Plants gone potty!: February 2012

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

The Postman's Corner

The secret of staying young is to live
honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball
_______________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

_______________

THE COMICS

dinner
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b041.html

rain
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b042.html

soft
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b043.html

where you came from
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b044.html

of course
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b045.html

________________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Top 5 stupid answers on Quiz shows
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1519.html

VFW Members Duct Tape Flag Burner to Pole
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1520.html

Three guys are in a bar discussing how much their wives bitch at them.
They decide that when they get home, they'll do everything that the women ask.
The next weekend, they are in the same bar.
The first guy says "Man, I don't think that our idea was so great!
I was sitting on the couch watching tv, and I dropped my cigarette
on the couch. My wife said why don't you burn the whole house down?
That place is still smoldering."
The second guy said "That ain't nothing. I was orking on the car,
and dropped my wrench and it nicked the fender. She said why don't
you tear the whole car apart? It took me all night."
The third guy said "You guys don't have nothing on me. When I walked
in the door, my wife was doing the dishes, and I felt a little romantic.
I reached down, and grabbed her crotch, she said "Cut that out!"
Ever seen one of these real close?
_______________

On the last day of his French class, Professor Lint goes over the final exam.
"The exam will test your comprehension. It'll be divided into two parts:
a multiple choice exam, and an oral exam.
Heather realizes that she needs to do well on the final exam, or she won't graduate.
After class, Heather meets Professor Lint in his office.
"Professor Lint," she says in a sexy voice, "I don't think I'm going to
pass the class and I was hoping you could help me out."
Pretty soon, Heather and the professor are making love in his office.
Afterward, Heather asks "How's my comprehension?"
"So far so good," the professors says, "but you need to come back tomorrow at noon."
"What's tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," Professor Lint says "is the oral part of the exam."
____________________

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,
he heard a voice say, "Nice tie." Looking around, he saw that the bar was
empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said,
"Beautiful shirt." At this, the man calls the bartender over. "Say, I must
be losing my mind," he tells him. "I keep hearing these voices say nice things,
and there is not a soul in here
but us." "It's the peanuts," explains the bartender, indicating
a dish on the bar. "The peanuts?"
"That's right, the peanuts--they're complementary."
_____________________

That's all folks!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

The Postman's Corner!

Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.
Karl Barth

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well the weather turned a little cool this weekend
here in beautiful West Michigan. But the GOP is
turning up the heat with their nomination for the
state in the presidential race. And its making life
a little hectic here in Michigan. Well if things are
hectic in your life, don't you worry. Settle right
back and we'll have the postman lay some humor on
you to enjoy
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________________

THE COMICS

epidemic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b036.html

turned off
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b037.html

one thing is certain
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b038.html

testing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b039.html

facebook police
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b040.html

______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

The Government Can- Tim Hawkins (Insanitized DVD)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1517.html

no frills airline
Carol Burnett Show- No Frills Airline
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1518.html

Breakfast was a very late affair that day and the husband and wife
were fragile indeed, badly hung over from a particularly wild party
the night before.
Bleary-eyed, with two trembling hands holding his very black coffee,
our hero said to his wife, "Was it you I had sex with in the garden
last night?"
She struggled to bring him into focus. "About what time?" she replied.
________________

Q. What's the definition of a virgin hillbilly?
A. A 12 year old girl who can run faster than her brothers!

Q. Did you hear about England's new zoo?
A. They put a fence around France.
_____________

"I always worry when you leave for a weekend with the guys," sobbed
the pretty young wife. "Don't worry about me, babe," he soothed her.
"I'll be back before you know it."
"I know," she sighed. "That's what worries me."
______________

A lady and her husband have been arguing back And forth for some
time. She makes an appointment To see her doctor and tells him, "My
husband Has been complaining that my pussy has an odor, But I bent
over and took a whiff, and I don't Smell anything."
The doctor examines her, and then says, "Ma'am, you need an operation."
She says, "On my pussy?"
He says, "No, on your NOSE!"
________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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Funzine - Adult Cartoons for February 26, 2012

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Funzines - Clean Cartoons for February 26, 2012

Funzines.net

Here we go again!

****

Big thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

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For Fun and Games:

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http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

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Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

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Thank you,

Dyan

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

For every two minutes of glamour,
there are eight hours of hard work

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

____________

THE COMICS

how sweet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b031.html

sharing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b032.html

silicone
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b033.html

your're on honey!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b034.html

and then they complain
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b035.html
____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

very funny TROJAN commercial - Protect Yourself
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1515.html

trojan
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1516.html

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man
wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction,
requiring her to deflect it.
Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250
for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch."
She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your
fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed Camel-fucker."
______________________

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up And dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
__________________

A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She
carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them
over.
All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all
five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed
"Baby-sitting".
But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had
answered, "Parents came home."

