My Name is buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been battling a bout of something itis since the
last weekend in my right shoulder and although it is
painfull I can finally get my arm up high enough to type.
Since the latest bout of aches and pains started in
my right knee hopefully it will stop instead of doing
another lap through my ankles and knees and back
again.
I have been through tornadoes, hurricanes, tropical
storms and monsoons in various places but it was
always considered highly unlikely that we would
see a tornado here because of the cold water
surrounding us on three sides and the closest we
had ever got was a waterspout about 70 miles
south of us about 40 years ago. well that has all
changed now as we had a tornado form last weekend
although we were lucky and it never touched down
anywhere. Sandy, Buffy, and Eva were out shopping
when the tornado alert popped up on the TV and I
called them immediately and told them to head for
home. They did manage to get the lightning, torrential
rains, high winds and hail and were totally drenched
just walking from the street to the house.
Eva has taken a real interest in weather this summer
and likes to watch the radar and seven day forecasts
on the Weather Channel and was watching it the next
morning. There was isolated thunderstorms forecast but
she wanted to go out and ride her bike. It was sunny
at the moment so I let her go. About ten minutes later
it sounded like the grand finale at the 4th of july fireworks
and it was close. I saw an extended flash and about a
second later 4 or 5 thunder boomies in a string. They
weren't even done when Eva burst through the door
in a streak screaming , "Mom." After that she came
back and gave me a dirty look like I had sent her out
deliberately into the storm. We had a downpour similar
to the day before and all of the gravel they had pushed
up the alleyway the day before was back down in the
street.
Enjoy the chips... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Belly, belly good!
A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie
bins and emptying them into his rubbish truck.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of
kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of
his truck goes to the front door and knocks.
There's no answer..
Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder. Eventually a
Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries
again.
"No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"
"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still
perplexed.
"Listen," says the garbage collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean,
where's ya' wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in
the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"
Ted
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honeymoon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three honeymooning couples find themselves in adjacent rooms in a hotel.
As they are getting undressed, the first man says to his wife, "What huge
buttocks!"
Much offended, she threw him into the corridor.
The second man, also undressing, says to his wife, "Christ! What huge
breasts!"
She is also greatly offended and throws him out into the corridor.
Several minutes later, the third newlywed husband arrives in the corridor as
well.
The other two ask, "What happened? Did you put your foot in it?"
"No, but I could have!" the third man replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex In The Irish Tradition
The Preparation:
Friday Night is very much love-night for the Irish man. Arriving back from
the pub, having partaken of the traditional Irish aphrodisiac - 12 pints
Guinness, and some fish and chips, his mind set on one thing - LOVE! Or as
he say's himself "the ride". His lust, at fever pitch, after the sensuous
excitement of a hard night's dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife,
enticing her with gentle words of passion - "any chance of me hole then
love?" The good lady in question perhaps over excited by the erotic smell of
Guinness or the sensuous vision of chips sticking to his chin, is at first
somewhat reluctant. This coy reluctance is expressed with the flirtatious
"Would ye ever fuck off!".
Foreplay:
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of the male,
whipping off his slightly soiled Y fronts provocatively at his wife, that
usually land skid-mark side down, as he approaches the bed gyrating with one
hand on his hip and the other on the back of his head, singing the ancient
Gaelic fertility chant "Here we go, here we go, here we go" Upon reaching
the bed he comments proudly on this rampant 8 incher. This is a classic
example of alcohol induced double vision.
Initial Problems:
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's old Willie Winkie is a trifle reluctant
to extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a blow to the man's
self esteem and the wife has to be very tactful. She will offer gentle and
sensitive words of encouragement such as "Ye useless bastard, ye" or
possibly "It never happens to the Milkman". Oral sex is a great favorite of
the Irishman. He approaches his wife with a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye
like to put your teeth round dis?" The woman nods willingly and points
suggestively to her falsies smiling happily in a bedside tumbler. "Go on
then", she says "but don't disturb me".
Down To Business:
Eventually the moment comes to consummate their tender love. Again alcohol
induced double vision is an important factor as the man decides which of his
willies to use for penetration. Sometimes in his excitement as he moves into
his position he may suffer from severe premature ejaculation. A phenomenon
he explains to his wife using the poetic phrase "Oh fuck, I've shot me
load." If this does occur it is essential he makes up for disappointing his
wife by uttering tender and loving compliments such as, perhaps, informing
her she's the nicest woman he's ever come across. An imaginative lover, the
Irishman, possibly having read the woman likes to be spoken dirty to, says
such things as "shite, arsehole". The woman is speechless. The man is now
thrusting away, his mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts. The
woman wonders if they should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes she utters a
word of encouragement such as "Are you sure it's in?". Given his level
sexual expertise the Irishman's ideal partner should be a versatile lover
specializing in the faked orgasm. This takes the form of a breathless shout
"Ooyah, ooyah, Big Boy". Eventually its all over. The man roles over, falls
asleep, and commences snoring like a pig. There's no one in the world
performs quite like an Irishman - veritable prince in the kingdom of sex.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drafted Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When his son refused to get a job,
his father insisted he join the Marine Corps.
