Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Rant
I realize that the smaller channels don't attract the sort of
advertising dollars the major networks do, but there are some that
should be
making enough to cut back on the ads somewhat. Take Fox News for
example. It seems like they have 5-10 minutes of news followed
by an equal time of advertising. I watch AMC a lot because of great
Westerns and War movies but they manage to cut scenes out of a two
hour movie and still make it last for three hours. I click down to
Court TV and watch Cops or something in between and then try to
catch the start of the movie which is hard because I have no remote
for that TV. Last but not least is the Food Channel. I love watching
Iron Chef America for ideas but they introduce the chefs and pick
the ingredient and then go to the ads and then they come back and
start
their dishes and cut to the ads and then they cook some more and
back to the ads and finally eating and judging with more ads in
between and the winner is selected.
Don't get me wrong, it's not the ads that I hate, it is having my
concentration broken and then I will go off surfing and miss the
rest of the show. I have watched every infomercial at least once and
I am a fan of the Cutlery Network and they are all ads and I do like
to see
them selling Craftsman tools and computers on QVC but they are
all solid commercials and not broken up with news or cartoons.
End of Rant
They are making lots of ice for the I-500 snowmobile race and if you
like the outdoors, riding snowmobiles, drinking beer, and cold
weather you might want to make plans on coming up here to watch it
the first weekend in February. This will be the 41st year of racing
just off I-75 on the site of the old Camp Lucas Artillery Bunkers
which guarded the Locks during WWII.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New golf Terms
(1) A "Paris Hilton,"-- an expensive hole
(2) A "James Joyce,"-- an impossible read
(3) A "Rock Hudson,"-- looked straighter than it was
(4) A "Cuban,"-- needed one more revolution
(5) An "Elton John,"-- a big bender that lips the rim
(6) A "Monica Lewinsky"-- all lip, no hole
(7) A "Lou Gehrig,"-- a dead Yank
(8) A "German,"-- a hookenflecker
(9) An "Adolf Hitler,"-- two shots in the bunker
(10) A "Saddam Hussein,"-- from one bunker straight into another
(11) A "Yasser Arafat,"-- ugly and in the sand
(12) A "Kate Winslett,"-- little bit fat but otherwise perfect
(13) A "John Kennedy, Jr.,"-- didn't make it over the water
(14) An "Elephant's Ass,"-- it's high and it stinks
(15) A "Rodney King,"-- over-clubbed
(16) An "O.J. Simpson,"-- got away with it
(17) A "Princess Grace,"-- should have taken a driver
(18) A "Princess Di,"-- shouldn't have taken a driver
(19) A "George W.,"-- steadily fading
(20) A "condom,"-- safe, but didn't feel very good
(21) An "Anna Kournikova,"
result
(22) A "Brazilian,"
(23) A "Rush Limbaugh,"-- too far to the right
(24) A "Nancy Pelosi,"-- too far to the left
(25) A "Nelson Rockefeller"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Feather Falling Out
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Feeding Time
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Feel The Power
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Turn Down That Thermostat http://www.buffalos
First Kiss
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Fish Cat
http://www.buffalos
If I was employed
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no pulse
http://www.thepostm
the bank robbery
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a
local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion."
"You don't say," said Jill. "Well then, here's $20 and to hell with
the advertisement!
~~~~~
I went into a liquor store the other day without my ID, and the
clerk asked me, "Are you 21?"
At first I was flattered when he asked for an ID. I told him I had
not brought it because I thought I looked over 21. Then he asked me
to smile, so I grinned at him. He stuck his face over the counter,
peered at me closely, and just handed me the bottle.
I asked, "What were you looking at?"
He said, "Your crow's feet."
I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show
you my sagging breasts?"
~~~~~~~
Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife
lying in bed naked with large hickies all over her neck and big red
bruises and red welts all over her breasts. She had obviously been
ravaged in sexual passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the
nightstand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, "What is going
on here? Who did this to you?"
His wife calmly and innocently said, "No one, Doug, Whenever I try
to smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.
He
walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I
wanted to
ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the
courage to
ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was
worried I'd
get an erection again. So I got some tape and taped my penis to my
leg, so
if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Dave.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She
answered it
in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 16 year daughter shows up in the house really late after
her first date. Her angry mother asks her where the hell
she's been all night.
