Plants gone potty!: August 2012

Oops is a word that I don't care
To hear as someone cuts my hair.
Another time it's not a thrill
Is when my dentist holds a drill.
An Oops! escaped from the pilot's lips
Can do me in on an airplane trip.
But nothing's worse than Oops that's spoken
When one finds out the condom's broken.
___________

you know its time for a diet when:

You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.
You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.
Weight Watchers demands your resignation.
You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it says,
"One at a time please!"
Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed
contact lenses.
The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to
make a turn without flipping over.
You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire
blackboard.
They throw puffed rice at your wedding.
You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a
venetian blind.
You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to
sleep.
_____________

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing
boat together, it was the husband who was always behind the
wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen
in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he suddenly said to his wife,
"Ok honey, this is a drill. Pretend that I am having a heart attack.
You must get the boat safely to shore."
She was initially surprised and flustered, but she soon settled
down and was able to safely drive the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her
husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, grabbed
the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him,
"OK honey, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a heart attack.
You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes."
___________

Q: How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: What if mini-skirts got any shorter?
A: Well, there'll be two more cheeks to powder and much more hair to comb.
_________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

I've wrestled with reality for 35 years,
and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
_______________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF:
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

In the wake of hurricane Isaac, FEMA today
announced an upgrade to their emergency
evacuation plan...

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

THE COMICS

2 things
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u111a.html

she jumped
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u112a.html

but honey
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u113a.html

breathing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u114a.html

unusual
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u115a.html

tooth removal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u116a.html

defense exhibit a
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u117a.html

echo valley
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u118a.html

hotel facebook
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u119a.html

he followed me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u120a.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Who let the dog out?!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2115.html

Tom And Jerry 059 - His Mouse Friday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2116.html

Fabulous Life Of Filthy Rich Billionaires
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2117.html
___________

Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks
one night. "My grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six? What finally got him?"
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one
guy, "both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards the end,
Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
__________

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large,
trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
Inline image 1
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says,menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man . . . and then my dog bit me."
"So . . . I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.
I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve;
and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! .......................
But, enough about me, how are you doing?"
__________________

A woman goes into a Discount Fishing Supplies store to buy a rod
and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
large_THE-HEX-SHOP_mod-800.jpg
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404
reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination,
and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that,
just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
__________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

What is a cynic? A man who knows the
price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martuin aka the postman
___________

The Comics

same sex
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u101a.html

husband suspects
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u102a.html

insanity
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u103a.html

the view
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u104a.html

hey baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u105a.html

here fishy fishy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u106a.html

thot for the day
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u107a.html

what the hell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u108a.html

my husband
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u109a.html

dating profile
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u110a.html

_________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

cruelty to humans
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2111.html

new car
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2112.html

match game
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2113.html

cell phone pests
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2114.html

_____________

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I
was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze
and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you
weren't warned."
______________

A man in a bar has a couple of beers and the bartender tells him he owes $6.50.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees
that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then ruses in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeeper replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs when suddenly,
the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened
in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed
that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right on the face."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds.
"Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
________________

You know you're really trailer trash when...
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
_____________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Diplomacy is the art of saying
'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers
____________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I am wayyy late with the page today.
I took the "war department" down to the
hosp. last night and spent most of it
in the emergency room with her.Not to worry,
just issues with the good ole hernia. She
is ok and there is nothing serious. Altho
she will have a few days off work which is
ok, it will be an extended weekend. Interestingly,
we spent 5 hours sitting in the waiting room,
just waiting, and then 2 hours in the actual
treatment room. Sortof gives a new perspective on
"urgent care". Don't it?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

___________

THE COMICS

called in sick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u091a.html

gimme back my carrot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u092a.html

upload it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u093a.html

natural disasters
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u094a.html

life boat drill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u095a.html

the blue bird
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u096a.html

you've come a long way baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u097a.html

you won't believe it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u098a.html

the power of make up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u099a.html

paradox
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u0100a.html
_________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Gamarjobat - Amazing Comedy Duo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2107.html

Pinata Problem Prank
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2108.html

Presidents Day by Diamond Rio
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2109.html

Shriners Stunts on Motorcycles
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2110.html

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual
physical examination, the doctor said, "You are in fine
shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"
"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said..
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:
"Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush!
You could hear a pin drop.
Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told
you a hundred times... What we
have is.......
Blue Cross!!"
_______________

