Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was driving past the railway yard yesterday and saw a couple
of aluminum passenger cars sitting over there. They really stick
out amongst the flat cars, tank cars, and box cars that normally
sit in the yard. There has been no passenger service in the area
in over 50 years so unlike the big cities you never see passenger
cars up here and these two were of the Vista Cruiser type as
identified by Ross, our resident train expert.
As I got a little closer I could see the Algoma Central markings
on them and realized they were probably from the Agawa Tour
Train that that makes all day trips from Sault Ste Marie Canada
120 miles north into the wilderness.
http://www.agawacan
I am surprised that the cars were over here as the next two weeks
are the prime time for the people who go north to see the first
change of colors. The train tour is extremely popular although a
bit pricy. Two days hotel accommodations, train ticket, and casino
and sightseeing packages are going to cost 150-200 dollars per
person but it is guaranteed to be one of the most beautiful train
trips
you ever took.
For those of you that want something a little cheaper and not
requiring
a passport or Nexus card there is always the trip through
Michigan's
Upper Peninsula. Nancy venture west yesterday for a drive and along
M-28 some of the maples were beginning to show their red colors
but it will be several weeks before the oranges and yellows are
there.
Whichever way, take a quick family trip up North while the weather
is still nice and see the colors and throw some nickels in the slot
machines.
From the great white north..... buffalo
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Calorie Chips
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Calories Burned During Sex
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.....
Without her consent.....
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.......
With one hand........
With your teeth.......
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....
Without an erection....
POSITIONS:
Missionary..
69 lying down........
69 standing up..........
Wheelbarrow.
Doggy Style.......
Italian chandelier..
ORGASMS:
Real........
Faked ............
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.....
Getting up immediately.
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.
816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years.......
30-39 years.......
40-49 years.......
50-59 years.......
60-69 years.......
70 and over........
Calories
DRESSING AFTER SEX
Calmly......
In a hurry.......
With her father knocking at the door........
5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........
13,521 Calories
Results may vary ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
keeping score
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grand ma's blue hair
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today's spelling bee
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Crop Circle
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Cross Country Skiing
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Crowded Train
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his
boss for two more weeks off to get married.
"What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why
didn't you get married while you were off?"
"Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my whole
vacation."
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two
girlfriends.
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes
into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to
complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Jill: John says the cutest things!
Mary: Really? Like what?
Jill: Like "C'mere, Honey, and sit on my face."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really
worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude
picture."
The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about
that. It's probably just an expression of her
interest in art. What was the nude picture for?"
Doug said, "Her driver's license."
~~~~~
Have you ever noticed the mannequins in the store have the bra-less
look?
They have a sweater on with little points.
Why would I buy a sweater that can't even keep a mannequin warm?
~~~~~~
Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon Bonaparte."
Boy: "Great, isn't it?"
Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."
Boy: "And that is?"
Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Alaskan Chips
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Tim and Nancy lived in Anchorage, Alaska. Right downtown. Their
house was literally right downtown. But they had no indoor plumbing.
They did, however, have an outhouse. The older Tim got, though, the
further away it seemed to get.
One night, he decided to just skip the trip. Instead, he decided to
just relieve himself right there off the front porch.
Nancy was pretty pissed about his decision. "Tim, you moron. Our
neighbours can see you when you do that, you know."
"It's dark out" said Tim, "they can't see me"
"Of course they can" explained Nancy, "you're silhouetted against
the porch light and they can tell what you're doing"
He'd not given it THAT much thought, so he promised his wife he'd
not do it again.
Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold. Right in
the middle of the night he had to piss like a race horse. He got up,
put on his slippers, and headed out of the bedroom to do his
business.
He was back in two shakes (so to speak). His wife, suspicious as
wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very long."
"That's right."
"You went off the porch again, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did."
"We had a talk about this, remember? The neighbours can see you.
They'll know it was you and what you were doing out there. Aren't
you the least bit embarrassed?
"Naw, they won't know it's me! This time I was squatting down!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Virgin Chips
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A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on
a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No
thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this
day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet
the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my
husband pretty upset."
Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk.
One of them asked the other, "So, what do you hunt?"
He answered, "I hunt unicorns."
The first hunter was startled, but said,
"Really? How do you do that?"
