Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I watch a lot of the disaster shows that predict the end of earth on
the National Geographic and History Channels with mild
amusement. No matter what scenario it is whether volcanoes,
earthquakes, asteroids, new ice age, global warming, or being
eaten by Jersey Devils or Chupacabras the possibilities of being
affected by one of the above is about the same as hitting the
Powerball Lottery. This morning an email titled, Yellowstone
Super-Volcano Far More Dangerous Than Previously Thought, caught my
eye. The Caldera when it erupts is supposed to send a 400 mile chunk
of ash into the atmosphere covering most of the
United States and possibly affecting every inch of the earth
by destroying every living plant and most of mankind because of the
equivalent of nuclear winter and the Greenhouse Effect. Okay
so it is a little larger than expected and might go in the next
40,000 years but I am not going to buy a snowmobile and move to
Antarctica
and wait for the world to end. Besides I have faith our politicians
will beat nature to it by at least 39,900 years.
My alarm clock is playing mind games with me. It is set to go off at
0700 so I can listen to a local talk radio show. Sunday it went off
at 0600 and then this morning it went off at 0709. It's on a shelf
and has
really small buttons the cats can't reach so I guess it may be time
for a new alarm clock but I really have nowhere to go that I have to
get up for so why bother.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pill Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married man walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all he
wants for Christmas is for his wife to be interested in sex. Santa
then proceeds to give him a bottle of pills. He tells him to give
them a try and then let him know how they work.
So he takes the pills home and puts one pill in her Christmas
dinner. That night, they make love for an hour. The next day, he's
so thrilled! "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," he
thinks to himself.
That night he puts two pills in her food and that night they make
love for two hours. The next day, he's even more thrilled, so he
dumps all the pills in her food.
Two weeks go by without a word from this man, so Santa decides to
give him a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little
boy, is your dad home?" "No, he's...who's this?" the little boy
asks. "I'm a friend of your dad's and I gave him some pills to help
him out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?" "That
was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you something -- Dad's
lying on the ground holding his groin, the UPS man won't deliver
Christmas presents to our house, and Mom's stalking the produce man
at the grocery store!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
good or bad
http://www.thepostm
Henry?
http://www.thepostm
oral sex
http://www.thepostm
Fast Food In Heaven http://www.sydesjok
Fat Ass
http://www.sydesjok
Fat Bride
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of
December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things
that have occurred since the beginning of the month when, filled
with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an
electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the
first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school!
I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire
neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my
brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands,
and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually
nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a f**king yo-yo, a stupid whistle
and a pair of socks! What the f**k were you thinking, you fat son
of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole f**king year
to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you
hadn't f**ked me enough,you gave that little faggot across the
street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house.
Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my
chimney next year. I'll f**k you up! I'll throw rocks at those
stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to WALK back to
the f**king North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you
didn't get me that f**king bike.
F**K YOU SANTA! Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT
SOB.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
Mini Sew-Wonder is the new cordless sewing machine. It's as powerful
as a full size machine, but lightweight, battery/AC adapter powered
and can be used right out of the box. Forget the hassle of ordinary
sewing machines that can be bulky and heavy.
Get the job done with Mini Sew-Wonder.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two nuns decided to ride into town from the convent. They got on
their bicycles and began their trip. Once in town, the nuns turned
down an old, cobbled side street. The first nun says to the other,
"I don't think I've ever come this way before." The other nun says,
"Neither have I. It's probably the cobblestones!
Like the song says, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but
getting caught in bed with her sister is pretty foolproof and makes
for a much shorter list.
The prostitute with a degree in psychology really blows your mind.
Last night I was in a rare tender mood. I made love to my wife and
afterward held her close. "I love you terribly," I whispered. "You
certainly do," was her reply.
Whats the difference between a blimp made by a tire company and 500
used rubbers? One's a Goodyear the other's a Great year.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
tumble in your dryer. The Dryer Maid is like thousands of tiny lint
brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
into your lint trap for quick disposal.
Save money and time for only $14.99 + S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spanish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WATER
My wife gets mad and I don't even know water problem is!
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BRIEF
My homie smelled so bad I couldn't brief .
