Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I went to shovel the front steps for the postman yesterday and
found out Buffy had borrowed the snow shovel and had no idea
where it was. So I ran over to the Ace Hardware in town and
took a look at shovels. I had always used a large aluminum
grain scoop in my younger years but now I wanted something
smaller and lighter that my back and lungs would not rebel at.
I selected an 18 inch scoop for 9.99 made of plastic. The person
next to me said, " Let me show you a real shovel. I think it was
called a snowplow. It was 36 inches wide, had the handle
ergonomically bent, and the blade on it was acrylic with a carbide
edge. It was a great shovel but for a buffalo half my age. I
explained
that it was for the daughter and she would just lose it anyhow
so he agreed that a 40 dollar shovel was overkill. The really sweet
part of the deal was that I had a gift card from Ace for 5 bucks
that had expired but they still accepted it so my shovel was only
5 dollars.
Buffy had her first snow incident when she backed the Suburban into
the yard in 2-wheel and skidded into the railing on the porch steps.
No
damage to the Jimmy but I have a 2x4 to replace when the weather
is nice.
Enjoy the chips, stay warm and be safe..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A. Because he only cums once a year!!!!!!!!
My girlfriend calls me Santa Claus because I
only come once a year
but when I do I fill her stockings.
Dozens of art enthusiasts gathered at an important gallery for the
exhibition
of a favorite artist. One critic asked the artist how he had managed
to
achieve such interesting effects. "It's very simple. I put a canvas
on the
floor, dump paint on it and then have two or three nude beauties
slither all
over it.
"That must be quite stimulating.
"Not especially, but cleaning the brushes is a kick."
What has one eye, one horn, is purple, flys, and gives the Pope
head?
A one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple papal eater.
Q. Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas
time?
A. Because they were originally made for children, but father wants
to play with them.
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down
the chimney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I told you
http://www.thepostm
bastard
http://www.thepostm
fruitcake
http://www.thepostm
Eddie Izzard - Ich Bin Ein Berliner
http://sydesjokes.
Eddie Izzard - Learning French
http://sydesjokes.
Egg Billiard
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advice Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 Sexual Techniques to Make Her Wild with Desire and YOU happy till
dawn!
From a good American friend of mine who states this really does
work!
Between being married a long time, and also being a woman, I can
tell
you blokes that there are certain things you can do to make your
wife
swoon. They aren't difficult, anyone can do them and they are some
of
the most sexiest things I can think of... and I have quite the
imagination!
So. Are you ready? Are you a real man? Wipe that drop of drool from
the
corner of your mouth and read on....
Technique #1 : Wet Hands (One of the best)
Yep, it is the wet hands technique. Certainly one of the most
popular
among most women of today who were recently polled for this article.
So
simple. So exciting. You will leave her almost breathless.
* Fill the kitchen sink up with hot water and add a few drops of a
scented dish liquid. Not too many, you don't want it to be harsh.
There
are many very nice scents out now, from vanilla and lavender to
grapefruit. It is completely up to you. With a soft cloth in your
hands plunge your hands into the water and get the cloth very wet.
Now,
moving slowly and gently place a dish in the water and rub the cloth
Across the surface of it.. over and over again. Place the dish in
clean
rinse water and repeat until she is moaning with pleasure.
Technique #2: Vibrate Me Baby
This technique utilizes what many women think of as toys... It is a
little more difficult and takes a little more muscle, but you being
a
big strong man, I know you can do it.. Extra credit on this one if
you
wear a black "wife beater" shirt at the same time. Are you man
enough?
Carefully pull the vacuum out of where it has been stored. You know
you
want to. Plug it in and push ALL the right buttons. * Slowly move
back
and forth and back and forth across the carpet, you will know when
to
move to a new spot. Move to the next spot and repeat as long as it
takes to get results (I hear they are graded from A to G so keep it
mind as you work away and head for that G spot!).
Technique #3 : The Wet T Shirt Game This game is pretty easy,
although
you will have to think quickly while in the midst of gettin' your
game
on. If you can handle the amount of agitation and vibration in the
first few minutes you will be o. k. until the end.
