Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Want to wish all of you a great weekend. I have had a very
busy week and rather than bore you, I will let you get straight
to the ads er I mean jokes. Take care...
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Debate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish
community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious
debate
with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they
could
stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave.
Rabbi Moishe represented the Jews in the debate. However, as
Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all
agreed
that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three
fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe
pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that
Rabbi Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.
The
Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.
He
responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still
only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to
show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the
ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out
the
wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He
pulled
out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and
I
could
not continue."
Meanwhile the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe.
"How
did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe. "First he said to me that we had
three
days to get out of Italy, so I said to him, Up yours! Then he tells
me
that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him,
we're staying right here."
"And then what," asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch so I took out
mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
don't worry
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men and women
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bye bye kitty
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Crabby Bitch
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Crap Stamp
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Crapucinno
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not, is something
the majority of men would rather not question in case
they discovered that she has been all along, and that
they are not in fact the stud they thought women go
wild for, but rather a pathetic creature with a
problem, who needs to be patronized.
For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still
like
to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.
1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the
moment it sounds as though she is about to have an
orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she has been
reading. If she says "Oh, I was reading that", then
she was faking it.
2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like
a
familiar song, then she can't be concentrating enough on the job at
hand, and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes the
song
playing on her personal stereo.
3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at
random
and record her response. If every time you stop she says "Mmmmmmm
you
were wonderful", then she is faking it. If she says "Don't stop",
then
she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop" hours after lovemaking
has
finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed
most of the excitement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down
waiting
for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those
weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself
"I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me." She went over
to
the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said,
"You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you are going to Chicago,
Illinois."
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably
tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She
went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card
read,
"You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs you're going to Chicago, Illinois
and
you are going to play a fiddle." The nun said to herself, "I know
that's
wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life."
She
sat back down.
From nowhere a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down
next to
her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful
music. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is
incredible. I've got to try it again."
Back to the machine. She put her nickel in and another card
came
out.
It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you're going to Chicago,
Illinois and you're going to break wind. Now, the nun knows the
machine
is wrong; "I've never broke wind in public a day in my life!"
Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind. Stunned,
she
sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, "This
is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again." She went
back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card. It
said,
"You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and farrted around
and
missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Boob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boobs!
The public is in titillated awe after hearing news of the advances
in
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this exciting new technology continue to grow unabated. Only a
short
while ago, it was announced that the cloning process had been used
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duplicate a sheep's liver, only one small part of a larger organism.
Scientists prognosticate that these types of applications will
likely
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Though at first blush the primary value of this type of cloning
appears
to be the potential to offer replacements to people with defective
organs, I think you will agree with me that this technology can
serve a
much more noble purpose.
Specifically, the cloning of boobs!
Not only will there be no more need to negotiate with the biological
boob owner for use of the boob, there will also be no limit of two
boobs
per negotiation. Cost permitting, one can own as many as one wishes
and
fellow owners may wish to collect and trade their boobs.
In light of this valuable procedure, I have some suggestions for the
uses of these new test tube boobs.
Paperweight
Forget "koosh balls" and other malleable executive stress relieving
devices; nothing imparts healing power like a squeezed boob.
Christmas tree ornaments.
Throw pillows -- nothing spruces up your tired old apartment like a
few
carefully placed boobs.
Centerpiece -- a nice boob arrangement in a bowl or basket
is suitable for those special dinner parties.
(Tip: Tanning a boob or two can produce a nice contrast of colors.)
Forget pacifiers.
In sufficient numbers, boobs can replace your waterbed mattress.
Chill your boobs and then apply topically to reduce swelling.
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Crack your friends up. For big laughs, use boobs as replacements
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Place a boob, nipple side up, in your window. Makes a great
thermometer!
Bless scientists everywhere. Thanks for the mammaries!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tong Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lady Crofton-Smythe was giving an upper-crust party, and had hired
Lena,
a girl recently come to London from County Cork, as a maid.
As Lena was setting up the tea service, Lady C-S told her to be
certain
that there were sugar tongs available.
Lena had never heard of sugar tongs, and asked the Lady what they
were
and why they were used.
Lady C-S, always happy to Enlighten the Unenlightened, told Lena
that
the problem lay with the gentlemen, who would go to the loo, and to
do
what they needed to do, had to touch things which were less than
acceptably sanitary. Yes, even the Nobility was subject to this
masculine frailty.
"Sure, Ma'am, 'twas nothing like this Oi ever saw in Ireland," Lena
said, impressed.
"Well, the Irish will learn manners someday, Lena," said the Lady,
with
an instinctive lifting of her nose.