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM
Yo, when all my familia gets in the car, there's not mushroom.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CHICKEN
My girlfriend wanted me to go to the store, but chicken go by
herself.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: LIVER & CHEESE
Some guy tried to sweet talk my woman. I told him, yo loco, liver
alone, cheese mine.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JULY
Ju tol me ju were goin to the store and July to me! Julyer!
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: WAFER
I wanted to go with my mom to the flea market pero she
didn't wafer me!
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HERPES
I had some cake to share with my wife, this is my piece
this is herpes.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: TISSUE
I told you if you didn't know how to do it, I could tissue.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: HARASSMENT
My old lady caught me in bed wit my lover so I said harassment
nothing to me!
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: CASHEW
I was running after you but I couldn't cashew!
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: BISHOP
We went out to the club y mi vieja got drunk and fell down,
so I had to pick the bishop.
SPANISH WORD OF THE DAY: JUICY
Hey man, I'm looking for Paco, tell me if juicy him!
rubin
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blankets are OK but they can slip and slide, plus your hands are
trapped inside. The Snuggie keeps you totally warm and gives you the
freedom to use your hands. Work the remote, use your laptop, or do
some reading in total warmth and comfort!
- Super Soft, Luxurious Fleece
- One-size Fits All
- Available in:
Burgundy
Royal Blue
Sage Green
Snuggie is made with super soft, thick, luxurious fleece with roomy,
oversized sleeves that let you do what you want while still being
totally wrapped in warmth. Perfect for men, women, and children!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flaming Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flaming has evolved into a highly-stylized art form, complete with
unwritten rules and guidelines.
Here, I have attempted to document the Art of Flaming, in such a way
as it will be interesting to old hands (flame masters) and novices
(virgins) alike. Without a further ado, then, I present:
The 12 commandments of flaming:
Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies
sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly,
LiCkY has no brain, and is a moron to boot."
Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of
Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're
qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "LiCkY, by using the word
'LiCk' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."
Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the
next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From
rec.arts.wobegon to alt.tasteless.
breaths until your next flame. Therefore, post EVERYWHERE.
Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't
possibly be that you're a fuckwit. There's obviously a conspiracy
against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by
exposing
it....;-)
Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the
Yin & Yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered
to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group,
lab~rat has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in
court, Rodent."
Force them to document their claims: Even if SpitFire states
outright that he likes to view womens tits, you should demand
documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Spitty's tit
preferences, then Spitty's obviously lying.
Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca
of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three
times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum,"
"vini, vidi, vici," and "fetuccini alfredo."
Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to
convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them?
State that you're a member of Mensa or Mega or Morons of America.
Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school.
"I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell
the word 'premeiotic' ."
Accuse your opponent of censorship: It is your right as an American
citizen to post whatever the hell you want as many times as u want
to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone
who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email
is either a communist, a fascist, or both.
Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponents,
have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should
have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST!
This is the beauty of flamers' logic.
LiCk, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up!
When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember
this ONE. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer you
will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better
than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your
arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point,
there's only one thing to do: insult the dirtbag!!! "Oh yeah? Well,
your mother does strange things with vegetables."
*The Golden Rule of Flaming*
My flames will be witty, insulting, interesting, funny, caustic, or
sarcastic, but NEVER, EVER, will they be boring. At least not to me
and Im all that matters.
Here endeth the scriptures..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jupiter Jack - Safely talk & drive at the same time.
Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
you have a hands free device that projects your voice through your
speakers for less than half of what one would cost you anywhere
else.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Computing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed
specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the
works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard,
Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your
Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so
please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far
are:
1) GPF key -- This key will instantly generate a General Protection
Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose
of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need
to run an application in order to produce a General Protection
Fault.
2) $$ key -- When this key is pressed, money is transferred
automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need
for further action or third party intervention.
3) ZD key -- This key was developed specifically for reviewers of
Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative
adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows
within the file being edited.
4) MS key -- This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled
"Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.
5) FUD key -- Some thing to do with the display ... self
explanatory.
6) XP key -- Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.
7) IBM key -- Searches your hard disk for operating systems or
applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is
very effective at removing Netscape).
8) MSN Key -- With a single keystroke you will install and setup the
world's second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you
thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!
