THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"Love is the hardest habit to break,
and the most difficult to satisfy."
~Drew Barrymore
SHAMWOW
As seen on tv!
ShamWow washes, dries and polishes any surface. It's like a towel,
chamois and sponge all in one. They are made in Germany from a
revolutionary fabric that can absorb over 20X its weight in liquid.
Use them to quickly clean up spills and they won't scratch any
surface. ShamWows are perfect for your car, boat and many
household uses. You can even use them as a towel and works
great for drying your pets. ShamWows are machine washable
and bleachable. Use them over and over, they are so durable
we guarantee your ShamWows for 10 years.
http://tinyurl.com/ny3mgq
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
This economy is getting really bad.
They say its getting better, but you
have to wonder. look at this...
Damn economy, this poor child can't
even afford a decent pair of pants!!
Please send me your donations so I
can buy her a pair of pants!
we do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________________
THE COMICS
the dentist
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r038.html
when I grow up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r030.html
$5 dollar foot long/subway replaces Jerrod
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r031.html
take two and call me in the morning
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r032.html
budget increase
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r033.html
how to treat a woman
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r034.html
pussyville
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r035.html
G'night honey
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r036.html
interns
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r037.html
_________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
prehistoric monster syndrome
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7027.html
motorcycles
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7028.html
hotdogs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7029.html
beer vs wine
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7030.html
wild horses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7031.html
yes yes yes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7032.html
Sam the bellhop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7033.html
Well, A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life..
They warned her about going out and getting
half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed,
and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato' and
end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the
sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and
become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be
skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato
told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland..
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians
so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay
on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with
those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the
other side of the tracks who advertise their trade
on all the trucks that say 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U.
(that's Potato University) so that when she graduated
she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they
did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was
going to marry Tom Brokaw..Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry
Tom Brokaw because he's just......
A COMMONTATER
_______________
Stanley the Sperm decided he was going to be "the one".
He practiced swimming every day, trying to build up his
speed and endurance. He also started asking all kinds
of questions. "How will I know the egg?
What does it look like? What does it smell like?"
One crusty old sperm who never made it out took a liking
to Stanley."Well", he said, "legend says the egg is easy
to spot. She is big and round and the smell is heavenly.
It is like a combination of all the flowers in the world
and the scent is just overpowering. You can't miss her.
They say you should just hit her head on and if she
accepts you, you will be drawn in and together you
will form a new person. " The time came and Stanley felt
himself being propelled down the shaft and into the void.
He swam and swam, leading his fellow sperm by several
lengths. Finally he rounded a corner and spotted the egg.
Big and round, just like he had been told and dead
ahead. Shouting "I am Stanley the Sperm", he built up
even more speed and rammed the egg head first. He
immediately backed out spitting and snorting.
"You smell like shit!!" he exclaimed.
"What did you expect? I'm Travis the Turd"
____________________
This guy walked into a bar and saw a sign for free beer.
He asked the bartender where he could the free beer.
The bartender said, "Go upstairs and it's the first door
on your left." So, he went upstairs and went in the first
door on his left. As he walked in he saw the ugliest,
fattest, smelliest women he has ever seen. He asked
how to get the free beer. She said, "All you have to
do is give me a good screw." He thought about it for a
while then remembered free beer. So he said, "Okay,
but you have to keep your eyes closed."
When she closed her eyes he ran downstairs and into the corn
field outside. He took a piece of corn, ran back
to the room and saw that the woman still had her eyes closed.
He stuck the corn in her, and screwed the daylights out of
this woman with it. When he was done, he threw the corn
out the window and told her to open her eyes.
She said that was the best sex she has ever had.
Then, he went downstairs and got his beer. When he
left, he saw his friend and told him about the excellent
FREE beer he had. Smiling his friend said, "Yeah, but it
wasn't as good as this piece of corn I just had
_________________
A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans.
"We loaned you a million to revive your old wells,
and they went dry." says the banker.
"Coulda been worse."
"Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells,
and they were dry."
"Coulda been worse."
"Then we loaned you another million for new drilling
equipment, and it broke down."
"Coulda been worse."
"I'm getting tired of hearing that!" snaps the banker.
"How could it have been worse?"
"Coulda been my money," says the oilman
________________
A guy was in Bar Harbor, Maine when he saw a seafood
restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read
"Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress,
"$5 each for lobster tails ... is that correct?"
"Yes," she said, "It's our special just for today."
"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "It's the really big lobster."
"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"
"No," she said, "it's the really big red lobster."
"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed.
"They must be old lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes," she insisted.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited
him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand
on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said, "Once
upon a time, there was a really big red lobster ..."
_______________
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all
around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to
stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.
'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to
break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for
a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has
left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands
in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge,
A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time
and SPLASH, out it comes.When she's finished, she looks down
and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this
big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he
assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets
down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see
what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is
everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. 'Doctor! Doctor! Are you
all right?' she asks. He says, 'I've been in this business
for over 30 years, and this is the first time
I've ever actually seen a fart !'
BUFFALO BILL
Latex Body Paint
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dhka.htm
Love Hurts
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sksis.htm
Manettes Wii
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akja.htm
Merry Christmas
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jsjssikis.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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