Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buff, I'm sure that you've seen this one many times but I thought
you'd
like to see it once again.
Dave E
EMC(SW) USNret
************
Reflections of a Blackshoe
by VADM Harold Koenig, USN (Ret).
I like the Navy. I like standing on the bridge wing at sunrise with
salt spray in my face and clean ocean winds whipping in from the
four
quarters of the globe - the ship beneath me feeling like a living
thing as her engines drive her through the sea.
I like the sounds of the Navy - the piercing trill of the boatswains
pipe, the syncopated clangor of the ship's bell on the quarterdeck,
the harsh
squawk of the 1MC and the strong language and laughter of sailors at
work.
I like Navy vessels - nervous darting destroyers, plodding fleet
auxiliaries, sleek submarines and steady solid carriers. I like the
proud names of Navy ships: Midway, Lexington, Saratoga, Coral Sea -
memorials of great battles won. I like the lean angular names of
Navy
'tin-cans': Barney, Dahlgren, Mullinix, McCloy - mementos of heroes
who went before us.
I like the tempo of a Navy band blaring through the topside speakers
as we pull away from the oiler after refueling at sea. I like
liberty
call and the spicy scent of a foreign port. I even like all hands
working parties as my ship fills herself with the multitude of
supplies both mundane and exotic which she needs to cut her ties to
the land and carry out her mission anywhere on the globe where there
is water to float her.
I like sailors, men from all parts of the land, farms of the
Midwest,
small towns of New England, from the cities, the mountains and the
prairies, from all walks of life. I trust and depend on them as they
trust and depend on me - for professional competence, for
comradeship,
for courage. In a word, they are "shipmates."
I like the surge of adventure in my heart when the word is passed
"Now
station the special sea and anchor detail - all hands to quarters
for
leaving port", and I like the infectious thrill of sighting home
again, with the waving hands of welcome from family and friends
waiting pierside.
The work is hard and dangerous, the going rough at times, the
parting
from loved ones painful, but the companionship of robust Navy
laughter, the 'all for one and one for all' philosophy of the sea is
ever present.
I like the serenity of the sea after a day of hard ship's work, as
flying fish flit across the wave tops and sunset gives way to night.
I like the feel of the Navy in darkness - the masthead lights, the
red
and green navigation lights and stern light, the pulsating
phosphorescence of radar repeaters - they cut through the dusk and
join with the mirror of stars overhead. And I like drifting off to
sleep lulled by the myriad noises large and small that tell me that
my
ship is alive and well, and that my shipmates on watch will keep me
safe.
I like quiet midwatches with the aroma of strong coffee - the
lifeblood of the Navy - permeating everywhere. And I like hectic
watches when the exacting minuet of haze-gray shapes racing at flank
speed keeps all hands on a razor edge of alertness. I like the
sudden
electricity of "General
quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations",
followed by the hurried clamor of running feet on ladders and the
resounding thump of watertight doors as the ship transforms herself
in
a few brief seconds from a peaceful workplace to a weapon of war -
ready for anything. And I like the sight of space-age equipment
manned
by youngsters clad in dungarees and soundpowered phones that their
grandfathers would still recognize.
I like the traditions of the Navy and the men and women who made
them.
I like the proud names of Navy heroes: Halsey, Nimitz, Perry,
Farragut, John Paul Jones. A sailor can find much in the Navy,
comrades-in-
trade. An adolescent can find adulthood.
In years to come, when sailors are home from the sea, they will
still
remember with fondness and respect the ocean in all its moods - the
impossible shimmering mirror calm and the storm-tossed green water
surging over the bow. And then there will come again a faint whiff
of
stack gas, a faint echo of engine and rudder orders, a vision of the
bright bunting of signal flags snapping at the yardarm, a refrain of
hearty laughter in the wardroom and chief's quarters and messdecks.
Gone ashore for good they will grow wistful about their Navy days,
when the seas belonged to them and a new port of call was ever over
the horizon. Remembering this, they will stand taller and say,
"I WAS A SAILOR ONCE.