At the physical, the Doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the
eyechart across the room.
''What chart doc?" the young man asked.
"The one on the wall!'' the doctor said.
'What wall?' said the young man.
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, and wanting to fill his quota,
thedoctor asked his nurse to strip down and walk
into the exam room.
'Now what do you see son?'
"Doc, I can't see a thing, I'm as blind as a bat."
"Well, you may not see anything, the doctor said, but your dick is pointing
straight towards Paris Island, South Carolina."
'Welcome to the U.S. Marine Corps'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Melva
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Anns/A_LCS.html
ACTRESS EILEEN BRENNAN DIES AT 80
http://deathbeeper.com/5215781.html
Poems Of The Week
http://inhisservice.bravesites.com/
Wall for Iraq and Afghan War Casualties Via Jings
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=WEPBQGu74oo
Way up on the Mountain/Marlene/Gospel
http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html1/Way-Up-On-The-Mountain.html
Extreme Dog Grooming!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doggrooming.html
Ladies Unleashed!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html
Dog Days Of Summer!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html
Hugs With Patches
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/Patched_Hugs.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birth Control Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most Bizarre Methods of Contraception
Back in 23-70 AD, Roman nobleman Pliny the Elder believed that if you
took two small worms from the body of a certain species of spider and
attached them -- wrapped in deer skin, mind you
-- to a woman's body before sunrise, she would not conceive.
It was believed in ancient times that if a woman spat three times into a
frog's mouth she would not conceive for a year.
Supposedly, a pebble clasped in the hand during coitus would also stop
conception.
St. Albert the Great (1193-1280) advised women to eat bees
as an effective contraception procedure.
Aetios of Amida (fl. 527-565) suggested that a man should
wash his penis in vinegar or brine before having sex and
that a woman should wear a cat's testicle in a tube across
her navel to avoid contraception.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OSHA Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once
there he'd asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak.
Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced one I- beam across
another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other
end to pee. While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang.
The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and
the worker plunged 20 stories to his death. The next week the safety
inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident.
They talked to the ground crew. "I think it was sex-related, " offered
one of the crew. "Sex releated? How do you figure that?" said the
investigator. "Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick
in his hand, screaming, 'where did that cocksucker go???'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Private Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a dumb private in a far away place called
"Grafenwehor, Germany". He was a dumb SOB, so dumb that nobody really
liked him. Not his fellow soldiers, Team Leader, Squad Leader, Platoon
Sergeant nor Company 1SG. He was a real smart ass who thought he know it
all.
Then one cold winter day, his company went on a tactical 12 mile road
march across the lovely, muddy country side of Germany. About halfway
through the road march, approximately 6 miles out, the weather started
to change rapidly. The temperature dropped sharply, the rain changed to
show and the road started to get very slippery and muddy.
With the weather getting worse minute by minute, the dumb private
started to fall further and further back behind the company formation.
As a excuse, he told his Team Leader he needed to take an urgent shit.
So he dropped out of the formation and ran to the nearest woods until
the company was out of sight.
Knowing the unit was now gone, he figured he could take his sweet ass
time walking back to base without being hassled, pushed or yelled at to
keep up with the company. While walking the same road as his unit was
on, he came upon a large cow pasture that looked like it would be a
short cut back to base. He decided to take a chance by cutting across
the field, hoping that it would get him home sooner.
As he started to walk across the field, he soon realized that the snow
was beginning to get deeper and deeper and much more difficult to walk
in. Before long, he started to get very tired and exhausted and know
then that he made a serious mistake trying to cross the field. He
decided to turn around and try to get back to the road.
Due to the heavy snow fall and wind, his tracks were quickly covered
over and he soon lost his way back to the road. Feeling extremely weak,
he collapsed to the ground. The dumb private thought for sure he was a
goner and that no one would ever find him in the snow storm.
Suddenly, out of nowhere came a large herd of cows walking across the
field. The dumb private said to himself "Great, if I don't freeze to
death, I'll be trampled to death by a bunch of cows". But the private
was lucky, they didn't walk on him, instead they just shit on him as
they passed overhim.
Feeling the fresh warm cow shit on top of him, the private started to
warm up again. In fact, he was feeling so much better....that he started
to laugh aloud at the situation he had gotten himself into.
Then suddenly, in one swift sweep, he was grabbed by the collar, jerked
and shaken to his feet and given a first class royal ass chewing by his
Platoon Sergeant and Company 1SG. And when they got back to the barracks
they put him on latrine detail for a week.
The moral of this story is:
1. Anyone who happens to shit on you, is not always out to get you. 2.
Anyone who happens to get you out of shit, is not always your friend. 3.
And if you're warm and happy in shit, keep your mouth shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some
distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on
back roads some distance from town.
Abruptly, the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks.
'I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm
actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.'
The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the obligatory cigarette, the boy sat in the driver's seat,
staring out the window. 'Why aren't we going anywhere?' asked the girl.
'Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm
actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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