Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
In the past two days I have managed to have both of my vehicles die
on me. Yesterday started of with a dead battery twice in the
Suburban caused by someone leaving the door open and not letting it
run long enough once I got it jumped. Thanks to Nancy for bailing me
out on that one. The Jimmy seemed to be running
ok after the battery charged so I drove out to Nancy's house. On
the way back the battery light started flickering and soon went on
solid. I figure I lost an alternator because the voltage was quickly
dropping and the headlights were getting dimmer, not a good
thing after dark and as I pulled up and parked the voltage had
dropped to 9 volts
I dialed my nephew ad asked him to come over Fri. afternoon and jump
the battery on the Explorer so I could drive that. When he got here
he asked if I knew someone had broke my back window with a beer
bottle. I called the police and they came out and did a report but
it appears to be a random act. I could tell immediately that it
wasn't one of my friends. The bottle was Bud Light and everyone I
know is too cheap to drink anything except Busch and Old Milwaukee.
Buffy drove the Explorer around for about 20 minutes but it never
charged up so I probably need another battery for it.
Rear Window, tinted with heater and wiper, washer and lift gate.
285.00 140 Amp Alternator 135.00 + tax and core. Possibly two
batteries at 100.00 each Having a custom story to tell you...
priceless or 620.00 whichever comes first
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon, Morris stood on the first tee
at his country club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young
woman in a wedding gown came running up to him, crying.
"You bastard!" she screamed in his face. "You lousy no-good rotten
damn stinking bastard!"
"What's your problem Sherry ?" he calmly replied. "I distinctly told
you only if it rained."
~~~
A tourist from France goes on his first overseas trip. Upon
arriving,
he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application.
The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist
trying to write, 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled, 'SEX'.
The official explains, "No, no, no. That is not what we mean
by this question. We want to know either 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.
~~
I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in 2001. A
dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually
said "General Store," and that was it.
There was a little old man sitting in front of the store in a
rocking
chair. I said to him, "What do you folks do around here?"
He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."
I said, "What do you hunt?"
He said, "Somethin' to fuck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the
fire."
Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old,"
the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl
said
she'd be interested in dating me. But to be perfectly honest, I
don't
quite understand it." "Well," said his friend, "you have to remember
that nowadays women are more aggressive. They don't mind being the
one
to ask." "No, I don't think it's that." "Well, maybe you remind her
of
her father." "No, it's not that either. It's just that she also
mentioned something about carbon 14."
The sermon at the Presbyterian Church this coming Sunday will be
"There Are No Sects in Heaven." The subject was incorrectly printed
in
yesterday's edition as "There is No Sex in Heaven." (Richard
Lederer)
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Headline: Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Stan Kegel
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like..... Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep
up
your legs.
Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down
his
car in a seedy part of town. As they rode, he asked her what she did
for a living. Linda winked at Mike and said, "I'm a magician." "No
way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it." So Linda touched him on the thigh,
and
"Poof" Mike turned into a hotel.
Branch Davidians do it with fire
A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a movie. After the
sessions
he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be
notified when the movie is released to the public. Three months
later,
he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times
Square at a porno house. The musician enters the theatre wearing a
dark raincoat and shades. Unaccustomed to porno flicks, he sits in
the
last row next to an elderly couple. The film has explicit sex
scenes:
oral intercourse, anal intercourse, golden showers, sado-masochism
and
near the end a dog has intercourse with the leading female
character.
The musician who is immensely embarrassed turns to the elderly
couple
and whispers, "I wrote the score and I just came to hear the music",
to which the elderly woman whispers in reply, "We just came to see
our
dog."
A blonde's idea of safe sex is locking the car door.
The doctor was surprised to find old Mr. Jones sitting on the bed
holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked
over to the nurse who was taking his vitals. "Excuse me," said the
doctor, "but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?" The nurse replied,
"I told him that you were going to want to examine his sexual
organs."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Leprechuan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is early Saturday morning, and Mother Superior of Saint Mary
Margaret Convent in County Clare hears a knocking at the door. She
opens it, looks around and there is no one there.
She is about to shut the door when a tiny voice says, "Down here,
Mother Superior".
She looks down and there are two of the little people in their
bright
kelly green outfits, red beards and little hats with a clover in
each.
