Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Eight years ago today I finished the lists about 0245 and posted
them and fell onto the couch after a really hard day at work
planning to sleep at least to 1100, answer some of my mail, and go
to work. Hours before work I heard the ding of AOL instant messenger
and the answering ding as my daughter typed back. I growled a little
bit because the computer is only six feet from the couch. Then I
heard the TV click on and was furious as she knew better than make
noise while I was sleeping. Then I heard , " Dad, Phil is online and
says someone just crashed a plane into the World Trade Center." Phil
writes the Jokes Uncut and we have a long history of practical
jokes. As my eyes came open to the first tower on fire I was
thinking great trick photography and then sat bolt upright a few
seconds later as the plane hit the second tower. I sent an email to
Jill from Jill's Jokeline as I knew she worked in Manhattan and
called work and my mom. Everyone was watching the story unfold amid
the terror at the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania. I did what I had
been trained to do and kept up my routine and went to work even
though the visions of the towers collapsing and unknown thousands
dead filled my mind. The schools closed down and events were
cancelled, anything where a crowd might gather. That was the terror
that our own children and towns may be next. Back at home that night
with everyone around me shutting down I made the decision to
continue with the lists, first to bring some humor to a world that
was in dire need and next to allow some who could talk about it a
place to post their thoughts. It was a roller coaster of emotions
over the next few months dealing with all the mail, news, and jokes
going from laughing to crying in a few seconds many times a day.
Today I look at music videos and movies and the WTC , a building I
could not have identified in 2000 stands out and screams out to me,"
We Are Gone" That is why we must rebuild bigger and better no matter
what the cost to prove that we will not let terrorists control our
lives.
Today is a day of remembrance. Remembering the thousands who died in
the towers and the Pentagon. Remembering those that died trying to
save those trapped in the buildings. Remembering that there will
always be people out there that want to do us harm and that we must
be forever vigilant. Remembering those who have fought and died in
Afghanistan trying to bring those responsible to justice.
Remembering that although we have a right to life, liberty, and the
pursuit of happiness it usually comes at a high price. If we all
remember then perhaps we will never be caught unaware again.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a Key West
bar.
At a nearby table sat an inebriated couple. When the woman
recognized
Capote, she approached him and asked for an autograph. The woman's
husband, in a display of drunken jealousy, staggered over to
Capote's
table, unzipped his trousers, and in Capote's own words, "hauled out
his equipment." As the man did this, he bellowed, "Since you're
autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" A hush fell over
the room, allowing everybody in the bar to hear Capote's soft, high
pitched voice reply, "I don't know if I can autograph it, but
perhaps
I can initial it."
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she
said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap
his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband
said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said,
"Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half
over," he said.
The wealthy financier was sitting in his study when his eldest son
came to him. "Dad," the boy stammered, "I got a girl in trouble and
she wants two thousand dollars to keep quiet about it." The father
reluctantly wrote a check for the amount; but just as he finished
signing it, his second son burst in with the same bad news, only
this
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collect!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some
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"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.
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going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
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bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons
and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws,
it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand
trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the
hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said,
"YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT, DIDN'T YOU?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quilt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man in the military was stationed in Germany. One day, on a
weekend pass he went to a bazaar and found an old woman selling
quilts.
The young man approached her booth and picked up a quilt. He then
turned
to the woman and asked "How much?"
The woman replied, "$25 dollars American, but I must warn you, the
quilt
was made by a gypsy and has magic woven into it."
Paying the woman no mind, he paid for the quilt, and returned to
base.
That night he slept under the quilt and dreamt that he was extremely
wealthy. The next morning mail call had a suprise letter for him.
His
wife had played the lottery and won $65 million dollars.
The next night he slept under the quilt and dreamt that he had sex
with
a beautiful woman that he had seen on the base. The next day, the
base
doctor (the woman in question) Brings him to her office and has sex
with
him on the exam table.
Excitedly, the next night, the man hurried to bed and dreamt that
his
penis reached his ankles. To his horror, he awoke to find his legs
had
shrunk to four inches long.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Noticing that her husband's relationship with the alluring young
miss
across the street was becoming more than a little friendly, the
suspicious wife awoke one morning to find herself alone in bed.
Angered,
she dialed her attractive neighbor and bellowed into the phone,
"Tell my
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voice
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In her book, Hillary says that when Clinton finally admitted to her
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when he asked his teacher
a
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would
be their homework for the night. When little Johnny got home he
immediately went to his father and asked him what a penis is. His
father undid his trousers and said: "Look son, that's a penis."
Johnny
was very pleased that it had been so easy to do his homework. The
next
morning, on his way to school he met Mary but she was in floods of
tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked. "Well I wasn't able to do
my
homework," she sobbed. "Nobody would tell me what a penis is." "OK,
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Mary: "Look, you see this. Well, this is a Dick. A penis is about
three inches shorter!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bull Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named
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"Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.
"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined
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"Okay, I can do that." George answered.
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like
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few more instructions.
"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end
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"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.
"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals
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polite. OK?" said Sam.
"Sure" says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at
one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he
remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going
along he makes sure to say -
"Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am,
thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wedding Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.
3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for the parents to
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4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from
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5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated
the priest.
6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow
sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.
7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always
thrown in the face of a hated rival.
8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go
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9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's Hear It For
the Boy, It's Raining Men, or I Will Survive.
10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man from the cape,
Who tried to make love to an ape.
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You're bending your tool,
And pushing my arse out of shape."
A belly dancer called Wendy
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To a chorus of yells
She removed all seven veils
Driving her fans to a frenzy
Said Lewinsky "All right - I've confessed
Though I'll use 'Bill's defence' - it's the best
I will say 'I was silly
to play with Bill's willy'
- but I sucked and I didn't ingest"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My boyfriend and I had hardly finished one
argument when I screwed up and started another
one." said Jill.
"How'd you do that?" asked Margaret.
"Well," says Jill "you know when you're done with
a big fight and your significant other suggests a
little 'make-up sex'?"
"Yeah" says Margaret.
Jill replies, "I guess it wasn't the right time
for me to ask, 'Does it have to be with you?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
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She directs him down the correct aisle.
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tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; because it's soooooooooooo
much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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