Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy,
every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or
not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line
asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at
least a dozen different needles.
The Corpsman asked if he was dizzy.
"No, not at all." he replied. "I just wantta see if I'm still water-
tight."
Speaking of shots it is time for the annual Flu shot or for this
year flu shots as they want you to take one for the swine flu this
year too. At least I have a choice on this one unlike the military
and emergency service personnel. I don't really have a problem
taking shots and the effects are generally mild but the conspiracy
people are fighting big on this one. I received a long list of
things that the swine flu shot
may contain the other day and there was more items than the list of
things that may cause cancer in California and some of them made
as little sense. There was the standard concerns about preservatives
that might contain mercury and allergies to eggs and a whole list of
animal organs and brains it might contain suggesting you might catch
mad cow disease or something from the shot. Frankly I don't think
they have a clue of what is in the shot and just Googled a list of
every contaminant ever found in immunizations.
Down towards the bottom of the list they had RFID transmitters. I am
supposed to believe that our government wants to put a radio tag in
everyone's body so they can track our whereabouts at any time. This
tracker has to be small enough to fit through a very tiny needle and
have a batter that will last forever and there will be somebody
sitting there 24 hours a day watching my blip and making sure I am
in bed
where I am supposed to be. Nobody had figured how they could tell
who had what beeper though because they are giving shots on a
drive-thru basis and they only want your money, not identification.
Even though all of this stuff makes one pause and think, I still
trust our
leaders and will probably take the shots in October. I will share
the
results with you unless it kills me heh heh .
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man enters his apartment to find his wife making passionate love
on
the couch with another man, and he starts yelling at her.
"Oh, great!" said the woman. "Big mouth's home; now the whole
building will know!"
~~~~
A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an
Idiot!!"
she wailed.
"How do you know he was an Idiot?" the detective asked.
"I had to help him!" the girl replied.
~~~~
When one woman asked him how she could get her husband's attention
away from the TV set, he said, "Wear something sheer."
"What if that doesn't work?" she asked.
"Then put a number on your back." Sahl replied.
~~~~~
Maurice comes home one day to find his wife Hannah, an English
teacher, in bed with his best friend.
"Darling," Maurice cries, "how could you? After all the years we've
been together, I come home from work to find you like this. I am
surprised."
"No, no, my dear," says Hannah, "you are amazed. I am surprised."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
great children's books
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just for today
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get it right
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Cured
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Cyber Criminals
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Cyberholic
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe was in the corner bar having a few when his friend Phil dropped
In
and joined him. It didn't take long for Phil to notice a string
Hanging out of the back of Joe's shirt collar that Joe kept tugging
On. Finally Phil couldn't contain his curiosity, and asked, "What
the
Hell's' that string for?" "Two weeks ago I had a date with that
dish,
Linda," Joe explained, "and when I got her into the sack, would you
believe I couldn't get It up? Made me so mad that I tied this string
to my dick, and every time I think of how it let me down, I pull the
string and make it Kiss my ass."
A lady goes to her Gynecologist complaining of pain during
intercourse. "Every time I do it doggy style, it hurts terribly!"
she
exclaims. The doctor queries, "Why don't you use the missionary
position?" "I would, but I can't stand the dog's breath in my face."
Clowns do it for laughs.
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting
dressed. She points to his dick and says, "Daddy, what's that?" Not
wanting to explain to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's
a
secret." The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that
long
thing between Daddy's legs?" Her mother also doesn't want to explain
sex yet, so she says, "I don't know, he won't tell me." A couple
days
later the little girl says to her mother. "Mommy, I finally figured
out what that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a toothbrush! "
"Why
do you think that?" the amused mother asks. "Because," the little
girl
says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in and out of her
mouth
and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodney Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodney Dangerfield:
* I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had
nothing to play with.
* A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's
home." I went over. Nobody was home.
* It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on
and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came
off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
* I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.
* I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.
* I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast-fed me. She told
me that she only liked me as a friend.
* I'm so ugly... My father carried around a picture of a kid that
came with his wallet.
* When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through."
* I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.
* I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of
my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
* Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide"
* My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
* I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
big I'd get.
* I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and
I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with
me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
* I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
* With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
* Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the
paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
* One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
* My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in
the electric chair.
* I'm so ugly; when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pregnant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is
pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks
her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain.
How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to
woman and pregnancy to pregnancy...
difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Change Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets his beer
and begins to drink it when he notices that the
beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to
the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just
drink his beer.
Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three
$1 dollar bills to the bartender, the guy throws
30 dimes behind the counter.
