Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Now that we have the extra party days out of the way, let's
see who we know that was born this month.
September
1. Gloria Estefan, Lily Tomlin
2. Terry Bradshaw, Keanu Reeves, Luis Gonzalez
3. Charlie Sheehan
4. Mike Piazza, Tom Watson
5. Jesse James, Bob Newhart
6. Jane Curtin, Swoozie Kurtz
7. Devon Sawa, Buddy Holly, Sonny Gutin
8. Peter Sellers, Patsy Cline, TC Reno
9. Adam Sandler, Hugh Grant, Michael Keaton
10. Arnold Palmer, Joyce Adams, Pat Kinnan
11. Harry Connick Jr., Brian DePalma
12. Jesse Owens, Maurice Chevalier, Samantha in Boston
13. Jacqueline Bisset, Mel Torme
14. Joey Heatherton
15. Dan Marino, Tommy Lee Jones, Oliver Stone
16. Lauren Bacall, B. B. King
17. Anne Bancroft, John Ritter
18. Scotty Bowman, Ryne Sandberg, Gayle Hangen
19. Joan Lunden, Jim Abbott, Maurice Byers
20. Sophia Loren, Dr. Joyce Brothers
21. Ricki Lake, Stephen King, Larry Hagman
22. Tommy Lasorda, Joan Jett, Ed Halterman
23. Bruce Springsteen, Jason Alexander, Ray Charles
24. F. Scott Fitzgerald, Linda McCartney, Mean Joe Greene
25. Scottie Pippen, Heather Locklear, Will Smith
26. Linda Hamilton, Oliva Newton-John
27. Mike Schmidt, Meat Loaf
28. Janeane Garofalo, Ed Sullivan
29. Bryant Gumbel, Madeline Kahn
30. Truman Capote, Angie Dickinson, Claude Rock
My sister, Nancy, is doing fine and in good spirits but still having
problems moving without help. She will thank you herself
for all the prayers and good wishes as soon as she is able
to handle a computer again.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Personal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered
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hey pa
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny goes into a house of ill repute and asks for a girl
with gonorrhea.
The madam nodded and sent him upstairs to a room. Then she called
one of her favorites for him.
The girl came into the room and started to undress, when he asked,
"Do you have gonorrhea?"
"Gonorrhea? I should say not," she replied.
Little Johnny sent her back. The madam sent for another girl and
said, "Honey, go upstairs and tell that fool you have the clap.
Let's do what we can to make him happy."
The girl agreed, went upstairs and when Little Johnny asked, "Do you
have gonorrhea?" she smiled and said, "Of course I do."
"Ok," he said, "Let's do it."
After it was over and they were laying side by side the girl said,
"Listen Johnny, I don't really have gonorrhea"
Little Johnny smiled and said, "Well, you do now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Penis Chips
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My penis made me locally famous. I didn't find out about it until I
got to University. Before then my experience of women was
non-existent. I'd been at a boys' school, and anyway I was pretty
spotty. I couldn't believe when, all of a sudden, at the Fresher's
Ball, I was snugging. I was even more amazed when we were in her
room. We were both wasted. I didn't have a clue how to behave, I was
terrified, but she knew what to do and in no time we were naked, in
bed. She was kissing my mouth. My neck. My chest, my stomach, my....
-- She stopped.
"Oh my goodness!" she said, incredulous, "Your cock tastes just like
CHOCOLATE!"
Melanie (her name) wasn't a shy girl. She must have told her friend
Suzy. I realized this the next day when a very attractive girl, with
hip clothes and trainers, approached me in the Union Bar and just
started chatting. This had NEVER happened to me before. She asked me
if I wanted to hear a new CD she'd bought, and then we were in her
room. Halfway through the second track we were naked. She'd hardly
even kissed me before her face disappeared under the duvet.
"It does!" she exclaimed suddenly. "It bloody well DOES!!"
Two weeks into University I was still a virgin. I had, however,
received twenty three blowjobs from twelve different girls and heard
words such as 'incredible'
'Belgian' exclaimed by mops of hair beneath my bedclothes. I had
also been requested to immerse myself in a glass of milk and move
vigorously to see if any of the flavor rubbed off. It didn't.
I went to the Doctor. She didn't believe me. Nor did she try it out,
which I thought shockingly unscientific. But she did see the state I
was in and gave me a salve.
Okay, so I'll admit it. For the first year it was great. I could
have loads of women, any time I wanted. I got cunning and made them
sleep with me first. I got fussy. All the guys on campus were
jealous. People who didn't know me looked wide eyed to see one or
more stunning girls on the arm of a spotty, pale youth, with lank
dark hair and glasses. "What's he got?", they seemed to ask
themselves.
But when the second year came I got really tired of it. There was a
whole new year of girls who wanted to try me out. I felt like an
object. A specimen. And there was something missing from my life, a
yearning. I tried to have conversations with girls, in the coffee
bar say, but all the time their eyes would be flicking to my crotch.
Their tongues would run over their lips, their eyes would glaze
over. I would make a hasty excuse and leave. It was about this time
I began to get really upset about it. Everyone had started calling
me Hob Nob.
When I say "everyone", it's not quite true: Some people called me
Willy Wonka.
Hey, it is NOT funny! I was a person! I was more than a sexual organ
that just happened to be flavored like confectionery. Everyone
stared at me. All the girls laughed when they saw me. I overheard
them talking about me. About it! I think I had a bit of a breakdown,
I couldn't take it. All through my third year I stayed in. I saw no
one.