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I turned on the "tube" last night. oh its not a "Tube" any more,
that's just a funny saying us baby boomers use. X and y'ers just don't
understand it. Anyways, It was nice to see some of my old favorite
shows on again. I like one in particular called mudcats.
As it reminds me of childhood. my bro and I used a similar
version of it better known as noodling. it is the method of harvesting
catfish with nothing more than your bare hands. Reach into the river
and grab them by the gills and pull em out. this particular episode
was showing a flat head catfish contest in Oklahoma. They were pulling
out some pretty impressive 6 footers. On our little farm in northern
Iowa, pappy used to say that we had 60 acres of river bottom and 120 acres
of hardscrabble. the river bottom used to flood and had gullies and when it
flooded out in the spring, it would dry after a few weeks and leave little
recess pools of carp. altho not so impressive as flat heads, bro and I did
in fact pull out a couple that were 2 and 3 foot. We easily could fill up
the smoke house with cat fillet. a delicious delicacy. We often cheated tho
and used waders with a net. Or maybe we had just a few more brains than the
folks they were showing on the "tube"?

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_________________

THE COMICS

wireless
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b026.html

Henry put on youdr glasses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b027.html

water slide
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b028.html

granny takes care of the dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b029.html

Frank is sick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b030.html
________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

TOM N JERRY CARTOON
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1514.html

Beavis & Butthead: The Most Painful Moments
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1513.html

Two guys were discussing popular family trends
on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we
got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
maiden name?'
___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where
did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from
your mother, cause I still have mine.'
___________________________________________

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the
divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your
wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And
every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
_________________

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
retriever between them. The first man asked why the dog was allowed
on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and
that the dog was a sniffing dog.
"His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show
you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch
this." He told Sniffer to "search."
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then
returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent
said, "Good boy." He turned to the other man and said, "That
woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her
seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land."
"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the
agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about,
sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat
and placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That
man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat
number for the police."
The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up
and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and
then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle
seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was
really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out why a
well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent,
"What's going on?"
The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

_________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nic day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Funzines - Video Fun for February 20, 2012

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

The true way to gain much,
is never to desire to gain too much.
Francis Beaumont

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

_________________

THE COMICS

how men think
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b021.html

maids night off
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b022.html

what your agent said
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b023.html

the wishing well
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b024.html

you've got male
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b025.html

____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Peace and Quiet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1511.html

REJECTED TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODES!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1512.html

During my physical yesterday, my doctor asked me about my
daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from
wild dogs in the heavy brush, walked up and down several rocky hills,
stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped way
from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by my story,the doctor said,
"You must be some outdoors man!"
"No," I replied,
"I'm just a shitty golfer."
_______________

Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is I got eighteen out of twenty on my driver's test."
"Great!" I said. "Now what's the bad news?"
He replied, "They were pedestrians."
______________________

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing, that during the
mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born in Canada
almost three years ago - right to the stall where she slept - in the state
of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they
are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Larry the cable guy
________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Don't let aging get you down . . .
It's too hard to get back
_________________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

_____________

THE COMICS

cookies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b016.html

I hope you don't mind
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b017.html

http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b018.html

redneck
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b019.html

bless me father
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b020.html

in the life boat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b018.html

_________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Dakuwaqa's Garden - Underwater footage from Fiji & Tonga
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1510.html

Wrong Side Prank
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1509.html

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died,
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to
work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler,
and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.
She said "fine," hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and then
I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph. Suddenly
I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions....

_________________

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
__________________

Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on:
*The first surgeon says:*
"I like to see *accountants* on my operating table, because when you
open them up, everything inside is numbered."
*The second responds: *
"Yeah, but you should try *electricians*!
Everything inside them is color coded."
*The third surgeon says:*
"No, I really think *librarians* are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
*The fourth surgeon chimes in:*
"You know, I like *construction workers*…those guys always
understand when you have a few parts left over."
*But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:*
"You're all wrong. *Politicians* are the easiest to operate on.
There are no guts; no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the
head and the ass are interchangeable."
____________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

The U.S. national debt on Jan. 1, 1791, was just $75 million dollars.
Today, the U.S. national debt rises by that amount about once an hour

______________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Let me give a shout out to my friend PETE B. who said:
the whole Stimulus Package was a political Gold Mine,
The Politicians got the Gold and the Tax Payers got the Shaft
Well, P.B., that pretty much sums it up. P.B. you r a cool
dude.