9) FDISK Key -- Microsoft's new compression utility gives you 100%
data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all
know what it really stands for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Perfect Gift
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ Santa Claus Is Back In Town ~ Elvis Presley
http://carolynsprec
A TALE OF TWO CHRISTMASES
http://www.wtv-
Marlene / The Angels Cried
http://summerhoosie
Rick w/ Christmas, A Silent Night
http://www.wtv-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Full Moon Halo Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.
Child's Play Charity Via Wesley http://www.childspl
I Saw Santa Clause
http://www.reflecti
Reindeer Facts
http://www.alittlec
Rules of Regifting
http://www.regiftab
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
GRC's | DNS Nameserver Performance Benchmark - Free Via Wesley
http://www.grc.
System Information For Windows
http://www.gtopala.
Scott's Space Invaders http://www.sb-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.all-
Kitty Korner
http://www.flippysc
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Saddam The Unseen Video
http://www.buffalos
Santa Shopping
http://www.buffalos
Saudi
http://www.buffalos
Schweaty Balls
http://www.buffalos
Scotsman's Song
http://www.buffalos
If my nose was running money
http://www.buffalos
Important Message
http://www.buffalos
Impossible
http://www.buffalos
Jet Engine
http://www.buffalos
John McCain
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa comes but once each year.
"Where did you get that beautiful bracelet?" "Oh, that's from my ex.
It's from his most expensive blow job ever." "I thought you said you
hated giving those." "I didn't give that one, but I caught him
getting it from the babysitter!"
"And then he seduced me. And it wasn't the first time, either!"
Mark fixed himself a martini to carry him through the ordeal of
waiting while Peggy got ready for their date, he could hear her
singing in the shower. "Sorry I'm so late," she finally called out
to him, "but I was shopping and lost track of the time." Clutching a
large towel about her, he edged into the room. "Would you like to
see me in my new dress?" she asked. Mark took appreciative note of
her newly bathed charms straining at the confines of the barely
adequate towel. "I would like," he said with a smile, "nothing
better."
What do you call a man with a broken condom? "Daddy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
bad cat
http://www.buffalos
cat batteries
http://www.buffalos
cat carrier
http://www.buffalos
cat doggy style
http://www.buffalos
cat enlarger
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady whose joys
Were achieved with incomparable poise.
She could have an orgasm
With never a spasm---
She could fart without making a noise.
____________
There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
On her knees every day
To God she would pray
To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.
____________
There was a young man from Montrose
Who could diddle himself with his toes.
He did it so neat
He fell in love with his feet,
And christened them Myrtle and Rose.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fox News and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren moved to the top
of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday after "beating" the
world's number one golfer. The news came after the world's number
one golfer inadvertently played the wrong hole..
Randy
Shot my first turkey yesterday. . . .
scared the shit out of everyone in the
frozen food section...
It was awesome !!!!!
Randy
You know, I personally don't see what the big deal is about the
Salahi's crashing the White House with no credentials and no
background check.
Isn't that how the guy who lives there got in?
Russ
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.
Since the man doesn't have much money,
he looks for the cheapest hooker in the nearest Red Light District.
A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10
for
oral sex and intercourse.
The next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.
So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night
before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over
to her
and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"
The hooker replies,
"Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10?
Lobster?"
Beth
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.
Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
Gift absolutely FREE!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1738
Swami, How I Love Ya, How I Love Ya, My Sweet Swami
Sandi, Rudy and Katie got free tickets to see the great Guru Swami
visiting from India who is teaching a free course on how to relieve
your stress.
Guru: When one has issues or problems we build up pressure that can
create problems later in our life. It is of most importance that we
recognize the holistic approach in healing and retain balance to
relieve our stress in life.
Rudy raises his paw and is going..
Rudy: Oh oh oh. Me me me!
Guru: You in front row.
Rudy: I had that feeling..
Everyone: Awww!
Guru: Tell us what you did.
Rudy: I had tremendous pressure and it hurt me inside.
Everyone again: Awww!
Rudy: I realized I had to do something.
Guru: What did you do?
Rudy: I farted! Boy, did I feel better. Was that Holistic
healing?
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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