Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
On the good side the Detroit Lions won their first game in
21 months. The last time they won was Dec 23, 2007 and
I have faithfully watched them now for the past 20 years.
Don't get me wrong, they never really played truly stinky
bad football in fact they had the lead in most of their games
at one point or another.
On the bad side the Tigers are still trying hard to blow what
chances they do have to make the playoffs and the Spartans
have lost the last three games in a row. Speaking of losses
I have lost my voice now as this cold that came from brother
Don continues to run its course. Nancy blamed it on me but
Don had it two days before me. I'll straighten it out with her
as soon as she loses her voice heh heh .
With all the tasks ahead if I find it necessary to take a day off
this week, have no fear we will be back on as soon as possible.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she
belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said
I'll give you a $100 if you let me have you....but the girl said NO.
Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She
thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend...
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he
won't even be able to get his pants down.
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the
boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45
minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened....
She said "The bastard used coins"
Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
15 seconds
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Rejection Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rejection Letter Form
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Dear [____rejectee'
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
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allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from
the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms bythetruckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than
my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend'
mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
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Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to
plant you right here!
2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go
screw.
3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to
be.
5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.
8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and
going....
9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd
be coming too.
10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you
treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone
beat me to it.
12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like
to "tinker" around with.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -
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14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be
McGorgeous.
15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher, have you seen one?
17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.
18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.
19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until
the afternoon.
20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost
mine.
23. I look good on you.
24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Super Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really
good-looking guy sitting at the
bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he
is drinking. "Magic Beer".he says .
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but
after
realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to
the
man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is
it?
"Yes", I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer,
jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and
comes
back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that
again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies
around the building three times, and comes back in the window She is
so
amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer so the guy says to the
bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink,
takes
a gulp of the beer,jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks
every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You
know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Late Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Retirement Dinner
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years
in the
parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation
was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the
dinner.
He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words
while
they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I
heard
here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very
first
person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television
set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out
of it.
He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer,
had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave
VD to his
sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my
people
were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish
full of
good
and loving people."....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at
being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave
his
talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,"
said the
politician.
"In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in
confession."
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE
ROFL!! Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Menopause Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause arrived at my door without warning:
Itchy,
Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up.
One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and
started to take over my life. The first to arrive was Itchy. I
developed
this itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to
scratch
the skin right off my body.
Then Bitchy came to my door.
No longer was my PMS contained to one or two days a month--
it felt like constant PMS.
Then I would swing from Bitchy to Weepy for God's sake,
what was wrong with me?
Ding-dong...
and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me.
Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes
and introduced me to night sweats
where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my breasts.
Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy,
because I was tired all the time.
I would wake up so many times in the night
and not be able to get back to sleep.
Bloated crept in slowly,
my once-svelte figure got thick through the middle section, even
though
I was following my weight-loss program that had worked so well for
so
many years!
I can't quite remember
when Forgetful arrived,
but one day my brain stopped working.
I considered myself a pretty focused woman
until Forgetful came,
and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain.
Am I getting Alzheimer's? I wondered.
Last,
All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage.
This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family.
Sex was no longer on the top of my list...or on my list at all. My
husband would give me that knowing look, and I would think,
"Frankly,
I'd rather have a smoothie."
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause! - What a family...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Melva/Autumn in Vermont
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other
and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think
the best way to end an argument is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman," that will certainly
revolutionize the game of hockey!"
Q: Did you hear about the 13 year old boy that
got hold of his fathers Viagra?
A: They rushed him to the hospital with 3rd degree
burns on his hands.
Young boy & a young girl are playing in a sunny field alone. After a
while they both are very hot so after much discussion they take off
their shirts ... that helps alot and they continue playing. At some
time
later the boy asks the girl "What are those things?" (pointing to
her
breasts) she says"they are my headlights ... look you have them too
but
they are kinda smaller" so they continue playing. Later, the boy has
a
bee fly up his pant leg so he hurriedly removes his pants. The young
girl asks (pointing at his penis)" What is that?" He replies "Why
that's
my plug, don't you have a plug ?" (It's beginning to get dark by
now)
She says "No - I have this." (She removes her pants) Boy says "I
can't
see too well but it looks like you have a socket. Hey, I have a idea
.... If I stick my plug into your socket it will make our headlights
light up !!!! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chicken bj
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chinese
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and
bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to
establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he
couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one. "I can't
help feeling that we've met before". he said. "Yeah, I know".
sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they
call this 'deja screw'.
~~~~~~
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation
center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate
some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's
interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me
$25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more
before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same
man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
~~~~~
A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the
first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the
other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked
beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in
anguish.
Just then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been standing
there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face.
"Are you OK?"
asks the guy. "Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering...
How do I go about getting audited?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lady called Pam
Who took a trip on a tram
The fucking conductor
Took out his constructor
And now she's wheeling a pram.
____________
There was a zookeeper named Brian
Who smiled as he rode on a lion
They came back from the ride
But with Brian inside
And the smile on the face of the lion
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marina and Amy were sitting drinking coffee.
Amy looked quite down and so Marina asked her what the problem was.
Amy's brow furrowed and she said, "Marina, that Viagra is the work
of the devil.
Now we girls can look forward to having sex with really old guys,
for years and years to come.
I can see it now.
He's screaming ...
'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy?
Oh dear, I can't remember! What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?"
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1690
The State Fair
BJ parks the car and everyone gets out.
Diana: This may be cheap.
BJ: Why?
Diana: You and I are seniors. The dogs go in free if we keep them
on
a leash.
Katie looks stunned: Leash?
Rudy: For real?
Sandi: I don't mind.
BJ: If you stay close to us, we could let you off the leash, and if
you
promise to behave.
Rudy: Sure thing pops.
Katie looking at Heaven with her paws together: I will be very good
father. (however in her head, an angel and a devil are having a
fistfight)
Diana: Very well, let's go.
Sandi: Where to first?
Diana: To the building that has quilts and things.
Katie: Boring.
Rudy: Wanna taste wine.
Katie: Let's go Rudy.
Zoom!
Sandi: I am with you Daddy and Mommy.
After the building with the quilts...
BJ: Where is Katie, Rudy?
Diana: They promised they would stay close.
Sandi: I think they mentioned something about wine tasting.
BJ: It is the next building over, we should hurry over and make
certain
all is well.
In the next building, Rudy is atop a table with his paw around Katie
as they toast each others health and trying to sing two separate
songs
in a busted harmony.
Diana: Ack!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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