Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I don't know about the rest of you but like that lode Nestle Quick
commercial, buffalo has the slows. I know it is a combination of
winter, doctor's appointments, and the month long holidays but
five years ago I was doing the same thing and working 60 hours
a week and still had more get up and go than I do now although
I admit I do feel better than I did two years ago.
Tech News
Yahoogroups seems to have completed repairs that were keeping
our readers from getting their chips. We are also working on getting
some of you that were bounced because of these messes reactivated.
If you receive a reactivation notice you can hit reply and send it
back and
your mail will start again immediately. If you do not reply and it
does
not bounce you will automatically be reactivated in a few weeks. If
when you are reactivated you decide you no longer want to receive
the jokes just follow the instructions at the bottom of each mailing
to
unsubscribe. To the 300 who have rejoined us so far ... Welcome
back.
Our friendly local gas stations gave us a Christmas surprise this
year and raised the price of gas 10 cents a gallon to 2.65 the
day before Christmas eve. They don't even bother lying to you
about it anymore, they just gouge you at every chance. They
need to learn the spirit of giving as frankly they have done
nothing to deserve a gift from me this year.
Enjoy the chips
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blond Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian, (who for the sake of this joke will be a 'blond') was a
business graduate, and had been out of school for several years. He
had established a furniture store and was doing quite well. He
decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive
French furniture he knew no one else in town carried. He scheduled a
buying trip to France.
Brian's first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number
of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home. After the
arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he
decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.
The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table.
Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and
motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on
her face. He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head
"yes." The girl sat down with him.
The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word
of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not
one word of English. He finally had an idea! He took a napkin and
drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes."
They sat quietly enjoying their wine. When it was just about
finished, Brian realized it was nearly time for dinner. He took
another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating
dinner. She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led
him down the street to a very nice restaurant.
They went in. The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were
seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and
see the dance floor. Brian could not read the menu since it was in
French, so he allowed the girl to order for him.
The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it. After
dinner, Brian took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band
played, whether fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began
to pack away their instruments, the couple returned to their table.
The girl took a napkin and reached for Brian's pen. He handed it to
her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed.
Brian is still wondering to this day. . . . . . .
how she ever knew he was in the furniture business!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I'll send u an email
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is it alive?
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Frosty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g028.html
Fat Pole Dancer
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000557.html
Fedex
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000558.html
Fedex Video Conference
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants,
24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her.
She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the
year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than
she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living
like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her
costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every
day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a
brick in the head, Holy S#!t, my dog is a democrat!
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young buck went into a large store for a packet of rubbers. "Have
you tried the rainbow ones?" asked the assistant, "We've got red
ones, blue ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, plus a few
other different colors." "I'll try the lot," said the young man
adventurously. Six months later, he appeared in the same store with
a
rather sorry looking young girl asking for maternity dresses. The
same assistant served them asking, "What bust, madam?" "The blue
one," The young man said sadly.
Todd was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. A
nurse came in and stated, "I have bad news and good news. Which do
you want first?" "Tell me the bad news first" said Todd The nurse
replies, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to
have an enema. But, the good news is that your doctor will be in
shortly to slap the shit out of you."
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group
of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them
saying "5 Well, the woman just could not believe this price so she
asks the clerk if it was correct. He said "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She said "That can't be right!" The clerk says "Oh yes, it's right!
Five boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.
John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful
sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"
[Two days later]
George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as
well, but *I* think your wife's a way better lay."
~~~~
Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in
the elderly homes, "Can you still do it? I have sex with
my wife twice a week. How many can you do?"
"Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!"
"Almost every night!!?????"
"Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday,........"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she said, "but
my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair."
"What do you mean?" the beautician asked. "Well, I overheard her on
the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped
she'd be 'balled' soon."
Virgin Wool: Wool from a sheep that can outrun a New Zealander
An eighty-year-old man who had proclivities toward exhibitionism was
arrested for displaying his dried arrangement. When he tried to
force
himself on a young woman, he was booked again for assault with a
dead
weapon (Richard Lederer) .
What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?
Beat it - We're closed.
Confucius Says fly who sit on toilet seat, get pissed off.
Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked, "Who
was
the first man?" "If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the
embarrassed coed, "I'd rather not tell."
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing
business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I
smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said,
"No,
I just burped."
Who's the most popular guy at a nude beach?
The guy who can carry two cups of coffee and seven donuts.
Who's the most popular girl at a nude beach?
The girl who can eat the seventh donut.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max the plumber was summoned to a mansion to fix a leak and,
discovering a very pretty maid there, he lost no time trying to
combine business with pleasure. The girl refused on the grounds that
her mistress was home, and she didn't want to be discovered and
fired. After several refusals, Max finished the job and returned to
his shop. The very next morning, his phone rang and his caller was
the maid. In very dulcet tones, she informed him that her mistress
was out. She asked if he wanted to come over and see her. "What!"
yelled Max. "On my own time?"
In a small Irish town, a poor, unwed girl was about to give birth.
Since she was destitute, the hospital bill was paid by the town
treasury. Subsequently, the parenthood was determined, and the
alleged father was penalized with a heavy fine. When the treasurer's
report was read at the annual town meeting, it was disclosed that
the
township had realized a handsome profit on the unfortunate event.