And for those who wrote in voicing conerns on my health,
not to worry, the war department got to the bottom of it cuz
I was somehow missing one of my prescriptions. she does not
let much slip by her. I take way too much of them and cannot
keep track, I ran out of one and didn't refill it.
(by now I should own shares of Wahlgreen's. )

If you are military or a cop type, you may want to take a look at vid1508.
pretty awesome. Kind of takes the phrase, "Aw, it's just a .22", to a whole new level.
Just a little .22 cal target practice for home defense.
(In case you****were not able to count the
shots, the magazine holds 275 rounds and empties****in about 10- 12 seconds).
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

THE COMICS

books
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a036.html

stand up and fight
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a037.html

hole of plezure
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a038.html

jerks
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a039.html

I don't know
http://thepostmanscorner.net/a040.html
__________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

wrestling
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1506.html

the new speaker
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1507.html

awesome firepower
http://thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1508.html

A Redneck walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the gator will close his
Mouth for one minute.
"Then he'll open his mouth
And I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this
Spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar,
Dropped his trousers,
And placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth
As the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of the head.
The gator opened his mouth
And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
And the first of his free
Drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly
Spoke up..........
"I'll try it -
Just don't hit me so hard
With the beer bottle!"

_________________

Two girls die and go to heaven
SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.
WANDA:
Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
SYLVIA:
I froze to death.
WANDA:
How horrible!
SYLVIA:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?
WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself
in the den watching TV.
SYLVIA:
So, what happened?
WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched, and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally
I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA:
Too bad you didn't look in the freezer
---we'd both still be alive.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

GOOD AFTERNOON POSTMAN FANS!
I was reading an article in the local news. There's this small
body shop, a dozen employees. So, given what the president has to
say about small business, its completely off his radar. Anyways,
it needs more space and in the small town where it is located, the
owner of the body shop wanted to buy the abandoned house next door,
tear it down, etc. Its been sitting empty for the last four years. Problem is,
2 of the city council members live within 2 blocks and they are blocking
the changes because they are worried how its going to affect property
values. Can I get a "Duhh" here? This won't make nat'l headlines even tho
expansion of every business in this economy is important news. And what
is up with those councilmen? they do not seem to realize how it can
increase their tax base for the city. What I'm thinking about, what was it, 5 or 6
million that the Obama stimulus gave to a certain energy company, and
then it went out of business? Maybe we shudda used the millions to buy
up a few more foreclosures instead. Maybe at least we woulda had a few
more body shops in the US. I'd say we need to re evaluate the way we
see business on a global and a grass roots level
Whats wrong with our economy
GO FIGGER
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

PS
Sorry this is late today.
Not feeling so good.
_______________

THE COMICS

other two wishes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b011.html

cracking down
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b012.html

really exciting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b013.html

a twin
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b014.html

pay me first
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b015.html

_________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Free Fly Skydiving - Bad Ass
will give you goose bumps
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1504.html

ouch that hurts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1505.html

At the typical Christmas dinner, Mom is always yelling, "Get out of
my kitchen!"
The grown kids are always yelling at their tiny offspring, "Stop
running! You'll break Grandma's furniture!"
Dad is always yelling, "Get out of the way! I can't see the TV set!"
The little ones are yelling, "It's my toy! Let me play with it!"
This is why this is known as the Holler Day Season.
_____________________

After I prosecuted a man for killing a bird out of season with his
slingshot, the court clerk suggested setting up a date for him to
return with both the money for the fine and proof of community
service. "That way," she said innocently, "you can kill two birds with one stone."
_________________

A snooty matron caught the supermarket stock boy at an unguarded
moment. "Young man," she demanded icily, "Don't you know it's bad
matters to scratch your balls before others?"
He stammered around for a few minutes, then ask in bewilderment,
"What am I supposed to do...offer to scratch yours first?"
_______________

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I
have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in
this household instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his
eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she
said, "I'm glad that you feel this way about it! Tomorrow morning,
my mother moves in with us."
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Plants gone potty!

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

Funzine - Adult Cartoons for February 26, 2012

Funzines - Clean Cartoons for February 26, 2012

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

Funzines - Video Fun for February 20, 2012

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

Ripley

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