The bartender is pissed, and is on his hands and
knees collecting change as the guy leaves.
The next day the man is back, and he comes in
waiving a $5 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business,"
and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but
the guy doesn't say anything.
Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 bill.
The bartender goes to the register to get the change,
but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he
takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the
entire pub.
The bartender says, "Here is your damn change."
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes
out ten dimes, throws them behind the counter and says,
"Gimme another beer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Counting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted. This
list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have
cheated on your spouse or significant other.
Oral Sex does not count.
If you can't remember the person's name the following day it doesn't
count.
If you failed to call the person back to have more sex doesn't
count.
If neither of you achieved orgasm it doesn't count.
Sex with a friend it doesn't count it's just another thing you
share.
If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "Did I shave my legs for
this"it doesn't count.
An old flame. It doesn't count.
An ex-spouse. It doesn't count, refer to this as a "pity fuck".
Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not
sex. It doesn't count.
Cyber-sex - NO WAY - this is glorified masturbation. It doesn't
count.
2 heterosexual women having fun, not sex. It doesn't count.
Kissing body parts is not cheating. It doesn't count.
An act to make a married person feel good about themselves, not sex,
BUT only if you do not know their significant other. It doesn't
count.
An act committed while you were intoxicated. It doesn't count.
An act committed with a family member of your significant other. It
doesn't count. This should be referred to as "a skeleton in the
family closet".
Acts committed in a public place. It doesn't count.(why should it,
it
was public right?)
Phone sex. It doesn't count.(refer back to "glorified masturbation"
An act in which no kissing takes place. It doesn't count. (not
considered to be intimate)
An act committed with your next door neighbor. It doesn't count,
this
should be referred to as "being neighborly".
An act with a US President. It doesn't count, unless the Senate
votes
impeachment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/What Can Lift A Heart
http://silverandgol
John w/ It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels
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Rick w/ A Day Will Come (New Page)
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Just Thinking
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Surfin Surfari
Spread Heads! Via Wesley
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Quail Hunting School
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Abby's Halloween Recipes
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Music in Prisons - The Irene Taylor Trust Via wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Dumpr - Photo Fun Via Wesley
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Classical Piano Midi Page
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Windows XP File Associations
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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The Hippo And Tortoise
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Movies
Streaker Goal
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Sunrise Gold
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Super Gra
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Surprise During Meal
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Surprise Her Mechanics
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Man Cheats DEA
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Missile
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Peanut Butter Jelly Time
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OK
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Oops
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucky Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,
when
he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?
You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You
know
what?'
'What dear', she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill
with
warmth.
'I think you're bad luck.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cave search
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cclub
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consent
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cell phone vibrator
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censorship
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning,
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits
'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slogans for Legalized Marijuana
Because the waste is a terrible thing to mi... Dude! I totally
f***ed that up!
Cannabis: The PRE-Coital Smoke
This is your brain. This is your brain on pot. This is your brain
desperately searching for Doritos.
When Was the Last Time You REALLY Looked at Your Hand?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman goes to evening class to improve her sexual
capabilities. When she gets there she sees an apple an orange and a
pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and
a black-board. "What is all this for", she asks.
The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and
she does. "Now ", said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left
and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the
pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange". The
young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm
going. "This is great", she said
enthusiastically , "but what is the chalk for ". "When you've got
the
hang
of the fruit", said the instructor, " I want you to stick the chalk
up your arse and write thirty-three and a third on the
black-board"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1429
Diana's Dream
Diana is just off stage in a large concert hall, a full orchestra
has
just finished warming up as the announcer takes the stage.
MC: We are honored to have with us tonight, the famous Diana, we all
have seen her on the screen, but only those in the profession, know
how
great a singer she is. So tonight at the request of the President of
the
United States, she will sing for us.
Applause...
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Diana..
The curtain goes up and Diana takes her place in front of the
orchestra.
Then the magic starts...
She sings songs from the 'Sound of Music', songs of faith, songs of
patriotism then on to modern songs of love found and love lost.
After she finishes with a Josh Grobin song the place is quiet, so
quiet you
could hear a pin drop.... until she turns to walk away, then the
rafters are
lifted by the applause, flowers shower the stage.
Diana returns for an encore...
Later a second encore..
Finally after the audience has had enough to placate them, she sings
a song
dedicated to her husband.
'You Raise Me Up'
Then her night is done...
She is drained emotionally as is the crowd.
Diana wakes up from her dream, tears in her eyes...
She gets up and puts on "You Raise Me Up" and starts to sing...
The Herd in Guthrie
(I have heard her sing this song many times and it leaves a lump in
my
throat)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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