Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have completed replacing all of my incandescent lights in
the house with CFL units. I did leave a few seldom used lamps
unchanged and of course appliance bulbs like the refrigerator.
I am impressed by the amount of light four 22w CFL bulbs can
put out. I purposely mixed the warm white and cool white bulbs
to get the most pleasing color but in the kitchen which used to
have four 100 watt bulbs, you almost consider wearing sunglasses
when you go out there and I use less than 25% of the electricity
that I used before. The other big advantage is bulb life. We
have always had to change bulbs about every six weeks and
there was always at least one bulb that needed changing. I would
have to go drag out the stepladder each time because we have
10 ft ceilings so frequently you had burnt out bulbs for a week
while you waited on more to burn out to make the job worthwhile.
There is one thing to take into consideration on these and that is
spending a little extra to get good ones. Two of the cheapest I
bought
are a little noisy when they start and then stop crackling in a few
seconds.
The ones I spent a dollar a bulb more on are completely quiet and
start quickly.
Yesterday I got out of the shower and was sitting at the computer
when Eva came up with a hairbrush and wanted to brush my hair.
It is more like having your scalp aerated than brushed because she
tends to swing the brush like a flyswatter before brushing. I let
her do it
because Eva doesn't really like her own hair brushed and I am trying
to set an example. After a few minutes I started hearing a snip snip
snip.
When my hair starts to grow back I always have a cowlick and Eva
had grabbed a pair of safety scissors and was removing that which
wouldn't lay down, something I have been tempted to do myself. You
have to wonder where the kids come up with these ideas.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Navy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buff,
Saw this and thought of you.
Is sex work?
A U.S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the
captain
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before
and he
failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how
much of it
was "pleasure?"
A commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.
An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon
his
state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was
in charge
of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to
be 100%
pleasure."
The captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have
me
doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God bless the enlisted man.
-Greatscottz
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
progress of time
http://www.thepostm
why go fishing
http://www.thepostm
beam me up scotty
http://www.thepostm
Dear Hunters
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Dear Staff
http://www.sydesjok
Death By Lightsaber
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny went up to his Dad and asked, "Hey, Dad, can I get twenty
bucks
for a blow job?" His Dad responded, "I don't know, son. Are you any
good?"
Johnny came over to Mary Sue's house. They got bored and decided to
play "Doctor." Mary's mom walked in, and to her horror, Johnny was
giving Mary Sue oral sex. Her mom said, "Mary, when your daddy gets
home, you're gonna get a good lickin!" Mary's response was, "But
Johnny has been doing that all day!"
Men are like..... Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little
while.
According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon
after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by
without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to
examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her.
"With
him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to
Dad,
the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."
BOOZERS do it bottoms up
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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HIV Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the
doctors. "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.
"Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test
and see what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days."
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the
results.
"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag. "I'm afraid you
are HIV positive!" said the doctor. "No, I can't be I'm just a
little
paper bag!" said the little paper bag. "Have you been having
unprotected sex?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do things like that
-
I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well have you been sharing needles
with
other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do
things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Perhaps you've
been
abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?
the doctor. "NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper
bag!" "Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual
relationship?
"NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just little paper
bag!" "Then there can be only one explanation.
"Your
mother must have been a carrier."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moron Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the little moron move to the city?
Because he heard the country might go to war.
One little moron asked another little moron: Did you just take a
shower?
Second little moron: Why, is one missing?
Why does the little moron keep running around her bed?
He is trying to catch up with her sleep.
Why does the little moron save burned-out light bulbs?
So he can use them in his darkroom.
Why did the little moron say when they told her she was putting a
saddle
on backwards? How do you know which way I'm going.
Why did the little moron go to night school?
So she could learn to read in the dark.
Why did the little moron put a chicken in a tub of hot water? So
she'd
lay hard-boiled eggs.
Why did the little moron stand on his head in the kitchen?
He was making an upside down cake.
Why did the little moron through the clock out the window? Because
she
wanted to see if time could fly.
Why did the little moron shoot the alarm clock?
Because he felt like killing time.
Why did the little moron decide to collect clocks and watches?
Because
he heard that time was so valuable.
Why did the little moron give her chickens double martinis to drink?
She
wanted to have stewed chicken for dinner.
How did the correspondence school instruction know when the little
moron
was playing hookey? The little moron would send her empty envelopes.
Why did the little moron spray his apartment with DDT?
He heard that it might be bugged.
Why does the little moron wet his favorite shirt before putting it
on?
The label says, "Wash and wear."
Why did the little moron jump out his second story window last April
first? To try out her new Spring suit!
Why did the little moron run into Wall Street with a basket?