Yesterday I was at my local WALMART buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog. I was in the check-out
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and
have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention
here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
______________

Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a massive failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant

6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant

7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent. ..
_________________

THATS ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out
of the window, except that the birds might eat them.
Dr. Martin Henry Fischer

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

______________

THE COMICS

pool trick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u081a.html

irritated throat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u082a.html

not so fast
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u083a.html

the painter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u084a.html

at the diner
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u085a.html

a short temper
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u086a.html

a late snack
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u087a.html

spoil your appetite
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u088a.html

the drums...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u089a.html

girl scout cookies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u090a.html
_____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Blind Painter Prank
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2103.html

Fat Man Breaks Car
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2104.html

WHEEL OF FORTUNE
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2105.html

Craig Ferguson Live Stand up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2106.html

DATING DICTIONARY

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely
horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of
money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a
person whom you don't especially like in the present
and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics
as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a
condom, dating repulsive men or spending time around children.

EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

PRIG - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until married.
______________

A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled
`COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS'. When the librarian
asked him if it was for his mother, he answered no.
"Then why are you checking it out?"
"Because," said the boy, beaming from ear to ear, "I just started
collecting moths last month!"
___________

Starkle starkle little twink
who the hell you are I think
I'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet
but the drunker I stand here
the longer I get
Just give me one more drink
to fill me cup
'cuz I got all day sober
to Sunday up.
_______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

I've learned so much from my mistakes,
I'm thinking of making a few more

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

Isaac says:
Look out Louisianna,
Look out governor J.
look out Republicans,
HERE I COME!!!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

the new Barbie of 2012
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u071a.html

blind date?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u072a.html

forgive me father
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u073a.html

it used to be
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u074a.html

when you think about it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u075a.html

a noise
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u076a.html

thats not what I meant
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u077a.html

a short term relationship
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u078a.html

what do you mean
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u079a.html

the work week
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u080a.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Mark Lowry Comedy false teeth
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2099.html

motorcycle stunt
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2100.html

Republican pool party
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2101.html

tom n jerry/ford
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2102.html

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a
farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's
soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard
of the Lord my good man?"Not even looking at the preacher and
continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?"
With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said,
"Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin' for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here."
The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?"
"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"
Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied,
"It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer
remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get
out much and she'll wanna go all three days."
___________________

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor
asked why she was there,she replied,"I'd like to have some birth
control pills." Taken a back,the doctor thought for a minute and then
said, "Excuse me,Mrs. Smith,but you're 72 years old.
What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued,
"How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange
juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
________________

An Arab walked into a very crowded bar and was about to order
a drink when he saw a guy wearing a Jewish cap (yarmulke), a prayer
shawl (tzitzis), and sporting the traditional locks of hair of a Jew.
The Arab told the bartender, loud enough for all to hear that,
he was buying everyone a drink except the Jewish fellow.
After the drinks were handed out, the Jew gave the Arab a big smile,
waved at him, then said, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriated the Arab. Once again, the Arab loudly ordered drinks
for everyone - except the Jew. But as before, this did not seem to bother
the Jewish guy, who once again smiled, waved at the Arab, and loudly yelled "Thank you!"
The Arab asked the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him
and all the silly bugger did was to smile and thank me. Is he nuts?
"Nope," replied the bartender. "He owns the place!"
____________

FUN PAGES

Mysteriez
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41757&s=n

How to Fly the Nakamura
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42414&s=n

Key to Happiness
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43017&s=n

Restroom Poetry
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43512&s=n

Zulu Gems
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41819&s=n

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

I believe that every human has a finite number of
heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine
running around doing exercises.
Neil Armstrong

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

R.I.P. , Neil !!!

One Small Step For Man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2098.html

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

____________

THE COMICS

2 seconds
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u061a.html

don't be nervous
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u062a.html

why not mom
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u063a.html

sorry doll
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u064a.html

losing weight
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u065a.html

love
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u066a.html

a little more exciting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u067a.html

insurance
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u068a.html

I made a sex tape
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u069a.html

a smoother ride
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u070a.html
________________

Just For Laughs Gags
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2094.html

Martin Lawrence - Stand Up Comedy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2095.html

Funny commercial
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2096.html

Painter mistakes his Guinea pig for a paint roller
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2097.html

___________

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he
could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how
a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy
shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then
that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to
find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
___________

Q: How is a blonde and a pitcher different?
A: A blonde doesn't mind when you charge the mound.