I WAS PART OF THE NAVY;
THE NAVY WILL ALWAYS BE PART OF ME."
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Lucky Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
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Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like
alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the
party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
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He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note
hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little
hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries
to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!
Love, Jillian"
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steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at
the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
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fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mitzvah Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very good and pious Jewish, Samuel Goldberg, man dies and
immediately goes to heaven. The angel at the gate greets him and
tells him that he can't admit him to heaven.
When Mr. Goldberg asks why, the angel replies, "Well, this is a
little embarrassing. You see, as I look at your record, for all
intents and purposes, you have no sins. All I can see looking at
page
after page is mitzvah after mitzvah. You have been an exceptional
person your whole life, you married a decent woman, your children
turned out to be respected members of the community, you've always
paid your debts on time... ...nothing but mitzvahs. Now, other than
God, only the angels have no sins.
I obviously can't send you to hell, but I can't admit you to heaven
because you're a human being and human beings commit sins."
The angel thought for a moment and then said, I'll tell you what I'm
going to do. I'm going to send you back to Earth for 24 hours.
During
that time all you have to do is commit one sin. It doesn't have to
anything drastic, just something that will go on your record as a
sin."
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front of his home. Approaching him on the street, he notices Mrs.
Ludinsky, an 79 year old widow carrying two large bags of groceries
with great difficulty. True to his nature, Mr. Goldberg offers to
help her carry the groceries home. Then, remembering that he must
commit a sin in order to be admitted to heaven, he grabs Mrs.
Ludinsky, the groceries go flying in every direction, and drags her
up the stairs to his bedroom. Once inside he proceeds to commit
every
kind of sexual debauchery he can think of.
Several hours later, exhausted, he begins to put his clothes back
on.
Sitting up in bed, Mrs. Ludinsky says, "Mr. Goldberg, you have no
idea what a mitzvah you've just done
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are talking about job prospects:
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next
bishop - maybe within the next couple of years."
"Bishop!" marvels the Rabbi, "very nice. And after that?"
"Oh, I don't know, I suppose it's possible I could become
Archbishop..
"Very nice, very nice; and after Archbishop?"
"Ha! Well, you know, it's Cardinal after that, but it's really very
unlikely. But in theory, I could become a Cardinal."
"Lovely!" enthuses the Rabbi, "the scarlet would suit your
complexion. So what's after Cardinal?"
The priest smiles: "After Cardinal? Well, it's Pope - but I'm hardly
likely to become... hmmm, oh I suppose it's just possible. If a Pole
why not an Englishman again? Yes, I could just become Pope."
"Splendid! And after Pope?"
The priest looks at him in surprise: "After Pope? There's nothing
after Pope! I mean, there's just god above the Pope - I can't become
god."
"Why not? One of our boys made it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were
approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each
other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those 2
tampons?" The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up
cunts."
Male prostitutes are commonly called Peter Sellers.
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the
other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months
ago."
"Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?" "Yes, it was at Bill's house.
After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into
the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." "Oh, yeah! Susan!
How
are you?" "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." "Say, you ARE
a
good sport."
My blonde girlfriend has a PhD in Psychology. She blows my mind,
too.
Little Johnny says "Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?" His
mom says, "Why, a stork, little Johnny." Little Johnny says, "Mom,
what kind of bird brings black babies?" His mom says, "A raven,
dear."
Little Johnny then says, "Then what kind of bird brings no babies at
all?" His mom says, "A swallow!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly
a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh,
dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After
finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!"
She walked on and another duck with poop all over it crossed her
way.
Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned
this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered
a
third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" she whined,
"What
have you all been doing?" And for the third time she played Florence
Nightingale and tended to the duck.
She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the
bushes.
"Hey, you, lady!" shouted Little Johnny, sounding in some distress.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Do you have a Kleenex?" Little Johnny asked.
"No, not anymore," she answered, "I've just used them all."