You will need two piles... no I did not say poles, I said piles. Put
everything white and light coloured in one and everything dark
coloured
in the other. Fill the washing machine with warm water and laundry
soap
(this is imperative..
manufacturer)
Add the light pile. Close the lid. Write her a love letter about
how
great her eyes are while you are waiting for it to finish. Repeat
with
the dark colors except use cold water. Quick note: If your wife is
screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Don't stop what you are doing.. that is
called domesticus interruptus and it really is frustrating for
women.
Technique #4: What Goes Up Must Come Down
This is best used as the quickie, whether in the middle of the night
or
during a chaotic afternoon. She can't say no to this one. When you
put
the toilet seat up.... put it back down... Every time.
I know... I know.. you almost can't take any more verbal
titillation.
Good thing this is a short list. This last one is amazing. It is
incredible..
You don't have to thank me... no.. really. Good luck all you blokes
out
there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dazzle Friends and Amaze Family with Himalayan Chinese Flower Tea!
The Tea Bud Blooms into a Beautiful Flower when hot water is poured
over it.
Everyone Loves to Watch the Tea Bud Bloom!
Guaranteed the Most Beautiful and Delicious Tea you will ever serve.
Great Gift for Family & Friends
Perfect for Parties, Children's Celebrations, and Holiday
Festivities 100% Customer Satisfaction!
Complete Tea Set
Gorgeous Glass Teapot
8 Himalayan Chinese Flower Tea Buds
Membership in tea club
Bonus 2 FREE cool to the touch Tea Cups
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Samurai Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for
a new Chief Samurai Warrior. After a year, only three applied for
the
job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released
a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the
floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a skillful feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show
me what you can do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a
tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!*
*Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
"Ah-h-h, that is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to
top that, Number three Samurai?"
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing a
fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh!
so
mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room and the fly let
out a high pitched sound. But the fly was still alive and buzzing
around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that?
The
fly isn't even dead."
"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. Now,
circumcision .....THAT takes skill!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One time, oil's Thibedeaux wanted his favourite meal, blue crabs.
His
big fat wife said, "Arright Thibedeaux, I tol' you wot I'm gonna do.
I'm goin down to de bay an caught you some blue crabs, cher. An den
I'm gonna fix you de bes' boiled blue crab you eva did have."
Thibedeaux said, "Whoo, big fat wife, dat would be mo' betta dan
blackberry wine, cher!"
The next morning, Thibedeaux's big fat wife got ready to go catch
some blue crabs down at the bay. Thibedeaux said, "Wot time you is
goin to be back home, big fat wife?" She said "I'll be home in time
to clean an cook dem crabs for suppa, Thibedeaux."
All day long Thibedeaux waited for his big fat wife to get home. It
got to be about five o'clock, and Thibedeaux thought, "My big fat
wife mus' be catchin a big mess a dem blue crabs or she woulda been
home by now." Then it got to be about nine o'clock and Thibedeaux's
big fat wife still wasn't home. Thibedeaux thought, "Whar in de
worl'
be my big fat wife?"
It got to be midnight, and Thibedeaux's big fat wife was still
missing, so Thibedeaux decided to call the Sheriff. Thibedeaux
said, "Sheriff, my big fat wife wen' down to de bay to caught me
some
blue crabs dis mornin, but she still not home." The Sheriff said,
"OK
Thibedeaux. We'll go out to fin' yor big fat wife."
At one AM, Thibedeaux heard a knock at the door. It was the Sheriff.
Thibedeaux asked, "Sheriff, did you fin' my big fat wife?"
The Sheriff replied, "Thibedeaux, I got some bad news, I got some
good news an I got some great news."
Thibedeaux said, "Oh no. Gimme de bad news firs'."
The Sheriff said "Wall, Thibedeaux, we foun yor big fat wife. She
dun
fell into de bay an got drown." Thibedeaux said "Oh my Po's oil's
big
fat wife."