"Mom, I think I am in love!"
"What do you mean, it was your first date with this guy!"
"Yeah, but I sucked his dick and then he fucked me in the
ass."
"That's not love, my little one, that's lust. When you first get
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A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a
T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee-
shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant
'Tits Go In Front'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was managing a 16 unit apartment complex in San Diego that was
furnished apartments because most of the tenants were Navy people
without furniture. I had a two Navy WAVEs move into one apartment
and as things progressed one got married and the other moved out.
The remaining tenant asked me to remove the couch from their
apartment as they were buying a living room set. I told her no as I
had no place to store a couch and the woman went over my head and
contacted the owner who in turn contacted me and told me to take the
couch out and bust it up and put it in the dumpster and if we were
to rent the apartment again to someone without furniture she would
find another couch I was miffed that the woman went over my head and
that I had to break up the couch but I did as I was told, putting
the couch upside down on the dumpster and hitting it with a sledge
hammer. After a half dozen whacks a massaging device of the 9 inch,
rubber coated, G- spot type fell out of the couch. It seemed only
fair that I return it to the owner so taking a piece of drapery pull
cord I tied a standard 13 knot noose and placed said massager in the
noose. As the tenant was out of town on honeymoon for the weekend I
attached it to her doorknob and left a note saying, found this in
your couch, figured you wanted it back. Judging by the cold stares I
got from her after that she wasn't amused and her husband brought
the rent over each month after that.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wedding Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
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Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in
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Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and
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Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and
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Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone
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Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was
on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an
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Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
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Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you
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Travel Agency to Bride:
The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I
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and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving
you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation
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Football coach to bride:
If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him
off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Ever Changing Love
http://silverandgol
A Link To Share From A Dream And A Smile
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Modern Sayings:
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Sinister Sweetie
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ETCHED IN TIME
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Anti-Phishing Working Group
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PIRATE VOYAGER'S "IMAGERY TOOLS & MORE"
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Movie Chips
IED Explosion
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Mexican's In Muslims Out
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Middle Aged Woman Lisa Koch
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Midgey
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Happy Penguin
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High Power Worker
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High Speed Web Cam
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Hillary Wasn't Lying Bosnia Gunfire Footage
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went
to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.
"I am going to do word association,
to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your
mind."
"Oranges," said the doctor.
"Breasts," replied the patient.
"Apples."
"Breasts."
"Watermelons.
"Breasts."
"Wipers."
"Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.
"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples,
watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers? Where is the
connection?" asked the doctor.
"Easy ... one on the left and one on the right!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diet
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Cash accepted
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
dancing squirrel
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Jewish
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Great kisser!
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Limber
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is an old hermit named Dave,
Who keeps a dead mower in his cave.
Since he can't cut the grass,
Now it's up to his ass.
(His donkey, you censors; behave!)
There was a woman I use to see
Who loved to come play with me.
She was always at best,
When we did it without rest
We practiced so that it worked perfectly
Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
Murmured she, with a laugh,
"It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow
workers, a secretary from our office who runs
regularly was especially motivated to get to the
gym after work.
Our boss, who had also enjoyed the good food,
suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As
she was leaving the office, she called to the boss,
"Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll
be on your lap in half an hour!"
This time, realizing what she'd just said, her face
turned red *before* her workout.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man had engaged the services of a streetwalker, and had
taken
her to his apartment for the evening's revelry. However, she refused
to undress until payment in full for her services was made in
advance.
After some haggling, the young man agreed to her terms and he placed
two crisp ten dollar bills in her hand. As soon as she had deposited
the twenty dollars in her stocking, she bolted and started running
down the stairs. The young man followed her into the street and
chased
her around the corner, yelling, "Stop, thief! Stop!" The girl ran,
and
the young man stayed in hot pursuit, around corner after corner. He
was surprised, finally, to find her waiting for him -not of her own
accord, but firmly in the grip of a policeman who had heard his
cries
and had stopped the girl as she ran by. The officer asked: "Is this
the thief you were chasing?" "Yes," replied the victim, breathless.
"I've been chasing her for blocks." "What do you want me to do with
her?" the cop inquired. The young man fought to regain his wind. "Do
whatever you want with her," he answered. "It's already paid for."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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