A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first
visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you,"
the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not
surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later.
I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and
no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but
after them my pussy got really sore."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nmklljl.htm
bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/llkouijn.htm
beer goggles
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jooiuy.htm
before sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/yyuuiio.htm
bitchin head
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bite my ass
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old lady named Mabel
Who said, 'I don't think that I'm able;
But I'm willing to try
So where should I lie -
On the bed, on the floor or the table?'
________________________
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.
________________________
There was an old maid from Luck,
Who took it into her head to fuck.
She was about to resign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to suck."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in 2001. A
dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually said
"General Store," and that was it.
There was a little old man sitting in front of the store in a rocking
chair. I said to him, "What do you folks do around here?"
He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' screwing."
I said, "What do you hunt?"
He said, "Somethin' to screw."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1911 Val, the Destroyer BJ: So tell me Diana, how
is the halter working for Val?
I realize she does not like the leash at all as did Rudy and Rudy responded
to a halter then finally to a leash.
Diana: Well, it worked to a point.
BJ: What do you mean, to a point?
Diana: When I put the halter on her and hooked the leash to it, she did
pretty well. Then a little later, she had the halter off.
BJ: How did she do that?
Diana: Seems like she chewed it off. Rather she chewed it, the halter in two
and freeded herself. So I do not really know if the halter did any good or
not.
BJ: That little hussey.
Diana: I have stronger words than that, but yours will do fine.
The herd <!--.style1 {font-size:x-small}-->
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