After the guests had begun arriving that evening, Lady C-S was
dismayed
and infuriated not to see any sugar tongs on the tea service.
Lena, trembling, came quickly in answer to the Lady's angry shout.
"But...but, m'Lady, sure, an' Oi put the tongs out just as you told
me
to."
Her furious employer pointed to the tea table, devoid of tongs.
"Then
where are they, young woman?"
"Why, they're in the loo, of course."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rejection Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me..
(You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men
1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Before Autumn Comes
http://silverandgol
"I Testify"
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carolyn w/ There's Always Me ~ Elvis Presley
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Strengthening Your Faith
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8000 Drinks
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Stories that go bump in the night...
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DC Tea Party!
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Random Dot Generator
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Internet Archive
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Back To Writing
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Movies
Scottish Song
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Sexy Kapper
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Showing Her Boobs On A Catwalk
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Sling Shot
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Korean
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Larry The Cable Guy 111
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Love Bird
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Love Hurts
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Megan True Love
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Period Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE TOP 15 EUPHEMISMS FOR "GETTING YOUR PERIOD"
15. Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
14. Trolling for Vampires
13. A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
12. Saddling Old Rusty
11. Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
10. Clean-Up in Aisle One
9. Massacre at the Y
8. T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
7. Game Day for the Crimson Tide
6. Panty Shields Up, Captain!
5. Taking Carrie to the Prom
4. Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
3. Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
2. Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
1. Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cat evil art form
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cat pack
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cat porn
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cat sleigh
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cat catch up
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
But he hadn't the knack,
And he got too far back --
In the right church, but in the wrong pew.
There once was a preacher's daughter
Who resented the pony he bought her
Till she found that it's dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her.
I make cherry preserves, quite a few,
And do a French dance step or two.
I put up my jams,
My skirt and my gams.
I can can and can cancan. Can you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest
brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the
youngest got the bottom floor.
A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over
his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard
the following
sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the
noise they'd heard last night was.
He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his
girlfriend the next night.
During that night, the two other brothers heard the following
sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last
night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran
across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his
girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following
sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his
room was.
So, he said, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room.
Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control.
The first woman says, "We're Catholic so we can't use it."
The next woman says, "I am too, but we use the rhythum
method."
The third woman says, "We use the bucket and saucer
method!"
"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?"
the others ask.
"Well... I'm five foot eleven and my husband is five foot two.We
make
love standing up. He stands on a bucket and when his eyes get as big
as
saucers I kick the bucket out from under him!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1684
Grammar
Diana: BJ they need you at the nursing home. Your mother is dying.
BJ drives to the nursing home and is soon at his mother's side.
After a short time, Katie and Rudy arrive with a wheelchair.
Katie: We have to get her out of here before it is too late!
BJ: What do you mean?
Rudy: Sandi is outside in the UFO/Time machine and we need to get
grammar in it before she dies here.
BJ: I do not understand.
Katie: You will later.
They get grammar in the wheelchair and exit out the side door and
soon have her in the UFO/Time machine.
Sandi: Everyone buckle up and we will be out of here.
lights flash and bells ring!
Later the craft lands in a meadow, the door opens and the crew
disembarks with Sandi pushing grammar outside in the wheelchair.
BJ: Okay, where are we?
Katie: We have been here before. This is where we took Ginger.
BJ: Katieworld?
Rudy: Yes, Katieworld.
BJ: How is this going to help my mother?
Sandi: We just have a feeling, we just know. You need to stay here
though and let us take her over the next hill.
BJ: Okay, but tell me what happens when you get back.
Rudy: We promise.
The kids take grammar over the hill, but as they progress, grammar's
hair starts to turn less white and more brown and the wrinkles fade
and her eyes open. Her body changes in more ways and soon she gets
out of the wheelchair and stands up. Her dementia is gone. She
looks down from the top of the hill into a valley and sees.... a
house.
Grammar: It is the house where I was born and out in the front yard
is my mother and father and my sisters!
Sandi: Yes, and I somehow feel that Chet and Mel are fishing at the
old fishing hole.
Grammar has tears in her eyes: This is where?
Katie: We call it Katieworld, but I believe you call it something
else.
Grammar: Yes, I do. Tell my son, I love him will you?
Rudy: A-Roo! Of course.
Grammar: Give me a hug you guys and thanks for bringing me here..
home. Who is that german shepherd dog in the yard?
Sandi: That is Ginger, she was our sister.
Grammar: I think we will be great friends.
The doggies are tearing up also: We must head back and tell father.
Later...
Sandi: And that is what happened Daddy.
BJ: It sounds so perfect guys.
Katie: It is as it should be father.
BJ: Let's go home.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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