Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I went in to have my blood tested last week and was sitting at
the station while the tech got the needles and different colored
tubes together. Alongside of me was a routing chart with where
all the different test were to be sent and I was reading through the
list and came to chromosome anal. I asked the tech why they had
a test for anal chromosomes as I thought they should be the same
as every other chromosome in the body. She laughed and replied,
" I think the anal part stands for analysis but I will never look at
that
chart the same way again." Oh well the only dumb question is the
one that is never asked.
Have a good Sunday and watch some football...
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Question Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man's Answers To Every Question A Woman Ever Asks
1. Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing,
we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you
think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter
(and
it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)?
Hormone modifies behaviour. We're just misunderstood.
2. Why do men always have to ogle other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think
that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we
met
you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not
getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic
memory
deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference.
Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by
staring as much as we can.
3. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy.
It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added
bonus.
4. Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open
it
you get into trouble with your partner.
6. Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's
the
old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of
the
world nowadays.
7. Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that
men
and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel
when
we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme
emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have
no
idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to
figure
out how I feel.
8. Why can't men cuddle more (IE lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige
you
as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying
around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam...
Starve
in cave... Must go find wildebeest..
hours
on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by
evolution
that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting
tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one
spot
for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more
successful
hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of
time
thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types
were
all gobbled up by saber- toothed tigers etc. The end result is that
almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. Why can't men just say "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self sufficient. To say
that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men
consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own
character faults.
11. Why do men say "I LOVE YOU" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure
fire
way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works
quite
well.
12. Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of
your
questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will
not
like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for
other
things.
13. Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we
know
darn well you'll pick it up.
14. What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to
let
you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's
actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended
periods
of time gives us stomach cramps.
15. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to
go
out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours
to
look at things we have no intention of killing? Err... buying?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Confusion
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Consequences
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and his pal Billy were walking in the park when they
passed three ladies eating bananas on a bench. "Howdy ladies,"
Little
Johnny said as he passed three women.
"Do you know them?" Billy asked.
"No," Little Johnny replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute
or
the bride we just passed."
"How in the world did you know all that about them ladies?" asked
Billy.
"That's easy. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and used
the
fingers of the other hand to properly break the banana into small
pieces."
"The prostitute," he continued, "grabbed the banana with both hands
and
crammed the whole thing into her mouth."
"That's pretty impressive!" Billy exclaimed. "But how did you know
the
third was a newlywed?"
"Oh, that was the easiest," explained Little Johnny, "She was the
one
who held the banana with one hand and pushed her head toward it with
the
other."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Leaving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill, Mary, and their six children lived in a log cabin on the edge
of a
lake in northern Quebec. One day, Bill decided he had had enough and
set
out across the lake in his canoe.
Seeing this, Mary hollered out to him, "Bill, what are you doing?"
Bill replied "Woman, I'm leaving you!"
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our marriage?"
Bill replied "To hell with the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!"
He
kept paddling across the lake.
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our beautiful cabin?"
Bill replied "To hell with the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He
kept
paddling across the lake.
Mary hollered "But Bill, what about our beautiful children?"
Bill replied "To hell with the children. Woman, I'm leaving you!"
He
kept paddling across the lake.
Then Mary hikes up her skirt, points to her crotch and hollers, "But
Bill, what about this?"
As Bill slowly turns the canoe around he mumbles,
"Someday I'm going to leave that damn woman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was happy hour in the bar, and the air hung
heavy in thick blue folds as the regular bunch
lit up some "happy weed."
Suddenly, a loud voice boomed from the
entrance and demanded that they open the
door in the name of legality.
The smokers frantically gathered their still-
smoking weeds and stuffed them inside the
cuckoo clock.
The police entered, searched diligently, found
nothing and left.
The group breathed a sigh of relief, and made
for the cuckoo clock to retrieve their stash.
Just then, the clock's hands announced 6 pm.
The little door popped open, the bird poked his
head out and said, "Heyyyy duuuudes!
What fu*king time is it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Geek Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geek Pickup Lines
"Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'"
"I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field
of
your breasts!!"
"Nice Asimov."
"Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody."
"Earth woman, prepare to be probed!"
"I'm the droid you're looking for."
"Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or... well, I'm just
asking
because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan
ears."
"Hey, baby. I own Microsoft."
"Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach
is
imminent.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mourning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not
gotten
out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her
daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into
the
world.
Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her
daughter
immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after
dating
for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the
Catskills.
And we know what that meant.
One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there
she
undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of
black
lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why
the
panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to
explore,
but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the
same
scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his
birthday suit, except that he has an erection on which he has a
black
condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this...a black condom?"
He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Papa's Bible
http://silverandgol
John w/ You Don't Know Me
http://heavens-
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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Carol w/Gift of Friendship
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Attitude Is Everything!
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Surfin Surfari
Bottled Water Facts and Fictions
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Sun's Finest Unseen Moments
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Law Enforcement
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10 Things You Might Not Know About the Beatles Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Color Picker Pen by Jinsu Park
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Movies
Mum
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My New Country Song
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Never Smash A WD-40 Can
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New At Canadian Tire
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New From Glade
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Don't Eat While Driving
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Energy Star
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Exam
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Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lesbian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
These two lesbians walked into a bar One extremely pretty and one
extremely ugly.
The pretty one said to the ugly one, "I'll go get us a drink".
So she walked up to the bar and said to the bar-tender "Two Jim
beams
and coke"
The bartender got the drinks and said, "That's $10."
She said, "I don't have any money."
The bartender said, "Well how are you going to pay for them?"
She replied, "I'll show you my tits."
He looked at her and replied, "O.K."
So she showed him her tits, then took the drinks back to the table.
The ugly one said, "How did you pay for those?"
The pretty one said, "I showed him my tits and he gave them to me
for
free!"
The ugly one said, "I try that." So she walked up to the bartender
and
said, "Two Jim beams and coke please".
The bartender said, "That will be $10 please."
The ugly one turned around and said, "I don't have any money!"
The bartender said, "Well how are you going to pay for them?"
She replied, "I will show you my tits"
He replied back, "You're ugly so your tits will be ugly!"
So the ugly one said, "O.K. then I will let you smell my friends
pussy!"
The bartender replied, "What that one over there?" (pointing to the
good
looking one) She said "Yeah."
The bartender said, "Sure!"
So the ugly one leaned over the bar and breathed in his face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
candle new scent
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cane
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a sculptor named Phideous
Whose sculptures by most were thought hideous
He carved Aphrodite
Without even a nightie
Which shocked all the fussy fastidious
____________
'Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
____________
There Once was a Man called Reg
Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge
Along came his wife
With a big Carving Knife
And cut off his meat and two veg
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't go to the bathroom on Sept. 28th" CIA intelligence reports
that
a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the
28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate
that
organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into
unsuspecting
American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their
dirty
business. I usually don't send things like this, but I got this
information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a
friend
whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose
wife
has a hairdresser whose husband buys hot-dogs from this guy who
knows a
shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a
friend
who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works
in
the CIA building. Please forward to everyone that you care about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old but...
PHONE REPAIR
Lawrence, Kansas
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone
failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions, when
it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in
his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the
telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a
steel chain and collar.
2.. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the
number was
called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit , thus causing the
phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and
moaning.
Thought you'd like to know!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Orchid Care Expert - A Practical Guide
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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