"But you know wot?" the Sheriff went on, "We foun' twenty seven of
de
biggest oil's Blue Crabs you Eva saw hanging on her."
Thibedeaux said, "Oh Sheriff, data's good news, but not great news!"
The Sheriff said, "No Thibedeaux! De great news is we're going run
her aging in about a hour!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heel-Tastic is an intensive heel therapy that will Soothe, Relieve
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-Easy-to-use!
Buy One Get One FREE for only $10 PLUS you'll get a Bonus 10-piece
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waterfall Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A German, an American and an Englishman were exploring the jungle
when they came across an breathtakingly beautiful waterfall.
After admiring it for a while, the American says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of the great American Constitution, you
know,
where every atom of water is like an individual who has the freedom
to make it's own way through the world in unison with nature."
The German says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of the
great
German economy, strong and powerful and smooth running."
The Englishman, when asked about his thoughts says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of oral sex."
The American and the German look at him in amazement.
"What is it about this waterfall makes you think of oral sex?"
"Uh, everything I look at makes me think of oral sex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Department Store Santa
10. He wears the Santa costume all year round
9. Tells salesgirls that "Me & Mrs. Claus have an understanding"
8. After every toy request says "Yeah, right"
7. Tries unsuccessfully to hide the fact that he's wearing handcuffs
6. Charges $5.95 for the first minute, $2.95 each additional minute
5. Every day around 10 A.M. throws up on the down escalator
4. Keeps sending elves out for more vermouth
3. Whether they want it or not, gives every kid a crewcut
2. Keeps reminiscing about his vice presidency under Bill
Clinton
1. He's packin' heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/From A Babe To A King
http://silverandgol
Carolyn w/ Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
http://tinyurl.
The Birthday Story
http://www.reflecti
Love Test
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Holiday Traditions
http://www.californ
Hangovers and Hangover Cures
http://www.bbc.
Winterize Your Home
http://www.askthebu
A Wonderful Heartwarming Story:
http://www.teacherm
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Animations - XMAS General
http://www.shangral
Windows XP Power Toys
http://www.microsof
Create Christmas Cards
http://www.pictureb
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://teacupspuppi
True Duck Tale
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Jamacos
http://www.buffalos
Just Walk It ff Sissy
http://www.buffalos
The Vasectomy Song
http://www.buffalos
Kangaroo Court
http://www.buffalos
Kilted Scotsman
http://www.buffalos
Robbery
http://www.buffalos
Roll Over Donner Pass
http://www.buffalos
Russian Bar Trio
http://www.buffalos
Snow Plow
http://www.buffalos
The 1
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recipe Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How To Cook A Fucking Steak
Go to the goddamn grocery and get steak. Yes, the grocery.
A little ammonia is not going to kill you, you pussy. You
want to be all fancy and grass-fed and environmentally
conscious, go ahead, I don't give a shit, just get a
fucking steak. Ribeye is good. And, yes, bone-in. Schmuck.
Take the steak home. Get a bigass frying pan and put the
shit on the stove, cranking the heat up as far as that
fucker will go. Take a shitload of salt-rocksalt, you dumb
motherfucker, none of that fine-grained crap here-and toss
it around the bottom of the pan. When the pan is hot as
all fuck--it should scorch the shit out of your finger if
you're stupid enough to touch it--put the fucking steak on
there. You can crack some pepper on the top of the steak
as the bottom is searing, but don't even talk to me about
garlic or onion powder or COMPOUND FUCKING BUTTER, asshole.
This is steak, all you fucking need is salt and pepper.
After a bit (3 minutes for pink, 5 for cooked good), flip
that shit over and do the same fucking thing you just did
with the other side, i.e. sit on your ass and wait for
your motherfucking steak to be ready, you useless assbag.
When you're done, sling that shit on a plate. Beringer's
1996 Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley Private Reserve makes
an absolutely delightful accompaniment, particularly if
you've taken care to let it breathe a bit before quaffing.
