Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been catching a few of the car shows on the Discovery Channel
and there was a new one involving the rebuilding of a 1956 Ford
Pick-up. As with all of the other shows they did an excellent job of
rebuilding the truck and as with all the others it became a last
minute, down to the wire thing. Why is it with all of these shows
they are working overtime and weekend to get the job done, when the
boss comes in and suggests that most of the shop go out and blow the
day at some attraction in the area. In this case it was garden
tractor racing, and the guy who was supposed to do the painting ran
his mower into a wagon and tore out his knee. To top things off
everyone that
they left at the shop didn't do anything they were supposed to do so
it put everyone under more pressure to finish on time.
I realize that a good manager will sometimes try to break the
stress by having a company sponsored event but they usually manage
to do it without letting everything fall behind. They are also not
being watched by millions of potential customers.
Tuesday nights are rough during baseball season. I had been
hoping to catch up on the NCIS reruns but between the game
and the Discovery Channel shows Swords and the Colony and
the Food Channel's Chopped I miss NCIS and I am watching
the second showings till 0300. I fear though that some of these
shows are running out of material and their days are numbered just
as some of the businesses.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fight Chips
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15 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN DURING AN ARGUMENT
When you are arguing with the woman you love, be sensitive,
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1. "Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?"
2. "No, really, I was laughing about...this joke I heard one time."
3. "Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset."
4. "You're just upset because your caboose is starting to spread."
5. "Wait a minute, I get it... What time of the month is it?"
6. "Are you gonna cry? Force lip to quiver mockingly Cry for your
mommy?"
7. "You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"
8. "Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."
9. "That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add
'giant cork' to the shopping list?"
10. "Whoa, time out honey, Frasier's back."
11. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this
morning."
12. "Is there anyway we could do this via e-mail?"
13. "Hey baby-if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one
from my real wife."
14. "I could so use some oral sexual stimulation right now."
15. "Whom are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.
After a while grandpa gets thirsty and opens up his cooler for some
beer.
Little Johnny asks, "Grandpa, can I have some beer too?"
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked back.
"No."
"Well, then you're not big enough."
Grandpa then takes out a cigarette and lights up. Little Johnny sees
this and asks for a cigarette.
"Can you stick your penis in your asshole?" grandpa asked again.
"No."
"Well, then you're not big enough."
Little Johnny gets upset and pulls out some cookies.
His grandfather says, "Hey, those cookies look good, can I have
some?"
Little Johnny asks, "Can you stick your penis in your asshole?"
Grandpa looks at Johnny and senses his trick, so he says, "Well of
course I can, I'm big enough."
Little Johnny then says, "Well, then go fuck yourself, these are my
cookies."
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Drink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carl is talking to a girl in a New York City bar, he says, "Can I
get you a drink?
The girl replies; "Certainly"
Carl asks: "What would you like?"
The girl says, "Champagne."
Carl says "Why Champagne?"
The girl says, "Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a
goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully,
with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth."
Curious Carl asks, "What if I just buy you a draft beer?"
The girl replies, "I'll cut wet farts all night."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental
courtesan. "Is it true Asian women's vaginas are slit sideways?" he
asks. "Why?" she responds. "Are you a harmonica player?"
When Cinderella got to the ball, she gagged.
I remember watching "You Bet Your Life". The female guest was from
Buffalo. She was asked about her family. She said she had 14 (it
might
have been 17) children. He asked her what her husband did for a
living. She said he operated an automated screwing machine. Groucho
just turned and looked at the camera, remaining silent. She had said
enough.
"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the
obstetrician
solicitously. "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband
don't get along."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached
she
heard: One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of
doing math.
Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Susan taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework.
The next day she stormed into Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms.
Susan. Johnny's mother told Ms. Susan about Johnny's different way
of doing math and his claims that Ms. Susan taught it that way to
the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted.
She said that she couldn't understand why Johny had said what he
did.
Then suddenly, Ms Susan exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we
say,one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman takes her 4 year old son in for his yearly
well child visit to The doctor. The doctor asks the
little boy, "Do you know your name?"
He tells her, "Yes my name is Timmy."
"And Timmy, do you know your mom's name?"
"Yes her name is Mommy," said Timmy.
"And what is Mommy's real name?"
And little Timmy says, "it's Tammy."
"That is great," the doctor told Timmy. Then the doctor
asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"
Timmy said, "it is daddy."
Finally the doctor asked, "And what does mommy call him?"
Timmy looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Thank You
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HOW TRUE IT IS
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Intro to Linux
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Movie Clips
Nandos Chips NAND
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Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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Oh Shit
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An Intellectual Blonde
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Asking For Directions
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Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American
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Beer Pong
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Antonio came home from school one day and walked
into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, "Antonio,
what did you learn in school today?"
Antonio replied, "Well, we learned about penises, and
vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation.
Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran
up to his room, crying. Antonio's mother walked in and
cried, "Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?"
Grandma replied, "Well, I asked him what he learned
in school today. He started talking about sex, and
penises, and masturbation!
Antonio's mother said, "Ma! That's what they learn.
It's called sex education!"
Well, Grandma felt bad about hitting Antonio, so she
went upstairs to apologize. When she opened his
bedroom door she found him on his bed masturbating.
Without a blink, she said, "Antonio, when you're finished
with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commemorative Mug http://www.sydesjok
Community Chest
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the dentist
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when I grow up
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Hall
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught on fire,
And burned her entire,
Front page, sporting section, and all.
* ************
Jack and Jill went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass,
and grabbed her ass;
And now his two front teeth are missing.
* ************
There was an old spinster called Maude
At whom everyone laughed and guffawed;
Until handsome young Bert,
Noticed a tent in her skirt,
Which revealed she was really a Claude.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of my wife's friends is a lesbian. One day we got to talking and
I asked her did she ever wonder what it would be like to have
children. She said it was the one thing she regretted about her
sexual orientation, that she might never be a mother.
She's a stunning looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever
wanted to be impregnated I'd be happy to help out, purely
altruistically, of course.
She shot me a mega-death stare, and told me with a curling lip that
if she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial
insemination.
"No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I
love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinderella is sitting home, crying. A fairy flies by and hears the
crying, so he decides to check it out. He goes in and asks
Cinderella: "Why are you crying?" "Others are at the ball, but I
can't go there!" "Why?" "I'm having my period" "Others have periods
too, but they are at the ball?" "Yes, but I don't have a tampon!" So
the fairy gives Cinderella a golden tampon, packed in a silver box.
Even Cinderella's mother doesn't have so beautiful tampons. So
Cinderella goes to the ball. Later that night, past midnight,
Cinderella comes home, her legs spread wide open, like she has given
birth to five babies. The same fairy happens to see her and asks,
what happened? "You didn't tell me that when it's midnight it will
turn into a pumpkin!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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