One is really drunk out of his skull and the other is not much
better
off. He tips his hat and says, "Top o'the mornin to ye, Mother
Superior. Me guid friend Liam here would like to be knowin' if ye
have any leprechaun nuns in the convent"?
"No, we don't have any little people in our convent", she replies.
Liam grunts a few words in Pat's ear, to which he then says to
Mother
Superior, "Well, are there any leprechaun nuns in the local parish"?
Again she replies, "No, there are no leprechaun nuns in the parish".
Liam again grunts something in Pat's ear. "Well, can ye be tellin'
me, Mother Superior, does the Cathlic Church have any leprechaun
nuns
at all?"
"No", she replies. "The church doesn't accept little people into any
religious order".
Pat turns to Liam and says, "D'ye see now Liam? That was a penguin
ye
fucked in the bar last night".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since
the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in
the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what
he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The
next morning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So,
he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night
before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over
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replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"
~~~~~~~
A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The
farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm
animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He
managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing
anything
about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the
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boy. "Oh, shit!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Indian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's this Indian walking home from a long night of hard partying
in the hot morning sun when he finds a cowboy hat on the side of the
road. He picks it up and looks at it and thinks "Niceum hat" and
puts
it on and keeps walking.
Before long a crew truck full of cowboys pulls up and
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Me takeum ride" and gets in the truck.
They take off down the road and one of the cowboys says
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Meum Like beer" and starts drinking it. Another cowboy
lights up a joint and says "Hey Indian.. You smoke
weed?" The Indian says "Yes... Meum like weed" and has
a few tokes.
Another cowboy in the back of the truck stands up and
unzips his pants and says "Hey Indian.. come here and
suck my dick!"
The Indian looks up and says "Oh, Me not real cowboy,
just findum hat on road!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The call girl confided to her friend, "I'm afraid I'm going to have
to give up analysis."
"But why? Isn't Dr. Greene helping you?"
"Yes, a lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get
used to lying down for a guy and then having him give me the bill."
~~
A typical family of hillbillies, Paw , Maw , Jethro and little
Sally.
One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?" Paw says, "Since you are
a
big boy I will show you." Paw hollers, "Maw get yourself in here!"
Paw then says,"Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now
spread your legs. "Paw says,"Jethro see that thar little hole? Now
watch this!" In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes
in and exclaims, "What is going on? "Jethro answers, "Paw is
teaching
me about sex. "Little Sally asks, "What is Sex? "Jethro replies,
"See
that little hole on Paw? Now watch this!"
~~~~~~
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a
beautiful young blonde woman passes them. She's 5'10",
120 lbs, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines. The
first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a
breathless
whisper says, "It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was
a Lesbian!!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cheating bitch
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In marriage there's often a glitch,
When you find out you married a bitch,
She once was quite nice,
All sugar and spice,
Now she's an evil old witch
____________
Hickory Dickory dock
Some slut was suckin my cock
Her hair got tangled
The bitch was strangled
But at least she swallowed the lot!!!!
____________
An astronomer slept in the sun,
Then woke with his fly quite undone.
He remarked, with a smile,
"Hoorah! A sundial!
And it's now a quarter past one."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would
never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends
and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go
and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give
us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies
he
laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys asked "What's that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and
you
might need this."
They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life! Women are
nothing
but trouble."
The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you, and if you don't
use them I'll refund your money next year.
"Okay," they said and left.
The following year this guy came into the trader's store and said
"Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him." said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was at school one day, and the
Teacher asked all the children to tell her what
kind of work their parents did.
Johnny replied, "My Mother eats glass."
The Teacher did not know what to make of this,
and asked Johnny to explain.
He said that he heard her at night, in the bedroom,
tell Daddy,
"If you put out the light, I'll eat it..
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1688
Fall
Rudy: A-Roo! A-Roo!
Diana: What is going on with Rudy? He has been doing that all
morning.
BJ: It is forty-nine degrees outside.
Diana: So?
BJ: This is his time of year. He loves it. Give me a minute to
let
him outside.
Rudy: Thanks Pops! You do not know how long I have waited for
this. I have suffered throughout this miserable summer.
BJ: Me so kiddo.
BJ opens the door and zoom... Rudy is gone and howling... A-Rooo!
Katie is standing at the doorway...
BJ: You want out?
Katie: Heavens no, it is too kold. I need my sweater father.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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