Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Need a reason to party before Columbus Day? Here is a list
of those little known October holidays so that you will
always have a reason to crack open a brew and celebrate.
October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day
October 2 is Name Your Car Day
October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day
October 4 is National Golf Day
October 5 is National Storytelling Festival
October 6 is German-American Day and Come and Take It Day
October 7 is National Frappe Day
October 8 is American Tag Day
October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day
October 10 is National Angel Food Cake Day
October 11 is It's My Party Day
October 12 is International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day
October 13 is National Peanut Festival
October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day and National Dessert Day
October 15 is White Cane Safety Day
October 16 is Dictionary Day
October 17 is Gaudy Day
October 18 is No Beard Day
October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day
October 20 is National Brandied Fruit Day
October 21 is Babbling Day
October 22 is National Nut Day
October 23 is National Mole Day
October 24 is National Bologna Day
October 25 is Punk For A Day Day
October 26 is Mule Day
October 27 is Sylvia Plath Day
October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and National Chocolate Day
October 29 is Hermit Day
October 30 is National Candy Corn Day
October 31 is National Magic Day and Increase Your Psychic Powers
Day
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I highly doubt this is true, but it's a funny read. This is
apparently a
true story which occurred very recently in the Telecom Call Centre
in
Lower Hutt.
The Operative received a call from a somewhat irate and very worried
Pacific Islander who it seems needed some urgent marriage guidance.
The
call went like this:
Telecom: How may we help you?
Customer: I haff a big problem with my phone bill. My wife, she
think I
haffing an affair!
Telecom: Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?
Customer: My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and
my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard
of
her before. I need to trace these calls please.
Telecom: Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually
tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.
Customer: This one is.
Telecom: What phone do you have, Sir?
Customer: A mobile. I tell you this.
Telecom: No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?
Customer: An erection.
After a moment's silence, the gallant Telecom worker continued.
Telecom: Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?
Customer: For sure - E..R..I..C..
Another moment's silence from Telecom, and suddenly the penny
dropped.
Telecom: Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?
Customer: For sure. C..E..L..L..
The end of the conversation was unfortunately not reported.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
begging kittens
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did he just say that?
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the bank robbery
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Debbie Does Salads
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Decoy
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Deductions
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ladies at Lunch
Jill: Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?
Mary: I certainly did! I resolved to be celibate.
Jill: How's it going?
Mary: Great! I haven't had a decent date in eight years anyway
Linda was complaining to Jill that her husband was a great tosser
and
turner, and was forever squeezing her on to the edge of the bed or
rolling over and taking the blankets.
Jill said that she never had a problem with her husband John. He
just
falls asleep on his side and stays there all night."
"Hows he do that?" Linda asked.
Jill replied, "He has a built in kick stand."
Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a
man away?
1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
Two older men sat on a bench in the park. One said, "I hear that
eating raw oysters puts lead in your pencil."
The other man said, "I don't like raw oysters, and to tell you the
truth, I don't have any women to write to!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brain Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mid-level Blonde executive was so frustrated at being passed over
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After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by
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"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this
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president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain
is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain?
Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we
would have to kill to get an ounce?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.
He
walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I
wanted to
ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the
courage to
ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was
worried I'd
get an erection again. So I got some tape and taped my penis to my
leg, so
if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She
answered it
in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tornado Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new categories:
Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are
damaged, housecats meow slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms
by
duct taping your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist
triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm at
you.
Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker
looking
trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain.
Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your
property, as
well as duct taping X-es on your windows. This lets the wind know
not to
blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else
snaps it
up.
Category 3: "Deeply Frightening.
cease to
exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart
explosively, healthy trees surrender. Planning: duct tape everything
on
your property, including the dog. Buy plywood and nail it over the
windows-- after first duct taping X-es over the glass. Purchase
bottled
water and bleach. This is so if it looks like you're going to die,
you
can add the bleach to the water and drink it.
Category 4: "Holy Shit." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air,
walls bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland,
entire
regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire house with
duct tape X-es to try and fool the hurricane into thinking the whole
place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as you can find to the
outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and your family and your
farting
dog in the basement with the bottled water and bleach, and maybe
some
canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to ward off looters in
the
apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.
Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked
up
several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the
Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and
swallows
mankind whole.
Planning: screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace
with
your god. Whomever He, She or It may be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elephant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elephant is walking through the jungle one
day when she gets a thorn stuck in her foot.
The further she walks, the more it hurts.
After a while, she starts to limp. As she
limps along, an ant walks up and asks, "Hey,
what's the matter?"
"I've got this thorn in my foot and I would
do *anything* to get it out."
The ant says, "Anything? Well, would you let
me screw you?"
The elephant thinks about it for a minute and
decides "Why not?, How bad could an ant be?"
So she agrees.
The ant starts pulling on the thorn and,
eventually, gets it out.
True to her word, the elephant then lays down
on her side and moves her tail out of the way.
The ant crawls up and starts going to town.
A monkey up in a coconut palm is watching all
this. He can't quite believe his eyes. As the
ant mounts the pachyderm, the monkey starts
laughing and rolling around in the tree. His
actions knock a coconut out of the tree and
it falls and hits the elephant right between
the ears.
The elephant moans loudly in pain,
"Awwoooohhhhh!
Hearing this, the ant yells out at the top of
his voice, "Take it all baby, take it all!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
A Day Will Come
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Heavenly Colors
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I BELIEVE
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Melva/Autumn'
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The Easy Way To Build Your Vocabulary
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Online Cell Phone Radiation Chart
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Paint Your House - Online !
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Movies
Eric O Shea
http://www.buffalos
Escuta Essa
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Examendeprostata
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Fairy Tale Ending
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Farting In a Womens Toilet
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Fastest Gun Ever
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Fed Ex
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Fests
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FFs
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Hot Dog Chase
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shopping Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She
picked
up three cans and took them to the check out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell
you
cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people
buy
cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that you are
buying
the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back
to
the store, and they sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the
cashier
demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people sometimes
eat
dog food.
She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked
the
cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused,
saying
"No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured
her
that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the
cashier
put her finger into the box and pulled it out and exclaimed, "That
smells like crap." The little old lady said, "It is. Now can I buy
three
rolls of toilet paper?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Automatic Pilot
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Waste Of Money
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Beer Babe
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Abuse the force
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Accident
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Ace
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS LITTLE PIGGY
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went wee, wee, wee and bought some Depends
disposable undergarments to solve that problem.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall ,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't bad either.
Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.
Fuzzy
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bare,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy was arrested for indecent exposure and is now serving
time in the state pen.
Garden
Mary, Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow,
Spraying pesticides and herbicides all down the row?
Bridge
London Bridge is in Arizona, Arizona, Arizona.,
London Bridge is in Arizona, as a tourist trap.
Peter
Peter, Peter wife beater
Had a wife and used to beat her,
'Till she shot him with a shot gun shell,
And sent that bastard straight to hell.
Then she sold the movie rights.
It's now a mini series on Tuesday nights.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went
down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.
Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence
with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated
his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.
The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his
discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he
could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head
with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you
about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with
you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"That fucking jerk of a husband of mine wanted me to screw the
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the
housewife
told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you? " "Hell yes, I did, but
I didn't tell him, Also what
I haven't done, is tell my bastard husband that now the rent is paid
up
for six months. When he gives me the money to pay the rent, I go
shopping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1693
A Stranger Imbarks
Diana lets the dogs outside about four pm to do their thing.
The PT Cruiser, Diana's new car and the Crown Vic are parked
outside. BJ is driving his new car home. As he pulls into the
driveway,
Mr Rutherford Randolf Cassady starts defending his turf. He barks
and the hair on his back raises up.
BJ rolls down his window: Hey it is okay Rudy, it is me.
Rudy: A-Roo?
Sandi: Chill Rudy, it is daddy.
Katie: Father can I ride?
BJ: No, I want to be home.
BJ gets out of the car and uses his remote clock and the car lights
flash
and the horn gives a little beepl
Rudy: Hey that startled me!
BJ: It's okay Rudy, mom's car does the same. The crown vic does
the
same also.
Rudy: Well, yeah, but we had one car of three that did it, now we
have
three of four that do it.
Katie: I think it would be cool to play with all the keys at the
same
time. I can see it now, all three cars with their lights flashing
and horns
honking...
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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