Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I dug in the archives for an intro today and found
another story involving coffee and cumshaw. Cumshaw is
a Chinese word meaning grateful thanks or a gratuity.
Sailors embraced the practice and used it as a method
of obtaining and exchanging goods and services. Smaller
deals might include alcohol, cigarettes, or even a bale
of rags but major undertakings required coffee and sugar. Although
the Navy provides this beverage freely while out onboard a ship,
those on shore duty were forced to buy there own unless they had a
cumshaw artist in their midst.
Remember I spoke yesterday of the 15 gallon drum of coffee
we kept down in our space? By the time we got back to the
states it was full and weighed several hundred pounds. We
went into a restricted availability which meant we had
about 4 months to put everything back together, do our maintenance,
train the replacements, and paint and stencil the space. Our Chief
being an old horse trader with many connections in the Navy shops
traded the coffee for 275 gallons of white paint, masking materials,
spraying equipment, and an experienced painter for the weekend. We
spent the
week masking out all that wasn't white and knocking dust
and grime loose and gave our space a complete paint job
in a week. The space was about the size of a large three
story house so that put us quite aways in front of the
other spaces. Of course they had their own deals going
too and one other space was painted for their stock and
other spaces had large pieces of machinery rebuilt that
hadn't been scheduled to be repaired but desperately
needed it.
Cumshaw was one of the best-kept, most widely known secrets
in the Navy. The enlisted men did it to add some amount
of deniability to it if the officers were ever confronted
with it but trading materials became available if it was
for the benefit of the ship.
When I worked in a shop for shore duty we kept large
supplies of fasteners onhand so a job wouldn't stop
because someone needed a bolt over the weekend. Back
then a metal called Monel was popular as it was a nickel
copper mix that resisted corrosion but had more strength
than brass and didn't react with iron. I was in charge
of supply and ordered every part for the 70-100 jobs
we had going on at any given moment and I was also in
charge of providing coffee for 60 sailors that worked
on the crews. I merely dropped a hint that we were in
need of coffee as I helped the ships out and they were
happy to reciprocate. When I left the shop to go back
to sea duty I left them with a six month supply of
coffee.
Enjoy the chips....buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Vixen Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Old Fart & The Vixen
An elderly man married a girl in her early twenties. The wedding
went fine
and they left on their honeymoon.
The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program after they
went to
bed that night. The young wife felt that he was probably tired and
let him
sleep for a while. A couple of hours later she was really horny, so
she
decided that this had gone on long enough, but wanted not to appear
over
anxious and let him be the one in charge. She woke the old fellow
up.
"What's the matter," he asked.
She purred, "This side of the bed is to hard, I want to lay on your
side."
The old fart scratched his head, got up and walked around the bed.
He then
got in on her side and went to sleep.
A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate
things.
She was just so hot, so she awoke him again.
"What now?" he asked.
She said, "You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more
comfortable
let me lie on that side."
Again he got up walked around, got in, and went to sleep. By this
time, she
was really ready to make hard, passionate, sex.
She really didn't care at this point how it would appear to him. She
awoke
him again and said, "No, I was wrong your side is more comfortable.
Instead
of getting up, why don't you just crawl over me and I will scoot
across the
bed?"
He started over and she stopped him right on top and held him.
"Now, do you know what I really want?", she asked, holding him
tightly while
squirming a bit underneath his old body.
He replied, "Yeah! You want the whole damned bed! Well, you aren't
going to
get it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Birthday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine is a nurse at a Chicago hospital. One evening, when
she
was on emergency room duty, a young man came waddling into the room
assisted by his young wife.
"I want to speak to the doctor," he says. "Could you tell me what
the
problem is?" replied the woman behind the desk.
"I want to speak to the doctor," he replies.
His wife begins to snicker.
Eventually the doctor comes and gets the story. The couple are
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plan was to insert a small birthday candle into his erect penis,
light
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inserted the little candle, he coughed, and the candle was pulled
out of
sight. The efforts of his panic only caused the candle to go down
further.
The doctor had to sedate him with Valium and recruit several of the
ER
staff to assist in extracting the candle.
As the young woman assisted her wobbly husband out to the car, the
hysterical laughter from the ER could be heard for blocks.
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course,
became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he
saw
a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his
confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She
replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you
must
be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same
thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.
