Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
After a search last night of Buffy's place we finally found the
Christmas tree and missing decorations in the living room
closet. Sandy and I could both remember taking them over
to Buffy's but after careful thought we realized that I had taken
them over there in the little Jimmy and not the big Jimmy so
it was actually two years ago that we were thinking about or
maybe longer. After the traditional argument and everyone going
back to their corners, I started assembling the tree and checking
light strands. Eva was on hand and started putting ornaments
on the bottom six inches of the tree and I started playing Christmas
Carols from You tube. Buffy came back out and started putting
the lights and garlands on and Sandy came back out and put
the ornaments on the rest of the tree and set out all of the
knick-knacks
around the living room. By the time we got done everyone was back
in the Christmas spirit and I was playing Elvis songs for everyone.
I never was a big Elvis fan because I was 5 years old when he made
his
first hit and didn't really listen to his music till he made his
comeback
in the late 60's with songs like In The Ghetto and Suspicious Minds
but I knew the 20 or so songs I played.
Anyhow the tree is up and now barring any cat climbing incidents
we will only have to worry about putting the ornaments back on that
Eva plays with.
LBEH Update
147 tickets completed
Donations received: $76,121.25
Miles donated: 667,500
Number of donors: 1013
Amount still needed: $8,231.99
http://www.lbeh.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Potty Pad
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Osama Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Rebecca comes home from first grade and tells her father that
they learned about the history of Christmas. "Since Christmas is for
Christians and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for
giving someone a Christmas card?
Rebecca's father thinks! a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God
would get mad. Who do you want to give a Christmas card to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock?
"Well", she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
could have enough love to give Osama a card, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little
bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent cards to Osama, he'd
love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to
tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone
anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride.
Rebecca, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Rebecca says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the
Marines could blow the shit out of him and send him back to hell
where he belongs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
christmas eve
http://www.thepostm
dear santa
http://www.thepostm
rescue
http://www.thepostm
Female Builder
http://www.sydesjok
Female It Experts
http://www.sydesjok
Feminist Dice
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safety Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Holiday Safety Hints"
1. Do not overload electrical circuits. No more than three
sets of lights to one extension cord. and no more than 3 drinks to
one
decorator !
2. Check all lights for damaged sockets, plugs or cords.
Repair or replace anything that looks defective. replace hubby ?
3. Only use UL or FM labeled extension cords. the ones in the
yearly stash
marked XMAS cords
4. Don't run electrical cords under rugs or carpeting. across open
bare
floors is ok
5. Turn off all electrical decorations before leaving
home or going to bed. soon, the guv'mint will tell us this is the
law, for
our own good !
6. Be sure that lights used outside are clearly marked
for outdoor use. car headlights ?
7. Be careful when using ladders outside to decorate
home exteriors. Do not place lights in trees near power
lines. early 4th of July display may occur
8. Fasten outdoor lights securely to the exterior to
protect the lights from wind damage. Use only insulated
staples to hold strings in place, not nails or tacks. men, by
nature, will
not adhere to this one
9. Never use electric lights on old metal artificial
trees. artificial tree ???
10. Keep all light strings out of reach of small children. and
cats....this
one is impossible
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smoke Assist
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smoke smell on your clothes, in your home or work.
Get the Smoke Assist E-Cigarette at no charge with the purchase of
20 cartridges and S&H
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were at the pharmacy when I found a treasure. It was a bag of
Gold Chanukah Coins (Gold Foil-covered chocolate). There were many
sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home and my son and I
opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the bigger
dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.
The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to
pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed
that our son had picked up a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch
him, he took it up to the counter and asked the Pharmacist, "What's
this?"
The woman, looking very serious, said, "That's a condom, son."
To which my son replied, "My daddy BOUGHT me some of these!"
With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied, "Those
are NOT for children, young man."
And finally, my son replied, "Then I'll buy this one for my Daddy.
He likes the LITTLE ones,,,"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher
was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the
kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy,
"My name is Bob Fuckhauer."
Upset, the teacher said very loudly, "THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT KIND
OF BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASS THIS YEAR, now Bob; tell me your real name!"
The kid said, "No, really teacher, it is Bob Fuckhauer. You can go
across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't
believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went
across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office
for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class,
"Do you have Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even
get a damn cookie break!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
Say goodbye to counter clutter forever with Power Dock. Keep your
cell phone, charger, music player and more without any tangling.
Hooks are also attached for hanging keys. Stay organized, charged
and ready to go whenever, wherever - from your home to your office.
Order today and we'll double the offer.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He
talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then
shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the
Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and
accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
Mini Sew-Wonder is the new cordless sewing machine. It's as powerful
as a full size machine, but lightweight, battery/AC adapter powered
and can be used right out of the box. Forget the hassle of ordinary
sewing machines that can be bulky and heavy.
Get the job done with Mini Sew-Wonder.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tree Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man
1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its "sell by"
date.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman
1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you
have had
in the past.
2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical
devices.
3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial
one in the
closet.
4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the
curb and
have it hauled away.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas
trees.
8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in
the
back of your pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
tumble in your dryer. The Dryer Maid is like thousands of tiny lint
brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
into your lint trap for quick disposal.