I had given up on my little University world. Everyone knew
everything. Because I didn't have anything to do I studied all the
time. I got a First and went to New York, Columbia, for a Masters. I
took a deep breath of fresh air. Fantastic!
It was great! Nobody knew me! If it hadn't been for the lousy beer
it would have been perfect. I met Laurie a few months later and we
started to go out. I'd seen her around in the cafeteria on campus,
but it was only when I heard her give a paper on radical feminism
that I really noticed her. She wrote about the politics of oral sex.
She stood at the lectern in black jeans, white tee shirt, her hair
tied back severely, her little fists clenching to emphasize a point.
"Oral sex", she had concluded, "is degrading. The worship of the
phallus only serves to enforce the enslavement of women. No woman
should ever do it, and I certainly won't do it ever again. Ever.
Thank you."
She stepped down from the platform to rapturous applause from a room
mainly filled by women. I was enraptured, entranced. I had to get to
know her.
Well, eventually we got it together. Having no chocolate penis to
rely on, I had to be myself and for a long time she wasn't
interested. But then it all happened. Nights discussing politics,
poetry, walks in the park, old Cocteau movies. Love, smooth and
slow, calm as an angel. About a year after we met, she was lying in
my bed, naked, her black hair blooming like an impossible rose
against my sheets, her flawless skin almost as white as they were. I
was so happy. I started to kiss her, to cover her with kisses. I
wanted to adore her, to make her feel better than anything; sighs
escaped her like wind from a wood across a wheat field...
"No!" she said.
She took me by the scruff of the neck. "Not there!"
I stopped.
"Why not?", I asked.
"I knew it", she said firmly. "I won't do it to you in return. I
won't. Not..."
"I know," I assured her. "I *want* to do it to you. But I don't want
you to do it to me, ever."
"You will", she said, "You will! I knew this would happen..."
I didn't listen to her. I knew. There was no way I'd let her even if
she wanted to. Never. I covered the insides of her thighs with my
face and rested my hands on the tops of her legs. I pushed them part
slightly. She resisted a little but then she opened her legs wider
and I --
I lifted my head up.
"Guinness!" I cried, "Guinness!!"
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Navy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes into a Texas bar all dejected, and orders a drink.
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"Okay," the guy says in a heavy Mexican accent. "Ess like theese: I
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Navy."
"Oh, chure," the inspector says.
"So, what did you inspect?"
"Submarines.
"What did you have to do?"
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"And what happens?"
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"And then what happens?"
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well, I say, 'Take it down to a thousand feet!'"
"And then what happens?"
The Mexican inspector shakes his head sadly. "Then those damn adobe
walls just fall apart!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by
the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs
on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you,
Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school
without submitting to the sexual advances of the principal."
"Oh my God! Well, errr, what is that?"
"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."
A husband and wife were celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary,
And the media was there to document the occasion. One of the
reporters asked the secret to their successful marriage and
longevity.
The wife replied that they had never been sick. The young reporter
was astonished and to confirm said, "So, you've never been
bedridden."
And the wife quickly replied, "Oh, 1000's of times, and twice in a
buggy."
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night and Hillary wakes up
and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping.
Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to
tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat
tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he
struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, 'You wanna
screwdriver?
He says, 'We might as well. I can't get this freaking hubcap off'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/GI Joe and Lillie http://silverandgol
Marlene/Where The Roses Never Fade
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HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW
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Movie Clips
Latex Body Paint
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Love Hurts
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Manettes Wii
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Merry Christmas
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Movies 1541
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Trying To Ride For Free
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Village Idiots
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Water Bike
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Why There Are No Italian Muslims
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65 Chevy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Survey Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to a 1999 survey by the Scott Paper Company:
* You can gauge a person's education by whether they read in the
bathroom.
* More than 2/3 of the people with a master's degree and doctorates
read in the stall.
* Only one in two high school grads read while in the bathroom, and
56 percent of those with college degrees do.
* Fifty four percent of Americans fold their toilet tissue neatly
while 35 percent wad it into a ball before using it.
* Seven percent steal rolls of toilet paper (hotels/motels)
* More than sixty percent prefer that their toilet paper roll over
the top, twenty nine percent from the bottom. The rest don't care.
What does all this mean? It means we Americans don't have anything
better to think about than wiping our ass.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catholic Wives
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Cat Wtf
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bride kiss
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bridge 2
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tanning
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wet dress
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lascivious fellow called Lees
Loved to give his poor cock a long squeeze.
This continual friction
Made real sex a mere fiction,
But the callous hung down to his knees.
____________
There was a young maid from Aberystwyth,
Who took grain to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack,
Threw her flat on her back,
And united the organs they pissed with.
____________
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with whom, and to whom.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young amorous couple were about to do the wild thing. They had a
box of a dozen condoms.
They proceeded to do the wild thing, just once. When she returned,
only to discover that there were only six condoms remaining in the
box of 12, she asked him "what happened to the other five condoms?"
His reply was "Honey, I masturbated with them."
She then went to her male confidant friend and told him told him the
story, and asked him if he had ever done this.
"Yeah, once or twice" he told her.
"You mean you have masturbated with a condom before?" she said.
"Oh" he said, "I thought you meant have I lied to my girlfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he
set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on
the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's
beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was
anything I wanted. I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are you sure?"
she asked. "I'm sure," I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for
you???" she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied. "Excuse me,"
said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do with your
broken leg?!?!?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when
it dawned on me
what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
Sharon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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