One
of the town officials then rose and announced, "I recommend we breed
her again."
Two women, one rather overweight and one very thin, were together at
a restaurant, discussing men. "Men may like to look at thin women,
but they prefer to have sex with women who have some meat on their
bones," said the overweight woman. "Oh Really!!! Did your boyfriend
tell you that?" said the thin one. "No," shot back the fat woman.
"Yours did!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/ A River Runs Through It
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp2/ARiverRuns.html
From Kathryn/Happy New Year
http://adreamandasmile.com/Occ/NY_Happy_New_Year.html
Rick w/ ~A New Years Prayer~
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/NewYearPrayer.html
Between Day And Night
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html
Daily Sunshine
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol01.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Phone Numbers Search Tools
http://www.phone-numbers-search.com/
Moon Legends, and Tales
http://www.moonlightsys.com/themoon/legends.html
'Mini-Colosseum' Excavated in Rome Via Wesley
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Typewriter Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Chat Acronyms used in E-mail, IM, and Text Messaging
http://www.sharpened.net/glossary/acronyms.php
Project Euler Via Wesley
http://projecteuler.net/
DriverMax
http://www.innovative-sol.com/drivermax/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQi3q-Nf9wA
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Movie Links
Topper
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62511.htm
Trained Puppies
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62512.htm
Tread Mill
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62513.htm
Tree Sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62514.htm
Trick Boobies
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62515.htm
Verrassing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7801.htm
Water Power
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71008.htm
Way Cool Toy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71009.htm
Wekker Problem
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71010.htm
Welcome Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71601.htm
Westfall Horse Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71602.htm
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71603.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug and Tammy decided to take a vacation and travel
across the country and visit little known rural areas,
staying in off the beaten track motels.
They stopped their first night at a motel that must
have been at least 100 years old, and one that hadn't
had any renovations done since day one. They were
preparing themselves for bed and Doug decided to have
one last cigarette before getting in to bed, so he
left the room to go outside and have his smoke.
When Doug returned to the room, he actually started
feeling quite romantic, so he carefully opened the
door and said, "Honey? Honey?.
There was no response.
He tried again, "Honey? Hey, honey!" a bit louder this time.
Still no reply.
Finally a male voice from the blackness in front of
him said, "This ain't no beehive you damn fool, this
here's the bathroom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Home Smart Power Dock
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Hooks are also attached for hanging keys. Stay organized, charged
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View Web Version
http://buffaloschips.com/charg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chicken bj
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vhkcbjkclbc.htm
chili night
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bncvjbnkcvbvc.htm
chinese
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chinese2
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choir
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's an oversexed lady named Whyte,
Who insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar,
Had the brashness to wed her...
His chance of survival is slight.
"I'm sick of Tchaikovsky", said May,
"And this Handel and Bach that we play."
So she put down her fiddle,
And diddled her middle;
"It's time for Depussy I say."
There was a young nudist from Denver
Who had an unusual member;
It was stiff as Jello
When the weather was mellow.
But a popsicle every December!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
Mini Sew-Wonder is the new cordless sewing machine. It's as powerful
as a full size machine, but lightweight, battery/AC adapter powered
and can be used right out of the box. Forget the hassle of ordinary
sewing machines that can be bulky and heavy.
Get the job done with Mini Sew-Wonder.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschips.com/sewmac
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the annual office Christmas party, John woke up with a
pounding
headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of
the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs,
where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad
as I think?"
"Oh, Even worse," she assured him, her voice laden with scorn. "You
made a complete ass of yourself! You succeeded in antagonizing the
entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company
to his face."
John looked up and replied, "He's a jerk! Piss on him!"
"You did," Louise informed him. "And he immediately fired you."
"Well screw him and his whole board of directors," growled John.
Louise quickly remarked, "John, I'm really glad you feel that way...
because I did! You're back to work on Monday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
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brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
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View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and
put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell
into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see
a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She said,
"Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was
profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very
attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to
have
dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?" He readily
accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening
was
drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvellous evening.
Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do
you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only
those who catch my eye." The next morning as he was leaving, she
asked, "Would you like to join me for dinner another time?" The man
answered immediately, "Yes, I'd love to. How about tomorrow?" She
was
delighted and replied, "OK. I'll keep my eye out for you."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1749
Blizzard
Rudy, Katie and Sandi have been napping when much to their surprise
BJ arrives at home about 11 am instead of about 5:30 pm.
Rudy: A-Roo! Hey Pops, nice seeing you here early, can I go
outside.
Katie: Me to!
Sandi: I will go also.
BJ: Okay, but I think you wiil want to hurry.
BJ opens the door and a 50 mile and hour gust races in along with
snow.
The dogs go out...
Two minutes later....
Bam! Bam! Bam!!!
BJ has stood right by the door knowing what would happen.
BJ: Ready to come in guys?
Katie teeth chattering: What happened?
Rudy: I like it cold and I like snow but this is crazy!!!
Sandi: I want my warm bed.
To be continued
The Herd in Guthrie
(This was supposed to be the worse storm in OKC history. Not as bad
as some of the storms I have been in [Kansas, Newfoundland, Boston,
Washington, DC,] but for Oklahoma, pretty dern bad as they do not
have
the equipment or resources to handle a storm like this.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Checked by AVG.
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------------------------------------
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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