Save money and time for only $14.99 + S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Let Me Be A Child
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Rick w/ The Gift Of Christmas (New Page)
http://www.wtv-
The Gife Of Love
http://www.loratrue
From Kathryn/How I Love Ya
http://adreamandasm
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Military Tribute Via Carol
http://media.
Plants of the Winter Solstice Via Dianne
http://www.fs.
html
Simon Sez Santa
http://www.simonsez
Claus.com
http://www.claus.
Santa's Favorite Recipe
http://www.santas.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Clip Art
http://holidays.
Christmas Coloring Book
http://www.free-
Christmas Stories
http://holidays.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.chihuahu
Kitty Korner
http://www.kids-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Streaker Goal
http://www.buffalos
Sunrise Gold
http://www.buffalos
Super Gra
http://www.buffalos
Surprise During Meal
http://www.buffalos
Surprise Her Mechanics
http://www.buffalos
Nextel Dance Party
http://www.buffalos
No Fear
http://www.buffalos
Bad Luck
http://www.buffalos
Boogie Woogie
http://www.buffalos
Ford Police Chase
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wedding Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During WWII, an American Army Captain stationed in England met and
fell in love with a British Lieutenant in the WRENS. After a
whirlwind courtship, they became engaged and his fiancée wanted him
to spend the weekend at her parents' home in the country so they
could meet him.
When they arrived at a huge estate, a Rolls Royce was parked in
front of a circular driveway with a staff of a dozen maids, butlers,
gardeners, etc., standing at attention awaiting their arrival. It
was obvious to the Yank that his fiancée was no ordinary Brit, but
of the nobility. Her parents were absolutely taken by her choice of
a husband and a delightful weekend was enjoyed by all.
When the Yank returned to his headquarters outside London, he went
to the British liaison officer's office, explained what had
happened, and asked what the proper protocol would be for him at the
wedding.
"At the wedding, pretty much the same as your American weddings, I
would say, but a bit more elaborate. The big difference would be
after the wedding. You will both have connecting rooms in the
Claridge. You will both go to your separate rooms, where you will
bathe, apply cologne, put on your pyjamas and robe, and go to the
door connecting your two rooms. You will rap on the door. She will
answer, 'yes,' and you will say, 'I offer you my honour.' She will
respond, 'I honour your offer.' That is your permission to enter her
room. After that, it's honour and offer all night."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jupiter Jack - Safely talk & drive at the same time.
Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
you have a hands free device that projects your voice through your
speakers for less than half of what one would cost you anywhere
else.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Concrete Vibrator
http://www.buffalos
Condom
http://www.buffalos
Condom Stogo
http://www.buffalos
cave search
http://www.buffalos
cclub
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man named Hyatt,
Who's sexual habits were a riot,
From horses to hens,
To mices and mens,
If it had a hole, he would try it.
************
I chase all the girls when I'm spunky
A five day a week sexual junky
I tend not to stray
On Tues- or Wednesday
On those nights I spank my own monkey.
************
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the lighter side - this joke explains all you need to know about
Israeli-Palestinian politics. It was sent to me by a friend of our
organization, I am sure you may recieve it from other sources:
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
The Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of
rage.
The German - carefully washes the copy, sterilizes it and makes a
new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra
with no charge.
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the
Chinese, drinks tea and uses the extra money to invent a device that
prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his
coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from
the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to
purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the
Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are
all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his
cup of tea to the Palestinian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One time when I was visiting Toronto I asked a chap where I could
find
a good house of ill repute. He gave me an address and said to ask
for
Sally. I went to the address and requested Sally. She took me to a
room, stripped down and said, "Go ahead, but let me know how it is."
After a few minutes I said, "It's not bad but a bit loose." She
said,
"Get off for a moment." I did that and she reached down and fiddled
about with her privates. "Try it now." she said. I did and found it
better but still a bit loose, so I told her so. She repeated her
actions and when I tried it again it was perfect. When we were
finished and I was paying her I asked, "How do you manage to adjust
it's size to fit anyone?" "Well," she said, "I've been in this
business for some time and have developed warts on one side and
wormholes on the other. I just button them up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1742
Back to the Lab
Katie is bored. She heads to the lab in her dog house. In the lab
there
are still a few Robo-Katies that were created by the evil Robo-Katie
before she broke. The purposes of these robots are unclear, some
have
been harmless, just radios, some have been dangerous. But today,
Katie is curious.....
Katie: Hmmm, I wonder what Robo-Katie #713 does? I can just power
it on a little bit and I do have the remote control in case anything
happens...
Click! Lights flash and the Robot powers up.
Robo-Kate: Chess anyone?
Katie: Oh this is harmless, it just wants to play chess. I will
get father
he loves to play chess.
A few minutes later....
Katie: And it seems harmless enough, it just wants to play chess
father.
BJ: Okay, it seems harmless enough.
Robo-Kate: I move first.
BJ: I have the first move because of the color.
Robo-Kate: I move first.
BJ: Okay, no big deal.
Robo-Kate starts to move and then moves again and keeps on moving.
BJ chuckling: I think this robot has a problem Katie, can you turn
it off?
Katie: I have the remote.
Click! Click!
Katie: It is not shutting down!
Robo-Kate: I win. Next game loser!
BJ: Turn it off Katie!
Katie: I can't. It is running wild.
Just then Rudy comes in with a sledgehammer.
WHAM!!!!
Rudy: There all fixed.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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