Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Starting last night I was getting a sinus headache. I took a couple
of Tylenol but it didn't help much and when I woke up this morning I
felt like I had a full blown hangover which would be strange since I
hadn't had a drink since 1996. I took a few more Tylenol and got out
of bed to start sorting mail. I asked Buffy to
run out to the Jimmy and get me a bottle of Diet Coke as I had run
out the day before. I got some cubes and fixed a glass of ice and
before I had half the glass gone my headache was gone. It was then I
remembered the last time I had went without
caffeine for a few months when I had an ulcer and realized that I
had been feeling the effects of caffeine withdrawal. While I was
drinking my soda, Eva brought out a silver serving dish full of
animal crackers and shared them with me.
It has been beautiful outside the past week. Days in the seventies
and nights still warm enough to leave the windows open but fall is
approaching fast and the lakes haven't warmed up much. That means a
possible dry winter without a lot of lake effect snow and then
bitter
cold to follow. I don't know which is worse.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Osama Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: bin Laden, OsamaTO: All Al Qaeda Fighters
SUBJECT: The Cave
*** Do not distribute outside the Organization. ***
Hi Guys.
We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come
together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting
a
Jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have
a
few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles
we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to
avoid excessive dust inhalation (a health and safety issue) - so we
need
to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rotation.
Have
you??
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
trying
to scare the s**t out of most of the world's population, okay? That
means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in
the
background or keep doing that "Wassup" thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought some Kraft Singles recently, clearly
wrote "Ossy"
on the package, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two slices of
cheese
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth, I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey.
Thanks.
Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group
toilet
wall, it's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving
myself at the edge of the mountain.
Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that "the chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
the
edge of the mountain" will not be accepted in the future. (With
donkeys,
there is a grey area.)
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
for better or worse
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detail
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I fixed it
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Computer Trouble Shooting
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Computer Upgrade
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Computer Warning
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two diners at an inn are shocked to see on the menu a dish of
"hickory-smoked possum jowls in pancake syrup." They summon a waiter
to
complain. Their waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and
yells to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the dammed printers forgot
to
translate the menu into French again!"
~~~~~
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-
workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts
up
once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the
Stanley
Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."
~~~~~
Q. What do you call a guy who is afraid to use a condom?
A. A Rubber Chicken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We did sex education at school, and were shown various films on the
Subject. One I especially remember was called, "How to put on a
condom." So when the time came, and I was in the position to try out
what I had learned at school, I took the condom and followed the
instructions from the video. All was going well, until she said,
"So,
now what do we do with the banana?"
A concert pianist in Europe received a letter from his wife,
"Darling,
while you're in Europe I want you to go out with no one except men.
And I'll do the same."
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his
grandfather
about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather
told
him that when you first get married, you want it all the time... and
maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you
have
it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once
a
month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a
year... maybe on your anniversary. The young fellow then asked his
grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?" His grandfather
replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the
young
fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom,
and I go to in my bedroom... And she yells, 'Fuck You!' and I holler
back, 'Fuck You too!'"
Then there was the poor girl who found out that the guy she'd
married
was gay. On her wedding night she didn't know which way to turn!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Latin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Todd is waiting for his girlfriend Jill to show up at the bar. His
friend Myrddin happens to come in before Jill and Todd confides in
him
the following. "Myrddin, don't let Jill find out about this, but you
wouldn't believe the gorgeous chick I met last night, and she
invited me
up to her apartment, and I went... and oh god..it was the best sex I
ever had and..." but then stops short in mid sentence as Jill is now
approaching them at the bar.
Not realizing that Jill is coming up behind him, Myrddin who is
eager
and excited to hear all the details then says, "Well go on, what
happened with this gorgeous chick... the best sex you ever
had...tell
me...tell me."
Todd tries to get Myrddin to stop asking about it so Jill won't find
out
and says, "Ixnay on the Ickchay."
Jill is close enough to have heard Todd say this and angrily asks,
"What
chick?"
Myrddin turns around to Jill and says, "Damn Jill, I didn't know you
were bilingual."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brokeback Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
REJECTED TITLES FOR "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN"
HIGH NOONER
JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON
TRUE, HE GRITS
THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE
HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
THE WILD BRUNCH
HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON
THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
VERY RAW HIDE
LONESOME DOUG
THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN
MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
A FISTFUL OF NED
HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
BAREBUTT MOUNTING
BONE-NANZA
DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS
HOMO ON THE RANGER
OKLAHOMO
LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
PRANCES WITH WOLVES
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot
Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake
of
martial harmony.
He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive
300
yard down the middle of the fairway.
When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer),
"Just
hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine."
She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five
full
minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life
and
actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green.
Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is
knock
it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the
green
and into a sand trap.
The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand
trap,
summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there.
Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and
calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's
ok.
I think we can do better on the next hole."
She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5*
shots
were mine!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Blessing
http://silverandgol
"When I think of You"
http://www.poetryin
Happy Birthday Patsy Cline
http://heavens-
Standing And State
http://www.shangral
Sympathetic Friends
http://www.reflecti
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Light Saber Training
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People of Wal-Mart
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Free Food Composition Database from the USDA
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Applelinks
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Quick Process Info Bar
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HTML For The Conceptual Challenged Person
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Movies
Gym
http://www.buffalos
Handling Road Rage
http://www.buffalos
Home & Garden TV
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Hot Tub Mishap
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How To Get A Divorce
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McRonalds
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My First Rescue
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Never Underestimate An Old Girl
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Obongo 08
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Oeufs Poussins
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of
Wonder Bras. The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and
that he appeared to be having trouble picking one out. She walked
over and asked him if she could be of assistance. John
answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the
size she is, or the size I want her to be?"
~~~~
A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding
where
the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty
feeble
and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because
his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold,
the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly,
step
by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally
managed
to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk
looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look
like you've been wrestling an alligator!" The bride groaned, hung on
to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been
saving up for 75 years... I thought he meant his money!!"
~~~~
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was
immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting
increased and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be
enjoying his progress, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is
hurting me!" "That's no ring! That's my wristwatch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinema
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Clap Bra
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Clean Undies
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coca cola
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sexx1
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big wood
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next time you meet Millie Day,
And she lures you to bed for a lay,
Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide pimp,
And get half the cash that you pay!
I once had a ladyfriend, Rose,
Double-jointed she was I suppose.
And I watched fascinated,
As Rose masturbated;
Herself with the tip of her nose
With the police still hot on his trail.
He was tempted by fanny for sale.
So the crook went to bed,
With a price on his head,
And a girl with a price on her tail!
(Michael Rogers)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top three things to say before having sex:
1. I love you (but only if you mean it)
2. Rock my world
3.Let's get ready to RUMBLE...
~~~~~~
Top three things NOT to say before having sex:
1. Is this gunna hurt?
2. Sure....I've done this thousands of times...
3. Are you sure it's on there?
~~~~~~~
Top 3 things to say after sex:
1. Are you sure this was you're first time?
2. Gotta cigarette?
3. Wanna do it again?
~~~~~~
Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
1. That was IT??
2. I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
3. OOPS, the condom broke!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was taking a bath one day, when his mother came in to
use the bathroom. Curiously, Johnny viewed his mother's anatomy
while she was sitting down.
"Mommy,", Johnny asked, "what's that between your legs?"
His mother replied, "Why that's where your dad hit me with an axe."
"Came awfully fuckin' close to your cunt, didn't he?" he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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