"Too bad. I guess I'll just have to find another duck," replied
Little
Johnny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session.
The
mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very
serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here
yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!...
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Old Barn
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Rick w/ A Day Will Come (New Page)
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Movies
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ICTV
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Leno Photo Booth
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Texas Shootout
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Rubber Man
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She's Got You
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Skeleton Dance
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
About two years ago, Katherine, a friend of mine, decided to set me
up
with a colleague of hers. She said he was a really nice guy
(Translation: asshole) who kept complaining that he could not meet a
nice woman. Since Katherine thought I was nice (at the time anyhow)
she
thought of me.
We talked a few times on the phone and we sort of hit it off. We
agreed
to meet for a drink. Since I was in town that week, we picked a bar
I
liked on the west side. I was chatting with the bartender while I
waited. He shows up and sits down.
We talk for a bit, and find out we really have nothing in common. So
I
figure it's a quick drink and then I can go home and take a bubble
bath.
But this guy blurts out he's angry.
"Why?"
"I'm disappointed.
"Uh. Ok. Why?"
"Well, Katherine never told me you were ugly."
"Uhhh, excuse me?"
Louder this time so the entire bar could hear: "KATHERINE NEVER SAID
YOU WERE UGLY."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A critic refused, as reviewer,
To read the obscene and impure;
He soon left the scene
For the books that were clean,
just kept getting fewer and fewer.
I once loved a woman named Gert,
Who climbed mountain peaks in a skirt.
She said, "It feels nice
On the steep rocks and ice,
And it keeps those below more alert!"
There was a young fellow named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
Karl K
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man takes his girl out. On the way home he stops five miles out of
town and tells her he wants to fuck her. She refuses to put out so
he .
. . puts her out. She walks back. The next night they go back out
again.
This time, though, he has the presence of mind to go out of town 15
miles before he stops the car and again tells her he wants to fuck
her.
She declines. Once again, she's put out of the car, and treks 15
long
miles back home. Third night they're out. 30 miles away from home he
stops the car. "I wanna fuck you". But this time she gives in.
Rather
enthusiastically, to tell you the truth. After the humping and
pumping,
he asks her why she gave in finally. She replies, "Look, for a
friend,
I'd walk five miles. I'd even walk fifteen miles. But there's no way
on
earth I'd walk thirty miles EVEN to save a friend of mine from a
case of
Herpes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on the beach. She looked
up
and noticed that an elderly gentleman had walked up, placed his
blanket
on the sand nearby and began reading a book... Smiling, she
attempted to
strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you?" "Fine
thank
you," he responded, and turned back to his book. ..."I love the
beach.
Do you come here often?" she asked..
"First time since my wife passed away last year", he replied.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes", he answered, continuing to read..
Jackie persisted. "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, he threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers,
whipped off both their swimsuits, and gave her the most passionate
ride
of her life..
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Jackie gasped and asked the
man, "
How did you know that is what I wanted?"
The man replied, " How did you know my name was Katz ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1687
The Kar Deal
Salesman: Okay let's get down to the paperwork.
Rudy: Hey I am housebroken. I don't need papers.
BJ: He is talking about the paperwork to buy the car.
Rudy: Oh.
Katie: Talk him down father.
Salesman: Normally, a car like this goes for just the sticker price
but
seeing how you are a vet, and a senior citizen and nearly
blind...just
kidding. I will give you 1,000 dollars off.
Sandi: You will give us 1,000 dollars off besides the normal rebate
of a
thousand dollars.
Salesman: Whoa there little puppy...
BJ: We are going to pay cash for the car.
Salesman: Gulp!
Katie: We may even buy two.
Salesman: Let me toss in a ballcap, a ballpoint pen.
BJ: Are we going to shake on the price?
Salesman: I can honestly say, I can only go down 1,000 on the
sticker
price.
BJ: Fair enough. I have looked at enough cars to realize this is a
good
deal.
Sandi: Do we get free burgers?
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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