He heard the dollar was dropping.
Why does the little wear a life jacket at night?
Because he sleeps on a waterbed.
Why did the little moron ask her father to sit in the refrigerator?
She
wanted ice cold pop.
Why did the little moron want to be a n electrician?
To get a charge out of life.
Why did the little moron cut a hole in the rug?
So she could see the floor show.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The WRONG Pick Up Lines
1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
3) My Love for you is like diarrohea ... I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in
them.
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is
only a light switch away.
8) Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he
went into this cheap motel room.
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until the afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it
my nuts tighten up
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Newspaper Ad"
(The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared
four
days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the
first
day's mistake.)
MONDAY: For Sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him
cheap.
TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday.
It
should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707
and
ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
WEDNESDAY: Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received
several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the
classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale
--
R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707
after
7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who loves with him."
THURSDAY: Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale! I
smashed it! . . Don't call 948-0707 . . I have had the phone
disconnected! I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly! . . Until
yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Just Leave The Roses There
http://silverandgol
My Joy
http://www.poetryin
Carol w/Gift From The Heart
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Psalm 19
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Web-tv Codes
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Halloween Stencils
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Google Data Backup Guide Via Wesley
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Movies
Walk It Out Granny
http://www.buffalos
Water Park Prank
http://www.buffalos
wdrb
http://www.buffalos
We Need This Here
http://www.buffalos
What Every Man Wants In Bed
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WHAT_HAPPENS_
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What The Hells That
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Why I Go To Weddings
http://www.buffalos
Why Buy Expensive Toys
http://www.buffalos
Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns
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Why I Didn't Make The Olymics
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Why I Don't Fish
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Why I Was Never Late For School
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked, "Who
was
the first man?"
"If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the embarrassed
coed, "I'd rather not tell."
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out
peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance
to
take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot
that
the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first
in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your
drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
Jill was using a power strip to plug her computer and
other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and
she was unable to shut down
the machine by using the power button. She phoned for computer help
and mentioned the power strip to tech support.
The tech told her to flip it off.
Jill said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel much better. Now what
do I do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
choke
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choke the chicken
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choking
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choking hazard
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christmas
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's try it this new way," said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
"I should be affronted,
But this time I'm taken aback!"
A young man from a lofty sierra
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned--by trial and error.
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie
Poem
The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The
float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams.
He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank. "Typical
bloody sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense, "They won't
go through a gateway but they'll jump a bloody fence."
The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt She'd
stay
there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out. But when he
reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free And in her
haste to get away, began a swimming spree.
He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown. Her style was
unimpressive, her survival chances slim He saw no other option, he
would have to take a swim.
He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks. He
jumped into the water and away that cocky swam He caught up with
her,
somewhere near the middle of the dam
The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath She
showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.
She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her bloody hide.
Then
round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed He
still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly stuffed.
The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away
He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea But nor
was he prepared for what he was about to see.
He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe. And on
her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch The farmer yelling
wildly "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"
The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon after their wedding, the bride tells
the groom, "Darling, now that we are married,
I want you to fire your secretary."
"But honey," says the groom, "you used to
be a secretary yourself."
"Yes," she replies, "that's why I want you
to fire her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1689
Rudy Panics!
Rudy is a working dog. When he goes outside he patrols the yard
then
lies down by the front door, he is guarding the house. When he is
in
the house, he is always on guard. At night she sleeps on the floor
next
to the side of the bed where I sleep.
Even when I go to the bathroom, he lays down in the bathroom, he
is always on guard, watching, protecting.
With that as a backdrop here is what happened. I most always sleep
on the right side of the bed. Diana sleeps upstairs on a hard
mattress
and I sleep downstairs in a bed with a soft mattress. Sandi, and
Katie
sleep in my bed, the cats sleep with Diana. This night was just a
tad
different. Katie is a blanket thief, and a bed hog. So rather than
fight
her for my spot, I crawled over and slept on Sandi's side of the
bed.
Rudy was already crashed on the floor on his usually spot.
Then comes 2:30 am. Rudy goes upstairs to check on Diana, she is
sleeping well. He comes downstairs to check on me. I am gone!
I am not in my usual spot in my bed. Rudy starts to howl and make
all kinds of noise. The noise wakes me up, wakes Diana up two
floors
above me!
BJ: Rudy, it's okay, I am just on the other side of the bed.
Rudy: What are you doing over there? You are supposed to be over
here. I thought I lost you. I thought I failed as a guard dog.
BJ: No, you did your job well, it was me.
Rudy: Okay, then I will go back to sleep.
BJ: Rudy, you are a GREAT dog, sleep well my friend.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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