Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Something interesting for you to read for a change.
"True Story of Rudolph"
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his
drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.
His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs
wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't
understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up
into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody
else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears.
Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been
the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.
Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was
too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called
names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different
and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his
loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at
Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed
with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout
with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his
daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago
slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob
struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even
afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he
was determined a make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal
character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little
Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the
story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the
character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created
was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created
was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A
little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished
the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas
Day. But the story doesn't end there.
The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little
storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights
to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their
stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six
million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted
to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the
book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards
returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller.
Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried
with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to
comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there
either. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation
to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular
vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the
singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was
released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more
records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White
Christmas."
The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago
kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May
learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being
different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.
I want to thank everyone that sent a Christmas Card this year. I
stopped sending them because I would ponder too long on what to
write in them and that my hoof scratches were too messy. Just
writing Merry Christmas, Bill, Sandy, and Buffy like Sandy would
always felt so incomplete for the way I feel about all of my friends
on the net. Shame too cause I am sure that the USPS could use the
business.
Be Good Santa is watching you.. right now, he's behind you, no,
over there behind the drapes. Never mind he's in your refrigerator
now.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Magic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys are walking down the beach ...when they
see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts making
love to her, when she says "What will we name the child?"
The guy freaks and runs away.
So the second guy goes over to her and starts 'doing his thing' when
she says "What will we name the child?" He freaks out also and runs
away.
The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom and
goes to do his thing. When she says "What will we name the child?"
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps
going. Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in
the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean.
He turns to the girl and says, "If he gets out of that, we'll call
him Houdini."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
for christmas this year http://www.thepostm
your husband
http://www.thepostm
my letter
http://www.thepostm
Which Christmas Elf Are You?
http://tinyurl.
Christmas Character Name Generator
http://tinyurl.
Warlords Heroes
http://tinyurl.
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Jail Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Longest jail sentence
The longest jail sentence passed was in the United States - 10,000
years for a triple murder. Dudley Wayne Kyzer was jailed for 10,000
years by a court in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in 1981 for murdering his
wife. He was then sentenced to two life terms for murdering his
mother-in-law and a college student.
In 1994 Oklahoma rapist Darron Bennalford Anderson received a
2,200-year jail sentence. When he appealed and won a new trial, he
was convicted again and resentenced to more than 90 additional
centuries behind bars - including 4,000 years each for rape and
sodomy, 1,750 years for kidnapping, 1,000 years for burglary and
robbery, and 500 years for grand larceny.
In July 1997, the state Court of Criminal Appeals held that the
grand larceny charge was double jeopardy on the robbery conviction
and thus dismissed it. So the court cut Anderson's sentence by 500
years, speeding up his release date to the year 12,744!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you own a timeshare and never even use it...quit wasting your
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Save time and money..Just sit back and let us do all the work!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes to see the doctor because he's been a little
too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25
inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him.
Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do
medically, but sends him to see a Witch that he thinks
might be able to help.
The Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and
tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the
forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the
frog to marry you and each time the frog says no,
you'll be 5 inches shorter." Worth a try, he thinks,
and off he dashes into the forest.
He finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side,
sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the
frog. The frog looks at him, disinterested at best,
and calls back, "No!" The guy looks down, sure enough,
he's 5 inches shorter. Hey this is great, he thinks-
let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks
the frog. The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back
again, "No!" Twitch-the guy's down to 15 inches.
Well, that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down
another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again,
"Will you marry me?"
The frog yells back, "Look -how many times do I have
to tell you?" No! No! No!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indoor Potty Pad
Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
pads, Pet Zoom Pet Park's reusable surface stays fresh and sanitary.
Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
the office.
Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Head Chips
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A young woman has just given birth to her son, but the Doctor won't
let her see him. "I'm afraid", says the Doctor, "that he's a litle
disabled..." But the woman, her mind filling with love for her new
son, demands to see him. Sure enough, the Doctor shows her her baby
- a handsome, healthy boy - but - just a head. He has no body....
"I know he's lacking in some limbs," , says the Doctor, " (like all
four), but he is a minor miracle - he is in perfect health..." So,
the woman and her husband take him home, call him 'Eddie', and set
about building a normal, healthy family life.
Ediie's first, second, third and fourth birthdays come and go
without a
hitch.
Then comes his fifth. His mother is looking for him to come and
open his birthday present. "Where's Eddie?", she asks her husband.
"Oh, he's having a roll in the garden". She goes into the garden,
and shouts "Eddie, Eddie!" "What Mum?" "It's your birthday, Eddie"
"I know Mum" "Don't you want to come and open your present?" "Oh
fuck off. It'll only be another hat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smoke Assist
Smoke Assist is the exciting alternative to cigarettes. You may now
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Get the Smoke Assist E-Cigarette at no charge with the purchase of
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Store Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
STUPID AND HEARTLESS THINGS TO SAY IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOM
# That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?
# I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.
# Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought
you were a man...
# I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away
because he said it made me look like Edna Everage.
# Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your
pimples...
# Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU
# Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up
myself
# Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is
the 'plain, severe and drab' look in this season?
# Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?
# Hi, I'm from Weightwatchers
# I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate
your roots
# Excuse me, but since you're obviously colourblind would you like
any help?
# Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like
that?
# God, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?
# I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I
followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses,
four skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that
it's really all you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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* Polishes and adds incredible shine
* Straightens or curls
* Uses much less heat, won't fry your hair!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.
The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the
problem, pal?" "My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in
his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation!" said the dejected
gent. "Yeah, so?" replied the barkeep. "Don't you get it?" the man
cried our. "I've already let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
A Scottish farmer thought he'd caught a nasty STD. It turns out he
was just allergic to wool.
A blonde and a brunette both board an elevator and push the buttons
for their respective floors. On the next floor, the door opens and a
businessman wearing a black suit boards the elevator. It's evident
that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the
shoulder of his suit. Two floors later the man gets off, and the two
women remain. When the door closes the brunette says, "Someone
should give that guy some Head & Shoulders." The blonde answered,
"How do you give shoulders?"
There once was a male prostitute so popular that he had to hire a
secretary and a public relations director. Thereafter, whenever a
woman called him, his staff rose to the occasion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
Say goodbye to counter clutter forever with Power Dock. Keep your
cell phone, charger, music player and more without any tangling.
Hooks are also attached for hanging keys. Stay organized, charged
and ready to go whenever, wherever - from your home to your office.
Order today and we'll double the offer.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Remembering Christmas
http://silverandgol
No Christmas This Year
http://www.wtv-
Lora w/ Jesus Is Christmas
http://www.loratrue
Carolyn w/ Snowflake ~Jim Reeves
http://carolynsprec
Give Me Flowers
http://www.Shangral
The Giver And The Gift
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Free copy of the Constitution Via Larry
http://www.askherit
Mima Mounds Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Santa Claus and Christmas at the Northpole
http://www.northpol
Christmas Trivia Quiz
http://www.quizland
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Midis
http://www.gnu-
All Things Christmas: Christmas Printables
http://www.allthing
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.shangral
Kitty Korner
http://www.claudeca
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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Movie Links
Swan
http://www.buffalos
Texas Shoot Out
http://www.buffalos
Things Men Will Do For A Cold Beer
http://www.buffalos
What It Feels Like Owning Stock In 2008
http://www.buffalos
Workout Bra
http://www.buffalos
Parent VS Kids
http://www.buffalos
Parking 1
http://www.buffalos
Parking 2
http://www.buffalos
Parking3
http://www.buffalos
Peeling
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penny Chips
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Penny For Your Thoughts, Angus
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall,
holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked
at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh,
I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl
blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the
two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time
for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled
him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out
over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time
you let me poot ma hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took
his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned
once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said,
"my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the
girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in
anticipation of the ultimate request.
Angus blurted out: "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the
first three pennies?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
Mini Sew-Wonder is the new cordless sewing machine. It's as powerful
as a full size machine, but lightweight, battery/AC adapter powered
and can be used right out of the box. Forget the hassle of ordinary
sewing machines that can be bulky and heavy.
Get the job done with Mini Sew-Wonder.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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ceremony
http://www.buffalos
champagne
http://www.buffalos
charm toon
http://www.buffalos
charmin
http://www.buffalos
cheap
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
tumble in your dryer. The Dryer Maid is like thousands of tiny lint
brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
into your lint trap for quick disposal.
Save money and time for only $14.99 + S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
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There was a young woman of Sydney
Who could take it clear up to the kidney.
But the thrust of Alphonse
Barely reached to her mons
So he left her unsatisfied, didney?
There was a young fellow from Queens
Whose perpetual fucking machines
Would move forward by jerks
For he kept in the works
The best Mexican high-jumping beans.
Though I don't carry all that much girth
Fucking women is Heaven on Earth
When up go their knees
And the way that they squeeze
Just milks me for all that it's worth!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: What's the best way to give your dog a bone?
A: Tickle his balls!
Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q: "Why do women have foreheads?"
A: "So that men have somewhere to kiss after they've given them a
blow-job!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barack Obama and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got
their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto woke the president and said, "Kemo bro, look
towards sky, what you see?"
Obama replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
Obama pondered for a minute then said, "Astronomically speaking, it
tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time
wise,
it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, Mother Nature is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day
tomorrow. What's' it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto says, "Obama, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means somebody
stole the tent."
Sue
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1743
Christmas 2009
Tami was sitting alone in her house as Rob was away on a business
trip. She was a bit sad. Jess and mini Jess were visiting
relatives and for the first time in memory, she was alone on
Christmas eve.
Ding dong!
Tami opens the door: Yes.
Package for a Miss Tami.
Tami: Where is it?
It is too large to bring into the house. Can you sign for it in the
UPS van?
Tami sighs: Sure... I have nothing better to do.
She gets in the back of the UPS van, the van door slams shut,
trapping her inside as it pulls away.
Tami: Hey, what is going on?
The interior lights come on revealing Katie and Rudy wearing Santa
hats.
Tami: You have not answered my question.
Katie: You have to help us save Christmas.
Tami: I do not understand. Who is driving this thing?
A light comes on in the front and Sandi turns back and grins, she to
is wearing a Christmas hat.
Sandi: Hi Tami, sorry for the kidnapping, but we need you.
To be continued..
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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