THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. - Carl Sandburg -  The One Touch Cordless Knife is the portable, lightweight kitchen tool that slices, dices and chops your favorite foods in seconds. Just one touch and the high powered motor moves the blades at 2,000 strokes per minute, so it slices through the toughest meats, fruits or vegetables. The Cordless Knife also glides gently through delicate foods such as breads or desserts. http://www.thepostm  Learn how to make $100 in the next 30 minutes! Then make $100-$513 daily. It is easier than you think to generate big money in your spare time. And now we're giving away the top 10 secrets...F R E E! Get your free-kit here: http://www.thepostm  Apple(R) Laptop Giveaway - Choose your favorite Apple(R) laptop and keep it for FREE! Which Apple(R) Laptop is your favorite? Choose between a 13" MacBook(R) Aluminum, a MacBook Air(R) or a 15" MacBook(R) Pro and keep your choice for FREE http://www.thepostm  Special Offer: Save 45% eDiets Weight Loss Guarantee: If you don't reach your weight loss goals in 6 months or less, we'll give you the next 6 months free! http://www.thepostm GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Did you hear that the state of Illinois has adopted a new slogan? Yep, its "where you pay to play" Gov B. shortly is going to make sure it shows up on all the state liscence plates. They say he will be directly involved in that aspect of the project.  We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS the carnival comes to town http://www.thepostm global warming http://www.thepostm don't worry http://www.thepostm an end I know you did it http://www.thepostm the guide dog http://www.thepostm motorcycle stunt http://www.thepostm the perfect stunt http://www.thepostm the NRA version of Goldilocks and the 3 bears http://www.thepostm the aspiring pole dancer http://www.thepostm the great escape http://www.thepostm enjoy it while you are young http://www.thepostm I hate monday http://www.thepostm dog needs more training http://www.thepostm Dr. Strange and his stethoscope http://www.thepostm the cat and the dog http://www.thepostm ____________ INTERESTING STUFF take an aspirin http://www.thepostm virtual husband http://www.thepostm fastest gun in the world http://www.thepostm the odd animal couple http://www.thepostm don't bite the hand that's feeding you http://www.thepostm ____________ POWER POINT DISPLAYS where is the rake? http://www.thepostm paradoxes of our time http://www.thepostm drink more milk http://www.thepostm nothing is impossible http://www.thepostm A male-to-female transexual was being interviewed on a radio talk show. The DJ asked the transexual "What sort of pain did you experience during the operation?" The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Then they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either..." "Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?" "You're joking! What really hurt was when they removed half my brain And doubled the size of my mouth!" ____________ Guy explains to his doctor, "Doc, when I got up this morning, I put on a pair of white gloves and started calling my wife Minnie. Then on the way to work I couldn't help singing, 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go', and when I got there I started calling everyone Happy, Grumpy, Dopey and so on. What's the matter with me?" "That's easy," replies the doctor. "You're just having Disney spells." ____________ It's reported that on their wedding night the following took place: As Camilla was making last-minute preparations to walk down the Aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to Borrow her sister's, which were a bit on the small side. When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla Retired to their room, right next door to the Queen's and Prince Philip's. As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla Flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me." The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigor, But it was stuck. "Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!" "I'm trying,darling! "Come on! Give it all you've got!" There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed, There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SO good!" In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Philip and Said, "See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a Virgin." Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left Shoe. "Oh, my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the Heir to the throne. At which Prince Philip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy! Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!" ____________ An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand while pulling a buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and is pulling another buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!" "We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in US Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day." ____________ A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two. One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors. One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears--a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend. Luckily, the bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male. The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female."What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?" ____________ An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa: 'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson. 'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa. 'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone. ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, 'Abdullah says with a big smile. 'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! ' There is a judge in here-- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and e everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'! ''There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab' ____________ Buffalo Bill Gum Ball Machine http://www.buffalos ____________ Bedtime story http://able2laff. Bus stop 2025 http://able2laff. And we MEAN it, too http://able2laff. THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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