Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It's one of those sleepy mornings, sitting alone reading my email
and watching AC-DC's Ten Greatest Hits on VH-1 when a cartoon
about fruitcakes came through and whisked me back to my youth
and Christmas goodies.
With 10 kids in the family my mom became an expert baker quickly
and she absolutely outdid herself at Christmastime. There was
usually
four or five different types of fruitcakes, of both the baked and
no-bake
variety already made and sitting in the freezer or in her bedroom
which
was off-limits for months before Christmas. These were not as
stories
of fruitcake go as hard as a rock with the pieces of candied fruit
like
crystals, these were moist with enough character to keep them from
falling apart and you could taste each piece of fruit, raisins, and
red and
green cherries and of course walnuts.
With the size of our family cookie recipes that said makes 3 dozen
never worked real well. We could wipe the first three dozen out
before
they had time to cool so my mom would quadruple the recipe and
work on them while we were in school and in bed so they wouldn't get
eaten before she was done. I remember seeing shopping bags full of
sugar cookies coming home from school and the next morning they
would be frosted and packed in large tins. My favorites were the
drop
cookies with candies, jams and nuts on the inside. Then there was
the bar cookies like cherry nut bars and of course at least four
different
flavors of fudge and different candies.
I figure it would be one of the thing that I would miss most when I
joined
the navy but each year I got a box from home and even the one that
came in looking like they had used it for high-altitude bombing was
delicious and we sat in the lounge and pigged out on cookie and
candy crumbs. When I got married, the care packages stopped, which
I can understand because Sandy is an excellent cook but my brother's
wife could cook too and he still got packages each year. My mom
always liked him better anyhow heh heh.
Enjoy the chips and have some fruitcake preferably infused with rum
or brandy
and to heck with what everyone says...... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
NASCAR Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeff Gordon fires his entire pit crew
This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of
the government's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove
a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment,
whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with
millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to
be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most
races are won or lost in the pits. However-Gordon got more than he
bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the
inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds,
but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-numbered, and sold the
car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos
of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Bimbo
http://www.thepostm
I'm dreaming
http://www.thepostm
for gods sake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As an English major, I'm always amused by foreigners who don't speak
the language very well. For example, when a Parisian hooker once
wanted to applaud me for my performance, she said, "I give you
clap."
Bill gets a call from his buddy Doug one day, and Doug is on the
phone crying. Bill asks, "Doug, what's wrong? You sound really
upset." "Well," replies Doug, "my wife's been cheatin' on me." "With
who?" asks Bill. "The neighbor," replies Doug. "That damn dirty
slut!" says Bill. "Yeah," replies Doug, "you think I was upset, you
should've heard how upset the neighbor's husband was."
Men aren't attracted to me by my mind. They're attracted to me by
what I don't mind. (Gypsy Rose Lee)
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year. Male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late
November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till
after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every
historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of
them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known.
only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all
around the world in one night and not get lost.
Tiger's Philosophy: A man needs mistresses just to break the
monogamy. (Stan Kegel)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you heard about the fellow who had syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS
and herpes? He was an incurable romantic. (Richard Lederer)
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told
that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was
to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later that someone
finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
Scientific studies have proven diaphragm contractions can cause
hiccoughs or pregnancies depending on their location. (Stan Kegel)
Saw a commercial for Cialis. The end of the commercials always have
some "warnings" about using it. One of their warnings stated
something like 'erections lasting more than 4 hours may need
immediate medical attention'. I can see this guy going to an
emergency room and saying "I've got a hard on that won't go away!"
"Well sir, would you like to see a doctor?" "No, maybe a nurse or
two."
Now that female athletes are earning fortunes, lots of poor guys
dream of marrying one. They'd like to come into money. (Charles
Wukasch)
It was really something else, man!" said the cadet policeman to his
partner. "When I was off duty Saturday night, I went to this big
party, see, and pretty soon I noticed this fabulous little bird
giving me the eye. Then she asked me to take her home. And just as
soon as we were in the car, she unzipped me and went right down on
the old fella - and I still didn't even know her name." "So what did
you do?" asked the other cop. "Well, I figured this was one
situation where I'd shoot first and ask questions afterward."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
x*x*x*x*x*x*
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind
the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC
(the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder
to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is
forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
3. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the
river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have
a Happy Holiday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas In The Corps
T'was the night before Christmas
and all the the Corps
Not a sole had liberty,
the troops were all sore.
Yes, every Marine
every Marine in the lot
was lying on a rack of nails
called a Marine Corps Cot.
When out on the Parade Deck
I heard such a clatter,
I sprang from my cot
to see what the hell was the matter.
With bayonet in hand
I moved stealthily to the door
I cautiously waited to see
if there were more.
Yes, it was the Commandant of Marines
this there was no doubt
he was wearing his poncho
green side out.