The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The
virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When
it does, it sets off a snare." The first hunter said, "Boy, they
must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around,
either!"
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Bride Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Brides Get Left Standing at the Altar
Dear soon-to-be husband,
I thank you whole-heartedly for considering me to be
your future wife.
We have a very bright future ahead of us, and it can
be even brighter if you take note to a few things that
are a part of what makes a marriage between a man and
a woman work and become successful. Please take the
time to read over the conditions below that I have
set-forth for you.
1. I will not do any dishes by hand, if you expect me
to do dishes, either hire a maid or buy a dishwasher.
You can locate one at any appliance store between $200
and $400.
2. I will not wash your laundry in the bathtub while
you work over-time to save up for a washer. I will not
pack wet clothes into a laundry basket and tote it to
any clothes line. I must have a working washer
and dryer to do laundry. If you expect me to pack our
dirty laundry into my vehicle and take it to a public Laundromat,
you can do it yourself....
3. I will not get on my hands and knees to scrub any
floors. I must have a Swiffer mop and Swiffer broom
if you expect to have clean floors. That manual stuff
is for the birds...or you can again, hire a maid.
4. I will not clean up after your friends at anytime
during our marriage. If they make a mess be it puke,
piss or simply leaving their glass on the coffee
table....it'
5. I will not entertain your folks while you skip out
on me. If your folks come over for the day or the
weekend, I expect you to give me the Neiman Marcus
card and JC Penny card so that I may go on an all day
shopping venture or at least the Master Card so that I
can rent a room in the town's finest hotel. There is
no way I am doing your job for you!
6. I will not take out the trash. If you won't do it,
look forward to repairing the garbage disposal in the
sink because that is where the tv remote, your cell
phone, your car keys, and your baseball cards will go
if I EVER have to ask you to take out the trash more
than once!
7. I am not about to stoop over and pick up your
clothing from the floor. If you leave your clothes on
the floor and they are not placed in the laundry
hamper, I will politely donate them to the Good Will
or to some other agency...I don't care if you did drive
to one hundred different stores to find your favorite
shirt.
8. I will not tolerate your neglect to flush after you
use the bathroom. I don't like sitting on a pissy
toilet seat or having dirty water splashing up on my
ass so if you want to avoid me taking a piss on
you...you'll flush! Plain and simple!
9. You are responsible for paying 70% of the bills. I
pay less because society, after all these years, is
still critical of a woman in the workplace, therefore
you make more then me. Every time you get a raise,
you get another bill.
10. Sex is something that we should both enjoy.
Therefore when I say I don't feel like it, don't ask
me again later. For every time you ask me for sex,
after I have told you once that I don't feel like it,
is another day you don't get any. If I ask you for
sex and you put me off, your friend gets it and you
still don't get any.
Sincerely.
Your soon-to-be Wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Family
http://silverandgol
Poems Of The Week
http://ministry-
carolyn w/ An Old Cabin For Sale
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Carol w/Dance Of Love
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny and his best buddy Billy wanted to go fishing, so they
got into their boat and headed out into the ocean. After traveling
several miles a very large wave came at them and capsized their
small
boat. As soon as they got into the water and started to swim a large
shark came by and chewed both of Billy's arms off.
Billy yelled at Little Johnny, "I can't swim, a shark bit my arms
off!
Little Johnny yelled back, "Try to get on my back and I will swim us
over to that island."
So Billy got on Little Johnny's back and they headed toward the
island. After swimming for a long time they finally made it to the
beach. Little Johnny got up on the sand and just about passed out
from all that hard swimming. He looked at Billy and said, "Damn my
butt is sore. I didn't know swimming would make my butt so sore!"
And Billy said, "I'm sorry, but that was the only way I could hang
on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
catch of the day
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caught2
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cause of a blackout
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caution
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cave man
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife Myrtle's womb has a habit
Of expanding whenever I stab it.
What's more, my wife Myrtle
Is so wonderously fertile,
That she's giving me kids like a rabbit.
~~~
There was a young girl of East Anglia
Whose loins were a tangle of ganglia.
Her mind was a webbing
Of Freud and Kraft-Ebing
And all sorts of other mew-fanglia.
~~~~~~
There was a young man from Hong Kong
Who had a trifurcated prong:
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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