Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I went to bed at 0330 last night and even with the window open
it took awhile to cool off. At first I thought it might be my cold
raising my temperature but it was actually 61 degrees outside.
Today was 70 and just beautiful once the fog burned off. It was
just right for Nancy and I to run around and get our paperwork .
We were joined for a short period of time by Cathy in Texas
by phone anyway. It was a nice trip and I don't seem to cough
as bad outside, makes me want to move into the Jimmy and
sleep out there at night.
Watched the final episode of The Colony last night. I am curious
as to whether any of participants after 8 weeks of being messed
with by marauders and having provisions stolen didn't feel like
taking out some of the bad guys that kept getting into their way.
Although they were careful to stop them from procuring firearms
the final scenes involved flamethrowers and Molotov cocktails
and fistfights, things that could get out of hand. How about you?
Could you believe after 60 days of no input from outside that
the world hadn't suffered a catastrophe? Would they have been
as easy on their invaders if they thought there was no police
anymore? If you killed someone it sounds like you would have
the ultimate defense claiming PTSD and that you were brainwashed.
Enjoy the chips .. buffalo
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College Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If College-Themed Porn Were Real
Situation One The Naughty Student
Cindi, an attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the
desk of her professor.
Porn
Cindi Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi (has sex with him)
Reality
Cindi Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi Like what?
Professor A seven-to ten-page report about the economic principles
behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.
Cindi Oh. That makes sense and is an appropriate extra credit
assignment for the course.
------------
Situation Two The Hot Teacher
Paul, a student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his
teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.
Porn
Paul You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul How?
Professor Mandy (fellates Paul)
Reality
Paul You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul How?
Professor Mandy A series of tests based on the material covered
in this course.
Paul Could I just have sex with you instead?
Professor Mandy (sues Paul)
------------
Situation Three The Sorority
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed,
in nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.
Porn
Head Sorority Girl Let's have a naked pillow fight!
Assistant Head Sorority Girl And practice kissing!
Sorority Girls (begin doing those things)
Reality
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.
------------
Situation Four The Curious Freshman
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her
boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of
overripe grapefruit? She does.
Porn
Brett Let's try anal sex.
Candi Okay.
Reality
Brett Let's try anal sex.
Candi No.
------------
Situation Five The Janitor
A strangely-muscular janitor knocks on the door of Bambi, a girl
whose low-cut shirt reveals a veritable explosion of cleavage.
Porn
Janitor Do those pipes need cleaning?
Bambi (apparently this is all the pillow talk she needs to have
all kinds of sex with him)
Reality
Janitor Perhaps I should have stayed in school.
Bambi I can see how you could be disappointed with your station
in life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
cat
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caffein addict
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: So I told my ex, "You just don't arouse me!"
Jill: Well, that's pretty forthright! What did he say?
Mary: He said, "Well, maybe you have a dry well!"
Jill: OOH!
Mary: It was all right. I told him, "Maybe you need a new drill!"
Doug: I think my marriage is in trouble.
Bill: Why do you say that?
Doug: Today I overheard my wife telling a friend she prefers fishing
to sex. "It's not as boring," she said.
Q. What is the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
A . When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But
when you pull down a panty the show begins!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite went up into the air, it came crashing down.
This
went on for a while until his wife stuck her head out of the front
door and yelled, "You need more tail!" The father yelled back, "Fuck
You, I told you yesterday that I needed more tail, and you told me
to
go fly a kite!"
Did you hear about the masochistic homosexual? He was sucker for
punishment.
A woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the
aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her
breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a number of times a man
approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She tells him no.
He says that he would like to know what she is doing at the
beginning
of each aisle. She says she is trying to remember her grocery list.
He
seems puzzled and asks her for an explanation. She goes through the
motions saying: "One head of lettuce, 2 ears of corn, 2 breasts of
chicken, and food for my pussycat."
Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to
have
sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species
requires
a lie from one of you.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Men Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Every Young Girl Should Know About Men.
HOW..."BIG".
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by
confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men
substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to
cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly
larger
than a ball-point pen.
HOW..."LONG"
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-unbreakable
thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go
for up
to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who
can
"last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your
girlfriends
know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words,
but
most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like
something
inside of you." When a man's penis is inside your vagina, or mouth
or
buttocks, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really skilled lover
applies
the same techniques to love as a gourmet does to a meal; he "leaves
a
little something on your plate." When, after intercourse, you feel a
vague sensation that there could be "more to come," that "vaguely
unsatisfied" feeling," then you can be sure you've experienced a
sexually memorable adventure.
WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?
There is no such thing!!!
WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?
This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes.
If
you look at pictures of a man and a woman, you'll see that a man's
penis
fits naturally into a woman's mouth. On the other hand, a man's
mouth
does not naturally fit into a woman's vagina. Thus, a woman orally
stimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a man seeking
to
put his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an "unnatural"
act
(why do you think they call the vagina your "private parts"?
WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?
Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh,
followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you
are
"GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a
football
or basketball game immediately after climax. Many women find a
particularly satisfying postcoital experience in going into the
kitchen
and bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a light
snack,
sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put back depleted
calories.
WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?
Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her man
properly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when
she
tries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with
him. If
this happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV or
getting
your man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay" technique is to
invite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do whatever he
asks,
to him or to each other, while he watches.
HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?
One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your
dress.
Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all
help
get your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing "one on one;"
invite
several of your more attractive and energetic girlfriends over to
take
part. - [This is VERY IMPORTANT]. Another technique, and we think
the
best, is to use anonymous names. Have your lover call himself "Mr.
Smith." Don't let him tell you where he lives, or his home telephone
number. You'll find it lends an air of real "mystery" to the affair.
HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?
When looking for the ideal man, about thirty-five to sixty, married,
perhaps on a business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his
powerful masculinity, go to a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look
around
the bar, then, when you've found your man, unbutton the top three or
four buttons on your blouse, pop out a nipple, wink at him, walk
over
and whisper in his ear, "You're sooooo cute, can I buy you a drink?"
This is a real conversation icebreaker and things will naturally
progress from here.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How much do Windows cost, and do you
have to buy each one separately?"
Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive.
Can I buy just one window?"
Tech Support: "Do you have any windows
open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty
below outside..."
"I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I
use MS-DOS."
Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine,
but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen
shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads:
'C:\WINDOWS>
doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the
system to go back to Windows."
Customer: "File manager? What's that?"
Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"
Customer: "Three years."
"I have a 386 Pentium."
"My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."
Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious
memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory,
as in 'sequential'
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key."
Customer: "Oh."
"My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Little Johnny is walking to school. On the way
he sees two dogs going at it on the side of the
road. This was something the boy had never
seen before.
Further down the road the boy sees two rabbits
going at it. By this time the boy is really bewildered
at what he is seeing.
Yet even further down the road the boy sees two
horses going at it. Now the boy is totally dumb-
founded.
He gets to school and as he is sitting in class
he suddenly yells out, "GOD DAMN!"
The teacher looks around quickly to see who said it.
She doesn't see anyone misbehaving so she goes
back to grading papers.
A few minutes later Little Johnny again yells out
"GOD DAMN!"
This time the teacher sees Little Johnny say it
and asks why he is saying that in her classroom.
Little Johnny tells her what he saw on the way to
school that morning. "I saw 2 dogs going at it, and
2 rabbits going at it, and 2 horses going at it. Now if
I could screw like a rabbit and while doing it doggy style
and be hung like a horse......HOT DAMN!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Just Leave The Roses There
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carolyn w/ Remember When~ The Platters
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony, the Italian milkman, had a door-to-door delivery service. A
lady called down from her apartment, "Hey, Tony, I need two bottles
of milk."
"What apartment, lady?"
She said, "4 Q."
Tony said, "4 Q too, lady!"
A couple were in line at a theme park when they noticed two
teenagers
in front of them, passionately hugging and kissing. They didn't even
come up for air when the line moved.
As they waited, their displays of affection became more and more
embarrassing.
Finally one park employee approached them and said, "Hey, Kids, this
is a place to bring your families, not have them."
A salesman, who is getting ready for his next trip, asks his wife to
include a condom in his suitcase. His wife instantly asks why?
He replies, "Just a reminder if I want to try something different."
She grabs a bar of soap, drops it into one of his socks, swings it
in
the air, and WHAM!! swings it up between his balls... After much
pain, and gathering his composure, he asks, "Why the hell did you do
that?"
She replies, "Just a reminder if you want to try something
different."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fucking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier, filled with obvious triumph, returned from his
twenty-four-
know, in detail, how he had made out.
The soldier, nothing loath, said gleefully, "What a piece of fuckin'
luck I had. I hadn't been off camp more than half an hour when I met
this fuckin' broad and was she stacked! We got to talking and I took
her out for some fuckin' hamburgers. Then we went to a fuckin' movie
where we got friendly. Then she took me to her fuckin' apartment and
in less than five minutes I had every fuckin' stitch off her."
He paused for breath and everyone cried out, "So what happened?"
What happened?"
And the soldier said, "What do you think happened, you fuckin'
jerks?
We had sexual intercourse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate
some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!.
DaY
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting. I wasn't sure just
what I wanted to do with it. I carefully pulled it apart with my
fingers to look into it better. I knew how great it would be if I
just
started eating it. But I decided to put ketchup on my burger.
Little Johnnie's father has to come to school to talk to the
teacher.
Teacher: "Sir, I'm sorry, but your son does absolutely nothing at
school, he fails every subject!!" Dad: "Except for drawing, he's a
very good drawer." Teacher: "That's correct, last week he drew a
tiger
on the chalk board and the kids were so frightened I couldn't get
them
to enter the classroom!" Dad: "That's nothing, last month when he
drew
a pussy on the stove, I burned my dick three times!!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1686
Kar Shopping
Salesman: So you going to take it for a test drive?
BJ: Sure.
Salesman: Does the dog have a driver's license?
BJ: What?
BJ turns to see Katie with a big grin behind the steering wheel. She
is wearing her goggles and has a scarf wrapped around her neck.
Katie: I am ready father. I have a license.
BJ: It is a dog license.
Katie: I am a dog.
BJ: It is not for driving.
Katie: I have driven before.
BJ: Move over and let me drive.
Katie: Grrrr!
BJ: In the back seat.
Katie: My but we are touchy today.
later....
Diana: Did you like the car?
BJ: Yes, I think I will take this car. Did you find one you liked?
Diana: Rudy and I drove the Honda and we orded an Orange one. It
should be here in a week or so.
Sandi: I stayed behind and watched our car.
BJ: Good girl.
Sandi: Yeah, they fed me hamburgers to.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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