Also, make some fucking potatoes, because that's what you
eat with a fucking steak. God, sometimes I just want to
smack the shit out of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
call ahead
http://www.buffalos
call girl
http://www.buffalos
call the paramedic
http://www.buffalos
calorie1
http://www.buffalos
camel toe
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With his pecker limp on the floor,
And his wife still imploring for more
"Ten hours of screwing
Has been my undoing,
I simply can't Fuck any more!"
____________
Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
But then when she has 'em
At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.
____________
"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it."
Said the lazily amorous abbot.
"Although it's more fun,
To have sex with a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit!"
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.
Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
Gift absolutely FREE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay
shed. When he woke up, he found his son having
sex with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the hay shed. He
decided he wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down
and rested. After a while he heard his son say, "Father, father up
above. Give me strength for one last shove."
So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down below. Get off
and give your father a go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop your Back Pain!
Backjoy will change the way you sit and change your life
FREE * 30-day trial
Bonus Free travel satchel PLUS stretch & strengthen DVD with order
Backjoy is lightweight and portable
-Perfect for people who sit on the job
-Good for sporting events
-Patent-pending ergonomic design
-Works on any chair
-Lifetime Warranty!
Relieves Symptoms associated with
Neck, Shoulder & Back Pain,
Spinal Injury, Chronic Sciatica, and Pinched Nerves
Bulging & Slipped Discs and Muscle Soreness
Pregnancy too!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since singer Susan Boyle has been on TV there's been a marked drop
in suicide bombings.
Apparently, a lot of the Muslim terrorists didn't realize what a
virgin looks like.
A woman's husband dies, and while at the funeral home watching the
mortician prepare her husband for final internment, she asked if he
would cut off her husbands dick for her. The mortician thought this
to be an odd request, but since it was her husband, he complied with
her wishes and cut it off and gave it to her. She wrapped it up and
took it home. When she got home, she pulled out a frying pan, threw
some chopped onions, garlic, green peppers, and some butter into the
pan, and started cutting up the dick. Her neighbor walked in at this
point and saw what she was doing, and asked, "What are you doing
with
*that*??!!"
The woman replied, "Hey, for 35 years I ate it his way, now I'm
gonna
eat it my way!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The SlipOver - Dual Sided Slipcover - As Seen on TV
Make your old, ugly beat-up sofa look BRAND NEW
With Slipover, the Only Reversible Slipcover!
Get 2 Matching Reversible Pillow Covers FREE*
Plus a FREE* Add-On Organizer- so you will never lose your remote
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One-piece universal fit
Comfy, cozy fabric
Machine washable, won't shrink or fade
Patent-pending design
Easy care fabric that's stain resistant!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1735
Rudy Meets His Match
Rudy loves the cold. When it turns cold, he begs to go outside. So
in
the middle of the night, I get pawed, he whimpers, whines, begs. I
relent and let him go outside. It is a good thing I fall asleep
fast else
I would close the door and ignore him.
Yesterday we had our first winter blast and the temperatures dropped
like a rock with the wind chill getting down to about zero. Rudy
wanted
out about 12:30 am. No problem. About five minutes later....
A-Rooo!!!
I went to the door and there was his huge face, (his head is larger
than mine) shivering. He wanted in. So I figured he was done for
the
night....
Wrong! Four am, I am getting pawed and whined at, whimpering.
Even Katie, who strongly dislikes the cold was dancing around. I
let
them both out. For Katie, it was about 30 seconds. She was banging
on the front door with both front feet. "Let me in!!!!"
I let her in, she raced for the bed and demanded to get under all
the
covers. Once under the covers she snugged up as close as she could
to me and that was it until the alarm went off. Oh, and for Rudy,
he
lasted about three minutes and he was howling wanting in. He tried
to be non-chalant about the whole thing.
BJ: Hey Rudy, want to go outside?
Rudy: I think I will stay inside and watch the fireplace.
BJ: Katie?
Katie: Are you out of your crazed mind?
BJ: Sandi?
Sandi: Sigh, nature calls, but stay close to the door.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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