He carefully moved from rack to rack
he cautiously inspected each rifle and pack
to a chosen few a 96 chit
but to the majority a ration of s*it
As he pulled away in his gold plated tank
pulled by ten colonels all bucking for rank
I heard him say, and he said with a shot
Merry Christmas you *uckers you'll never get out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Sewing Machine
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hannukah Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Hanukkah Song by Adam Sandler
Intro: This is a song, that uh, there is a lot of Xmas songs out
there, but not too many about Hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all
those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Hanukkah
songs--
here we go...
Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah It's so much fun-akkah to
celebrate Hanukkah,
Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights, Instead of one day of presents,
we
have eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town with out a Xmas tree, Here's
a
list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:
David Lee Roth lights the menorrah, So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas,
and the late Dinah Shore-ah
Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli, Bowzer from
Sha-na-na,
and Arthur Fonzerrelli.
Paul Newman1s half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too, Put them
together--
what a fine lookin' Jew!
You don't need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock Cause you can
spin
the dreidl with Captain Kirk and Mr.Spock--both Jewish!
Put on your yalmulkas, it's time for Hanukkah, The owner of the
Seattle Supersonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah.
O.J. Simpson-- not a Jew! But guess who is...Hall of Famer--Rod
Carew-- (he converted!)
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby, Harrison Ford is a
quarter Jewish-- not too shabby!
Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is, Well, he1s not, but
guess
who is: All three stooges.
So many Jews are in show biz-- Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his
agent
is.
Tell your friend Veronica, it's time you celebrate Hanukkah, I hope
I
get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah.
So drink your gin-and-tonic-
really, really wanna-kah, Have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Manger Baby
http://silverandgol
A Childs Christmas Prayer
http://loratrue2000
The One I See
http://www.reflecti
Who Is This Jesus
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Christmas gullibility test Via Patricia
http://www.museumof
Little Known Facts Via Sandie
http://www.raskys.
Small Calendar Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Never Enough Lights - Links Via Wesley
http://neverenoughl
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Midis
http://www.wtv-
Virtual Turntables CD Player
http://cdscratch.
Defrag
http://www.filehipp
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.wtv-
Kitty Korner
http://www.wtv-
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Movie Links
Soup Ad
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Speed Isn't Everything
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Sponsor an Executive
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Spring Board Break
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State Employees
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Men Invented Everything
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Mouse
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Movie
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Mozart
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over
a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying
in wait...
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just
what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, the n with my whole hand
in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then
I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face........ ......... ... PRICELESS
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
catch of the day
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caught2
http://www.buffalos
cause of a blackout
http://www.buffalos
caution
http://www.buffalos
cave man
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
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a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
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add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twas the night before Christmas
And naughty girl I
Went to offer my Santa
Some sweet honey pie
I knew he couldn't
Resist this sweet treat
I know for a fact
Tis his fave thing to eat
So I put on my stockings
My heels and my lipstick
And asked him to show me
Where he keeps his dipstick.
I went down on my knees
And unzipped his fly
Then sucked his cock down
In the blink of an eye.
He moaned and he whimpered
As my tongue stroked his sac
He said this is better than all
The toys in my pack!
His hands held my head
As I continued to blow
Then he laid me down quickly
And put his tongue down below
He was sure and so lively
He made me scream and then beg
As he sucked on my clit
And pinned down my legs.
You're mine, you bad girl
He said with a spank
Then rolled me onto my stomach
Deep inside me he sank
He rode me so hard
I knew when he came
Because he panted, then shouted
And called me by name.
He fucked me all night
And without any warning
He tied me to the bed
And shagged me til morning.
I am sure that the rest
Of the story is clear
You and I will be renting
That suit again next year!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.
Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both
ultimately result in death.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend set me up on a blind date after my first divorce.
Well, he was a friend at the time.
Anyway, I called her up and said, "I can't take you anywhere really
expensive because I'm paying lawyers for a divorce right now."
She was cool. She said, "We can eat at Hardees, eight pieces of
chicken and four biscuits for $6.99." She was a husky girl (you
know, Sears catalog).
When we got to Hardees, she was moving! I only got two wings out of
everything! She wouldn't even butter her biscuits, she would pop a
biscuit and then do a butter chaser! I couldn't watch her eat the
chicken. She kept getting crumbs in her moustache. She would have
gotten it all if her teeth were in!
Don't get me wrong... I still did her!
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1741
More About the Special Sandi
Of course she is a marvelous doggie and such, but the last three
nights
she has done something different.
At beddie-bye time (they word they know), she has been laying facing
me (not her usual snuggulebug) with her left front paw up. It is
like
she wants me to snuggle up to her chest. So I did for day one and
two, but felt uncomfortable. Last night I stayed longer and decided
to see what Sandi wanted.
I was surprised. She petted me with her left paw very very gently,
then she lowered her head next to mine and rubbed her head gently
against mine. She continued to, for any better word, to love me.
As I snugglebugged her in the past, she was returning it to me. She
did this for about 10 minutes not wanting to be petted, it was just
her
to me.
Strange..?
She is a very special doggie, no a special companion.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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