Q: How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A: She has a headache with the postman.

Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A: "My wife says..."
___________

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
____________

Three friends decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night,
So she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch."
When the first man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?"
"$75 dollars," said the first.
The second guy goes in and returns with a fee of $85. The first
two were proud of their prowess.
The third man goes in and returns, "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two.
" $20 dollars" replies the third.
The first two start laughing hysterically.
"Hey guys," replied the third, "I'm not so stupid,
I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!"
__________

FUN PAGES

Paper Airplane Flight Simulator
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42158&s=n

Marijuana Legalization Poll
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43489&s=n

Friends Body and Soul
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43066&s=n

Maze Stopper
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41753&s=n

Youda Sushi Chef
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41818&s=n

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Funzines - Video Fun South of the Falklands

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

If we cannot live so as to be happy,
let us least live so as to deserve it.
Immanuel Hermann Fichte

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________

THE COMICS

keeping a man happy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u051a.html

behind me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u052a.html

possible responses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u053a.html

that was me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u054a.html

go back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u055a.html

coming home gritty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u056a.html

perspiration
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u057a.html

to your mother
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u058a.html

size matters
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u059a.html

I'm sorry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u060a.html
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LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

time to go home
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2090.html

budweiser
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2091.html

watermelon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2092.html

why Africa is not a major military power
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2093.html

A pissed off wife was complaining about her husband spending all
his time at the pub, so one night he took her along.
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his
down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her
glass and immediately spat it out.
"Yuck, it's nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you
can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out
enjoying myself every night!"
____________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,
'Can you tell me how long it'll take to
fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
_____________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
since I had even considered buying a bathing suit,
So I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

This is slavery, not to speak one's thought.
- Euripides

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

___________

THE COMICS

desperation
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u041a.html

your dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u042a.html

20 years from now
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u043a.html

help around the house
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u044a.html

superfast
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u045a.html

the honeymoon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u046a.html

did you know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u047a.html

marriage proposal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u048a.html

over my dead body
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u049a.html

holy crap
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u050a.html
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LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

cheerios
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2086.html

pepsi
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2087.html

Mike's
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2088.html

police chase
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2089.html

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the
tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio
and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
like yours and I'll have enough parts for a second one."
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The wondrously stacked blonde appeared at her door in a strapless
evening gown that defied gravity.
"Terrific!" said her admiring escort. "I don't see what holds that dress up!"
"Play your cards right, dear, and you will," she murmured.
______________

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented
and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946,
the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet
talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with
the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their
car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees,
turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where
he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they
wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,'
on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was
no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on
$4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max
on the controls.
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FUN PAGES

The Only Cure For Hate
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43062&s=n

Cake Mania 3
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41683&s=n

Way To Change Oil
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42115&s=n

This Happiness is Unbearable
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=43064&s=n

Cheap Airline Ticket
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42885&s=n

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:

Martin aka the postman

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[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

The Postman's Corner

You must learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Sam Levenson

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_____________

THE COMICS

birthday surprise
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u031a.html

my calluses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u032a.html

happiness
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u033a.html

during surgery
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u034a.html

not tonight
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u035a.html

I'm addicted
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u036a.html

I'm thinking
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u037a.html

out of town
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u038a.html

at the Sunbird motel
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u039a.html

poor president
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u040a.html
__________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

this shit's for you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2082.html

one day while fishing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2083.html

handling road rage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2084.html

I got a job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2085.html

During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily
activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake,
drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison
ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive
rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind big trees."
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an
outdoors man!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."
_____________

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should
be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
__________________

A young Navy Officer was in a bad car accident, but due to the heroics
of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one
ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military
and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was
always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing three Master Chiefs for the
Command Master Chief position.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great
interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you
notice anything different about me?"
The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you
are missing your starboard ear, so I need to know whether this impacts
your hearing on that side." The Admiral got very angry at this lack of
tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same
question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear." The
Admiral threw him out also.
The third interview was with a Seabee Master Chief. He was articulate,
extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the other two Master
Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with
the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise the Seabee Master Chief said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly
tactful Master Chief. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Seabee Master Chief replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear
glasses with only one fucking ear."
_______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

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