She
said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must
be on
the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the
same
lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he
knew
the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played
the
course often.
He approached her and! said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation
for
your help.I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in
sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.
She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied."I'm a salesman for
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At work, our manager was trying to demonstrate a project on his
computer to four women in our provider relations department. He was
having problems with the computer, so the ladies went back to their
office until he could get the program pulled up. I was not aware of
any of this, so I was a little shocked when I walked in the office
door, and heard one of the ladies shouting down the hallway, "Hurry
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Not sure it's still a tradition, but years ago when a college lad
was
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Susan came back to the dorm and told her roomie, "Well, it finally
happened. Frank pinned me." Her roomie turned on the lights and
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"Congratulations! Oh, let me see it." Confused, Susan replied, "Let
you see what?"
Stan Kegel
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and his friends were talking about condoms in school
one day. Basically he knew where they were used and their purpose,
but not much more than that. So he decided to go to a local drug
store to buy a few in order to learn more about them. As to not
waste
too much time, he asked the pharmacist if he had any condoms for
sale.
The pharmacist replied, why yes, we have them three for a dollar.
Johnny replied, I'll take three then.
When the pharmacist tallied the amount the register, the total came
to one-dollar and six cents.
Johnny said, wait a minute, what's the six cents for, I thought you
told me they were three for a dollar.
The pharmacist replied... that's the tax we put on them.
Little Johnny said, oohh, I thought they stayed on by themselves.
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and Suzy have nothing to do one day while in the house
playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take
turns
sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.
"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary."
"No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" He proceeds to the
top of
the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a
beautiful big
marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes,
squealing with
excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the
marble ball
at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now."
Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No,"
she says,
"It looks too scary."
"No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of
the
stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun
as he
did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the
bottom.
"You gotta try this, it is the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little
Suzy is not
one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun,
so she
agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the
banister rail,
and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than
she
expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom.
Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail.
When
Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin
where she
collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe
she has
really hurt herself.
"Maybe you had better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy
lifts her
little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes
pale
white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "This is horrible! You knocked it right
off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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We awoke to find the "living" bra had died.
At first we thought it had died of natural causes,
but soon discovered it had committed suicide,
for it had left a note saying that,
"It couldn't go on living an empty life!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh what's all this ailing, armed Knight?
Loitering paley's not right!
Fuck the sedge and the lake
And that mute bird forsake,
Just tell me about your sad plight."
"I met a neat chick in the Meads...
I set her on one of my steeds..
She made a sweet moan,
Which stiffened my bone,
While I made her a garland of weeds."
"This moaning went on all day long,
While giving me glances sidelong...
'Said she'd relish my root,
Add some honey to boot,
And swore that she'd do me no wrong."
"We finally got to her grotto
(By then on that dew I was blotto)...
She started to bawl,
I could sense a long haul
Ere my prick and her cunt were legato."
"All those sighs and that kissing, a bore!
I just about left through her door,
But she lulled me to sleep
That tease of a creep!
I dreamt she enthralled me, that whore!"
"So you see here a horny young Knight,
Who sojourns with tale all too trite...
Should have focused on twat,
In that damn elfin grot,
And screwed her with all of my might!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father
Dan
during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging
belly.
"Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little
gas."
A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun
noticing
her habit barely fit across her belly.
"Oh, just a bit of gas," said Sister Ann, blushing a bit.
On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he
passed
Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage.
Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes into a hardware store. He flags down an employee
and asks him for a file.
The employee points to a file at the right side of the cabinet, "You
want that bastard?"
"No," says the customer.
The employee points to a file at the left side of the cabinet, "You
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son-of-a-bitch
right there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1689
The Oklahoma State Fair
Diana: Everyone in the car!
Sandi: Where are we going?
BJ: To the state fair.
Rudy: What is so special about that?
Diana: They have marvelous food.
Zoom! Sandi: I am in.
Katie: What kind of food?
BJ: They are famous for their Corn Dogs.
Rudy: Cannibals!
Diana: No, they are not made from dogs, they are made from beef
and other meat. They are quite good.
Sandi: I want one.
BJ: They are also famous for Indian Tacos.
Sandi: I want one of those also.
Diana: I like the other food they have there.
Sandi: I want one of each!
BJ: They have wine tasting.
Rudy/Katie: A-Roo!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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