THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
"Defeat is not the worst of failures.
Not to have tried is the true failure."
~George Edward Woodberry
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Apparently the news commentators are running
out of bad things to say about the economy. Everyone
wants to talk about how things are "getting better".
Of course, that makes it kindof hard to explain why
the job outlook is not improving. Today, a couple of
news commentators were talking about how "unique" this
economic "recovery" was. They recapped how everything like
the housing market, the banks and the stock market were
improving but jobs were not. And one of them said,
"This could very well be a "jobless" recovery."
That is an interesting concept. They never explained
how you were supposed to survive with out a job.
Or how you were supposed to take advantage of the
gov't $8,000 dollar tax credit for a house, or the cash
for clunkers new car project. I wish someone could
epxlain to me how you can have an economic recovery
without having people going back to work.
Doesn't make sense to me. Go figger.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________
THE COMICS
solving problems
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r060.html
oh ohhh
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r061.html
all you need to know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r062.html
a will to live
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r063.html
in between
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r064.html
impressive
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r065.html
blow up doll
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r066.html
never again
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/r067.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Don't make a mess
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7046.html
expectations
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7047.html
golfing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7048.html
nekked
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7049.html
cordless
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7050.html
the naturist
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7051.html
attention
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies7052.html
A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator,
I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in
Phoenix , Arizona ." "There are multiple listings for Mary
Jones in Phoenix ," the operator replied.
"Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said,
"Well, most people call me Ice Man.
________________
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are
charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" the Judge shouted back to
the man, all the while banging his gavel. He turns
to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged
with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You damned tightwad!" blurted the spectator again.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge after a few more bangs of
his gavel and then continues, "You are also charged
with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout when
the Judge thunders back, "If you don't tell me reason
for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
So the man answers, "I've lived next to that lying bastard
for ten years now, but do you think he ever had any tools
when I needed to borrow one!"
________________
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach with
his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary
line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. About that
time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying
to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed
the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find
out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working
harder to make a living for himself and his family.
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the
businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working
rather than lying on the beach!"
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and
replied, "And what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!"
was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?"
asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied,
"You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which
will then result in larger catches of fish!"
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the
fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a
little irritated with the fisherman's questions.
"You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people
to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand?
You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over
the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the
fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so
rich that you will never have to work for your living
again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting
on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a
care in the world!" The fisherman, still smiling, looked
up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"
________________
Two farmers, Farmer Bob and Farmer Dan, are having beers in
the local bar. Farmer Bob is a younger man, somewhat new
to the farming business.
Conversely, Farmer Dan has been doing it for nearly 30
years and is the most successful man in town. After a few
hours of drinking, Farmer Bob gets up and says,
"I'm gonna go home to feed the beaver."
Farmer Dan asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Farmer Bob replies, "Well, my wife doesn't know about it,
but I like to use names of chores on the farm for
having sex. You ought to try it"
"Hmmm, you think the wife would go for it? asks Farmer Dan.
"Oh I'm sure she would," replied Farmer Bob.
"Maybe I will, if you think it's OK," said Farmer Dan.
"I don't see anything wrong with it," replied Farmer Bob.
Several months later, Farmer Bob's tractor engine
breaks down. He's so distraught, he decides to drown
his sorrows at the local bar. After sulking for a few
hours, Farmer Bob decides to return home. To his surprise,
he finds a brand new tractor in front of his house.
He begins to jump for joy. He runs inside to look
for his wife. Farmer Bob says to his wife, "Honey,
where did this great tractor come from?"
His wife replies, "Well, Farmer Dan gave it to us. I've
been handling his eggs, greasing his gearshift, and he's
been milking the udders, plowing the furrow, and
unloading his load a few times a week for several months
now, He said, you told him it would be OK! You know I
told you Farmer Dan had ask me to help with his chores
since his wife's was real sick, and you said, OK."
"I think there was a misunderstanding, but we do
have a new tractor, that we couldn't afford financially
on our own. So I guess there wasn't any harm done,"
replied Farmer Bob. "Just one thing," replied his wife. "
There's a bun in the oven and I don't know who put the
cream in the mixing bowl."
Oh no," said Farmer Bob. " Do you have any feelings of whose it is?"
"The wife replied, Well since we are being open and truthful,
Farmer Dan's rooting tool is longer and thicker and it
makes my mixer vibrate really good, so ...........
_______________
Ralph stopped at a flower shop after work to pick up
roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting the
finishing touches on his bouquet, another man burst
through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen
red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man
just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer
turned to Ralph and begged, "May I please have
those roses?" "What happened?" Ralph asked.
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," the man confided.
"I crashed my wife's hard drive."
______________
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his
poorly behaved 3-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps
has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy
aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal, and soda
in their respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy." Another
outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a
couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Gramps again in a controlled voice says, "Albert, Albert, relax
buddy, don't get upset.. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his
groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my
business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did
it. That whole time, you kept your composure, no matter how loud and
disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be
okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as a
grandpa." "Thanks, lady," said Gramps,
"I'm Albert -- the little shit's name is Steve."
BUFFALO BILL
Taint
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vgffdesw.htm
Taint Taster
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbcfsxfd.htm
Time to Leave Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mhfdesere.htm
Triceratits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkhfgsdrf.htm
________________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Blind Folded Rubik Cube
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000173.html
Blind Levis
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000174.html
Blind Motorcyclist
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000175.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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